Black & Ugly as Ever (11 page)

I hadn’t planned on going to Jay’s mother’s house. And the moment we got off the bike I wanted to get back on and leave him standing. I knew she didn’t like me and most of all I knew why. She liked the skin color to remain light in her family. And even though she married a black man before he divorced her ass, he was so light he could pass for white himself.

“Jay, I don’t know about this,” I told him as we stood in front of her home. The large apple tree to my left, the neatly trimmed bushes and beautiful green landscape did nothing to ease my stress. “I thought you said your mother was particular about the women you brought home.”

“I know…but I’m feelin’ you, Parade. And I want her to meet you. Let me worry ‘bout all that other shit.”
“But we not together, Jay. I mean…what’s the point of meeting her? All we are-are sex partners who haven’t even had sex in a while,” I paused looking into his eyes. “Right?”
“Parade, don’t fuckin’ play wit’ me. You and I both know what’s up and pretty soon you goin’ realize it too. Why else would we be here? I don’t bring anybody to my mom’s unless I know. Only one other person met her and that’s it.”
“And who was that? Sky?” I pouted.
“Let’s not talk about it.”
“Jay, this is confusing. You got me messed up right now,” I said rubbing my forehead. “I don’t understand. You worked so hard at making me feel like falling for you would be somethin’ you wouldn’t want and now we’re here.”
“We’re thinking too much right now, baby.” He pulled my hand and led me toward the front door. “Let’s just go with the flow. For right now, I want to go in here and have some of my mother’s Spanish rice. Aight?”
“Aight,” I smiled hesitantly.
He knocked on the door twice before it flew open. A beautiful Spanish woman with long shiny black hair opened the door and embraced Jay lovingly.
“Venido aqui cada uno! Jay aqui!” she said as she squeezed him.
“Hola mami!” he told her hugging her back.
I knew instantly that his family loved him when a few others ran out the door to embrace him. There was his mother, an elderly woman and a beautiful girl about sixteen. They were all Spanish and I couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed by their beauty and light skin. I was there for a minute before he acknowledged me. But it was okay because I was use to being invisible.
“Ma…I have someone I want you to meet,” he said breaking away from her affection. His mother was smiling until she laid eyes on me. “This is Parade Knight. And she’s a special friend of mine. Real special.” She stared at me as I extended my hand. Then she looked back at Jay. I didn’t know what to do.
“Ma…shake her hand,” Jay demanded feeling my uneasiness.
“Oh…uh…I’m sorry, baby,” she finally accepted my hand. “I was so happy to see you that I lost my manners. “Welcome, Parade. Please come in.” she said giving me a fake smile and an even faker introduction as she opened the door for me.
When I walked in, I saw her wipe her hand on her pants after she touched me. That hurt. I wouldn’t say anything now, but I’d probably say something to Jay about it later. I just wanted to leave. Just go home. I hated being here.
When I walked in, there was so much furniture it was difficult to move. Most of it was wooden and she had a whole lot of porcelain statues all over the place. The biggest was in the shape of Jesus on top of the entertainment center. There were also rosaries on the corner of almost every picture including the one of Jay when he was younger. I smiled when I saw his picture. He had to be in middle school and I wondered how he would’ve treated me back then. The smile wiped from my face when I felt I already had my answer. He would’ve hated me. Just fingered me in dark corners and threw rocks at me in public. And I would’ve let him.
