Black Hills Bride (15 page)

He’d gotten his point across, loud and clear. And he’d better break it off now, before his mind muddled beyond hope.

Whistling for Jazz, he mounted up in one leap and set off at a full gallop, forcing himself not to look back, not to dwell on the outcome of his actions. Who knew if what he’d done would make any difference? She could certainly take it one way or the other.

And he may, he thought wearily, have just condemned himself to a very lonely life.

Dixie brushed her fingers over her lips as she watched Erik ride away. Victory nudged her side, looking for a treat. She turned and hugged the horse around the neck.

“Oh, Victory, what have I done?”

She’d never been kissed like that in her whole life. Before, Erik’s kiss had been sweet and gentle, unlike today’s fierce, passionate outburst.

It frightened her that it was this side of Erik, the strong, passionate side, she responded to so completely, with her whole heart and soul screaming to find its missing half. It bordered on the ridiculous that she had once thought she’d found true love in Abel Kincaid.

That seemed so very long ago. Now she knew the truth.

The only man who could ever claim her heart was Erik.

He made her see life differently, both through her eyes and through her heart. He rescued her even when she didn’t need rescuing. The sound of his voice made her toes curl.

She understood what people meant now when they jokingly referred to the “other half” of a married couple. She’d never be whole without Erik in her life. She needed him—to rescue her from her own perfectionist tendencies and stubbornness, and most of all to rescue her from a broken heart.

What a dilemma.

How could she fall in love with a man who didn’t know the Lord? It wasn’t supposed to happen that way.

And for once in her life, she realized her problem wasn’t something she could fix on her own. Part of her wanted to ram the Bible down Erik’s throat and force him to believe. Or coax him into it, knowing he’d do anything for her. Hadn’t he proven that a thousand times?

But that wasn’t how God worked. And in this instance, it was God alone who would have to work.

Dixie’s heart wrenched with an almost physical pain. She’d have to wait on God, and she’d never been good at waiting. What if Erik never came around? Would she be able to live knowing she’d see him every day and not be able to share her life with him? But could she leave him behind, and abandon her work in South Dakota?

What was God asking of her?

Giving him one last affectionate rub, she mounted Victory and turned him toward the retreat compound, nudging him with her heel to break into a trot. Feeling the glorious freedom she’d always dreamed of, the wind at her face and the strength of her horse underneath her, she prayed as she’d never prayed in her life.

E
rik hadn’t planned to kiss her again, and now he wished he hadn’t.

Oh, kissing Dixie was all he’d imagined and more. Wonderfully, amazingly so. But the price he paid this time around was just too high.

She hadn’t spoken to him since, not for the rest of the week. Not even to give him last-minute instructions on the guests who were arriving in a cluster of cars and vans.

He was uncomfortable with the crowds and the noise, and it took all his willpower not to tuck himself into the stable and stay there until the people were gone.

He could run things around the retreat without being seen by anyone but the staff. But he couldn’t see Dixie.

She
mingled.
That was her style.

His was to hang around the shaded corner of the corral until she decided what to do about him.

She would, sooner or later.

She wasn’t the type of woman to leave unfinished business. And their kiss definitely fell into that category.

He was still wallowing in the amazing sense of peace God had granted him. He’d lived with hate and bitterness so long, it was hard to imagine living otherwise. Yet now he found he was doing very well without his old, confining emotions.

Now he had room in his heart for Dixie Sullivan, and if there was one thing he learned from their kiss, it was that she felt something for him, as well. God had taken away hate and given him hope.

Patience he had yet to learn.

He leaned against the hitching post, watching Dixie directing traffic. Kids ran back and forth, yelling and chasing each other. He smiled when Dixie captured a preschool girl in her arms and swung her around.

She’d make a great mother, he thought, a lump growing in his throat as he pictured her with children—
their
children. Loving, laughing, teaching.

He swallowed hard.

And she was a great retreat director. Any doubts she had on that score would now have to be erased.

She took the light ribbing about her jeans and hair with a smile, and happily pointed out the stable where
her
horse was kept.

Surely the church directors could see the obvious—she flourished here. And so would the people she came here to serve.

As the traffic began to slow, a lone horseback rider came down the lane. Had Dixie invited the locals as well as her church family?

She shaded her eyes with her palm and waved at the rider. Erik could see it was a man, but strained to make out his features.

John Needleson.

