Blinding Light (The Bloodmarked Trilogy Book 2) (7 page)

He shook his head in surrender, and we headed up the elevator to the sixty-first floor. We both showered and, luckily, I had some clothes left in the guest room from when I stayed here. I shoved my remaining things into a weekender bag I found. Digging out the charm bracelet from my jeans pocket reminded me of a stop I would have to make before leaving town.

Gavin was waiting for me in the kitchen with several glasses full of blood from the supply he kept in his fridge. I didn’t wait for him before throwing one back. By the third one, I noticed him standing there watching me like a total creeper.

“You’re not having any?” I asked curiously.

“I’m good.”

A beat of silence passed. “Wait, wait, wait. So you’re telling me, not only do you walk in the sun, but you don’t need blood either?”

I’ve never seen him drink blood, except for when he was trying to save the girl at the club by sucking out the lethal drugs in her system. But I always had my suspicions, and I knew without him saying the words that he didn’t need it.

“Not anymore,” he answered. And that was all he had to say about that.

“How? How do I learn how to live without cravings?”

“Who said I don’t have cravings?” he asked around a wicked smirk and winked to drive his horny-boy point home.

When he saw my serious face, he smoothed his features and continued. “It’s not something you can learn. I still can’t even piece together what happened. It just happened.”

“I’m never going to fully understand you, am I?” I asked, defeated.

“Do you really want to?” he asked.

I looked into his eyes in search of the answer to that hot topic. I did want to get to know him, but only if it was what he wanted, too. And I, of course, had no idea what he wanted. Again, this was not something that took priority.

Instead of answering his question, I moved on to the next issue. “I have to run a couple errands before leaving town.”

“Where do you need to go?”

I grabbed for my bracelet, knowing there was one person I still had to talk to. “I need to find Helen Lancaster. My mom knew her, and she left a photograph on my mother’s grave. I think she meant for me to find it. I think she has answers for me. There was an address on the back of the picture I want to check out.”

Gavin looked away, rubbing the stubble along his jaw. “Helen,” he said, and I was immediately suspicious. There was something else he never shared with me.

I clenched my jaw shut and crossed my arms over my chest, staring him down in hopes of intimidating the truth out of him.

He sighed reluctantly. “Lucy, it’s not what you’re thinking. I know that look. I know it all too well, but I wasn’t hiding anything from you. Not purposely, anyway. It just hadn’t come up yet. I wasn’t keeping it from you intentionally, and I was actually going to take you to see her later.” He paused to measure my mood.

“I’m listening. Please continue,” I encouraged before taking a deep calming breath.

I knew there were logical reasons for leaving me in the dark, but the memory of him keeping so many secrets still stung. I had to remind myself that he also promised he wouldn’t hide things pertaining to me anymore. He just hadn’t had much time to uphold said promise since making it.

Studying me briefly, he reached out his hand for me to take. I raised a questioning eyebrow but accepted it. His big hand engulfed my dainty one, and he threaded his fingers through mine before tugging me behind him toward the cozy, sunken living room, which was open to the kitchen.

It was such a simple gesture between two people who were finally comfortable around each other. But the skin to skin contact did a whole lot more to my internal environment, hinting at a relationship that was anything but simple.

He pulled me in front of the big, beige couch and gently pushed me into its plush cushions. I immediately missed his touch. Among the chaos it caused inside me, there was also tranquility at the core.

He proceeded to take his seat in the chair next to the couch and faced me with his elbows resting on his knees and his hands clasped in front of him. “There, this should help,” he said.

My lips tipped up at the corners. These were always our usual spots whenever we discussed business in the past. It was a gesture meant to placate me, indicating he would answer any questions I had. He knew from past experience just how deep my temper ran, but honestly, after the crap we’ve both been through recently, his unintentional omissions barely scratched the surface of my temper. It definitely would have landed him a fist in the face before, so I understood where his concern was coming from, but I trusted him now.

“I’m calm. I swear. Stop looking at me like I’m going to overreact,” I told him.

