Black Locust Letters (18 page)

A
busty waitress came to take their order, shooting Betty a scathing
glare when Clarkin was not watching. Betty lifted her chin and
acted as though she hadn't noticed, but it felt as though someone
had taken a fork to her insides. How many women had he enchanted?
How many others had he seduced with his smooth words and abundant
kisses? The pang of jealousy tainted the evening. By the time their
main course had come, with it was the return of Welch's advice,
Liza's warnings, and her own misgivings.

“
You
said before that you returned to me despite your best efforts not
to.”

Clarkin sighed. “And you are wishing to know why I left in
the first place.”

Betty took a sip of red wine and waited.

Clarkin looked as though he had been caught in a lie.
“Perhaps this is a topic for another time.”

“
If
you wish,” Betty hissed and leaned back in her chair with an angry
huff.

Clarkin shut his eyes and suppressed a groan. “What would you
have me say?”

“
If
you're with me on business of some sort or if you...if you...” She
trembled into silence, her words falling to nothing but meaningless
stammering.

Clarkin leaned forward. “Or if I what?”

She
looked down to her plate. “Nothing.”

Another silence spread between them. At last Clarkin nodded
slowly. “If you do not wish to speak of it, then we won't. Not
yet.”

Her
throat seized closed. How could she ever talk about it? How
pathetic it sounded to ask if someone was interested in her, or
just interested in using her. She would have thought that by now
she could tell the difference, but she was too worried to think on
it.

The
waitress paused by their table and said, “Hannah? Olivia's here to
see you.”

Clarkin shot the girl a sour expression, frowned and said,
“I'm sorry, Betty. I'll be quick.”

Despite herself, Betty watched as he made his way to the
bottom of the stairs, where he met with the brunette from the
diner. Neither one looked happy with the other. There was that
sinking feeling again, of a fork turning over in her gut, but this
time it hurt worse. The waitress, who Betty belatedly realized was
a Never Were by the presence of a fox tail swishing out from the
hem of her skirt, shot Betty a knowing smirk and went away. When
Clarkin returned, he did not look bothered anymore.

“
Business or personal?” Betty asked.

This
made him check the wine on the way to his lips. “Just
nosy.”

Betty was quiet. Clarkin took her hand in his. “You're
thinking about something.”

Betty smiled and nodded. “It has just been a tiring day,
that's all.”

His
thumb rubbed over her knuckles, his brow narrowed in thought. Then
he breathed, as though it were a revelation to himself as well,
“I'm falling in love with you.”

Her
throat tightened and she stared at him, chilled with shock. “You
can't say that.”

A
boyish grin spread over his face and he laughed. “Why can't I? Do
you deny feelings for me?”

His
eyes were so, so happy. It made her heart swell and a smile
transfer to her own face, but she had to stifle it down. She had
to. She had to tell him, right here and right now, in the nicest
way possible, that she did like him, that she did want to have
something with him, but that she didn't trust him. That she didn't
dare to trust anyone. Her throat constricted and the only thing
that she could say was, “I can't give you what you want. I...I
can't give that to anyone.”

“
So
this day was an act?” Clarkin's voice was strained.

“
This is happening so fast. I don't know what's happening
around me or who is where.”

“
I
know that look.” Clarkin sounded stunned as he fell back into his
chair. He rubbed his chin. “You're scared of me.”

Betty didn't dare to raise her gaze to his and reveal that he
was exactly correct. She was terrified.

As
if Betty couldn't have felt worse, the next morning, Tetrametrius
met her when she left Tango Lima Romeo. Supposedly he had come to
discuss the next month's advertisements, but soon it was clear that
wasn't his primary objective.

“
I
hear that you had a visit to Tulles?”

Betty flinched. “Yes, it was very nice. I didn't know that
you were there.”

“
I
wasn't, but when a human goes to an alternative haunt like that,
word gets around.” Tetrametrius flicked his tail and said, “My
dearest Betty, you know me, and you know that I am well on the up
and up with information. Clarkin is, of course, very dear to me,
but I feel that I must warn you away from him.”

“
I
don't think that what happens between us is of any interest to
you,” Betty objected, but she stopped walking.

“
I
know we are both busy and you are watched, so I must speak quickly,
and you will forgive me for sounding cold. Clarkin is married to
his work. He was recruited at a very young age, and when the war
stopped, he was rather lost for want of something to do. He's been
in and out of tiffs with the law, most notably he was once court
martialled for an altercation with your father.” At this,
Tetrametrius paused as if to see what Betty's response would be,
but she did not provide him with one, so he continued.

“
He
is more recently in Sanctuary than the rest of us, come here to
retire and find a new path, or so he says. But the likes of
him...he was meant for battle. He's got Olivia to keep him company,
she's his old partner from days gone by, a most competent woman, if
I hear correctly.”

Betty set her jaw and was determined to listen to his words
with a stony silence, even as chilled disbelief coursed through
her. His words left her cold, and worse, what hope she had had for
the future was now dimmed. Her chest tightened.

“
He
likes to get out and have a little fun, of course, but it's nothing
like it was during the heyday of the battle.” Tetrametrius smirked.
“He is known through the ranks as the lioness charmer. Never met a
woman who he couldn't flip onto her back.”

“
So
you made my father pretty pissed?” prompted Betty, watching as Slim
clinked a margarita down in front of her, the little umbrella
inside the drink decorated with Santa's elf in a short dress and a
sexy over-the-shoulder smile. Betty sat across from Slim at the
bar, her heels resting on the stainless steel foot railing and her
elbows propped upon the highly varnished walnut bar.

