Blaze (7 page)

“I might know that but there’s no way I’d ever marry a man who cheated on me, Mum.”

She nodded.  “I know that.  And that does make me happy.  I just hope that J never goes there.”

“Well, if he does, he won’t have a dick left to do it again.  Not after I get to him.”

Mum laughed, and it was the best sound I’d heard all morning.  It broke the tension a little.  “I’ve missed you, honey,” she said quietly. 

My tone softened.  “I’ve missed you too, Mum.”

She pointed to the stool at the kitchen bench.  “Have a seat and I’ll make you a coffee.”

Smiling, I said, “That would be good.”

I sat, and she made coffee.  We then spent the next couple of hours catching up and doing our best to avoid the topic of my father.  I desperately wanted to talk to her about him some more, but I knew not to push her.  If I did, she would retreat and start avoiding me.  No, I needed to be smart about this and figure out a way to help her without her realising what I was doing.

***

I
pulled up outside the clubhouse and sat in my car for a couple of minutes, processing some of the stuff my Mum had told me.  She had willingly married a man who cheated on her.  I was having trouble getting past that; it wasn’t something I could do.  My thoughts moved to J and our relationship.  I trusted him.  He’d proven himself and I truly believed he wouldn’t cheat on me. 

I was startled out of my thoughts when someone tapped on the window of my car.  Looking up, I saw it was J.  “Hey, baby,” I greeted him, as I got out of the car.

He brushed his lips across mine and asked, “You okay?”

“Yeah.  Kind of.”  I wasn't sure what I was feeling.

“What does kind of mean?”

I sighed.  I wasn’t sure why I’d come here after Mum’s.  Looking up at J though, I realised that I’d come for him.  “It means that just being here with you is making me feel better already.”

His eyebrows pinched together and he frowned.  “Babe, I’m a man.  I need it spelt out for me sometimes.  What the fuck’s wrong?”

“J, you don’t have the time to listen to all the shit swimming around in my head.  I think I just needed to be near you.”

“For the love of God, tell me what’s wrong.” 

I searched his eyes; he had that concerned look he got when I was distressed.  So, I decided to share.  “I just spent some time with my Mum and she told me that she married my father knowing that he’d cheated on her.  And she accepted it.”

He didn’t blink; didn’t say or do anything.  Just stood there, watching me and listening.  When I didn’t say anything else, he murmured, “It happens.”

“It shouldn’t!” I burst out.

“Madison, you know it happens.”

“Yeah, well I’m stunned that my own mother put up with that shit.”

“I’m not.”

I didn’t like the way this conversation was going.  “Did you know about my father before it all came out?”

Again, he took his time, and when he finally answered me, he spoke slowly, deliberately.  “I didn’t know about Blade and his mother.”  He paused.  “But I did know that Marcus liked to screw around.”

My heart started beating faster.  I didn’t like what I was hearing.  “What?  You mean with other women besides Blade’s mother?”

He nodded.  “Yeah, with other women.  He didn’t hide it and I’m sure your mother knew.  Babe, a lot of the guys fuck around; it’s just up to the old ladies whether they turn a blind eye or move on.”

“I know!” I puffed out a long breath.  I knew all this shit, and normally I didn’t even think about it, but this was my Mum we were talking about.  “I fucking hate it, J, and if you do it, I’m not staying.”

His nostrils flared and his tone hardened when he spoke.  “Have I ever given you cause to think I’d cheat?”

Normally I’d pay attention to the tone he’d taken, but today I was focused solely on my mother and my feelings about her situation, so I missed the cues.  “No, but I’m just saying, I won’t stand for it.”

Anger seeped into his voice.  “And I’m just saying, don’t fucking lump me in with your father.  I haven’t cheated on you and have no intention of ever doing it, so I don’t fucking appreciate the attitude about it.”  He raked his fingers through his hair, shaking his head while he did it.  And then he added, “I’m not your fucking father and I never will be.”

I took a step back.  J was furious and I wasn’t sure where it had come from.  He stood glaring at me.  I madly tried to process what he’d said; it felt like there was something important here.  “I know you’re not, J.  And I know you haven’t cheated on me; I trust you.”