He still appeared skeptical, but smiled despite himself. “Forgive me for expecting some sort of overreaction from you, Lucille. You’re usually so prone to things like reason and sensibility,” he said with a spoonful of sarcasm.

So it was back to Lucille? Yep, it was business time.

“You looked like I was about to throw your kitten in the bathtub and then drop a toaster in it. I was never that bad, was I?” I asked cautiously, glancing at my hands folded on my lap.

I didn’t need to hear his answer. I was that bad. But if he was going to shove it back in my face, I was totally blaming him for at least half of my anger. Most of our arguments could have been avoided if he hadn’t kept so much from me.

My gaze boldly found his, and he was looking at me like I had become the mysterious one. “I know better than to comment on that last part, but, Lucy, you’ve definitely changed, haven’t you?”

“Yeah, I guess becoming a bloodsucking monster really puts things into perspective. I’ve learned to pick my battles more carefully since I have a few other matters to worry about now.”

He gave me a funny look, and he was fighting a smile.

“What?” I asked defensively.

He continued to stare.

“I want it on record how far I’ve come. That was a very mature response, if I do say so myself, and I want it noted,” I demanded.

“Oh, trust me, it’s been noted,” he said with amusement lighting his eyes.

“Now, will you quit stalling and tell me how you know Helen,” I said, trying to get back on topic.

“Yes, mam,” he replied, still ginning like the village idiot. The look he gave me made me squirm. He looked so happy and carefree. He looked younger. I thought I glimpsed pride in his eyes and a hell of a lot more.

Schooling his features, he added, “I’ve known Helen for a while, almost twenty years. I met her after you were born. Your mother mentioned her. She told me she could answer any questions I had about you. She always intended for you to meet Helen when you were ready to.”

I held up my wrist, flashing the charm bracelet at him. “Yeah, I kind of got that from her initials tattooed on Raphael’s wings,” I said, fiddling with it.

I ran a thumb over the angel with the hidden initials. Adjacent to that was another angel with my initials on it. I watched the light play off the grooves and indentions, moving my wrist back and forth. Gavin’s voice coaxed my attention back to him.

“That night I never came back to the apartment, I had to stay with her, because I knew there were assassins close and didn’t want to lead them back to you.”

An irrational wave of jealousy smashed into me. If I hadn’t been sitting, it probably would have bowled me over. She had to be in her forties if she was my mother’s age. Then again, Gavin was born in the 1800’s but had a twenty-year-old body. I wasn’t sure if I wanted the answer, but I had to ask.

“What were you doing at her place?”

He shot me a shrewd smirk. “Well, it wasn’t what you accused me of the next night if that’s what you’re thinking.”

I may have insinuated he spent the night giving it to whatever girl was giving him information. “I wasn’t thinking that at all,” I lied.

He leaned closer, and I did the same. I wouldn’t back down. “You do remember that I can sense when you’re lying, right?” he asked. He looked way too smug.

I plastered a sweet smile on my face and leaned even closer, separating our noses by only inches. “The more you open your mouth, the harder it is for me to maintain this newfound level of maturity. So why don’t you go ahead and answer the question before I wipe that grin off your face with my fist?”

I may have learned when to pick my battles, but that didn’t mean I wouldn’t pick them. My patience hasn’t improved much, nor has my need for a good fight.

His smile stayed in place a few more seconds until he conceded. He leaned back and gave that round to me before regaining his business-like persona. “I went there to figure out what to do. We needed a plan in case the assassins found you and we had to get out of town fast.”

“Well? Did you come up with something? Is there a place we can go?” I asked.

His eyes froze slightly, and when he spoke, his voice hardened. “There is a place. We should discuss this with Helen, though.”

His tone made me uncomfortable. There was no hint of the happy, carefree boy from a moment ago or of the joking, flirtatious guy I spent the night with in the tiny bubblegum bedroom. The smiles were replaced with distance. He had the strange look I glimpsed earlier, like he was actively trying to keep me at arm’s length. It could only mean one thing.

