Blended (Redemption #1) (35 page)

I did not leave him because of those two points. I left him because I came to the realization that Isla would be a better match for him in the long run. You know, best friends falling in love and all. They just haven’t seen it yet . . . but I have.

My body jolts as my final flight touches down at Chicago O’Hare. It’s now that I realize that he won’t be running after me because, once again, he can’t. Dr. Heath won’t clear him to fly for at least another three weeks.

I’m walking—not running but walking—away from the man I love because I believe that there is always going to be someone better than me for him. If I’m honest with myself, I’ve already gotten over the simple secret that he kept from me, but it made me realize that I’ll hold him back in life. It’s the hardest thing that I’ll ever do to walk away from him.

I hold my head high as I stride through the airport terminal and out toward baggage claim where I’m met with Holden’s open arms.

“I would like to say that you should go away more often because you’re fucking sexy as hell coming back to me . . . but I’d prefer if you stayed here.”

“Hi, Hold.”

“What’s up, beautiful?”

His arms come around me, and I speak against his shoulder. “Thank you for coming to get me. I hate the cabs in Chicago.”

“It’s no problem at all. Let’s grab your bag and get out of this madness. This fucking airport is constantly overcrowded.”

I laugh at how ridiculous he is. “I think that I missed your cocky self.”

As the words leave my lips, I recall what Wade said about missing someone who doesn’t belong to you. He can’t miss me now, and the same thing applies vice-versa.

Holden takes my hand and leads me out of the airport while he rolls my suitcase next to him. “Does Lola know that you’re coming back?”

“Nope. I’m surprising her, so you better not have mentioned it to her.”

“Cool those pretty tits of yours. I haven’t said a word.”

An hour through Chicago traffic later, Holden helps me get my crap into my bedroom. Once I’m settled, he blatantly attacks me by pushing me back onto my bed and pinning me down.

“What are you—?”

He reaches between my legs and I shy away from him, pulling his forearm until he dislodges his hand. “I, uhm, I’m on my period.”

Lie.

“Fuck,” he says as he climbs off of me and strides to the door. “Text me when you’re DTF.”

When I’m
down to fuck
? Seriously? “Sure thing.”

I roll over onto my stomach once he leaves and huff loudly, blowing a strand of my curls out of my face. I knew that sleeping with him the first time would come back to bite me. I’m surprised that he threw himself on me, though. Surely that’s not the only reason that he came to collect me from the airport?

I throw my forearm over my eyes in an attempt to stop the tears that threaten to take over.

I’ve been back on US soil for approximately twenty-four hours while my heart is on the other side of the world. It’s an odd sensation being separated from an organ that beats within you but isn’t present. I sigh as I apply the last bit of mascara to my lashes before turning my head from side to side in the mirror, inspecting my handiwork. With a large amount of concealer and foundation, I’ve managed to cover up the dark circles under my eyes for this party that Lola has decided to throw. Apparently, it’s been in the works for weeks, but I’ve been too preoccupied with Wade to even realize the date.

This evening, November 2
nd
, we’ll be celebrating her twenty-seventh birthday, and I swear that she’s invited the entire city of Chicago. Her apartment might be large, but with over sixty people inside, it feels cramped and stuffy. She went all out for it, though; there are two bartenders and catered food. I walk out of my bedroom and shut the door behind me as I make my way through the throngs of people to the small hors d’oeuvres station that is set up in the kitchen.

I dip a crostini into the baked crab dip and moan when the tastes explode in my mouth before I’m pulled in another direction with Lola. “Hadley, this is . . .”

I zone out. I don’t even remember the guy she introduced me to before I disappeared back into my bedroom to apply some more makeup because I felt like I was being stared at. All I can remember of him is that he shared Wade’s hair color. I excuse myself and make my way across the room and to one of the bars, ordering a glass of Champagne. Just the thought of whiskey makes my heart sink into my stomach. I take a long drink before I allow myself to breathe again.

“There she is,” Owen says to me as he approaches. “Lola wanted me to introduce you to my buddy Ford.”

“Oh, hi, it’s nice to meet you,” I say as I shake his hand.

“You too. Owen has told me a few things about you,” Ford says in a tenor voice.

“He has?”

What the crap would Owen have to say about me other than I used to fuck his older brother?

“Hadley.” I look toward Holden’s voice just as he sweeps me up into a hug.

Thank God. I throw my arms around him in an embrace in an attempt to make Ford uncomfortable. It seems to work when he walks off toward the bar I just left.

“Hi, Hold.”

“That guy is a fucking douche, and if you fuck him, my cock is going nowhere near that sweet pussy of yours.”

My eyes bug out as he makes his statement a little louder than necessary. I get a few glances from the women around me, all of whom work with Lola. Great, I’m sure that they will be talking for the remainder of the year about the blonde who doesn’t know how to keep her legs closed.

“Lo is going to slaughter you for being drunk at her birthday party, you ass.”

“Nah, she’s pretty fucking gone herself,” he says as he nods in a direction.

“Oh yeah?” I turn to take in the room until my eyes lock on Lola, who is downing a shot.

“Yeah. Maybe she wouldn’t mind if I took you for a ride while the party goes on.”

“I’d rather not ruin her party, Hold. Thanks, though.”

Lies.
I don’t particularly want to be heartbroken and surrounded by revelers all evening, but what other choice do I have? She’s my best friend.