Dixie obviously didn’t know who she was waving to, or she’d be waving him away. And it sure explained why the rider wasn’t waving back.

Erik knew he’d been right to stay in her shadow. Didn’t this prove it?

Squaring his shoulders, he strode across the driveway to Dixie’s side. She wouldn’t stand alone on this. He’d send John Needleson packing and be done with it.

Not surprisingly, she ignored him completely. He wished he could say the same about Needleson, but that was not to be.

“John!” she exclaimed as he approached, sounding genuinely thrilled to see him.

Erik whipped his gaze to hers, but she was focused on the approaching rider, her sweet, friendly smile firmly in place.

Needleson tipped his hat politely, though he still kept the gruff frown glued to his face. What was the man doing here, anyway? Had he come to make trouble?

“Miz Sullivan,” the older man croaked, then cleared his throat.

“Welcome to Rockhaven,” Dixie said, reaching up to shake his hand. “I’m glad you could come.”

Erik bristled. She’d
invited
the man who’d nearly destroyed her dream to be a part of this?

Impossible.

John looked at her hand for a moment, then scrubbed his against his jeans and shook her fingers lightly. He looked as uncomfortable as Erik felt.

“Needleson.” It wasn’t a greeting, and both men knew it. Erik caught John’s gaze long enough to warn him.

You mess with Dixie, you mess with me.

John grunted and tipped his head just enough to be a nod. He understood what Erik wasn’t saying.

He’d better.

Erik clenched his fists. Anger caught him off guard. The emotion that had once held such a claim on him now felt like a foreign object floating around in his chest. He’d have to tighten the reins on his self-control.

“Join us for dinner,” Dixie inserted. “And then we’re having a bonfire out here in the square.”

John slid from his horse and tipped his hat again. “Yes, ma’am.”

“And John—one more thing.” She placed a hand on the older man’s forearm, and Erik nearly jumped out of his boots. He struggled to exhale, but the same inertia that left him frozen to the spot left the air stagnant in his lungs.

“Yes, ma’am?” John answered in a polite tone.

Too polite, as far as Erik was concerned. He didn’t know why he was jealous, except that Dixie had been attracted to an older man in the past. And John was an attractive widower.

“Would you like to see how Victory is faring?”

John nodded. Erik nearly choked. Was she offering to show him her horse in the seclusion of the stable?

“That I would.”

At least he looked ashamed, Erik conceded.

Good. He should. And a little salt in his wound wouldn’t hurt, for good measure.

“Dixie’s a regular horsewoman. You’ll have to stay and watch her ride.”

John made a strangling noise, and Dixie’s face turned the color of a ripe peach.

“I…I’m glad,” John said awkwardly, rolling the rim of his hat in his fists.

Dixie turned her flashing eyes on Erik, the first time she’d acknowledged his presence in a week. And she was mad at him again.

The cloud of guilt floated over to him from John. He really wasn’t being fair, she chided silently.

He curled the corner of his lip down and frowned. He supposed he wasn’t. Dixie hadn’t mentioned being a Christian was such hard work. He flashed her an apologetic smile.

She smiled back, and the sun came out in Erik’s heart.

“John, I’m sure Erik would accompany you to the barn to help you stable your horse and find Victory.”

Erik’s heart jumped into his throat. It was his turn to get a message loud and clear. Dixie knew exactly what was going on, even if he hadn’t said a word.

Dixie’s heart soared. Erik was jealous! She wanted to do a victory dance.

Alone in the kitchen, she pulled some pantry items they’d need for the bonfire. Marshmallows, chocolate bars and graham crackers all went into her stash.

Part of her was annoyed he didn’t know how she felt about him, and part of her was elated that he cared. She’d never had a man get jealous over her before. Of course, she hadn’t dated much before Abel, and he certainly wasn’t the jealous type.

She was glad Erik was.

“I’m going to keep knocking Your door down with prayer, Lord,” she whispered aloud. “I’ve found the completion to the desire of my heart in Erik Wheeler. I’m waiting on You, Lord. Waiting, watching and praying like crazy.”

“Praying for what?”

Dixie whirled around. Erik was leaning against the doorjamb leading outside, his arms crossed over his chest and curiosity written on his face.

“I…er, I was just praying that things would go well,” she improvised. At least she was telling the truth.

He smiled. “How could it not?”

“I can think of a million reasons,” she said, shaking her head. “Oh, Erik, I’m so glad you could be here with me tonight.”

