Black Jade (2 page)

‘So how does it feel?' John asked me.

I shook my head and turned on the spot. ‘I keep expecting guards to come and march me into Court Ten to see Pao.'

John turned as well, facing the end of the causeway. The causeway no longer met the island; there was a moat between the two masses to stop demons from crossing from the demonic to the Celestial side of Hell. The White Tiger's Number Three, Katie, was on guard, holding one of the laser weapons that were the only way to destroy the hybrid armoured demons. This was a more polished version; not held together with duct tape.

‘Dark Lord,' Katie said, saluting us. ‘Lady Emma.'

‘Hi, Katie,' I said.

‘Any attempts at incursion since the Southern Bastion fell?' John said, approaching her. ‘The phoenixes are preparing to retake the South. Is there any movement on the demonic side?'

She backed up a single step, then straightened and stood her ground as John neared. ‘No, my Lord.' She looked from me to John, her face expressionless.

‘Give me a moment,' John said, and the Turtle separated from the Serpent. Both of them slid into the water without leaving a ripple.

‘You're marrying
that
?' Katie said.

‘Oh, not you too,' I said.

‘I mean, I've seen his human and Celestial Forms around the Heavens, and for an old guy he's okay, but . . .' She took a deep breath. ‘
That?
'

‘I'm a snake as well, Katie.'

‘You'd have to be, to be attracted to it.'

I turned back to the water; I could sense him returning. ‘He's the hottest damn thing on the planet.'

‘I think your own serpent is,' he said, floating out of the water and recombining. Yin flowed out where the Serpent connected with the Turtle and disappeared into it where they touched. The cloud of yin dissipated and he landed lightly in front of us. ‘No movement; the demons aren't aware of the Red Phoenix's plans. And you were correct, Emma. I think there's more but I can't see them.'

‘More of what?' Katie said. ‘Demons?'

‘Yes,' I said. ‘Planted like landmines. The one that took me to Hell was in the ground and invisible to all of us.'

‘Fuck.' Katie scanned the battle-scarred landscape. ‘I can't see anything.'

John stomped away over the ground, the Serpent writhing above the Turtle's shell. ‘Let me have a look.'

‘Holy fuck, that's disturbing,' Katie said.

John's Serpent looked back at us while the Turtle continued to search. ‘Madam, you sound very much like your father.'

‘If you mean I swear a lot, actually I sound like my mother,' Katie said, and grinned. ‘English actress. They swear worse than Dad.'

‘Oh yeah, I've met some,' I said. ‘They use language that makes your father sound tame.'

‘Emma, Three, here,' John said, and we went to join him.

Katie stood two metres back, then visibly rallied and stood next to the Turtle's head.

‘Katie, I've seen you ride a horse headlong into a goddamn
tank
. I cannot believe the Dark Lord's True Form is freaking you out,' I said.

‘Get used to it, Emma,' John said. ‘Children tend to run screaming.'

‘Katie's nearly two hundred years old.'

John's Serpent's head swung towards Katie, making her take a step back. ‘You've never seen me before?'

‘Dad allowed us to train with the Horsemen, but he kept us in the Western Palace where we'd be safe,' she said. ‘It's only since Lady Emma pulled his whiskers out that he's given us equal access to the front line and field missions, and the opportunity to prove ourselves.' She poked her thumb into her chest. ‘I wouldn't be Number Three otherwise.'

‘Well done, Emma,' the Serpent said in its female voice. ‘Katie, change to your own True Form and have a dig here.'

She put the laser on the ground, then changed to a snow leopard. She snuffled around on the dirt, then proceeded to dig.

‘Yes, it smells weird,' she said. She stopped and snuffled again. ‘Really disgusting, actually. Like bad meat.' She dug again, and her claws scraped on rock. ‘There's a stone here.'

‘That's not a stone, that's the head of a stone dem—' I began, but it was too late.

The demon surged out of the ground, grabbed Katie around the throat, and threw her away. It was made of stone, but not individual rocks floating together; it was more like a human-shaped creature of clay. It paused for a minute, then took three fast steps towards me.

I summoned Dark Heavens and filled it with shen.

John moved faster than was visible — the Serpent grabbed the demon by the head, the Turtle took its arm, and they ripped it apart. The stone reformed, taking the human shape again, and John surrounded it in a cloud of yin. It dissolved.

I ran to Katie. She was lying face down on the ground in human form.

‘Uh, I think my neck's broken,' she said. ‘I can't move.' She spat dirt. ‘Fuck. Do me a favour?'

‘Leave her, I can fix it,' the Serpent said.

