Blinding Trust (7 page)

Chapter 9

Savanna

I was more than hurt.

I was angry.

I felt betrayed and like I was losing my hold on my own family. It felt like I was being pushed to the side, after devoting my whole life to being Noah’s mother. The pain ripped through my heart, leaving me feeling so alone inside.

I sat out on the porch, in the dark, for the longest time. Colt wasn’t too keen on me getting overemotional. He said that I needed to stop wearing my heart on my sleeve and grow a backbone. I couldn’t help that I was a sensitive kind of person.

After all that I’d been through, I just couldn’t find an easy way to change. Sure, I was better than before, but when it came to one of my children, it was a different story.

I slept on the couch, trying to avoid looking at my husband, after he’d made a major decision without including me in it. It was true, I didn’t have custody or adoption papers for Noah. I should have gotten them a long time ago, but we never thought anyone would ever bother us about it. We shared the same last name and had been so open to Noah about Krista.

The next morning, I focused on getting the kids ready for school. Colt tried to be nice, but I ignored him as much as possible. I knew he was trying to do the right thing. I wasn’t mad at him for his decision. I was mad because he left me out of it.

When
the kids were gone and Colt had gone off to work, I did what I did every time I needed someone to talk to.

I called the salon.

Scissor Sounds this is Amy.

It’s Van. I need to vent. Are you busy?

Miranda isn’t coming in today. She and Ty took the kids to the zoo. I don’t have a client for the next thirty minutes. What’s up? You okay?

How are you even working
, being so pregnant?

I’m used to it. I sit whenever I don’t have a client, so it isn’t so bad.

Plus, you could always walk into the house and take a nap, I guess.

That’s right! So what’s up?

Well, you know Zeke came over to visit with Noah, right?

Yeah, what you didn’t tell me, Conner filled me in.

After it went so horribly, Zeke called his lawyer and had him threaten us with visitation rights.

What?

Yep. He knew we would be left with no other options.

You could have let
it go to court and proved he wasn’t fit to have visitation.

Our lawyer told Colt that he could buy the win. Do you believe that? He said it would cost us too much and we may not win. Either way Noah would have to get to know Zeke.

So, what are you going to do?

Colt is going with him when he visits.

Are you for real?

Yeah. I don’t even know what to say to him right now. I feel like I have no say at all.

Van, I’m sorry you are going through this. I hate when things happen that we can’t control. I’m here if you need anything.

I know. I think I just needed someone to tell me that I wasn’t just being a selfish bitch.

You aren’t. You have raised that child as your own. You have every right to be concerned and feel what you feel.

Thanks, Amy. I better get off of here. I have a
doctor’s appointment this morning.

Okay. I hope your day gets better. Love ya!

Love you, too.

It took me no time at all to get a shower and leave for my
doctor’s appointment. I had avoided going and rescheduled my annual pap test for two months. Just the thought of those cold metal forceps spreading me open made me cringe. I think my mind made it much worse than it actually was. At any rate, I still hated getting it done.

The waiting room was filled with pregnant women. I thought about Amy being pregnant and even considered missing that feeling. Then I remembered child birth and even what Miranda had gone through. After having the twins, Miranda had her tubes tied. It was to prevent her having to go through a dangerous pregnancy. I don’t think she cared. They had three healthy children and the boys were a huge handful anyway. Ty never
complained about not being able to have any more children. They were always on the same page in their marriage. Sometimes, I envied that so much, especially considering what I was going through at the moment.

When they called my name to come back, I felt that tense feeling in the pit of my stomach. The nurse showed me to my room and pointed to the sheet that I was supposed to strip down and put over my naked body. As she walked out, I turned and looked at the stirrups that my feet would soon be in.

I thought about the doctor and how many vaginas that he must look at in a single day. I didn’t know what kind of person would want that job. Sure, some women were probably attractive, but most were older and had given birth. I don’t know about them, but my vagina never looked how it did before I had kids. Colt never complained, but I was certain it had changed.

My doctor was in his forties. He was a nice man who always talked about family and hobbies while doing the exams. I appreciated that he talked about his wife and kids, but at the same time, he was still looking deep into my vagina.

Maybe I had so much on my mind that focusing on one thing was the way I was trying to cope. Either way, when he stepped into the room and stuck his cold hands under the sheet to feel my breasts, I immediately felt uncomfortable.

It didn’t help that I’d just read this erotic thriller about a doctor that seduced his patients. My mind was making me think crazy things and all I wanted to do was get dressed and get out of there.

At first, I thought it was my imagination that he was spending way too much time massaging my left breast. His eyes were focused on the wall and it didn’t seem to be turning him on at all. “Savanna, I’m going to send you to the diagnostic center to get a mammogram. I’m feeling something out of the ordinary and I just want to check it to be on the safe side.”

“I’m not even old enough
. Is it really necessary?”

“I don’t think it’s anything you have to worry about, but let’s get a better look at it.”

“Should I be worried?” I didn’t want anything to be wrong.

“No. I don’t think it’s anything. I just want to be sure.”

After documenting his findings in his computer, he shut the laptop. “The front desk will give you the paperwork to have the test done. If you can, try and schedule it when you leave today. It usually takes a couple of weeks to get an appointment.”

I was so shaken up that I almost forgot to pick up the paperwork at the front desk. I knew my doctor said not to worry, but it
was hard not to. I sat in the SUV and felt around for the whatever it was he felt. When I couldn’t feel anything out of the ordinary, it made me feel a little better. I was sure it was going to turn out to be nothing. My family had no history of breast lumps or cancer.