Without considering the consequences, she launched herself into his arms. He welcomed her, wrapping her up in the soft feel of flannel and the comforting scent of soap and leather.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he said in the soft hoarse voice he often used.

She closed her eyes and took a deep, relaxing breath. He stroked her hair soothingly. They stood entwined for several minutes, while she simply let herself relax and listen to the beat of his heart.

But she couldn’t stay that way forever. And Erik had questions he wanted her to answer.

“I invited John Needleson,” she admitted quietly.

He stiffened. “Why?”

“He’s a hurting soul, Erik. His wife died.”

“He set fire to your hay. He could have burned down the whole complex.”

“He didn’t. You said yourself how careful he was that the fire was contained. He wouldn’t hurt anyone on purpose.”

“Maybe. Fire spreads quickly, Dixie. He couldn’t know for sure it wouldn’t get worse.” He stepped back and looked down at her, his gaze unreadable. When he looked at her like that, she felt the need to justify her actions.

Why should she have to justify anything she chose to do? It was her retreat to do with as she liked.

No.

It was God’s retreat, to do with as
He
liked. She allowed her anger to ebb. “John is angry with God, Erik. You of all people should understand what that feels like.”

He flipped his hat off and jammed his fingers in the tangles of his hair. Blowing out a breath, he turned away from her.

“Erik, don’t go. I’m sorry. It was wrong of me to bring up your past.”

He shook his head. “It’s not that.”

She reached out to him, grasping him on the shoulder, wanting him to feel what she felt.

“I’m just saying he needs our compassion, not our anger and blame. Forgiveness is a tall order.”

“Especially for a man like me?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to.”

Why did he insist on taking her words and twisting them into things she didn’t mean? She was hurting him when she meant to be asking for his understanding.

And for his help.

“God has it all under control.”

His soft words shocked Dixie like touching an open socket. “What did you say?”

“God’s taken care of you this far. Why would He stop now?”

She took a breath and held it, hoping, yet afraid to hope. Needing to ask, but afraid to know.

“How…how do you know? You don’t believe in God.” Her voice cracked, and she turned back toward the kitchen. “Do you?”

“Dixie.” His tentative voice was right behind her, his breath on her neck like a warm hug. “I wanted to tell you earlier this week, but—”

“But I wouldn’t talk to you,” she interrupted, twirling to meet his gaze. “Does this mean what I think it means?”

He laughed, his steel-blue eyes clear and twinkling.

“I’ve found out this past week that learning to live the Christian life isn’t as easy as learning how to ride a horse. Will you teach me?”

She hugged him tight. “How could I say no, when you’ve taught me so much?”

He nodded and tugged on the brim of his hat. “Good. Guess I’ll be joining you for church this Sunday.”

She laughed at the mock-terrified look he gave her and kissed him on the cheek. “They won’t eat you. I promise.”

“I left John with the horses,” he said, coloring red. “Hopefully he won’t start any more fires.”

She took his big, rough hands in hers and laced their fingers together. “He won’t.”

“How can you be so sure?” He couldn’t help but play devil’s advocate, even if he was a new Christian.

“I know. Trust God, Erik.”

“Sometimes you have to watch out for yourself, too.”

She cuffed him playfully across the rough, dark stubble on his chin. “Is that what you’ve been doing? Protecting me?”

He snorted. “Trying to.”

“I don’t know whether to take that as a compliment or a criticism.”

His dark blue eyes twinkled with merriment.

What do you think?
they challenged playfully.

She shrugged. “I suppose I do need help. Sometimes. But you’re kind of an overbearing lug, you know that?”

Grunting like a caveman, he picked her up and threw her over his shoulder fireman-style.

She screeched and pummeled his back with her fists.

“Erik Wheeler, let me go this minute.”

“Not until you promise me you’ll look out for yourself.” He whirled her around in a circle, causing her to scream again as a wave of dizziness assaulted her.

“Erik!” she protested.

“Promise.”

“Why should I?” she squeaked.

“Promise.”

“I’ve got you and God to watch out after me.”

“Good enough.”

She was surprised when he suddenly righted her onto her feet. Clinging to his arm, she waited for her brain to clear.

Or maybe it never would. This funny, fuzzy feeling was kind of nice, now that she thought about it.

She wanted him by her side. Every second from here to eternity. Especially tonight.

“Will you sit with me at the bonfire tonight?” she asked, her heart swelling.

He tipped his hat and winked. “Yep.”