‘At least turn me over, I can't breathe!' she said, choking.

I turned her onto her back and her head flopped sideways. Her eyes glazed over and she stopped breathing, then disappeared.

‘Damn, a hangman's fracture. I shouldn't have done that,' I said.

‘She's Immortal, it's not a big issue,' John said.

‘Talk to Pao. He'll keep her for ages since we sent her there.'

‘I am,' the Turtle said in John's male voice, then added, ‘Nope. He's holding on to her to punish us.'

‘Bastard,' I said under my breath. ‘Can the Tiger send another senior child down? We need someone to run this —'

Michael appeared next to John. He squawked and jumped back. ‘Holy
shit
!'

‘Oh, for god's sake,' I said with exasperation. ‘It's not that bad!' I picked up the laser weapon and pushed it at him. ‘Take this and guard Causeway Eight while Katie's stuck at Pao's pleasure.'

‘Ma'am,' Michael said, edging around John to take the weapon from me.

‘Talk to him, John,' I said.

‘Is that really you, Lord Xuan?' Michael said.

The Turtle's eyes were full of amusement, but the Serpent showed its usual lack of emotion. John turned to face Michael and he took another step back.

‘Wait a second,' I said with quiet wonder. ‘You're enjoying this.'

‘Oh my god, you are.' Michael grinned. ‘Did it freak Katie out?'

‘She used some language, yes,' the Serpent said in its female voice.

Michael's mouth flopped open. ‘You're
female
?' He looked from John to me, his eyes wide.

‘Cut it out, John,' I said. ‘We need to see if there's more of them.'

‘There are,' the Turtle said in John's male voice. ‘I can't see them, but I can smell them.'

‘Whoa,' Michael said. ‘You know, you seemed really normal when I was part of the household in Hong Kong.'

‘There's no need to be insulting,' John said.

Michael cocked his head. ‘When I was living with you, it was all straight male turtle —'

‘Straight?' John said.

‘Perfectly aligned,' I said.

‘Oh. Yes. I am,' John said.

‘Are you gay female serpent as well now?'

‘For an Immortal you ask a very mortal question, Michael,' John said in his male voice.

‘Labels,' I said with scorn. ‘You should know better. We are Shen, spirits incarnate. Our bodies are merely instruments for our spirits, and gender is a part of the instrument.'

John changed from his male to his female voice. ‘You are attempting to label something that is the essence of the Tao. I cannot be labelled, categorised, analysed or comprehended, because I just
am
.'

‘But are you two spirits?' Michael said. ‘Are you two separate consciousnesses, one male, one female, or are you one combined mind? How does that even
work
?'

‘I am yang and yin joined into yin,' John said with both voices, the sound resonating through the air.

‘Holy fuck,' Michael said, his eyes wide.

‘Stop playing with Michael and find the rest of the demons,' I said.

‘What demons?' Michael looked around. ‘There's nothing here.'

‘They're in the ground, planted like landmines,' I said, pointing at the hole. ‘One was in this, waiting, and when Katie dug it up it broke her neck.'

‘Where is it?'

‘I yinned it,' John said.

‘Okay.' Michael turned to scan the island. ‘And there are more?'

‘I think there are about fifteen of them all over the island,' John said. He stomped between us and we followed him, dwarfed by his enormous shell. ‘I can't see them at all, and they're almost impossible to smell unless I'm right on top of them.' He stopped. ‘Yes. Take True Form and dig here.'

Michael changed to his golden tiger form and snuffled around on the ground. ‘Can't smell anything.' He dug, sniffing at the ground at the same time. ‘Nothing here.'

Simone appeared next to her father. ‘Daddy, I have to be in class in ten minutes, and it takes at least twenty to make the trip back from Hell. What's so important?'

Michael stepped back and shook his shaggy tiger mane. ‘I don't think there's anything here, my Lord.'

John concentrated on Simone, his turtle eyes half-closed.

She nodded, then turned and studied the island. ‘Nope.'

‘Just you then, John,' I said. ‘What a pain.'

The Serpent separated from the Turtle and slithered in one direction, while the Turtle stomped in the other.

‘Serpent,' I said.

‘Turtle, then,' Simone said. ‘Michael, stay with Emma.'

I followed the snake as it slithered across the ground, appreciating the way John moved with effortless, sinuous elegance. He was incredibly hot.

I can see your face, Emma,
he said.
Are you really admiring my ass?

Hell, yeah,
I said.
When are we doing snake on snake? We still haven't tried that.

I want you to be sure.

See this face?
I said.
This is the face of sure.

