Blind Passion (5 page)

For the first time in a while, I locked the steel door. The clang of it closing echoed around the shelter like a bell. The sudden total quiet and lack of breeze felt stifling after being outside. My lungs struggled to draw each breath. I wasn’t sure I could do this anymore, live in my burrow all alone.

I fixed breakfast, cleaned up, showered, paced around and finally threw myself into my chair to await their return. I tried to read but my mind couldn’t focus on what my fingers read.

What if they didn’t return
?

I paced some more.

What if that howl was from more beasts, and Derek and Jay are hurt, and they need me
?

I wasn’t going to cower here in the silent stillness. Not anymore, never again. I’d lose it for sure if I tried.

When I opened the door again, warm air filled my lungs with the fragrance of wild flowers, grass and life. Soft sounds caressed my ears like the finest music. The slight breeze felt like a lover’s caress. Come what may, I would wait for them here.

My mind wandered to last night and the pleasure they had brought me. I dozed as I did so often to pass the time, lost in my daydreams, shutting out the panic threatening to smother me.

A loud growl roused me from my dreams. I jumped up just in time to be slammed against the wall of the shed. A short scream tore from my throat, and I struggled against the clawed hands that held me. Snarls and growls filled my ears and terror my heart.

“Derek! Jay!” I cried out, hoping they might hear me and come to my rescue.

“Right here, Pretty.” Derek growled against my face.

I froze. “Derek? Wh-why?”

“I told you to stay inside, Pretty. Any beast could have snuck up on you sitting out here. You endangered yourself.” He punctuated each point with a flex of his hand, digging sharp claws into my shoulder.

“You’re hurting me, Derek. Please.”

“Another beast would do far worse. Why didn’t you obey me?” I let out a shaky breath and tried to relax. His grip loosened so his claws no longer bit into my shoulder. “You were gone so long. I got worried.”

“And sitting here making a target of yourself helped with that how?” Damn, how could they possibly understand? But he was right, I had made a target of myself. “I just couldn’t… It’s so quiet down there, so very still. Like… like a tomb. I can’t stand it anymore.”

“You’d rather risk your life?” Jay sounded just as pissed as Derek.

“I know the danger.” I shrugged. That seemed the wrong thing to do. Derek pulled me away from the wall only to slam me back against it.

“You will not risk yourself like this again! Next time we have to leave you
will
stay inside.”

Just who the hell did he think he was? “You don’t own me, Derek.”
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He snarled right up against my ear. “We are a pack, and I am pack leader. You will do as I say.” He shook me again, and fangs closed on the side of my neck.

I gasped in a breath, frozen in fear. Would he tear out my throat? What did I do now? On a hunch, I let out as much tension as I could, just as I had the first time he’d pinned me. The bite turned to a lick and kiss that shivered all the way down my spine to my core.

He stepped back. “Let’s get inside.”

* * *

The smell hit me like a punch to the gut as soon as we closed the outer door.

“What on earth did you bring in here?” It smelled a week dead.

The soft snort sounded like Jay but Derek answered. “Just our things, Pretty. You said something about showing us how to do laundry?” Their clothes smelled that bad? Wow, it was giving me a headache.

While they worked on washing, I slipped back up the stairs and opened both the blast door and hidden panel. I locked the shed door for what it was worth. It’d at least keep animals out and slow any beasts down long enough for us to take action. The smell was making me sick, and I wanted whatever fresh air I could get. I even considered starting up the generator to run the fans but decided against it. There just wasn’t enough gas.

I set out all the canned and dried goods they brought but couldn’t put them in place until I knew what each one was. Mis-sorted food made for some interesting and not always tasty surprises.

They’d killed a couple of rabbits and a squirrel. Fortunately, they’d cleaned and skinned them elsewhere. I had no idea how to do any of that, but as long as I was careful, I could cut the carcasses up into chunks small enough to stew. Mother taught me the traditional way, saying it would not only be easier for me but cooking the bones added nutrients.

