Blakeshire (27 page)

They were not coming from him. He did have some of these in his mind, but he was missing so many. Yet, the emotion that was coming from me and him was one in the same.

I felt like a horrible person. I needed proof to let myself feel this—he didn’t. My soul had to open a dam just to give my heart the courage to state what it felt.

I began to tremble as he slowly stood from where he was sitting.

“I’ve always loved you,” I blurted out. “I never stopped, and I never will.” I took in a jagged breath as my eyes glassed over. “You have the power to crush me—break me in two…and that…that terrifies me.”

I saw him sway as he braced his arm on the back of the chair. His breaths were deep and long as those eyes that would put the midnight hour to shame poured into my soul.

I wanted to go to him. I wanted to find a better way to say that to him. I wanted this to be a better memory, and not a reflection of my deepest fears and weaknesses. I wanted this to happen any other way than it just had. I mean, look at him. He could barely stand. I had knocked the life out of this boy. Why? How? What did I just do? How badly did I ruin this?

After one more deep breath, he began to move closer to me. I measured each step, took in the way the muscles in his long arms were flexing, the depth in his stare. I took it all in, waiting for a rejection. Waiting for him to tell me that his emotion was not as strong—or at the very least that now I had to share him.

When he reached me, his strong hand cradled my face, causing me to quiver. Tenderly, he pulled me to his lush lips; I sighed feeling the warmth of them against mine.

Though his touch was brief, it slammed into my core, leading me past any physical ecstasy that we had experienced together.

“You are my first love, my last love. You are the woman that I will love forevermore, throughout all of eternity.”

My knees buckled, but his instant reflexes caught me before I could completely fall to the floor.

“You’re trembling,” he said in a quiet, deep voice.

I could not meet his gaze. I could not comprehend how I went from plotting to find a body I had lived in forever ago to this. How did I get here?

“I have fallen from grace,” he whispered as his lips brushed across my forehead and he pulled me against his firm body. “I don’t deserve you. I know that.”

My breath caught as I waited for the rejection to come from his next words.

“I know that I have disgraced the loyalty that you demand…but you have to know that the first thing I thought when I looked into your eyes was ‘Where have you been?’ You caused an instant explosion in my soul, one that was so perfect, so beautiful that I had no choice but to believe that it was too good to be true, that you could not be real. That my deepest desires had manifested this beautiful being just so I would know how unworthy I really was. Just so I would know that I had let evil inside of me, and it was not going to stop until I was consumed with utter, lonely darkness.”

He reached for my hand and placed it on his chest so I could feel his thundering heart. “I have lost you far too many times to ever let that happen again. Tell me you can feel my love.”

All the adrenaline that had rushed through my body was fading away, leaving me weak and breathless. I leaned my head against the wall behind me. “I felt it at first glance.”

He smiled. Oh God, that smile could halt the entire universe. It was just that perfect.

I let out another breath. “I was mad at you.”

Guilt took over his emotion.

I reached for his neck and pulled his forehead to mine, still having a hard time holding his gaze but needing to feel his skin against mine. “The anger should have told you that I love you.” M
y hand tightened around his jawline. “Because if I wasn’t angry, then that meant I didn’t care.”

“I just needed to hear it, Madison Marie. Just once.”

I smiled absentmindedly, hearing something close to that coming from another voice.

“What?” he asked, searching my odd expression.

“I think I’m going mad.”

“Because you love me?” he said with a boyish smile.

I moved my head from side to side. “That is the only thing keeping me sane.”

His stare questioned me.

“I think one of the two of us has a guardian angel.”

His smile grew wide. “If that angel gave us this moment, I will forevermore be in its debt.”

“I think we are being prepped for war, that this darkness is more than you assume.”

“I never assume anything. And whatever war is waiting on us can wait a little longer.” His hands glided along my arms. “You’re freezing.”

His strong arms moved around my body as he picked me up gracefully and carried me into the hall, then to the doors of my room.

“You know, I was supposed to show you this room, see your expression. This job of mine robbed me of that, too.”

“They made it seem like you had been building it for a while.”

His eyes grew distant for a brief second. “It was the only thing me and my father did together. It was silent bonding. He carried all the materials to this dimension. Nothing is from Esterious. He did the same for my mother’s quarters.”

A glance from Drake opened the doors to my chamber.