We stepped into the kitchen dining room and the elderly lady and the kids kept staring at me. I tried to focus on the meal to appear busy but the longer I stayed, the more uncomfortable I became. Eventually we found ourselves at the table and in front of a huge spread of food. The meal consisted of Spanish rice and chicken with rolls. She also had a large salad on the table with Italian dressing next to it. We were there for twenty minutes and still I didn’t feel comfortable. They all laughed and joked and I could tell Jay was trying to include me in their conversations but it was obvious that the mother didn’t like me. And I didn’t like her either.
“So, Parade, how do you know Jay?” she finally asked me with a mouth full of rice. She fiddled with the rest of the food on her plate with her fork.
“I told you, ma,” Jay interjected. “She lives in my complex.”
“I see,” she said eyeing my skin. “So she’s
just
a friend.”
Jay looked at me and I waited for his answer.
“She’s more than just a friend, ma.” I was surprised and it made me feel even closer to him.
“How so? She’s a little darker than your taste isn’t she?”
I don’t remember what happened after she made her statement. I don’t know how the Spanish rice ended up in her face, and the chicken on the floor. All I knew was that I had his mother’s face between my thighs as I wailed on her head. People were trying to pull me off and I couldn’t tell who was who. Nor did I care.
I was just tired, angry and mad at people for judging me because of my complexion. All my life I’ve been persecuted or treated badly because of my skin. And I was starting to hate people…I was starting to hate everyone…and I decided to take it out on his mother.
“Get this black bitch outta my house, Jay! Now!” she screamed as she fought wildly with her back flat on the floor.
“I don’t want to be here anyway!” I told her.
When she said that I was brought back into reality as Jay lifted me off of his battered mother. My feet didn’t touch the floor as he hoisted me up. The front door appeared to be moving toward me at a rapid speed. I didn’t touch ground until I was outside.
I stood there waiting to fight him too, if he wanted it. I knew I was out of line and a part of me wanted to apologize but I didn’t feel like now was the time to admit my wrongs. Instead, I remained still with my arms folded in front of me. Jay looked like he wanted to kill me yet there was something holding him back. He made large pacing circles in front of me like he was trying to stop from knocking me out.
“Hold up,” he started breathing heavily. He stopped in front of me and stared at the ground but not at my face. “Did you…,” more heavy breaths, “just hit my mother?”
“Take me home, Jay!” I wasn’t feeling the bullshit or the explanation. He should’ve never brought me here in the first place. “I just wanna go home that’s it.”
“Parade…why would you put your hands on my mother?” He finally looked at me. He looked hurt and confused.
“Jay, I don’t have time for this shit!” I repeated pointing in his direction careful to keep my distance. “You shoulda neva brought me here knowing how your mother felt about me. Now are you gonna take me home or not?”
Jay didn’t say anything right away. Just stared at me crazy like. His silence made me nervous and I decided there was no way I was getting on the back of that motorcycle with him.
“I’ll walk! Fuck it!” I said before realizing I didn’t have my purse. I hated that she was the reason Jay may have treated me so badly in the past. Maybe if she wasn’t so racist, me and Jay could’ve been. “Jay…can you get my purse?” Before he could answer his mother opened up the door and threw my purse in my face, yelling something in Spanish.
“Get your black ass off of my steps!” she continued in English.
I was about to snatch that bitch through the door and beat her ass again but she closed it before I could and Jay blocked my path.
“You know what, Parade,” he said with his hand up still flushed. “Just…just.”
He didn’t finish his statement, just walked inside. Now here I was stuck out in the middle of Bowie looking foolish. I picked my purse off the ground and walked away. Why did I even play the fool? Why was I so stupid for a man who made it obvious that he never loved me?
Walking up to his motorcycle, I was about to kick it but decided against it. I didn’t want any of them thinking I was tripping. So I walked away, to where, I didn’t know. I just needed to go.