He continued to glare at me, the vein in his neck pulsing.  I had no idea what he was thinking so I waited, and didn’t say a word.  “Fuck,” he muttered, and dropped his gaze to the ground.  “This is fucking bullshit.”  It was like he was talking to himself so I still didn’t say anything.  He raised his face back to mine and I was stunned to see the anger had drained out of him, and instead he had an agonised look on his face.  Something was tormenting him.

“What, baby?” I asked softly.

“I’m sorry,” he said, and lightly grasped my cheek, rubbing his thumb back and forth over it.

I moved into him and put my hand on his chest.  “What’s going on, J?  I know there’s something bugging you, and I wish you’d talk to me.”

His eyes searched mine; it was like he was weighing up whether to start talking or not.  His chest heaved and he grabbed my hand off his chest, gave it a quick squeeze, and then said, “Nothing, babe.  It’s just club stuff.”

Letting my hand go, he stepped back and said, “I have to get back to it.  I’ll see you at home tonight.”

I was upset that he had again chosen not to confide in me, but I nodded and agreed, “Okay, I’ll see you then.”

He scrubbed a hand over his face, and nodded once before turning and walking back into the clubhouse with slumped shoulders and a downcast face. 

I watched him go, with a heavy heart. 

I felt helpless, and paralysed with fear as to what was going on with J, and what it was doing to our relationship.

***

“I
truly feel like we’re taking one step forward and three back at the moment,” I admitted to Harlow the next morning over coffee.  I’d just caught her up on me and J.

“How was he last night?  Did he bring it up again?”

“No, he came home late, and he’d been drinking again.  I’m so confused.  J’s not usually a big drinker but over the last couple of weeks he’s been drinking more and more.”

“Well, he’s obviously keeping something from you.  It really does sound like something is worrying him.”

“He keeps saying it’s just club business.  Is Scott worried about club stuff at the moment?”

She shrugged.  “He doesn’t seem stressed about anything.”

“Shit.  It must be something else then, and he’s just using that as an excuse.”

“Sounds like it, honey.”

“I feel like I’m in a catch twenty-two; I’m trying hard to not keep questioning him about shit but at the same time, if we don’t talk about this, I feel like it’s going to come between us.”

“Yeah, I think you need to force the point.  You guys are strong, right?”

My insecurities flared up.  “He tells me that we are, and that we’re forever, but sometimes his actions don’t match up.  And, to be honest, I would have thought we’d be engaged by now.  When he got back two months ago, he was all about us getting married, and then nothing.  So, I don’t know what to think.”

She gave me a sympathetic smile.  “Sorry, hon.  But I’m sure that if anyone can work this out, it’s you and J.  It’s obvious to me that he loves you.”

I smiled back at her.  “Okay, that’s enough about me.  Tell me about you.  How’s my brother treating you?”

Her face lit up.  “He’s amazing.”

I rolled my eyes.  “The words Scott Cole and amazing have never been used before as far as I’m aware.”

She laughed.  “Well, I just did.”

Nodding, I said, “You really do bring out the best in him.”

“Did you know that he’s booked Lisa’s mum into rehab?”

“Really?  When does she go?”

“It’s at a place in Byron Bay and she leaves in a few days.  Lisa’s going to stay with him while she’s away.”

“Wow, that’s great.  How the hell did Scott get her to agree to that?”

“She came to him two days ago and begged for his help.  He seems to think that she’s serious about it so that’s why he’s agreed.  It’s costing him a fortune.  See, I told you he’s amazing.”

I had to agree with her this time.  “Yeah, who would have thought.  But he does have that soft spot for Lisa.”

“He does.  She’s such a gorgeous kid.  I’m looking forward to girl time with her when she stays with him.”

I laughed.  “Don’t you already have girl time with her?  Scott was muttering something about paying for mani-pedi’s for you two the other day.  I didn’t even know that he knew what a mani-pedi was.”

“He didn’t!  But he does now,” she said, winking.

“Oh my God, you’re a classic, Harlow.  Only you could get my brother to pay for mani-pedis.”

She finished her coffee and smiled at me.  “Amazing, I tell you.  Don’t tell him, but he’s paying for high tea for me and Lisa this weekend.”

“I can just hear him now, ‘High fuckin’ what, babe?’” I teased.

She started laughing so hard that tears came to her eyes, and this in turn, made me start too.  “So true,” she spluttered through her tears.