You would think that after that breakthrough we’d just had that the last thing that would cross my mind would be Britain telling me that the bed before me belonged to Willow. Internally, I kicked myself and gripped Drake’s hand as we crossed the room.

I glanced at the stone floor, the basins of paint, water, the fire, and breathed out. That was my style of art, not Willow’s, so I assumed that was what Aden was referring to when he said Drake added to the room. Before I could wonder what Drake could have taken away, I pushed my wayward thoughts away.

“Aden said you added to this room,” I murmured as I pulled back the thick duvet.

I saw him tense as he helped me with all the pillows. “Did he show you?”

I nodded toward the colorful walls of the room. “I think it’s clear I figured it out.”

Drake glanced to the room, the paint, then back to me. “That was the first thing I designed. I knew you liked messes,” he said with a wink.

“What, then?” I asked, completely perplexed.

He urged me on the bed and climbed in next to me. I saw him messing with the bed post near the curtain, but I was still at a loss. I heard a hum at the foot of the bed and saw something moving: it was a black wall. I edged back on the bed as I heard him laugh under his breath. “Calm down.”

He pointed at the wall, then all of a sudden
I understood it was a massive TV. I grinned when I saw a paused episode of
I Love Lucy
on the screen.

“You added a TV
?”

“That and a stereo system. In my defense, they do not use televisions in Chara or Esterious, so I should get some slack for not having one ready.”

“Where did you find one this big?”

“Your dad told me where to get one.”

“My father?” I asked as I pointed to my chest.

Drake smirked. “I complimented him that night I met him. He told me where to buy and suggested that I buy the next size up.”

“I left you alone with him for five seconds,” I playfully complained. “Does he have you watching football, too?”

“He mentioned it. I’m sure he’ll be thrilled that we were breaking this screen in with this DVD.”

He raised his arm, inviting me to tuck myself against him. Nothing had ever felt more natural.

He hit ‘Play,’
resuming the last episode we had fallen asleep watching. His fingertips tenderly traced my arm as he laughed on cue with the simplistic craziness of this classic.

I let my body relax against him, but my mind was going haywire. I felt an overwhelming sense of trepidation and had no idea why.

Chapter Eighteen

~Drake~

I’m sure she thought I was relaxed, at ease with her in my arms as we watched this black and white comedy. But my mind was racing. The meeting I had with Landen and the others promised a malicious future; the only thing positive out of the experience was a forfeited bond with the men I would trust my life, my kingdom with.

Landen and the others had predicted that with this trial there would be five sacrifices needed…two were his. I already knew the other three were mine, and now I had a sick feeling that I knew exactly what those three sacrifices would be.

I had little fear over any explosion or this trial until I discovered that she had been alone with Donalt. What he told her made the ice in my veins wave constantly. The vague dream I had of that night was becoming less ambiguous, and knowing that there was a child and that that child was damaged broke my heart. I knew now that I had failed two people that meant the world to me, then and now, and if I didn’t figure something out soon I would do so again.

Every time the ice became too much, I thought of when she told me she loved me. I had imagined that moment a thousand times over and never once thought I would see that kind of fear in her eyes. The dark side of me told me she was forced into that moment; the very slim positive side led me to believe that her eyes were just opened, that she believed every word I spoke, that I had been forgiven for all the wrongs I’d committed in this life.

I had to figure out why Britain was in my palace, how we were going to play this game. Xavier acted as if he had no knowledge of the string, of The Realm, or any and all supernatural powers he or I had. So how was I going to call his bluff? How was I going to tell him I knew that boy was mocking a high school student days ago?

Madison believed we were all being prepped for war; I concurred. But I seemed to be the only one thinking that we were as strong as a house of cards. I was raised here. I knew how powerful the men we were against were. I knew the stage all too well.

I needed to talk to Zander. I needed him to give me insight on the near future—and for Creator’s sake, I needed him to give me a different herbal remedy. I was growing weaker. I knew that. To hold off the cold, I eased my mind and found my way to sleep, hoping against all hope that she would not see my weakness tonight.

~Madison~

Drake only made it through two episodes before he drifted to sleep; that was almost two hours ago, and I have been staring at the paused screen ever since then. I was lost in my mind, lost in discovering all these memories that all at once belonged to me again. The emotions that were soaring through me were so deep that they were invoking grief, a grief that I should not feel any longer.