‘Hold,' the Serpent said in its female voice. ‘The Turtle found one.'

‘Can Simone take it?' I said.

‘Easily. She's yinning it. Done.' The Serpent moved over the ground again. ‘There's one close by.'

The demon charged out of the ground five metres away and thundered between John and Michael to attack me. John slithered to it and grabbed it in his mouth, and Michael raised the laser weapon at it. John yinned it at the same time as Michael activated the weapon, and the laser went straight through where the demon had been and hit me in the throat.

I didn't feel it at first, then the pain struck and I couldn't breathe. Everything went grey and the ground spiralled towards me.

‘Oh shit,' Michael said. ‘God, Emma, I am so sorry.'

I wanted to tell him it was okay but the words wouldn't come.

The Serpent came to me and touched me with its nose. Everything went cold and dark. So cold. The cold was so intense that I wanted to scream, but no noise came out. I felt the Serpent's desperate concern as it healed me — it never wanted to lose me again. I touched its consciousness and we shared a moment of joined awareness, then the cold was gone and I shivered uncontrollably.

‘You could have just let me die,' I said.

‘And put you at Pao's mercy, right after we sent Katie?' John said. ‘He'd keep you for a month.'

‘He wouldn't do that, would he?' Michael said.

John changed to human and helped me up. ‘How long was it last time?'

‘Two and a half weeks,' I said. I shook myself out. ‘That's three. Let's find the rest of them.'

John changed back to Serpent and looked out over the landscape again. ‘Hold. We found another one,' he said. ‘We're yinning it. Four.' The Serpent raised itself on its coils. ‘We need to pick up the pace. The Turtle's winning.'

‘Your other half is winning a competition with yourself?' Michael said with disbelief.

‘I know. Can't have that,' the Serpent said, and moved off.

We stood next to the white marquee that had been erected on the lawn in front of the Gates of Heaven for the meeting with the demons. The red and gold banners on top of the Gates snapped on the spring Celestial breeze: some showed the character for ‘Middle', as in ‘Middle Kingdom'; others showed the character for ‘Jade', representing the Jade Emperor; and a number had qilin and dragon motifs. John stood in his largest Celestial Form with his arms crossed over his chest, silent and apparently relaxed, but underneath he was thrumming with tension. I mentally touched him and we shared a quick moment of joint consciousness, easing each other's spirit.

‘He's late,' Er Lang said from where he stood at John's right hand, also in Celestial Form.

‘He always is,' John said.

‘Do you think he'll stand us up again?' I said.

‘Stand us up?' John said.

‘Fail to show.'

‘Oh. Probably.'

‘This is becoming ridiculous,' Er Lang said.

‘Can't you two see that he's holding us off with these endless negotiations while he hatches another army?' John said without moving.

Er Lang and I shared a shocked glance.

‘How did the Heavens survive without me all these years?' John said, almost to himself.

‘They didn't,' Er Lang and I said in unison.

‘Look where we are now,' I said.

‘Earthly overrun. South and West gone,' Er Lang said. ‘Two hundred Red Warriors dead in their last aborted attempt to retake the South.'

John shifted and grumbled something unintelligible under his breath.

A small black-skinned demon appeared in front of us with an audible pop. He was naked, with a bloated torso and skinny limbs, and his oversized pink-rimmed penis hung down to his knees, swinging as he moved. He approached us with an evil grin that was unnaturally wide and full of pointed teeth, and held up an iPad. The Demon King's face was on the screen.

‘Ah Wu, Er Lang,' the King said. ‘I'll come up if you have something worthwhile to offer. Otherwise I'm staying here with my girls. So what's the decision? Surrender now so we can negotiate terms for my rule over Heaven, and I'll be kind to you, I promise.'

John glared at the King's image.

‘Talk to me, Ah Wu, this may be your only chance,' the King said. ‘Come on, it's just modern technology. I'm sure you have one of these as well.'

John uncrossed his arms. ‘Your army is destroyed. Your force is a fraction of what it once was —'

‘I could say the same about your own armies,' the King said with humour, interrupting.

‘Remove all of your demons from the Heavens now, and we will cede the Earthly to you,' John said. ‘You can have the Earthly, we'll retain Heaven, and Hell we'll split.'

‘Uh, honey, that's less than I have now,' the King said. ‘I hold the remains of the Western Heavens and all of the Southern Heavens. I'm replacing powerful people everywhere on the Earthly with my own thralls, and all the Little Brothers are helping me consolidate my rule.' He leaned into the camera and grinned. ‘Great fun.'