I decided not to tell Colt or my mother about the mammogram. They were both so worried about the Noah situation tha
t I didn’t want to concern them. Colt wouldn’t notice that it was on my mind, since we were already dealing with other problems. Plus, I didn’t want to worry the family if it wasn’t necessary. They would all band together and make the situation ten times worse than it was. Ty and Conner may even ask to do their own examination, which in turn would cause Colt to have a heart attack. Joke or no joke, he hated their crude sense of humor.

I got home a little after one, since I had to go to the grocery store. Since I’d left Colt a note telling him where I was going to be, I didn’t seem surprised when he hadn’t called to check on me.

As I started carrying the heavy bags in the front door, I saw him sleeping on the couch, with ESPN blaring. The slam of the metal door caused him to sit up straight. He jumped up and grabbed the bags out of my hands. “Is there any more?”

“Yeah, it’s in the back.”

We walked into the kitchen, where Colt left me to go get the rest of the groceries. While starting to put them away, I looked down at our large kitchen table and thought about our beautiful family. As much as I didn’t want to, I started to cry. I felt like out of nowhere everything was crumbling around me. We’d been such a perfect family, never taking one another for granted. Noah had never given me lip or a hard time. My girls were the cutest little things. I suddenly became overwhelmed thinking about us being broken.

Colt’s strong arms wrapped around my waist as I turned to face him. He held me close, not saying anything at first. After he let me get it out, he kissed the top of my head. “You know I hate when you hurt, Savanna. I wish I could make things easier for you.”

“I know. I shouldn’t be so upset about it. I just feel like I’m losing him and I hate it. He just doesn’t understand how much he means to me. The thought of losing him is just killing me inside.” It wasn’t just Noah. It was everything.

Colt kept holding me and kissing me on the top of my head. I knew he was thinking of what to say, but the words just wouldn’t come to him. He couldn’t understand what I was going through, even the parts that he knew about. Noah was always going to be his flesh and blood. “I hate to say this, darlin’, but maybe you need to talk to Ty. If anyone know
s what you’re feelin’ it’s him.”

I was utterly shocked that he would suggest that. Colt and Ty were close, but when it came to me, Colt always kept his guard up. He wasn’t jealous of our friendship, it was more like he just was aware of our history. “He will just say I’m being a baby and to get over it. You know how he is.”

“Actually, when it comes to you, I’d think he’d be pretty nice about it. He cares about you and you obviously need someone you can talk to, especially if I have to leave town. It would put my mind at ease if I knew that you had someone that understood your side of it all.”

“I appreciate that, Colt. I know you don’t like admitting that.”

“It’s water under the bridge, Savanna. You’re my wife and he is our cousin. If you can’t turn to your family then something is wrong.” Colt grabbed the rest of the groceries and started loading them up in the pantry. For just a second, I forgot about everything I was feeling and thought about being caught with him that Thanksgiving a while back. It was those moments in my life that I cherished. I could have done without the getting caught part, but the moment was unforgettable.

“You do know that after all these years, you have nothing to worry about. My whole world revolves around you and our children. I’d never stray from that.”

He cocked an eyebrow and brushed the hair out of my face as he got close. “I never said you would.”

He leaned in and kissed me, almost making me weak in the knees. His lips were powerful
persuasion for me to forget what was going on. Whenever my last breath on earth was going to be, I wanted it be in this man’s arms.

I pulled away slowly. “The kids are going to be home shortly.”

He leaned in and kissed me again. “Noah will hold their hands and start walkin’. I want you, Savanna.”

He lifted me up on the countertop and immediately started lifting my shirt over my head. Colt tugged on the cups of my bra, freeing my breasts for his lips to explore. I held my head back and let him work his magic. With each little kiss, my body went into little frenzies. I needed what was happening. My hands had reached down to unhook his belt buckle, even before my mind had told them to do it. Our lips met again, this time allowing our tongues to meet and mingle.

The room became hot as I tugged at the waist of his jeans, to loosen them enough to get his big boy out. It was already standing at attention, just ready for me to spread my legs. Colt pulled down my cotton yoga pants and underwear with one swift movement. He pulled my ass just far enough off of the counter and moved his hard erection right between my legs to my sweet spot. The more
it pressed against my eager sex, the more I burned with desire for it to be inside of me.

By making a few thrusts myself, I was able to get him positioned perfectly without even touching it.

It wasn’t like I didn’t want to touch it. I wanted to guide it in and feel it as it went in and out of me. I was dripping with anticipation of what was about to happen. When he entered me, I gasped, feeling his length overwhelming me.

His kisses became manic and I matched his movements, as even our teeth began brushing together. His hands gripped my ass cheeks and he kept them there to help better guide himself. His thrust were vigorous and his breath was
weakened when his movements increased even more.

I grabbed his hair and ran my tongue along his Adams apple. I could taste the sweat on his skin and the salty taste made me want to lick him again. My legs wrapped around his ass as I leaned back and grabbed one of my breasts, sliding my fingertips across my nipples. At first they were s
till soft, but by the time I squeezed them they were rock hard and in need of his attention. He licked his own lips before letting them coat the tip of my nipple with his saliva.

My head fell back, even as I tried to concentrate and enjoy his simple touch. He had me so turned on that I couldn’t hold back the urge to let the tension of everything go. I could feel the warmth growing between my legs. The tickles became more apparent and my legs began to lock up.