Something deep inside was telling me that my vacation from menacing emotions was nearly over. That could not be good. I had to get through this mystery before that moment came.

I knew that time was an enemy. That it moved too quickly. That the bliss I was supposed to be lying in now would soon fade. I’m not morbid. And I’m not intentionally attracting bad thoughts in my mind. It was just the truth. Even if Drake and I were a normal couple cuddling side by side, this time would end. Age would come, and anything and everything could happen to us during that passage of time. Whether it was good or bad, this moment, this beginning would soon be nothing more than a nostalgic memory.

Knowing that truth should have allowed me to cherish this time, it should have empowered me and allowed me to savor it. But I have always been the type of person that saves her dessert for last, meaning I would rather work toward something than own it—for when I owed it, soon, very soon it would no longer exist.

The memories in my mind should have ensured me that life would come again, a moment like this would come in another shape or form, and it would be even more blissful. But God help me, I wanted to stop time. I wanted to hold on to my youth, my ambitions, and look forward, not back, at blissful times.

I think maybe my issue was knowing that death stood between me and the next passage of life. That I would have to cross that threshold alone, and there would be no guarantees that I would ever return to fall into Drake’s arms again.

I wanted to take that risk away so badly that it was nearly causing the fear I shouldn’t feel to absorb me.

I decided to be analytical about this. Though most of my newfound memories were of the emotions between
Drake and me, there were reasons behind those emotions, or circumstances rather. I peered deep into my thoughts, using every exercise my mother had ever taught me about meditation and soul searching.

I was looking for a child, a child that could have been mine. I was looking a reason that I would have managed to attract the attention of some obsessive king.

Stairs...I kept seeing rows and rows of stairs, and at the bottom of this erratic pattern was a black abyss, but I couldn’t figure out the glass boat, where it was. I knew one thing: in that life I was far more aware of who I was and what I had to do than I could ever dream to be in this life. That was unsettling in and of itself. It led me to believe that over time I’d become weaker, not stronger.

For no reason, Drake’s body tensed. I moved away, thinking I had disturbed him. Sweat instantly glistened across his skin as his face grimaced.

I pulled myself up on my knees as I debated whether or not to wake him up. He was clearly not enjoying whatever dream he was enduring. In the dark room, I saw what looked like dark blue ice run beneath his skin, and fog breathed out of his lips as he began to shiver. I carefully touched his arm to wake him.

His skin was freezing, but under the touch of my balmy hand the ice faded. Frantically, I started to move my hands up and down his arms as I said his name over and over.

His back bowed up fiercely, nearly knocking me off the bed. To hold him still, I sat astride him, hoping the weight of my body, my hands fighting with this ice that was taking over him would wake him from whatever this was.

His breaths became deep and rapid; it was clear that the heat I was giving him and the ice that should not be there were at war.

All at once, the ice vanished and he lay still—too still. Desperately, I said his name as my hands rushed over his face. With a frantic jolt, he sat straight up in bed. Instead of being freaked out that I was across him, his arms wrapped around me and held me so tightly that I was sure he was seconds away from cracking a rib or two.

I held his head against my shoulder as I laced my fingers th
rough his thick, dark hair. “I’ve got you. You’re safe.”

He caught his breath and looked up into my eyes. “South.”

I furrowed my brow.

“Swim south.”

“What did you dream?” I asked as I moved my hands across his shoulder and arms, ensuring that his skin was now warm.

“I don’t remember. It was just flashes of a good past at first, but then I felt the cold come back. I fought it with everything I had, then...” He let out a breath. “Peppermints.”

“You smell it now?”

“I don’t know,” he said as he pulled me closer. “I rememb
er the smell. And heard ‘south.’ It was loud and clear. Your image,” he said as his hand cupped my face. “It was under water.”

“Maybe your mind is just processing your day. Where did you tell Landen to take those people? Was it south?”

“Here.”

“Donalt said whoever set that up would know if you did that.”

“They are not here yet. They should be in the string. If or when something happens, they will be pushed through here.”

“Okay, well maybe that means the next threat is to the south.”

He rapidly moved his head from side to side as both his hands caressed my face. “South. Promise. If I can’t stop whatever this is, swim south.”

“Promise,” I said vaguely as I felt his fear, which was laced in grief.

He caught his breath a few seconds later. “I’m a violent sleeper. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

I moved my head from side to side to tell him I was wide awake during that episode. “I saw the ice.”