‘If you do not withdraw your remaining troops from the Heavens immediately, we will destroy them,' Er Lang said.

‘You sure about that?' the King said.

‘We killed nearly all of your forces, few remain,' John said. ‘And we will retake the South soon. You haven't had time to hatch a new generation, and when you do, we will —' John stopped at a vibration through the ground.

‘Yeah, about that,' the King said. ‘You see, I have this magnificent fuck buddy who has a dick bigger than the little guy here, and he gives me all sorts of lovely things.'

The little demon's grin widened as the ground shook.

‘And some of those lovely things are on their way now. If you don't draw a weapon on them —'

The rest of his speech was drowned out by the army of stone elemental demons that marched over the rise and approached the Gates — at least a thousand of them. Each was more than two metres tall and made of a loose collection of oval stones that walked on two, three or four legs, and had no discernible face. Some of the stones were recognisably the standing stones stolen from Europe.

‘Man the barricades!' Guan Yu shouted from the top of the Gates, and disappeared.

Back, Emma
, John said, and I retreated to the top of the Gates building.

The King continued to speak, unheard, as the stones marched up the hill towards the Gates.

John pushed his left hand out and yinned a hundred of the front demons, then drew Seven Stars.

The small demon holding the iPad scampered away, through the approaching stone demons.

John swung into the demons with Seven Stars, but it did nothing to them; the stones just separated to let the blade through, then reformed. They walked past him as if he didn't exist. He loaded the sword with energy, making the indentations light up, and attacked the stone demons — again to no effect.

The demon battalion that guarded the Gates came out of the left entrance and threw themselves at the stone demons, but again without effect. Every blow glanced off the stones, who disregarded our forces and marched towards the Gates in loose clusters with no organisation, slow and unstoppable. They walked through the
marquee as if it wasn't there, ignoring the canvas as it caught on their legs and collapsed.

John changed to True Form, and his Serpent and Turtle separated. His Serpent slithered up to a demon, grabbed its head stone in its mouth, and pulled it off. He tossed the stone aside, vacuuming up the demon essence holding it together, then worked at the rest of the stones, dismantling the demon from the top down. The Turtle did the same to another demon nearby.

I changed to snake and flew down into the demons. I slithered up to one and dismantled it the same way. The Heavenly guard were still attacking the demons with weapons and energy, which did nothing.

‘Call the Jade Emperor!' John's Turtle and Serpent shouted in unison, their mouths full of stone.

Guan Yu had shut the Gates behind the defending force, and the stone demons ran into the closed portal and piled against the Gates. With other demons already in the Heavens, the Gates no longer had their magical barrier properties and were knocked off their hinges.

The stone demons surged through and split into two columns on the other side. One column headed west and the other south, both continuing their unstoppable slow pace.

John's two animals and my snake continued to harry the demon force, but it was futile.

I had ingested so much demon essence that my mouth tasted bitter and acidic and my stomach burned. Now that I'd turned to the Celestial, demon essence tasted vile. I couldn't take any more in and stopped, but John continued to slowly dismantle the stones as they passed.

The two columns marched with mindless determination towards the fallen Southern and Western Bastions, disappearing into the earth with each step and leaving great gashes in the soil behind them.

Guan Yu ran down from the Gates to join us, his buzz cut glowing in the afternoon sun that reflected off the Gates' red walls.

‘The Jade Emperor can stop this; he's stone,' Guan Yu said. ‘Where the hell is he?'

‘These are European stones, he may have no —' I began.

There was a sharp rattle of explosions and something slapped into me; a stinging blow. We spun to see that a group of twenty humanoids, armed with automatic weapons, had appeared further down the hill. They mowed down Guan Yu's demon gate defenders.

I felt pain and looked at my coils; I'd been scored by a bullet and was bleeding from between my scales.

The demons fired again as they approached, and John leapt in front of me to shield me. His True Form fell, shredded by the bullets.

Guan Yu's head exploded and he disappeared.

The next barrage felt like being put through a mincer, and I fell to lie on the grass next to the pieces of John's corpses. The demons marched over us and continued towards the Gates, some of them treading on me and breaking bones to add to my agony. I lay in pain as afternoon turned to night, gradually growing colder, and regurgitating blood and demon essence for hours.

* * *

I landed in human form in one of the holding cells for Court Ten, then spun and threw up into the cell bucket. At least it wasn't blood any more, but I still felt violently ill from ingesting so much demon essence followed by a vast amount of my own blood. I retched a few times and bent over the bucket, breathing deeply. When I had control, I wiped my mouth on the scratchy tissue paper, and turned to sit on the floor with my back against the cell wall.