I found they’d stuffed something that felt like the liver and other organs back in the bodies. Carefully, I cut those up too. I had a nice stew going by the time the guys
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were done. Next time I’d ask them to try to find me some new spices… if there was a next time.

We sat at the counter, me in the middle. This time, Derek was on my left. “You were gone a long time. Have any trouble?” I hadn’t meant to ask, but it slipped out. For a few minutes I thought they weren’t going to answer.

“Not really, Pretty. It’s just a ways to the stores and then we searched some houses.”

“Yeah, the stores had been picked over pretty good. We did score some lamp oil.

No gas, though.” Jay sounded almost apologetic.

“But you didn’t, ah, see any other… people? Or… guys.”

“You mean beasts like us? No.”

I got the feeling there was a lot he wasn’t saying. “So there aren’t any others around here? It’s safe for me to be outside?”

“No. It’s not safe.” Derek sounded so sure.

“Why? I mean, if there aren’t any beasts about… Did you see wild dogs or something?”

Derek sighed. “We didn’t see any beasts, but we did see signs. Could be a pack that doesn’t get to this part of their territory every day.” What weren’t they telling me? “The signs, were they fresh or could you tell?”

“Hard to say. But we did take time to make sure we didn’t leave a clear trail back here. You just never know when roamers will turn up.”

“Roamers. That means they don’t stay in one place? Have a set territory?”

“Yeah, like us. Some packs have permanent dens. Others just roam around, looking for food and stuff,” Jay cheerfully added.

My heart sank. They moved around all the time. I wondered how long they would stay.

“And that type is usually the meanest, the roamers. They’ll tear into anyone they find. So stay inside when I tell you to. We can’t predict when a pack of roamers will pass by.” There was Derek’s alpha dog voice again.

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I sighed. “Okay. I will.”
At least as long as you’re here
. I decided to change the subject. “Find any good stuff?”

“Hell, yeah. We found the lamp oil at one of the stores and then checked out some houses on our way back. Found one with some really well-stored food, flour, even!”

“Wow, that’s a good score.” We had some dehydrated milk. If it was still good, we could have pancakes.

“Didn’t find any gasoline, though.” Derek sounded… frustrated. Or maybe regretful? Damn, so hard to read these guys by their voices.

“So where were you staying?”

“In a house just up the hill from here. We could sit on the roof and see a long way. Which is how we spotted you, Pretty. And if we could see you, so could some of those nasty roamers.”

“I got it, Derek. Really.” Though why they cared I had no idea. But I wanted them to care. Wanted them to stay.

While we ate they shared stories about their adventures of the last few years. Jay had a gift for storytelling and making me and Derek laugh.

Most of the time, I could forget they weren’t quite human.

* * *

After dinner I asked them to identify all the supplies they brought so I could get them put away.

“Hey, we can do that, Pretty.”

“It’s better if I do it. I need to remember what you tell me and where it goes. You wouldn’t want canned chili mixed with your canned fruit, would you?”

“You can do that, remember where everything is?”

“You’d be surprised what you can do when you have no choice.” I felt no small amount of pride that I had survived here by myself for months. I had them identify each thing as I put it away. “Flour goes on this shelf. And you said you found some canned fruit? That goes here.”

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“And Spam! We found plenty of Spam.”

Go, Spam. The ground beef of the new world. “That goes here.” And so it went until we had it all put away.

After we finished sorting the canned goods, we moved to the seating area. I found myself surrounded by the men, Jay to my left and Derek on my right. They were naked, and Derek’s long hair felt damp.

“Washed
all
your clothes and showered too?” Derek stroked a finger down my arm. “Figured while we were at it might as well. It’s not like we have a lot of clothes.”

“I get the feeling you haven’t been able to wash often.” They both snickered. “Hard to keep things clean when all you have is a shallow creek or a muddy runoff pond and nothing to wash with or in.” Derek sounded amused.

“Oh.” I hadn’t given their living conditions much thought.

“We move around a lot. That stuff is too hard to carry.” Jay sounded a little sad.