Another secret. Deep breath in. I wondered how long it would take me to punch him.

“You said you had errands to run. What else did you need to do?” he asked.

All thoughts of secrets dissipated, replaced by sadness. I took a steadying breath and answered, “I have to say goodbye to Holly.”

His hard expression softened. He looked as if he might try to comfort me but thought twice about it. Clearing his throat to dislodge any sympathetic words stuck there, he continued.

“I need to take care of some things here. I have to get my affairs in order and make sure my property manager and accountant can handle things while I’m gone. I shouldn’t take more than an hour. If you want to go to the cemetery, I can pick you up when I’m finished and we can go to Helen’s together.”

“Works for me,” I said, jumping up. We had a lot to do before nightfall, and I didn’t want to disrespect Chief Beckett by wearing out my welcome. I think I’ve done enough damage here.

Holly was buried in a small cemetery across town where her family members rested. This place was a major contrast to my usual hideout. No large, over-the-top statues or monuments adorned the grounds. Plain rows of understated headstones blended together to create dull uniformity.

It was so unlike Holly. She was born to stand out with a bold personality and one of those presences that people took notice of the as soon as she walked into a room. She deserved more than this. Better than this. She deserved more time to make her mark on this world, because I know she would have.

I searched among the look-alike headstones for a good fifteen minutes before finally finding the row of Becketts. She was at the end of it. The shade from the large maple nearby would sparsely reach her in the summer when it bloomed full and lush.

Her epitaph read
Loving Daughter and Friend.
Too generic. Whoever picked those words could have added some originality. She was befitting of so much more.

I stopped in front of the stone and opened my mouth, but no parting words came to mind. A few awkward seconds later, I decided to plant my butt on the cold, upturned dirt and curl up with her awhile in silent reflection.

The unyielding sun bore down on the earth and glinted off the newer, more pristine grave markers. The ground was bare, showing no signs of recent snow, but the freshly packed mound where I perched was frozen solid.

It slowly thawed under my rear end. When I closed my eyes, the city noise faded, and my focus shifted to the breeze blowing gently across my face.

It was a welcomed sting. My raised temperature provided protection from the cold, but the bite of it against my oversensitive nerves radiated through my body, leaving a wake of small shivers. I wore jeans with a zip-up hoodie covering a cream colored thermal, but the temperature was in the single digits, so I didn’t have much longer before the frost permeated my skin.

Twisting my head back and forth, I slowly and purposely observed my surroundings. The environment served as a distraction, buying me time to avoid facing what was right in front of me, but the pull of my guilt and sorrow was too strong and impossible to ignore.

Several quiet minutes passed before I finally owned up to my reality. Holly. Memories of that tragic night slammed into me, and I let them bulldoze me over, because I needed the full impact of it to remind me what I lost. I needed to remember my anger and rage, my helplessness and remorse, so I would fight even harder in the future to never experience that kind of loss again. That night was my ultimate low.

The fear in her voice cracking through her tough exterior will haunt me forever. It wasn’t fair. She hadn’t done anything to merit such an awful and abrupt end. She was a good person. The best person I know…
Knew
.

God, thinking of her in the past tense was worse than the spike that pierced my back on that same tragic night. But it was a bitter reminder of my last promise to her.

“Hol, I swear you won’t recognize me by the end of my reformation. You might even regret wanting me to change,” I vowed.

A breathy laugh escaped. Hell, I might regret it more than once before all is said and done.

She always wanted more for me than I did. Holly wanted me to stop pretending to live and actually live, so I pledged to never deny my human side again. Come to think of it, I already regretted it. Raw emotion was a bitch.

It threatened to crush me with the pressure of a car compactor. Emotional pain was so much worse than physical pain. It didn’t disappear or heal rapidly like my flesh wounds could. It was lasting and left scars that weren’t visible but could be seen by anyone looking close enough. All I could do was cover them and let time do its thing to mend me.