He swallowed nervously. “Yet, you’re still in my arms.”

He fell back on the bed and covered his eyes with the fists of his hands before he slugged the headboard with his fist.

I reached for his hands as I saw him prepare for another strike. “Drake—what the hell?”

His eyes were cold as he stared up at me. “Now you know. That evil bastard is inside me.”

“No one is inside you, and even if they were I wouldn’t care,” I said as I pulled his hands closer to me so I could see the busted knuckles. I was almost sure he needed stitches.

“When your fear comes back, you’ll care,” he said in the most self-loathing tone he could manage.

“You want to fight with me? You really want to go there?”

He moved his stare from me as he locked his jaw. I dropped his hand and slammed my hands into his chest. “You listen to me, Blakeshire. I don’t go around telling people I love them for the hell of it. And I surely do not forfeit that emotion because I find out something less than appealing is lurking. If you think my emotion has limits or circumstance, then clearly we are not as far over this wall as we thought.”

His stare moved back to me. “I’m telling you that it’s okay to run from this.”

“I’m not running from anything,” I snapped back as my eyes rushed across his image, as my mind thought over what I witnessed. I was able to make that coldness go away with a touch. What would I be able to do if I were able to go deeper? Could my energy heal him?

My heart thundered in my chest as I felt the yearning to figure that out.

He tilted his head to the side as he reached his hand that now had rivulets of blood rushing down it to my arm
, to cradle my face. “Where are you? What are you thinking?”

I knew from his emotions that he thought I was about to run, that I had just put up a front before, that I really didn’t want anything to do with his damaged soul. He was about to get the shock of a lifetime.

“Let me in,” I said to him as I started to calm my beating heart. If I was moving my soul anywhere, I was going to have to find a peaceful mindset.

“In?”

“Let me in, Drake.” I moved my hands up his chest. “I’m going to bring the fire. You’re never going to be cold again.”

His eyes grew wide with the shock I felt jolt through him. He sat up slowly, holding my gaze and reaching his arms around my hips. “Madison Marie…there is no going back after that…we will never be the same.”

I thought over my insecurities, my dark emotions and thoughts before I spoke. “Is that a promise?”

His chest started to rise and fall rapidly. “I could hurt you.”

“Doubt it.”

“I don’t know what this is.”

“Yeah, you do.”

“You need to be strong right now, Madison Marie.”

“Well, then stop standing in my way. Tell me no once more, and I might take it personally.”

Right then, the palace rumbled and through the sides of the drapes a flaming glow lit up the room. Then all at once, the violent shaking stopped—yet, the ray of orange light stayed.

“What was that?” I exclaimed as I went to move off him.

His arms clasped around me. “I’m sure it was the holy city exploding.”

“It hasn’t been twelve hours!”

“No, but it’s been six.”

“You have to go. You have to make sure your people are okay,” I said, pushing his shoulder so he would snap out of the gaze he had locked on me.

“I stopped time. No one is suffering right now.”

“You did what?”

He didn’t bother to smirk or smile as he reached to trace my bottom lip. “My father taught me that long ago.”

“How are they stopped and we are not?”

He tilted his head as I felt his emotions shift to awe. “It should have stopped you, too. It has before.”

“You’ve stopped time around me?” He was blowing my mind, and why in the hell did he do that in the first place?

“When I came back from The Realm…you froze then. But today you didn’t.”

“Obviously. I’m talking to you, aren’t I?”

“No. Today, or yesterday in the willow tree. I stopped time. I wanted to hold you longer, and I didn’t want the world to call us back. I didn’t let it go until
right before we walked back to the car.”

I remembered how instantly dusk seemed to come as we left that beautiful place, as my eyes grew wide with shock. “That’s why this day has seemed to go on forever?”

“Some of that is because of the move between the dimensions, but yeah, I turned one day with you into nearly three, and I would turn it into an eternity if I didn’t fear karma.”

I definitely feared karma. Was he saying that we were alone in the world right now? That every soul had halted in order to give us this moment? Was he really that powerful? “Is this bad?”

He gripped my hips as he rolled me to my back. His hand gently caressed the side of my face as he spoke. “My queen told me if I told her no once more that she would take it as a personal insult…I am at her command…” His hand slowly moved down my side. “The hell of this world can wait until her wish is granted. Until she understands that I would move heaven and hell to grant any demand she had.”