Bliss (9 page)

Carter furrowed his eyebrows. “Are you kidding me?”

I sighed, slipping my top over my head. “She’s outside. Either you open the door and let her know what is going on or you find a way for me to leave without her seeing me.”

Carter clenched his jaw and swatted the air in annoyance. “I can’t win with you.”

I bit my tongue, I wanted to scream but I knew that was a bad idea. I kept calm and stayed quiet. “
Or
let me tell her.”

He gaze flicked upward. “Let’s not go there again.”

I crossed my arms. “Fine.”

“Give me a second,” Carter shouted,
I headed down the only hallway in his apartment and found his bedroom. I sat down on his bed listening to his door open and shut.

He
would come up with some stupid excuse as to why he was slow in answering the door. And she would believe it.

I touched my lips, remembering the kiss, remembering it all. It was a moment like no other.

It was only a few minutes before he came back.

“She’s gone,” he said in his doorway.

I stood. “Okay. I’ll get going then.”

He raked a hand through his hair, scratching at his neck. “What do you want me to do, Morgan?”

“I want you to let me tell her what I know,” I said. “And I want you to admit that there is something more between us than just attraction. Because I’m not afraid to admit it.”

There was something going on between us. And I felt it now more than ever.

Carter rubbed at his ear. “I have nothing to admit.”

I backed up, right into his dresser. “None of this meant anything. This was just sex to you?”

He nodded, refusing to look at me.

I stared at him, raising an eyebrow. “How fucking
convenient.”

“I’ve wanted one thing in my life,” he said. “To reach my goal and not feel like a waste of space. And
you’re set on ruining that, for what?”

I opened my mouth at a loss for words.

“For simple fucking gratification, Morgan, I have wanted something better for me my entire life, so if you think it’s worth it, then go right ahead. But you’re not winning me over in the process. Because whatever you think is going on right here, it’s not.”

Talk about a punch to the soul. I couldn’t look at him.

“This false feeling of love or whatever you want to call it, it’s not real and I don’t feel it, I’ve never felt that way about anyone.”

I ran a hand through my hair, and looked away. “I think your lying. I think it meant something and
you’re too scared to admit it, for whatever reason. So you had a messed up life, that doesn’t mean you run from everything.”

I wanted to hear him admit it. Admit that there was something going on between us and that he felt it just like I did. That even though we both tried to deny it we were drawn to each other. I admitted it, and I would admit it again and again.

He clenched his jaw, throwing his hands up, refusing to answer me.

“I’m leaving,” I informed him. “And just so you know you are right, you are an asshole.”

Carter sighed. “I told you this. Why are you acting surprised now?”

I glared at him, hands on my hips. “Sorry, I had a moment of stupidity. It’s long gone.”

He shook his head, I didn’t get it. “I know one thing about life. I know one day I will get where I need to be. I can land this job and things will take off for me. Love doesn’t get you anywhere, love gets you shit.”

I rolled my eyes, tugging at my hair. “That’s the stupidest thing I have ever heard.”

“My career, my goals, they will always be here for me, you won’t. That’s the difference. So take your storybook romance and throw it to the fucking wayside before it ruins your life, Morgan.”

“Chug, chug, chug!” The entire bar said, pushing me to finish my beer.

I slammed my giant mug on the bar and wiped my mouth. “Keep them coming, Sam.” Sam was the bartender, and also on my favorites list because he was plying my crushed heart with a bounty of beer.

Carter and Eric
were becoming nothing but a blur the more I drink.

Abbi was my partner
in crime and happily sitting beside me enjoying our drink fest. She was battling depression over her own husband’s demise and she was happy to accompany me out.

“This is way better than staying at home watching old home movies,” she admitted.

“Yeah, or sitting at home wishing men weren’t such complete assholes.” I hiccupped.

Abbi nodded. “Most are.”

I ran a hand through my hair. “Yes, most. Not your husband though.” I raised my mug. “Cheers to the good guys, the ones that don’t choose to fuck me up emotionally wherever you are.”

A few guys in the back whistled. I was sure they weren’t the good ones.

Sam refilled my beer. “And to the woman who have yet to fuck me up for fucking them over.” He winked. “This one is on the house.”

***

I held on to the wall of my apartment complex trying to defy gravity and make it to the door, one high heel in my hand, the other on my foot. I looked more like woman with a broken ankle than a broken heart.

I fumbled with my keys, getting into my apartment. The cat took
off; even she avoided me at all cost. She could see I was a walking disaster from a mile away.

I shook my shoe off and went into the kitchen for something to drink. I snagged a half empty bottle of wine and dropped down on the couch.

“I only have one question,” I said aloud. “Why can’t I get Carter fucking Sterling out of my head?” I thought alcohol was supposed to erase my woes.