After the last of my tears dried, I picked my chilled butt up off the ground and gave one more glance over my shoulder at the headstone. I wanted to tell her how much she really meant to me because I never said it out loud. I wanted to tell her she made me more human than I felt most days. I wanted to thank her for her unwavering friendship over the past few years. I wanted to tell her a million things, but that wasn’t what came out.

“I’m an ugly crier, I’ll have you know. And I blame you for that.”

My first ever tear fell in some sketchy back alley after her death. A death I couldn’t prevent.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

The sound of a throat clearing startled me back to the present. Gavin stood at the edge of the cemetery. I never heard him approach and wondered how long he’d been there, patiently waiting for me to finish. When I neared, his face remained hard like stone, but his eyes were bright and searching mine for any sign of tears.

Luckily, I was able to push back most of the pain. As nice as it would be to lean on him for support, I had to stay strong and deal with this myself. I couldn’t start looking to him for help and protection in every perilous situation I encountered. The last thing I wanted to become was a burden or a weakness to him. Worse obstacles loomed ahead, and I had to be prepared to face them,
alone
if it kept others out of danger. So I forced the lingering grief back into the farthest corner of my mind where all unpleasant things sat locked away.

When he determined I wasn’t in need of rescuing, he turned toward the car parked a mere five feet away on the side of the road. He still hadn’t spoken, so I broke the silence.

“I have to leave town as soon as possible.” We already discussed this, but voicing it helped me cope with the urgency of it.

He didn’t look in my direction as he climbed into the driver’s seat and put his sunglasses on. I just stared at him, unable to help myself when it came down to it. He was a gorgeous specimen, but nothing compared to seeing him now.

“What?” he finally asked, sensing my not-so-stealthy perusal. He kept his eyes on the road as we drove further away from the cemetery.

“It’s daytime,” I explained, rather precisely.

His brow arched, and I noticed a tiny twitch at the corner of his mouth. “So it is,” he replied plainly.

“Well, it’s one thing to find out you can stand under the sun but another thing to actually see it.” And, boy, was it ever a sight to see in broad daylight. The image tattooed itself on my brain. Worse than a tramp stamp. This was the type of permanent brand that ruins a girl.

I could use a hobby, or a few vampires to kill.

His smile never fully emerged, but I could tell he struggled to keep it at bay. He allowed me to gawk awhile before he spoke again.

“Everything’s arranged. We should arrive at Helen’s shortly.”

And with that, the silence stretched out, along with the strange new distance between us.

†

The nagging feeling like something was changing followed me all the way to Helen’s place. We pulled up along the curb in front of her apartment, and I paused before exiting the car. I merely sought some kind of reassurance Gavin was still on my side. A distraction from everything that’s happened or was about to happen would also be nice. Maybe I wasn’t ready for it.

He stopped with his hand on the door handle and gave me a questioning glance. Finally snagging his attention, I asked, “Can we just sit here another minute?”

His gaze softened, and he relaxed back into his seat. “Sure.”

“Will you talk to me? About anything. I don’t care. Tell me about your day. Tell me about how you saved my life again.”

The last time he tried telling me about his heroics on the night I was born, I got a little pissed at him and couldn’t quite think clearly.

He let out a hesitant sigh before delving into the topic. “Your heartbeat was fading so fast when I approached your mother. We both knew what was about to happen. The only thing that I could think to do was something I thought was impossible. When I suggested it to your mother, she said, ‘Do it. It’ll work.’ We didn’t have much time, so I drank from her to get more of her blood out of her system so that she could take my blood and it would get to you faster. I wasn’t sure of anything, but then I caught glimpses of her thoughts. It was like your blood was aiding this connection between us. I saw her fears of losing you, her intentions for you. I even saw some of her memories.”

“That makes a bit more sense now. When you told me all those things she had explained to you, I wondered how she was so chatty on her deathbed. I thought they were embellished sentiments that you made up to convince me you were innocent,” I admitted.