“We don’t stay in one place too long. Either we hunt out all the prey or run across signs of other beasts. Most of them would kill us on sight.” Derek growled loudly. “Even if they’d let us join their pack, the bastards can’t be trusted. One sign of weakness, and they’ll turn on you like the rabid beasts they are.”

“None of them? Not one of them is like the two of you? You know, more human-like?”

After a painful pause, Derek responded more evenly. “Maybe there are, but we don’t really want to join a bigger pack. We got each other, right, Jay?” A wash of sadness welled up inside me. I still didn’t belong. They had a pack of two. What did they need a ball and chain around their ankles for? Like soap, I would be too hard to carry when they moved on.

“Hey, Pretty, why so sad looking?” Jay seemed to read my moods far too well.

But then he probably needed to read his alpha well to avoid conflicts.

I shook my head and made myself smile.

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“Missing your pack? Your sister, right?” Jay’s hand stroked lazily up and down my arm.

“Yeah, I guess.” That was part of it. I didn’t know how I could stand being alone again after they left. I stuffed those thoughts away. I set my hand on a bare thigh.

“There might be some sweats you could pull on in the store room. We stocked stuff for my brother. Some of it might fit OK.”

“You have a brother? What happened to him?” Derek sounded almost angry.

Jealous, maybe?

“He got sick. The sickness killed my father but Zan disappeared. Jian and I never knew what happened to him.”

“Just as well he left. I remember seeing some right after they changed. Those are the craziest and most vicious bastards. Real animals.” Derek stroked a soothing hand across my head.

Being blind made it so easy to forget they weren’t quite human anymore. But did they really look like animals? Did I dare ask them to let me touch them that way?

Most people found it odd and very intimate to let me run hands over their faces.

How much more intimate could we get at this point? God knows they’d touched most of me.

“What’s up, Pretty?” Derek’s hand brushed mine, stroking a finger down the back of my hand.

“Nothing, just…” I hesitated, afraid they would deny me.

“Just what?”

“Can I touch you? Your faces, that’s how I see things.” I held my breath.

“Sure. Let’s get more comfortable first.” He drew me up.

Their idea of comfortable? Naked. On the bed. They guided me into the middle of the bed and stretched out on either side of me.

Derek took my hand and set it on him. I rolled to my knees and knelt beside him.

Smooth-faced after his shower. He’d shaved again. A long, strong jaw with a firm chin.

I felt it again, a very long jaw and narrow, firm chin.

He kissed the tips of my fingers as I lightly touched his lips -- a little thin, maybe? But smiling, and the sexy whine they made when happy vibrated from deep inside. I really wished I could see. The shape felt odd, but not like a dog’s snout.

“Can I feel your fangs?”
Geeze, just stick your hand in the lion’s mouth
!

A moment of silence, then his jaw parted. I’d had a guide dog once. Derek’s teeth definitely felt canine in shape, but longer than my dog’s. His tongue swept around my fingers. That felt longer too. And very agile. A shiver of lust ran through me thinking what he could do with that tongue.

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I followed his longer nose. Strong, with a bump like maybe it’d been broken. I cupped the sides of his face, feeling his cheeks. Smooth, full without being fat, maybe just a hint of a baby face? I hesitated at his eyes. “What color are your eyes?”

“Yellow.”

I nodded; I’d forgotten all the beasts had yellow or gold eyes.

“Why’d you want to know what color his eyes are?”

“I wasn’t born blind. A car accident injured my optic nerves when I was twelve.”

“Oh, that sucks.”

Understatement of the year, Jay
. I continued across Derek’s bushy eyebrows that arched over his deep-set eyes. I swept my hands up to his hairline, a widow’s peak I think in the middle. Silky, but lord, there was a lot of it! “What color is your hair?”

“Brown.”

“Just brown? Light or dark? Any highlights?”

A long pause, I figured, filled with the two guys staring at his hair.

“Um, lighter than yours or Jay’s but not, you know, blond,” was Derek’s final verdict.