I threw caution to the wind and hit the button on my phone dialing his number. I thought getting drunk was the answer, but it did nothing to erase the image of Carter and
me together. And some sick twisted sadist part of me wanted him and missed him.

“Hello?” I could tell by his voice I pulled him from his sleep.

“What are you doing?” I slurred. “I was thinking about you.”

Silence
and another punch in the gut. He was ruthless.

“I know your heartless and only out for yourself, but I wanted to tell you that I was thinking about you. Even if you are an asshole.” I sat up on the couch, was he ignoring me, or had
he hung up?

“
You’re drunk,” he said finally.

“Maybe I am, that doesn’t mean what I’m saying isn’t true.”

“I can’t talk,” he said.

“Let me guess, she’s there.” I closed my eyes. “How great.”

“Morgan, get some sleep.”

“Come see me,” I said. “I’m sure you can think of a reason to leave.”

More silence.

This time I waited for his answer. “I’m outside in my fucking hallway talking to you. I can’t leave this late, I got to go.”

I tossed my phone onto the coffee table and headed for my bedroom—alone.

Carter fucking Sterling—
what a complete douche.

Death wasn’t anything Eric and I ever talked about. Why would we, he was a young guy, he was healthy. There was no reason to look at that part of life when we could be happy.

At least I thought I was happy. I even thought he was happy.

It didn’t make sense.

I didn’t understand, and I feared I never would. I didn’t understand how I didn’t see it, or sense it. I thought there was a thing called intuition.

I thought Eric was my
soul mate and as I stood by his grave I didn’t feel that way anymore. It was similar to staring at the grave of a stranger.

I rubbed my temples in slow circles, the hangover was brutal.  I almost stayed in bed, but somehow I drug myself out to do something that I
wanted to do since the day I found out he cheated.

I wanted to confront him. And I was sure it seemed silly, and nobody else would understand. But it felt like the right thing to do to me.

Dropping down on my knees I let out a conflicted sigh.

“You once had my heart.” I said.
“I thought you and I were meant to be. Boy, did you have me fooled.”

Eric was a lot like Carter, the tattoos, the rock star
hair; he made me feel protected and safe. He made me feel like I was the only thing that mattered. When I was around him I was his only focus.

I had to give it to him, even till his dying day I felt that way.

He worried about me first, himself almost never. It was the only time in my life I felt so important, and before my discovery it was the one thing I thought that I knew without a shadow of a doubt, he loved me and he would do anything for me.

And that was over, there was a time when the thought that Eric no longer walked the earth hurt my heart and I
found it hard to function on a day to day basis. I went through misery every day, and all that changed in one day.

I hadn’t been to a grief meeting in a while and I probably woul
d never set foot in one again. There was nothing to grieve anymore. Eric was nothing more than a man who passed away. A man that hurt me. And I refused to give him a free pass because he died.

I wasn’t his
mother; I didn’t have to love him no matter what. I was thankful for the time I had with him, and I was thankful that he showed me what it felt like to feel loved.

But I wasn’t thankful that he managed to break my heart from beyond the grave.

Eric was no better than any man alive or dead. He took something away from me, and replaced it with resentment that no matter what I tried to do I couldn’t move past.

And I refused to feel like the bad guy, he was resting in peace—so they said, while I was broken.

I wanted to know what I was supposed to do. What was next for me, I wasn’t sure.

But I did know one
thing; I could give one person what they wanted. Even if it wasn’t what I wanted.

“Shh, here’s she comes,” I warned the bridesmaids.

All went silent as we waited for Ana to enter the room. We were at her mother’s beach house for her bachelorette party. I didn’t expect to see myself there, but I promised I wouldn’t make Carter suffer for my own pleasure.

Ana walked in le
d by her mom, a blind fold on her eyes.

“Surprise,” everyone shouted.

“Oh wow,” she said once she could see. “This place looks amazing.”

I stepped forward handing over a glass of her fav
orite champagne. “Glad you like it. I worked hard on the decorations.”

“Yes, all pink just like you like,” Donna her cousin said dryly. “Pardon me while I vomit.”

I sat down on the floral sofa and smoothed my dress. “When you get married Donna you can have whatever color you want. Today is about Ana.”

Lorna and June lifted their glasses. “Yes, to Ana.”

I raised mine. “To Ana and her soon to be husband, Carter.”

Ana smiled. “Thanks everyone. Now where’s the stripper?”

Donna clapped her hands. “That’s what I like to hear. Please tell us you got a stripper.”

All eyes were on me. I stood setting down my drink. “Patience.”