“Well, I didn’t. So score another one for me for telling you the truth,” he deadpanned.

Then, the most glorious thing happened. A smiled cracked through the stony façade. It was that wide, boyish smile I haven’t seen in ages. And it was infectious. I couldn’t stop mine from growing to match his.

“And you’re not an ugly crier.”

“Eavesdropper!” I accused.

He shrugged unapologetically. “I told you before. Your emotions are beautiful.”

All fears of a growing distance between us disappeared. He was with me now, in this moment. I never realized the intensity of this pull he had on me. I knew I had feelings for the guy. I could at least admit that, but I never knew what a calming effect he had on me. It was a little terrifying to be that connected to someone, on an almost cellular level. His moods had the power to dictate mine, in more ways than just our typical arguments. I needed things to be good between us, or at least right between us. I could handle his bossy, pain in the ass side, as long as he didn’t close himself off from me.

“Lucy,” he said after the smile faded to a dull grin. “I have to tell you something else. I knew Helen before I came across your mother.”

Oh, hell no. I was 98 percent sure I did not want to hear this.

Stay calm, Lucy.

It’s not like he hasn’t been with women before. I mean, for as long as he’s been around, there’s no way he wouldn’t have been-

“Relax,” he interrupted my inner jealous girl rant to give me the ‘I know what you’re thinking’ look I loathed so much. “I didn’t actually know her. I knew of her. It was the reason I was in the area when your mother was leaving her apartment. I was coming to meet her.”

He looked like he had a lot to say but couldn’t decide where to start. Before he opened his mouth to continue, there was a sharp rap on my window that sent me flying out of my chair like when someone forgets to put the seat down on a toilet.

Outside my door stood a willowy woman in a pantsuit with shoulder-length blond hair, streaked lightly with grey. She was an attractive woman and appeared to be in her early forties. I instantly recognized her from the picture I retrieved at my mother’s gravesite.

She waited patiently for us to join her on the sidewalk. I climbed out of the car slowly and stood before Helen Lancaster, the only other connection, besides Gavin, that I had to my mother.

“You two going to stand outside my apartment all day like a couple of prowlers. or would you like to come in and chat? I just got off work and was running a little late, but I saw the car from the window before I had a chance to change. Come in and I’ll make you something to eat while I clean up,” she said with a friendly smile.

Gavin shared my shocked expression at her social folly.

“It was a joke, more of an expression, really. I’m aware you don’t eat,” she added, looking straight at me. “I’m sorry, where are my manners? We never officially met, but I feel like I know you already. I’m Helen,” she said, reaching out for my hand.

I shook her hand and wondered when my voice would return to me. You’d think she was a celebrity with the dumbstruck expression I must have been sporting. I cleared my throat before things got too awkward and released her hand.

“I’m Lucy. I just recently found out about you, so I don’t know much about you at all,” I admitted.

“Yes, well, you only found out about me because I wanted you to. I’m part of a pretty secretive group. But I’ll explain everything inside. Come on. I know the cold doesn’t bother you too much, but I’m freezing out here.”

She hurried us inside and turned the dial on the thermostat, blasting the apartment with heat. One glance around and I noted every tiny detail of the small one-bedroom.

The kitchen was about the same size as the living room and had just as many books and newspaper clippings lying around. Each one was related to strange, abnormal phenomenon. Several bookcases lined the far wall of the living room, brimming with titles relating to mythology and genealogy. There was a tiny nook by the window on the back wall of the same room. It housed a petite desk that was littered with more of the same.

After motioning us to the living room and telling us to make ourselves comfortable, I opted for one end of the grey, micro suede couch. Gavin took the chair next to me and angled it outward to give himself more leg room. He went quiet again, which, in turn, put me on edge.

The panic caused by the reality that was forced upon me was threatening to take hold again. I jumped when warm breath stirred the hair around my ear.

His lips brushed against it as he whispered, “Don’t worry. She’ll explain everything. It’s going to be fine. You can trust her.”