So I’m in a nail salon getting some work done on my feet, when I get Miss Parade’s frantic phone call. What on earth is going on with my family? I feel like I’m losing control with no help in sight. And I’m somebody who always has control! But you know what? I can’t feel sorry for myself right now. They need me.

“I’m on my way, Miss Parade. Just stay put.” I hung up and reached for my purse which was sitting on the floor. Taking my foot out of the salon bowl, my entire size 13 foot brushed the small Chinese woman’s face by accident. She was giving me a pedicure when Miss Parade called me to say she needed a ride. “Sorry, honey. But I’ma have to get up,” I told her trying to get myself together. I couldn’t believe Miss Parade just said she hit Jay’s mother!

“You pay first!” the small woman said as I struggled to get both feet safely out of the large sauna type bowl, and on the floor.

“I ain’t got no problem payin’, missy.” I finally got both feet flat on the ground. “But you ain’t do all the work so you only get half the money.” I placed my hand on my hip.

“You pay full amount or else!” she said shaking her finger in my face.
“Bitch, I said you’ll get your money but not all of it. Now if you’ll excuse me.”
The small woman frowned and looked at me as if she wanted to scratch my eyes out. And you know what she had the nerve to do? Put her hand on my arm as to restrain me. That was a mistake!
“Miss thang, if you don’t remove that wretched paw you call a hand off my arm, I’ma beat your lil ass silly!”
“You do nothin’!” she said as she pushed me against the wall causing a picture of a white woman showcasing her red nails by holding an apple to fall to the floor. It wasn’t long before I also slid down. The picture cracked and my ass flopped twice before finally stopping. A few people stared at me and I felt like an idiot.
Now this bitch is about to get the business. I got up off the floor quickly planning to kill her. I’m gonna kill this bitch. And just before I wrapped my hands around her tiny throat, Miss Parade called again. I grabbed the phone keeping my eyes fixed on this maniac.
“Did you leave yet? Or do I have to be Daffany just to get some attention from you?”
“I’m on my way, Miss Parade! Calm down!” I told her eyeing my incomplete pedicure. “Just stay put.” When I was done I threw ten dollars in the woman’s face. “You’re one lucky, bitch! I almost kicked your ass up in here. You betta thank God for a woman name Parade!”
I quickly put my gold sandals on which looked bad for a girl with a bad toe job. Then I rushed out the door and jumped in my ride.
“Miss Parade, what happened?” I asked the moment she stepped foot inside of my silver Mercedes Benz G-Class truck. “And why are you at Jay’s mother’s house beating her ass?”
Miss Parade got in, slammed the door and buckled her seatbelt. At first I was angry for how she was acting but after looking at her face, I knew she was hurt. The last thing she needed was me wailing on her about slamming my car door.
“Miss Parade? Do you wanna talk?” I asked softly, driving down the road. “I’m here for you. I know you know that.” “Are you?” she said angrily with her arms folded on her chest. “I come to realize that everybody who says they’re really here for me is not. And it’s starting to make my skin crawl. I’m sick of my life and letting people into it! I’m sick of all this shit!” I gave Miss Girl a chance to vent but I was getting ready to slap her into yesterday’s news. I have
always
been there for her!
Always
! But it seems that ever since Miss Sky was murdered, she turned into some sort of bitch to replace the bitch Miss Sky use to be. Maybe she felt like she had to be tough for us since we’d been use to it from Miss Sky for so long. Maybe she felt like being a bitch would make people hate her since she didn’t feel like she deserved to be loved. Who knows.
“Miss Parade, I don’t know what happened with you and Jay, but don’t ever talk to me like that,” I said calmly. “I have always been there for you, and honestly, I’m tired of telling you that. If you would just trust me, and know that my friendship is here to stay, and that I’m real and would never leave you, we could get past this shit. What will it take for you to believe me, honey? What will it take for you to understand that I love you and will never leave your side?”
She didn’t say anything. But as we drove down Landover road in Maryland in silence, the street light radiated on her tears. I was just about to pull over and hug her when I saw a pregnant lady, with no shoes on pushing a shopping cart down the road in what appeared to be a blue hospital gown. Another girl followed her pulling an empty baby’s stroller.
“What the fuck?!” I said out loud.
“What? What’s going on?” Parade said wiping her tears looking in the direction I was focusing on.
I didn’t answer, just whipped my car over on the side of the road. It was Miss Daffany. Once in park, I was preparing to leave out until Miss Parade said, “Let her be. She doesn’t want help Miss Wayne. You have to let her go.”
I fanned her away like a fly and hopped out of the car. I couldn’t believe that was my baby walking down the street like a zombie. She was so thin now it was a wonder how she was able to walk without breaking her own bones. She looked fragile and dirty. Tears fell down my face.
“We gonna make some money off of them pampers,” the bitch who was with her said. “My aunt alone will pay money to take all of these up off us.”
“Well let’s hurry up. I’m tryna get high!” Miss Daffany responded not realizing I was behind her.
“Miss Daffany, what’s going on?” I asked as I stood on the sidewalk and eyed her. With my hands on my hips, I couldn’t believe the sight. She was a hot ass mess.