“Hads,” she yells from her new position on the dining room table. Mother of all hell, I’m going to need a few more drinks for this.

“Come dance with me, you skank.” How she is able to yell above the music, I have no idea, but I cannot deny her on her birthday. I go to the bar and ask for two shots of tequila silver and down them before making my way over to her.

“I’m not sure how safe it is up there, Lo.”

“Ah fuck it. Get up here.” She starts to dance, throwing her arms into the air, speaking with her body instead of verbally. Her personality is shining through as she sways her hips. She’s an extrovert at heart, an open book that will talk anyone’s ears off. It’s most likely why the apartment is overcrowded tonight. Everyone loves her bubbly personality.

“Fine,” I grumble and step up onto the seat before I climb onto the wooden table with her. She lunges for me, hugging me tightly. I shriek and hug her back as I look down at the people who are now staring up at us, particularly the same group of women from earlier. Great.

“I missed you so much. You’re never allowed to leave me again, or I’ll punch you with my tit.”

I laugh with her. “I don’t even know if that is possible.”

“I’ll figure it out,” she stammers as I start to dance with her, but she suddenly stops and stares at me. “Holy shit, Hads. You are hot.”

“What?” I squeak out as her eyes roll down my body.

“Your outfit. I fucking love your street style, and I’m stealing it.” I have on a white, sleeveless crop top with black floral embellishing and black boning with a pair of high-waist white palazzo pants.

I shake my head and start to dance with her again, but I’m grateful that I don’t look as jet-lagged as I feel at the moment. Two songs later, we both stumble off of the table with the help of a few outstretched hands. The men cheer once we straighten ourselves up and she throws her arms around me. I may not be as drunk as she is, but I have a steady buzz going on, and it seems to be containing my emotions quite well.

“I think that Holden might be staring,” she whispers in my ear. I turn to face the direction where she’s looking, and he’s got himself propped up against the doorframe at the far end of the room, watching me.

“I think that you’re right.”

“So?” she slurs her words. “Are you going to sleep with him again? We need to get your mind off of Waylon-sexy-as-shit-Brass.”

The smile that was adorning my face vanishes when she says his name. “I don’t think that’s going to happen. I just got back, and I still want him, Lo.”

“Who? Holden?”

“No, you drunk. I still want Wade, but I understand that I needed to let him go so he’ll be able to live the life that he’s supposed to lead. The one that was set out for him before I so rudely interrupted.”

She scrunches her face up at me as if she’s having difficulty seeing or hearing me. “What are you talking about?”

“Never mind.”

“I’m going to go find Owen. Go kiss Holden, okay?”

“Whatever you say, birthday girl.”

I watch her as she leaves the room in search of her hipster before I lock eyes with Holden again. He takes a step toward me, but I turn around and walk back toward my bedroom. As much as I need a friend tonight, I need to be alone more.

On my way to my room I grab a bottle of whiskey from a bar and slide through my bedroom door without being noticed and this time, I make sure to lock it—to seal me and my messy sentiments away from the world, as well as to keep any horny intruders out. The only man I want is Wade, but I’ve taken that away from myself.

I flop back onto my bed and kick off my heels before I unscrew the bottle and take a swig from it. The amber fluid burns my throat as it slides its way down into my system and I groan in delight. This. This is what I need to chase away the thoughts of Wade and why I left him.

Yup. I left him.
Again.

I toss the bottle back as I take another large swig from it and I realize just how permanent this loss is. The shitty part about it all is the fact that I can’t even bring myself to be upset with him because all of it is on my shoulders.

I sit up and roll over onto my stomach as I take another drink, gargling with it before I swallow and speak to my headboard. “I think I fucked this one up, buddy, but there’s nothing I can do to change it. I’ve certainly made my bed, and now I have to lie in it.”

I burst out laughing because, duh, I’m already in bed. I look at the bottle and take one last drink before I set it on my nightstand and flop back over to stare up at my ceiling as the room starts to spin in uncertain circles.

Maybe I’m a bit drunker than I thought I was.

I grab a pillow and hold onto it tightly. I’ll be okay, I tell myself.

Lie.

“No more chances for you, Hadley Rye,” I mumble into the darkness and shut my eyes in an attempt to stop the spinning that I’m stuck in, courtesy of the whiskey.

The first of December marks a month from the day that I landed back in the US. I would give anything to lose the pain that immerses me daily. I’ve fucked up, and I made a mistake, but I don’t have a choice to go back and fix it.

I’ll never be the woman that he needs me to be, and I know that I won’t get the luxury of him looking me in the face and telling me just how much he loves me again. I don’t even know if he cares why I vanished, but I need to move on and keep my life on track—although, I’m not entirely sure what track I’m currently on.

I’ve kept up with my job as it supplies me with income that I don’t necessarily need, but it’s given me something to occupy my time. I’d like to find something better and more useful to do with my life, but I’m uncertain as to what I want to do exactly. My time with Wade has helped me to realize that I’ve been limiting myself, and I want to break that cycle. I want to find my purpose and possibly help others with finding theirs. I sigh to myself and sit up in bed, brushing my curls out of my face before swinging my legs over the edge and getting up.

After a quick shower, I throw my hair up into a bun and get dressed in a workout outfit before tying my sneakers and grabbing my yoga mat. It’s just past six in the morning so there shouldn’t be too many people in the apartment building’s gym.