John was in the cell across from me, asleep in True Form. The Turtle's snout was resting on the floor, and the Serpent was draped across its shell with its head sideways on the Turtle's. He looked exhausted and I was glad I hadn't woken him, but I couldn't help the warm rush of affection — he was adorable. I took more deep breaths and wiped my eyes.

The demon guard walked up to the door; a big humanoid in True Form, nearly two metres tall, green and smooth-skinned. She spoke in a whisper. ‘Do you need anything, Lady Emma?'

‘Emma!' John said from behind her. My view of him was blocked by the guard, then there was a crash and he was next to her in human form, holding the door of his cell and looking at
it with bewilderment. He leaned it on the cell wall behind him, then studied me through the bars of my cell. ‘I thought they had you. You were gone for hours. Did they capture you? You didn't negotiate anything with the King, did you?'

‘It took me a long time to bleed out and die,' I said. ‘I was left behind.'

‘Unacceptable,' John growled. ‘Someone should have checked —'

‘John,' I said, interrupting him, ‘there was nobody left to check.'

‘I am teaching you shen energy suicide the minute we're back in the Heavens,' he began, then raised his head. ‘Shit!'

The guard, Three-Fifty, bowed to him and put her arm out towards the stairs leading up to Court Ten. ‘Celestial Highness. This way, please.'

John looked towards the stairs, then back at me, his expression full of conflict.

I put my hand through the bars of my cell and touched his cheek. ‘I'm fine. You need to be released now so you can report to the Jade Emperor and retake the Gates.'

He covered my hand with his own, then grabbed the bars of my cell door and ripped it off its hinges. He placed it next to the other door he'd broken and gestured with his head.

‘Not without you. Let's go.'

‘Highness . . .' Three-Fifty began, following us as we strode up the stairs side by side.

‘I will send someone down to repair the damage directly,' John said.

‘My thanks,' she said.

We reached ground level, which was the back of Judge Pao's courtroom. Two guards were waiting to escort us.

‘If you don't mind, I'd prefer not to be there when the judge sees you,' Three-Fifty said.

‘If he gives you any grief about our actions, let me know and I'll have you reassigned to me,' I said.

‘My Lady,' Three-Fifty said, and went back down the stairs.

We strode into the courtroom together, and the guards stationed themselves on either side of us. John stood in the centre of the room facing Pao and crossed his arms over his chest. I mirrored his pose.

‘Lord Xuan, I have not yet released your latest dalliance,' Pao said. ‘She is to return to the cells immediately.'

Dalliance!
John said.

I know. Best one yet!

‘We have decreed that Lady Emma is Our Consort,' John said. ‘When We are wed, she will be Our Empress of the Dark North and joint Protector of Wudang.'

Pao scowled at John's use of the Imperial ‘We'. ‘Until then she is nobody,' he said. ‘I decreed her Unworthy, and despite my wise judgement you Raised her yourself. And we all know how well that has transpired with your women in the past.'

John and I both stiffened at the mention of Peony, the Serpent Concubine, and Pao's face filled with satisfaction.
Touché.

‘Miss Donahoe is to return to the cells immediately,' Pao said. ‘Guards.'

The guards moved to surround us and John raised one hand to stop them.

‘Miss Donahoe is needed by my side. She is my equal and partner in the management of my realm, and I rely on her wise counsel.'

‘You are vastly older than her, supremely more powerful than her, wiser and more intelligent than her, and in all ways more knowledgeable in the ways of war than her. This small human woman is profoundly not needed, except perhaps to pleasure you, and even then she is an unnecessary distraction when the Heavens are so threatened.'

John and I inhaled sharply in unison.

Mine,
I said.

No, mine,
John said.

Mine!

Please?
he said.
I'm extremely concerned about the Gates and we need to get out of here.

I bowed without looking away from Pao.
My Lord.

My Lady.
John changed to out loud. ‘She is my equal in courage and spirit, and superior to me in will. And those are the only attributes that truly matter.'

Judge Pao sat glaring at us for a full minute, then picked up his brush to write the sentences. ‘You are both released to the Heavens
immediately. I suggest you waste no more time in reporting to the Jade Emperor.'

We turned to face each other, clasped hands, and John teleported us to the Celestial Palace.

‘I'm more
stubborn
than you?' I said after we landed.

‘It worked.'

‘I surpass you in only one aspect, and that's
stubbornness
? Wow,' I said as we walked through the breezeway towards our Celestial Palace apartments.

‘That's not a bad thing, Emma. You know I'm too soft.'

‘And I'm too hard?'