Blaze (13 page)

breaking his vows, but I should have known Blaze was stronger than that. I should have realized something even worse was plaguing him."

"You can't blame yourself. Blaze is a complicated man."

"Yes. He is."

"Where is he now?"

"Yesterday he went completely mad and needed to be restrained. I think he was fighting the spirits, but he ended up breaking Crag's wrist and nearly knocking out several other Knights. You know he's the most skilled of our Order in hand-to-hand combat. With his mind not right, he's too dangerous to roam around unrestrained. We've been taking shifts guarding him with the hope that he'll work through it."

Nodding Melody, cast her eyes to her hands folded tightly in front of her. "Maybe I can help him. I understand his spiritual connection."

"I know he loves you deeply, Dame Melody. I pray you can reach him where we have not been able to."

Mahir escorted her to Blaze's chamber, then returned to his own. Drawing a deep breath, Melody opened the door and stepped inside.

Blaze lay in bed, apparently asleep, but the ravages of his haunting shown in the haggardness of his face. He was thinner than she recalled. Too thin.

Torn, who was sitting beside him, turned to Melody. Reaching for a cane beside the bed, he stood.

"How is he?" she asked.

"I gave him something to put him to sleep."

She glanced at his cane. "How are you? Sir Mahir said you'd been injured."

"I'm much better, thanks to him." Torn looked at Blaze and shook his head. "Damn it, Blaze. I almost wish you had left me to die in battle. I can't stand seeing him like this."

Melody approached. "I'd like to stay with him for a while."

"Of course. He'll probably sleep for a few hours. He needs it. Those bloody spirits won't leave him.

He scarcely eats or sleeps. All he does is train. Even when he tries healing others the spirits attempt to break his concentration. I don't know how he's been able to stand it. He can't last like this."

Slipping into the chair, she stared at Blaze's wan face and knew Torn was right. They had to find a way to help him.

The door closed and she was left alone with him.

Tara?

I'm here, but this whole issue gives me the creeps. They're everywhere. Ugly. Bloody. Mad as hell. No that I completely blame them. I mean, he did kill them.

They were attacking him.

That's true. He didn't start it. Even they realize it.

Can't you make them go?

Me? I'm just one little soul floating around the universe. His scholars are here, though. So are other spirits who seem to like him. They're trying to banish the warriors. They're talking to. . .

"What is it, Tara?" Melody tensed. "Who are they talking to?"

I might be wrong, but I think they're trying to summon the Spirit itself. The essence. Impossible.

Tara?

I have to go, sweetie. I'll be back, though. This is getting too intense for me.

"Tara, don't go," Melody snapped, then scolded herself. Glancing at Blaze, she hoped she hadn't awakened him.

Wrapped in the sleeping medicine's tight embrace, he appeared almost dead.

Tara?

It was no good. The spirit was gone.

"Great." Melody sighed, settling back in the chair. What odd phrase did Tara so often use? When the going gets tough, the tough get going. Where did she learn such strangely worded little truths?

* * *

Melody awoke to the sensation of being lifted in strong, sinewy arms. The kink in her neck made her wince as her eyes flew open and stared into Blaze's familiar blue ones. She noted he appeared freshly washed and dressed. Locks of his unruly auburn hair had escaped from its binding at his nape.

"I didn't hear you wake up." She rubbed her eyes, longing for a bath and a meal. She had been so concerned with him that she hadn't attended to her own needs since the night before.

"It's all right." He placed her on the bed. "You must have been uncomfortable sleeping in that chair."

"I've slept in worse places." She smiled, clinging to his neck until he sat beside her on the bed.

"How are you feeling?"

Bewilderment shone in his eyes, and something else. Something strange, almost angry. Completely unlike the Blaze she knew.

"I'm sorry I didn't get here sooner. The others told me what you've been going through. I want to help you, Blaze."

"Melody," he tenderly caressed her face, "there's no need. They're gone."

"The warrior spirits?"

Drawing a deep breath, he glanced away, sorrow welling in his eyes. "All of them. I'm alone."

Melody wasn't sure how to react. Though she didn't doubt he was relieved that the hateful ghosts had disappeared, she knew he must feel abandoned by the spirits who had been with him all his life. When Tara left the night before, Melody had felt a hint of desperation, even though her spirit promised she would return. Tara occasionally left, and in spite of the ghost's annoying habits, Melody missed her when she was absent. She couldn't imagine her disappearing forever. Blaze's

spirits couldn’t have abandoned him.

"You want them back?" she asked, taking his hand.

"I don't know." Tugging away from her grasp, he stood and paced the room. "I've never been without them."

"Blaze, other than losing the spirits, are you all right?"

He returned to the bed and embraced her. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"You're here and I haven't even said hello properly." His lips brushed hers with familiar tenderness. Melody sank into his embrace, relieved that he seemed completely sane and spoke in a manner that made perfect sense. Now that the spirits weren't constantly nagging him, he was able to converse like everyone else. Yet something troubled her because he seemed so remote and unhappy. Yes, he held her. Yes, he spoke to her with the affection he always had, but something

was different.

"I've missed you so much." He kissed her brow, his arms tightening on her. "But I'm glad you didn't see me at my worst. I need to talk with Mahir and the others. And Crag. I injured him."

"He's all right. It was just a broken wrist."

Someone tapped on the door.

"Come in." Blaze stood and greeted Torn.

"You look better," said the black-haired Knight. "All that sleep must have helped."

"Don't worry. There won't be another display such as the one a few days ago."

