Blessings (14 page)

Trina walked to the stainless steel sink and began the task of sorting beans. The mumble of Beth’s and Mama’s voices drifted through the open doorway, but she didn’t try to hear the words. The comment Beth had made kept replaying through her head–
“There’s no life left in you!”
Trina knew her friend was right.

Closing her eyes, Trina hung her head.
Father in heaven, help me. Help me want to be the person Mama and Dad and Graham want me to be. Change me. Please change me. Because I don’t want to live like I’m already dead
.

F
OURTEEN

A
men.”

At the minister’s rumbling closure to silent prayers, Graham rose from his knees and slid back onto the bench. During the prayer time, he’d found himself unable to pray. He couldn’t remember a time since he’d been baptized that his thoughts had remained empty during silent prayer. What was happening to him?

A deacon stepped behind the wooden podium, opened his Bible, and began to read. “ ‘Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.. . .’ ”

Graham’s heart thudded in double time as the deacon read from chapter 31 of Proverbs. The words pelted him like grit from a windstorm—“ ‘The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her. . . . She will do him good and not evil. . . .’ ” Despite his efforts to keep his gaze aimed forward, his head jerked toward Trina. He’d told her he couldn’t trust her. She’d hurt him immeasurably with her plans to attend college.

The deacon read on, describing all the duties the virtuous wife performed. Graham had heard these verses preached before—he knew the list was long. But for some reason, this morning certain pieces seemed to stand out from the others.

“ ‘She perceiveth that her merchandise is good.. . . She reacheth forth her hands to the needy.. . . She maketh fine linen, and selleth it.. . . A woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.’ ”

The deacon sat down and the minister rose to begin the main sermon, but Graham’s focus turned inward. Why had he never noticed references to selling before? Selling indicated a business. That meant a woman would be involved in a business other than managing a household. And reaching forth her hands to the needy—could that include animals in need of care?

He shook his head hard, trying to clear the thoughts. What was he thinking? That Trina
should
go to school?
Should
become a veterinarian? It was ridiculous! Trina’s own words returned to replay in his mind— how God had given her the desire to treat animals with a doctor’s care. If this idea had truly come from God, should Graham consider it ridiculous?

His stomach churned as he realized where his thoughts were taking him. Outside of the dictates of the fellowship. Outside of the borders established for his community. Outside of his own personal ideals and beliefs.

Once more, his gaze drifted to Trina. She sat, spine straight, hair neatly tucked beneath her cap, her attention unwavering. His heart turned over in his chest. She was everything he wanted in a wife— lovely, gentle, hardworking, God-fearing.

Virtuous?
He considered the word carefully. Could he still consider her virtuous despite the changes he’d seen in her over the past several weeks? And then another thought came—
To whom should Trina ultimately answer: to God or to man?

The sermon continued, the minister’s droning voice addressing the congregation, and Graham finally found words to pray.
Father God, help me understand Your will for Trina and me. I believe we’re to be married, yet she believes she is meant to be more than a wife and mother. Reveal Your will to us, and give us the courage to follow it, whatever it may be
.

As he closed the silent thought, an image of Trina the night of the shucking flashed through his mind. She’d stood on the edge of the porch riser, her face sad, as she’d told him it wasn’t the pursuit of education that had changed her. Now he pondered the statement. If it wasn’t studying that had changed her, then what?

Before he could find the answer, the minister instructed the worshippers to kneel for prayer. Graham knelt, rested his linked hands on the hard bench, and lowered his head. As the minister prayed aloud, Graham formed his own prayer:
Help me help Trina find her way back to the way she used to be. Help me help her find her happiness again.

Beth stood beside the car and waited for Sean to open her door. Before sliding into the seat, she rose up on tiptoe and gave him a kiss on the jaw to say thank you for the courtesy. Fastening her seat belt, she smiled, enjoying the way Sean made her feel like a lady with his gentlemanly gestures. She’d married a jewel.

Sean plopped in behind the wheel and started the engine. He glanced at her and grinned. “What’re you smiling about over there?”

“Oh, just thinking about how lucky I am to have you for a husband.” She reached across the console to take his hand. “I love you, Sean.” Having been raised by a single mother, Beth hadn’t witnessed the give-and-take relationship between a husband and wife during her growing-up years. Yet she sensed what she and Sean had was better than many. Maybe better than most, despite the frequent separations due to his job obligations. She gave his hand a squeeze.

He lifted her hand to kiss her knuckles and angled the car onto the highway. “I love you, too, darlin’. But what brought that on?”

Beth shrugged, squinting against the high sun. “Nothing special, I suppose. It’s just been awhile since I said it, so I figured it was time.”

His low-toned chuckle made her smile. “Well, I never get tired of hearing it.”

With a grin, she singsonged, “I love you, I love you, I love you, I—”

His laughter covered the words. “You’re a nut.” But he said it affectionately. “So what are we doing for lunch today? Want to drive to McPherson?”

“No. Remember? Mom invited us over.” Beth frowned. “I think she also invited Troy and Deborah and their kids. So things could get a little tense.”

Sean shot her a sympathetic look. “They still mad about Trina using our computer?”

Beth nodded grimly.

“Well,” Sean said in an I-told-you-so voice, “it shouldn’t surprise you. It isn’t as if you don’t know the rules of the sect.”

Pursing her lips, Beth refused to respond. Yes, she knew the rules. She also thought they were silly. Her mother had explained the reasoning behind the restrictions of the Old Order Mennonite group, but Beth still couldn’t see the harm in wearing up-to-date clothes, driving a sporty vehicle, or getting a college education.