But when Miss Daffany looked at me, she backed up as to protect the cart. I guess she didn’t know who I was and thought I was trying to steal it from her. The drug had already proven to be hard on her because her skin was becoming dry and her lips were cracked. I couldn’t help but focus on my God baby she was carrying in her belly. And quietly I prayed to God to help us out of this.
“Miss Daffany, it’s me, Miss Wayne.” I told her softly. When I thought it was okay, I walked up to her. Her face was beaten badly and she looked ill. “What are you doing out here with no shoes on? And what happened to your face?”
“Come on, Daffany!” the girl interrupted. “He just tryin’ ta get our pampers to sell ‘em for hisself.”
“Bitch, shut your baldheaded ass up!” I pointed my recently manicured nail in her face. “Fo I snatch what’s left of that scalp out of your head.”
Silence.
“Miss Daffany, what are you doing out here, baby? And who hurt you? I’ve been looking for you everywhere!”
Finally recognizing me, she threw her hands around my body. And although she smelled and looked bad, I was happy there was a moment of recognition.
“I been lookin’ for you too! I ran away from someone who was tryin’ to sell and beat me. It was the same one who hit you that time when you and Dayshawn helped me from the house. Where have you been?” Her eyes were glossed over and she looked half dead.
I sighed.
“I been at home, Miss Daffany. And I want you to come home with me now.”
“I wanna come home, Miss Wayne.” She looked at her bare feet. I took pity on her. It was as if she’d become a child right before my eyes. Where did the strong Miss Daffany I knew when I was younger go? “I’m scared! And I ain’t got nobody to help me.”
“What you talkin’ bout? I help you all the time!” the bitch interrupted.
That’s it! I’m sick of her shit! I took my left hand and smacked the hell out of her. Her knees buckled but somehow she prevented herself from falling to the ground.
“Say one more mothafuckin’ thing and they’ll be another one where that came from.” I warned her.
Theoretically I don’t beats women but this bitch was standing in the way of me saving my family. I believed strongly that if she wasn’t in the picture, none of this would happen because Miss Daffany would’ve saw what it was like to be alone. And because she
was
in the picture, I would have to undue all of her dirty work.
“If you come home with me,” I said softly holding Miss Daffany’s gritty hand. “I’ll take care of you and the baby,” I continued running my hand on her tight belly. “Please.”
As I waited on her answer, I looked at Miss Parade who was pouting in my car. There would be no way in hell I could let Miss Daffany inside of the car with her. Miss Parade shook her head in disgust and looked at me and rolled her eyes. But what was I going to do? Ignore my friend when she needed my help?
I noticed a cab driving down the road and I flagged him down. And when I saw him pulling over, I reached in my pocket and grabbed some money. With the cab driver waiting, I gave the money to Miss Daffany. Then I took my house key off of the ring and handed it to her.
“Miss Daffany, take this and go to my place. I don’t have to say I trust you, even though this drug has you, because you already know I do. So I’ma drop Miss Parade off and then we’ll talk.” She looked back at that skeezer and I redirected her attention toward me. “Miss Daffany, do you hear me? Go to my place and wait for me.”
“O…Okay, I’ll go,” she said reluctantly.
I knew she didn’t want to go but I needed to help her as best as I could. I know you think I’m a fool, and that it’s impossible to change a dope, but I don’t believe that. I believe if I flood Miss Daffany with enough love, it’ll undue the curse her mother placed on her. As Miss Daffany entered the cab, I didn’t take my eyes off of the car until she was through the light and out of sight. And then I turned to the bitch she called friend.
“Who the fuck are you?” I asked her.
“I’m somebody you can’t get rid of simply by putting her in a cab. Me and Daffany are the same people. So unless you can understand that she loves get high just as much as I do, I suggest you get use to seeing my face, cause I ain’t goin’ nowhere. She makes me a lot of money and we work good together.”
This bitch tried it. Didn’t she know I could snatch her eyeballs out quicker than she could roll ‘em? I was not about to sit here and watch her steal somebody I loved away from me. It just wasn’t gonna happen. And I didn’t care who had to get hurt in the process.
“Hear me and hear me good you, snaggle-tooth-littlebitch! Now I don’t know if you have anybody who cares about you, and to be honest, I don’t give a fuck, but you’re not about to interfere with me trying to get her cleaned up. And if I catch you around her again, smacking you in the face will be the least of your worries. I got a hammer for bitches like you and it’s brand new and ain’t been fired once. Give me a reason and you’ll be the first.”
“Whatever. You can have her,” she said taking the pampers from the stroller she was pushing, placing them in the shopping cart. “But you should know Daffany is grown and in the end, it’ll be her decision. Don’t blame me.”
With that she pushed the cart away. The ringing of the wheels rolling over the sidewalk faded as she walked further from me. I never committed murder, but if she didn’t stay away from Daffany, I had a feeling she would be my first victim.
When I walked back to the car I noticed Miss Parade wasn’t there. At first I thought she was leaned back in the seat and I couldn’t see her. But the closer I got to the car, the more I realized she wasn’t inside. She’d left. I don’t understand why she hated me so much for helping our friend. And truthfully, I was starting not to care.