Torn's eyes narrowed. "Are you all right?"

"I'm no longer a madman, if that's what you mean."

"I never called you mad."

"Nevertheless, I was going mad. The spirits wanted vengeance, but it seems they've changed their minds. Or perhaps not. They're gone, Torn. All of them."

Torn's gaze switched to Melody as if questioning whether or not Blaze's sanity could be trusted.

"I believe him," she said. "My guide, Tara, said the spirits were having some sort of discussion amongst themselves. Then she disappeared, too. Maybe they've decided to set him free after all."

"Free." Blaze sighed, shaking his head. "It's like losing a part of myself."

"I'm sorry." Torn rested a hand on Blaze's shoulder. "Mahir will want to talk to you, I’m sure."

"Should I come with you?" Melody asked.

"No. Stay here and rest." Blaze stroked her hair while gazing into her eyes. "I'll be back soon."

Taking his hand, she squeezed it.

"I'll wait outside." Torn closed the door, leaving them alone.

"I love you." Blaze bent and kissed her again.

"I love you, too."

Melody drew a deep breath, a feeling of dread turning around inside her as she watched him leave the room.

* * *

Blaze strode through the courtyard to his herbarium. The sun warmed his flesh and the roses were in full bloom, yet he scarcely noticed any of the beauty around him.

For the past couple of hours he had spoken with Mahir and Torn. They were convinced he was no longer under the influence of the spirits and had regained his sanity. Though the former was true, the latter Blaze wasn't sure about. A sane man should feel thrilled to have been freed from the torture of the past weeks. Though Blaze was glad that the warrior spirits had stopped hounding him, he also felt a bit lost. How would he live without his guides? He had his intellect and his

fighting skills, but now that he no longer had the spirits with him, how would he use his normal talents? If he had been a free man all his life, would he have chosen to start the Green Sash Faction or would he have become a violent killer? If he continued wearing the green sash, should he lead the faction or should his title be passed to one of the members who had never possessed spirit guides? The others had made the difficult decision to forgo the use of weapons while living the lives

of normal men. Was Blaze the best choice to lead them when he wasn't sure which path he might have taken had the ghosts not been with him?

Sensing his need for adjustment, Mahir had given him time off from his duties. Though he felt a bit guilty about accepting it, Blaze decided it might be best for him to keep at least a few days to himself and Melody. They also needed to talk and plan. Their shared understanding of the spirit world was a precious thing. Now that he was no longer connected to that other realm, would she still want to marry him?

He paused outside his herbarium, wanting to postpone the inevitable. The members of the Green Sash Faction who were in Rubyshire and not out on assignment were gathered inside. He had sent for them to explain about his earlier behavior and to discuss the possibility of his resignation.

Pushing open the door, he glanced at the men assembled. Crag, his broken wrist bound, stood by the table, Court and Jade beside him. Colt and Hope lingered by the bookshelves in the corner. All of them stared at Blaze, curiosity in their eyes.

"First I want to apologize to all of you for my behavior over these past weeks. I especially regret what I did to you, Crag."

"It's nothing, Sir," said chestnut-haired Knight.

"Yes, it is. Since breaking my vow, I have been haunted by the spirits of those I killed. They voiced their anger loudly and incessantly, and it was not undeserved."

"Are they quieter now?" Colt asked.

"They're gone. All the spirits have left me. I don't think they'll return."

His men exchanged glances, then turned back to him, waiting for him to continue.

"Because of what I've done and what's happened, I don't think I'm fit to lead our faction any longer."

"What?" Colt snapped, the shock on his face mirrored by the others. "You can't quit, Sir."

"Why don't you think you can lead us?" Crag asked. "I was once a Zaltanian soldier, a killer, but you said I could join this faction. Now you're telling me because you did the same things I did, you

can't be part of us?"

"All my life the spirits have guided me. None of you have had that privilege, yet you chose this life of service and non-violence."

Court's brow furrowed. "We fight."

"And fight damn well," Jade added. "Just because we don't take up arms or kill doesn’t mean we haven't done our share of damage in battle."

"I can't believe you'd just quit like this." Colt's fists clenched. "No one can do what you do, Sir. To have your skill and courage is what I aspired to when I joined this faction. Now after all this time

you're saying it's fine to just throw those things away?"

"No." Blaze approached the young Knight and stared deeply into his eyes. "Those are not qualities to disregard. This faction stands for peace, aid, and valor. I'm saying that I may no longer be worthy of those things."

Colt glared. "With all due respect, you've lost your nerve, Sir."

"No," Crag said. "He's lost something akin to family. That's what the spirits were like to you, Sir.

Weren't they?"

Blaze's throat closed for a moment, but he quickly regained control of himself. Having this conversation with them was humiliating enough. He would look like a complete fool if he broke into tears on top of it all.

"They were a part of me," he said. "Just as all of you are."

"Don't do this," Colt stated. "Take some time. Go somewhere and—"

"Grieve," Jade supplied. "But don't make a decision like this now. This faction has been though hardships before. We've also shared good times. You go and do what you have to, Sir, but come back."

"We won't follow anyone else as long as you're fit to lead," Court said. "I'm sure I speak for those of us who are on assignment as well."

"They're right." Hope, who had been the first Knight to join the Green Sash Faction when it formed, placed a hand on Blaze's shoulder. "You need time to realize you are the best person to lead. We've learned so much from you and you’ve given so much of yourself to us. You've judged yourself more harshly than any of us ever would because we know your heart. If we didn't, none of us would have joined this faction in the first place."