Slim
eased on the padded stool next to her, his ice in the gin and tonic
tinkling while he took a sip. At the far end of the bar, men
younger than Slim still in their suits and loosened ties took turns
at darts, crying out in mock or real agony when one of their number
won the pot. This bar was on the fringes of the red light district
and women in sleeveless tube dresses glittered through the smokey
haze as they laughed with smiles too wide and eyes for only the fat
cats and winners.

“
The
old man was not pleased with my tone when I told him what you and I
do together, stays between you and I...”

Betty had a passing wonder if he was correct in his usage of
I versus me, but knew that now wasn't the correct time to pursue
the subject—supposing she were to ever pursue it again. For now she
felt proud, and glad to have an accomplice to stand up against the
general. At the far end, one of the glitzy girls went upstairs with
her chosen man, and Betty gave pause that for once in her life she
approved of the secrecy inherent in this sort of an establishment,
whereas before it would have given her pause.

Now
nothing seemed as dangerous as just living did. While she doubted
it was anything remotely like an actual battlefield, this was the
closest thing she would get to one.

Her
eavesdropping on Clarkin made Betty much more receptive of the next
time she was to meet with Slim. He'd sent her a letter, a card
inviting her to after hours drinks, which Betty had accepted. Now
she was here. They were supposed to be talking about work, but it
was just conversation, a smoothly flowing chatter from one thing to
the next.

Studying Slim out of the comer of her eye, Betty watched as
Slim licked the gin from his upper lip, smooth and moist, not
chapped like Clarkin's mouth. Though he'd shaved this morning, a
rough stubble had grown on his jaw and she remembered she used to
complain about it when he kissed her; she'd called it
prickly.

“
Yes,” Betty said, “so what sort of gasket did dear old papa
blow when you said that?”

Slim
raised his feet onto the rail and rolled his shoulders with a
groan. “Ah, you don't want to hear of that old goat, do
you?”

“
James.” Betty prodded him with a fingertip and he
grinned.

“
Very well, if that's what my baby doll wants.”

She
should have corrected him on that, telling him she wasn't his baby
doll, but it wouldn't have done much good and she knew it, because
she actually wanted to hear him say it.

“
Right,” Slim said, snaring her fingers in a strong hand as a
man made eyes at Betty. “The old goat. Well, you see, typically we
provide reports of some kind and it always looks best if there are
nice, fat comments in the notes section. But following our meeting
the other evening, I neglected my duties in the comments
section.”

“
You
left the notes section blank, and with the man's own daughter! The
gall of you,” Betty interrupted, putting a hand up to her brow in a
stage movement.

“
Very much so,” Slim said, and his voice slid over her skin
like a purr. It turned her thoughts to other things they could be
discussing instead, but Slim continued, {And he called me into his
office and let me know in no uncertain terms that he expected a
full report on our progress. Seeing as he is my superior, I said
Yes Sir, No Sir, Everything According to Plan Sir, You're a Lying
Shitbag Sir.”

Betty laughed. “You didn't say the last!”

“
Not in so many words. It wouldn't do to be
court
maritialled
³⁴
so soon after I found you again.” He kissed her hand and she
shivered. “Nothing makes your officers furious quite like protocol
abiding insubordination.”

“
And
is that the end of your heroism?”

“
No.
At the end of a quarter hour, he got all red in the face and told
me that if I wasn't straightforward he would appoint another man as
your interpreter and trainer. And so I said, Fine, fabulous, Sir!
It would be all the better if another man did take charge, because
then you wouldn't be so suspicious of my attentions. Oh that blew
his top right off. He was shaking and quaking and positively
infuriated and he didn't say a word to me, not for minutes. Then he
ordered I was to stay on the case and told me he'd send me to
Russia with fake orders if I ever sided against him
again.”

Betty frowned. “You ought to be careful about getting him
worked up.”

“
There's no need to worry about me. I know his moods as well
as you do.”

They
stayed for a time, talking of this and that, every hour making her
more and more relaxed, until Slim stretched his neck.

“
We
should be getting home.” There was a devilish gleam in his eye.
“Your place? I've never seen the décor inside.”

“
Oh,” said Betty, waking up from what felt like a trance. “I
don't know. I mean, it's not clean enough for company.”

“
Then I'll help you, but I doubt it's so bad. Come on, I want
to make sure the house is safe, anyhow. You can kick me to the curb
after, if you want.”

Back
home, Slim had a fire going in the stove and a bottle of port
uncorked, and they sat on her bed with wicked thoughts running
through her head. He kissed her neck and throat as his hand
travelled up her thigh. Then he stopped.

“
What's wrong?” Betty asked.

“
We
always wanted a baby,” he said, pulling her near. “And I was
thinking, I don't want to raise them in fear.”

Betty stilled, her thoughts suddenly returning with clarity
cutting through her stunned body. “I agree.”

“
I
know you do, but...I hate seeing you like this.”

“
Like what?” Betty asked and withdrew from his arms,
confused.

“
Living alone, scared to go outside, scared to come back in.
You have a brave front, but someone's put the fright into you and I
don't care for it.”

“
And
what would you have done, hmmm?”

“
Make sure someone is listening to your show.”

Betty felt a bit of a chill. “Why?”

“
Just complain about a fictional neighbour. A lady with a bird
that screams all day, and the ambulance that comes by at three
o'clock.”

She
realized he wanted her to wave talk. Already. Pain hit first, then
anger. Pretending to be terrified, Betty stood to add coal to the
fire. But of course tonight had been an attempt to get her to wave
talk. Hadn't it? But he was watching her closely, trying to see if
she would do it.