Ana squeezed my arm. “Everything is great. How are you, are you alright?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

I wasn’t sure what she meant or why she asked. But I was fine. I had a job, a place to live, I wasn’t going to dwell on the things that I could not have. I let it go weeks ago. Carter wanted to marry Ana and I wasn’t going to stand in his way. Everything happened for a reason.

Ana rubbed at her arm looking around. “I’m nervous.
I’ve never been nervous about anything in life, and today I am nervous.”

It was the day before the wedding. It was normal to be nervous. I thought back to my own, I puked all over my hair dressers shoes
, I was so nervous to marry Eric. And then it was over and I was married and all of it seemed for nothing.

“Were you nervous when you married Eric?” Ana asked.

“Of course, I thought I was marrying the most amazing man in the world.” I gave half a smile.

“What do you mean you thought?” Ana asked. “Since when do you say thought?”

I rubbed the back of my neck. “Nothing, he’s gone. I don’t have a right to think anything anymore.” I sat down beside her.

“Did you regret it?”

“No, it was the easiest choice I made.” And that was the truth; marrying Eric at the time was so easy because it felt so right. And then Ana came along and ruined it.

She clutched her hands together. “Did you ever think Eric was nervous?”

I shook my head.

“I think Carter is nervous. He has been in a foul mood these last couple of days. I don’t know, but he’s still going through with it. Maybe I’m crazy.”

I picked at my cuticles. “I’m sure he’s fine. Probably thrilled. Why wouldn’t he be?”

Ana sighed. “Oh I don’t know because
it’s hardly been a couple of months and we are about to walk down the aisle. We hardly even know each other.”

I stared blankly at her. “I think you have cold feet. And that’s normal. It’s what you wanted to do, you’ve said so
every time I’ve asked you.”

Ana twirled a strand of hair around her finger, staring at the dessert table. “I suppose your right.”

Our conversation ended when Donna opened the door to the entertainment. The girl’s cheered as a wannabe cop sauntered into the room.

“I’m here because of a report of a noise violation,”
he said.

Donna sat at the edge of her seat rubbing her hands together. “Enough of the bullshit
we’re miles from the main road, pull out your pecker.”

Everyone
laughed.

***

Hours later and several bottles of champagne all of us woman were drunk and ready for more. While Donna puked in the bathroom, Ana dialed the number for a cab service to take us to a bar.

Ana looped arms with me, stumbling up the steps to get to the patio. “We are going to go out with a bang. Before I’m someone’s wife and no longer single and hot.”

I plopped down on a lawn chair, and stared at the stars. “Twelve hours and you will be Mrs. Carter Sterling.”

Ana paced back and forth on the patio. “I think I’m going to be sick.”

She pulled her phone from her bra and chucked it at me, I ducked.

“What the hell, Ana?” I lifted her phone from the ground, shaking away the sand.

“Call him, make sure everything is alright.”

“Everything
is
alright, you are just freaking out,” I told her. I didn’t want to talk to Carter. I wanted to get through this wedding and disappear from Ana’s life and town altogether.

Ana started to sob, I rolled my eyes and hit the button dialing Carter’s number.

“Hello?” Carter said, music of some sort playing in the background.

“She’
s freaking out,” I said.

“Who is this?”

I bit my lip. “It’s Morgan. Ana is freaking out, and I promised I would call you and make sure everything is alright.”

“Everything is fine,” he said
, a sharp tone to his voice.

“Don’t bite my head off. She asked me to call you. If I had it my way I would have preferred not to.” I crossed my arms walking across the patio, away from Ana and her drunken sobs.

“Give her a pep talk, tell her it’s going to be okay.”

“How sweet,” I said. “Sure, I can do that. Enjoy your bachelor party.”

“Morgan, wait.” Carter sighed. “I understand that this is difficult for you, and I am sorry you have to be in this position.”

What was he a fucking robot? He couldn’t have been anymore fake if he tried doing it in front of a camera crew.

“Don’t worry about it. In less than twenty four hours this will all be one bad memory. And I can move on with my life. Maybe take my mom up on her offer and move down to Florida. I don’t know yet.” I let out a heavy sigh.

“You’re leaving?” he asked. As if it was the most pathetic thing he ever heard.

“I’m considering it, yes. Is that okay with you or is there some other kind of terms to my agreement.” I watched Ana stumbled toward the house. “I let you fuck me, I didn’t agree to the mind games as well.”

I was sure he was gritting his teeth. “We know it was more than that.”

I laughed him off. “Did they get you a stripper?”

“No, but maybe later you can stop by and do your part.”

I kicked the lawn chair. “You wish.”

“Yeah I do, ever since the apartment.”

Now I was the one going quiet. “I will take care of your fiancé, enjoy your night.”

I hit end and headed back inside to leave for the bar. I needed to get drunk and try to block Carter from my mind one way or another.