I checked the time on my phone.  “I’ve got to go, but we’re still on for tonight, right?”

“Definitely,” she agreed, “I can’t wait.”

“Good.  And thank you for this.  I needed the chat and the laugh.”

“Anytime.  I love our chats.”

I gave her a hug before I left, and thought about how thankful I was that she’d come into my life.

M
adison

I stood on the footpath and watched as Blade’s Jag came into view.  He pulled up next to me, and I got in.  I didn’t look back at Harlow or Scott, although I could feel Scott’s scowl behind me.  My night out with Harlow had turned to shit, and I’d called on the one person I knew who was removed from the situation so I could get his take on it.

“Your house or mine?” he asked, eyes focused on mine in that intense Blade gaze I’d come to know well.

I sighed.  “Mine.”

He raised his brows.

“He won’t be there, and I’m tired and want my bed,” I said.

“Your call, babe,” he replied, and then put the car in drive and focused his gaze on the road as he sped off.

We were both silent for the drive, and I appreciated him even more for that.  It was one thing I’d learnt about him over the past few months; he was a perceptive man, and could read moods and needs very well.

I sat staring at the rain that had started falling.  The darkness, the traffic lights and the rain all blurred together as I thought about the events of the night.  I shivered from the air conditioning in the car, and Blade must have noticed because he reached out and shut it off.  Normally, I would have thanked him for that, but tonight I just didn’t have it in me.

Twenty minutes later we arrived at my house.  No lights were on; J definitely wasn’t home.  I didn’t move to unbuckle my belt, and Blade turned to me.  “You sure you don’t want me to take you to my place?”

I undid my belt.  “No, I’m going to wait here until he comes home and then we’re going to have it out.”

He nodded and got out of the car.  I waited because I knew that he liked to open my door.  A moment later he came around to my side, and then we headed inside together.  I switched on lights and made my way to the kitchen.  Blade joined me a couple of minutes later; he’d inspected the house first which was something he always did.

I eyed him.  “No boogiemen?”

He ignored me.  “You gonna tell me what the fuck happened tonight?”

I indicated that we should sit, and when we were both settled, I said, “It’s not just tonight.”

He reached his arm up and rubbed the back of his neck as he studied me.  Then he brought his arm down, rested it on the table, and leant forward.  “Madison, you call me at midnight, distressed and crying.  You don’t tell me what’s wrong, except to ramble on about J being an asshole.  Then you beg me to come and pick you up.  I get there and see that Scott was already on the scene but you’ve chosen to go home with me over him.  That tells me that something fucked up has happened.  And I want to know what it is, because I sure as fuck want to have a word with whoever upset you.”

“It’s J,” I began, but started crying so didn’t continue.

“What did he do?” he asked, his voice calm but firm.

I wiped my eyes and got my tears under control.  Lifting my face to his, I said, “He was supposed to drop me off and pick me up, but he changed the plans at the last minute and got Scott to drop me off.  He didn’t even tell me; Scott just turned up.  Then he didn’t come to get me, and Scott said he’d take me home.  When I rang J to see where he was, Griff answered the phone and told me that J had passed out drunk at the clubhouse.”

Blade’s body tensed and he balled his hand into a fist.  “I thought you two were good; thought you were talking marriage.”

I nodded.  “So did I, but J’s slowly pulled away from me since he got back.  We seem to have hit crisis point this week, and now he’s avoiding me.”

“You’ve got no idea why?”

“No, he keeps telling me it’s club problems but I don’t think there are any real club problems.  I think it’s something to do with Dad.”

Blade frowned momentarily.  “You mentioned that you’re going to have it out with him.  Possibly not a good idea when he’s drunk or hungover.”

He was right, but I was so upset, angry and desperate for answers that I didn’t think I could wait till he sobered up.  “I know,” I said softly, the tears threatening to fall again.

He watched me thoughtfully.  “You’re not being you,” he stated.

“Huh?”  I didn’t understand what he meant.

“I haven’t known you that long, but I’ve worked out that you’re a hothead.  You’re very passionate, and your mouth goes off before your brain kicks into gear sometimes.  And yet, you’ve let these problems with J go on for weeks without sorting it out.  That doesn’t seem like something you would do, babe.  What gives?”