Sean’s fingers tightened on her hand. “They’ll get over it eventually. Don’t let it bother you.”

Beth sighed, shifting in the seat to face her husband. “I really don’t care that they’re mad at me. We don’t have any kind of relationship anyway, so I’m not losing anything with their anger. I am concerned about how it will affect Mom, and I’m mostly concerned about Trina. She’s just so. . .so sad all the time.”

Sean nodded. “But don’t you think she’ll get over it, too, in time? I mean, you wanted to open a big boutique and it didn’t work out. You’re still happy, aren’t you?”

“Well, of course I am. But I’m doing what God designed me to do—I believe the art studio is His will for me.” Beth released a huff of aggravation. “Trina isn’t being given a choice to find God’s will. She’s just being forced to do her parents’ will. That isn’t right.”

“Well. . .” Sean nibbled the lower edge of his mustache as he turned the vehicle onto Highway 56.

Beth yanked her hand from his and folded her arms across her chest. “What do you mean, ‘Well. . .’?”

“Honey, don’t get testy. Don’t you think we’ve argued enough over Trina?”

At his reasonable tone, Beth melted a bit. “I don’t want to argue. But she’s my friend. I care about her. I want to see the bubbly, cheerful, full-of-life Trina return. And as long as people are trying to force her into a role she isn’t meant to fill, we might never see that side of her again.”

Sean shook his head. “I don’t know, Beth. I understand what you’re saying, but you have to remember these people have a lot of rules to live by, and those rules are important to them. I don’t see how Trina would have been completely happy going through with her plans if it meant censure from the community and her family.”

Beth sat in silence, digesting Sean’s statement. All the years her mother had spent away from Sommerfeld were years of censure. She knew there were times her mother had been sad, even though she had tried to hide it. Now that she was back in Sommerfeld, living as an accepted member of the fellowship, her contentment was evident. Maybe Sean was right, and it was best that Trina didn’t pursue veterinary training without her family’s approval.

Sean patted her hand. “Beth, I admire your concern for Trina. But what you’re suggesting means breaking a generations-long rule. I don’t see that happening.”

“I don’t, either,” Beth said, sorrow rising with the recognition. “But it just seems to me that people should be more important than rules.”

Sean brought the car to a stop in front of Henry and Marie Braun’s bungalow. Beth looked out the window and released a sigh. Troy Muller’s car was parked along the curb.

“We don’t have to go in, you know,” Sean said.

Beth grimaced. “Yes, we do. Mom’s expecting us. And I want to see Theo and Dori. I don’t get enough time with them.” Just thinking about spending time with her twin siblings gave her heart a lift.

“Then let’s go.”

Beth met Sean by the hood of the car, and they linked hands as they walked up to the porch. Without bothering to knock, Beth pushed the screen door open and called, “Hey, where are the munchkins?”

The patter of feet on hardwood floors told of the twins’ approach, and Beth laughed as she crouched down to catch the giggling toddlers.

“Whiz–beff! Whiz–beff!” the dark-haired pair chorused, clinging to Beth’s neck and trying to climb onto her knees. Their childish attempts to pronounce her given name of Lisbeth made Beth laugh.

“What about me?” Sean asked, and the two immediately abandoned Beth to reach chubby hands to Sean.

Beth straightened as her mother approached, arms outstretched. “Hi, Mom.” Beth returned Mom’s hug then smiled at Henry, who entered the room. “Hi, Dad.” She released her mother to accept her stepfather’s hug, relishing the freedom of stepping into his embrace without embarrassment. “Are we late?”

Henry captured Theo, and Mom scooped up a wriggling Dori. On the way to the kitchen, Henry spoke over his shoulder. “We were ready to strap the twins into their highchairs when they heard you, so you’re just in time.”

Mom added, “Troy and Deborah are already here with Tony and Trina.”

Beth shot Sean a quick look, and he slung his arm across her shoulders. They entered the kitchen, and Beth pasted on a smile as she let her gaze drift over each member of the Muller family. None of them smiled back. Not even Trina. Beth’s stomach clenched.

Henry had put an extra leaf in the table to accommodate the guests. Beth and Sean sat next to Trina on one side of the table, with Troy, Deborah, and Tony on the opposite side. Mom and Henry each swung a twin into a waiting highchair; then they sat down, and everyone joined hands for Henry’s prayer. Beth noticed Trina’s hand felt moist, and it trembled. Her heart lurched in sympathy. Why couldn’t her family see the harm they were inflicting?

Henry ended the prayer with “Amen,” and Theo immediately began pounding on his highchair tray. Henry caught the little boy’s hands. “Patience, son.” Theo obediently clasped his hands and waited.

Serving bowls circled the table, and spoons clacked food onto plates. The smell of roast beef, carrots, and potatoes was tantalizing, but Beth had a hard time swallowing, aware of the steely glares coming from Troy and Deborah.

Trina, on her left, pushed the food around her plate rather than eating, her head downcast, her voice silent as conversation took place between the older adults. Sean contributed occasionally, but the cotton in Beth’s mouth kept her silent, as well.

“So, Beth,” Henry said as he buttered a crusty roll, “when do you plan to add the showroom to the studio?”

Beth put down her fork. “We had hoped to get the construction started next spring, but we may put it off a bit longer. I need to have two more employees in place to help with the windows before I can even think about additional projects for the showroom.”

“But the Internet sales are going well on the suncatchers, aren’t they?” Henry took a bite, his attentive gaze on Beth’s face.

“They’re going great,” Sean answered for Beth, giving her hand a squeeze. The pride in his voice made Beth smile. “Not to mention the consigned pieces she ships all over the United States.”