Blog of a Bully (2 page)

So my “friends” helped me feel better about the move. Maybe Mom was right when she said that this move will be a fun adventure for us all.

Thank you for your e-mail comments letting me know that Texas is an OK place to live. And special thanks goes out to the one person whose e-mail said, and I quote:

HAHAHAHAHAHAH SUCKER!!!!!

I am not sure exactly what you meant by that, but a sucker sounds nice right about now. I did get a good giggle out of that comment, so thanks.

Wednesday, June 30th, 2010

10:54 a.m.

Packing Stinks

Sorry I haven’t written for a while. Packing up all my stuff is hard, frustrating, and time-consuming. Definitely not the fun adventure I was hoping for. Although, I finally found my Queen’s Greatest Hits CD that I lost half a year ago. It was under my parents’ mattress on my mom’s side of the bed. I knew she didn’t like that CD, but she didn’t have to hide it from me and insist that I was the one who lost it.

I have come to like the idea of moving. I realized I am considered to be a nerd by the kids I grew up with. If I move, no one will know me and they won’t know I am a geek. I will have a fresh start and can be something new. There are still a few weeks left in the summer. I could pump some iron and get my muscles big to impress those Texan girls. Or I could take some karate classes and watch martial arts movies in case the kids in Texas pick on me. I will be the one laughing if I pound them first. Hahaha.

 

I will have to let you know what I finally decide on. Now for the bad news. I told you I was packing . . . well, I have one more box to finish packing, and you are going in it. Sorry. I hate to do this to you, but I got to. I will see and write on you in a few days, when I unpack you in Texas. Stay away from water, and there are no such things as ghost. I hope you are not afraid of the dark, and play nice with the other school supplies I packed you with.

Sunday, July 24th, 2010

3:09 p.m.

New Town, New Place, Strange People

There you are. It has been a few weeks. I didn’t label any of the boxes I packed, and guess what? You were in the last box. So that is why it took me forever to find you. If I would have started at the end, I would have found you first. But you can’t start at the end. It would ruin the rest of the adventure. It also took my dad a while to hook up the Internet so I could actually blog. I don’t see how my parents can live three weeks without Internet connection. I guess they prefer living in the Stone Age.

I have come to like Texas. The weather keeps changing, like my aunt’s attitude, and the people here talk funny. They say “y’all,” which stands for “you all,” when referring to two or more people. To make “y’all” even more plural than it already is, some people will say “all y’all,” which I could only assume still stands for two or more people. “Fixin’” is another popular word used in sentences like “we were just fixin’ to get out of here.” But the craziest phrase I have heard today was from a boy who was really enjoying his lunch at the Waffle House. He said, “This sandwich is so good, it makes you want to slap your grandma.” I guess these Texans like to slap old ladies. I’m joking. I’m sure it was a phrase to explain how great the food was, just like “finger-licking good.”

Now, like I told you, I was thinking of making changes to myself to impress the kids at my new school. Well, I managed to really bulk up. My muscles are huge. I also managed to dye my skin green, and puberty was a flash, so I now have this amazingly deep voice that would intimidate a Greek god.

Ok, I did nothing, absolutely nothing. Don’t judge me, I’m only human. I wanted to at least learn to juggle, but when Jessica saw me with three balls in my hands, she wanted one.

The squeaky wheel always gets the oil.

(This is a quote I got from a fortune cookie today. I thought it was very appropriate with my feelings about my sister Jessica.) Jessica cried and cried until that mother of mine took one of my juggling balls and gave it to the brat.

I refused to learn how to juggle with only two balls, so I threw the other two at Jessica. One ball got lucky and nailed her in the head. She cried and cried until I was sent to my room. I was planning on blogging anyways, so that really worked out.

Sunday, August 8th, 2010

9:30 p.m.

Cookie Day

Ok, I know that I shouldn’t have chucked a ball at my sister. After reading your very rebuking comments, I felt regret and sorrow for what I did. Not enough to really apologize, but I have been a little nicer to Jessica. I must say there were a number of you who were on my side with your comments and felt I was in the right on this one.

 

Now for the cookies. We live close to an Asian market and I love the little fortune cookies the market sells. So I am going to collect the fortunes and include one in every blog entry I write. Yeah, I am finally collecting something. Some of my old friends collected comic books, baseball cards, or belly button lint; I will collect fortunes from fortune cookies. My cup of joy is overflowing.

Yes, I find myself to be rather silly. I had big dreams of becoming the Incredible Hulk in three weeks, and I passed that up to collect little pieces of papers from cookies. I guess it could be worse. I could start collecting dead flies or something.

A penny saved is a penny earned.
(New fortune)

I would like to liken this fortune to my collection of fortunes. A fortune saved is a fortune earned. Wonderful hobby of mine; I’m glad I thought of it.

Well, I had better go to bed now. I forgot to tell you, but tomorrow is my first day at my new school. I will start at the bottom of the top. If I just lost you on that comment, then you need to go back and reread what I have written. When you are done, there will be a quiz. I’m joking. Well, have a good night. Tomorrow I will tell you how everything went at school.

School

 

 

Monday, August 9th, 2010

7:41 p.m.

A Rough Start

 

Today was good but could have been better at the same time. I got ready for school and was then informed by my mom that she will no longer give me a ride because we live close enough to ride the bus. I had never been on a bus, so I was nervous.

I could only describe the bus appropriately by calling the bus The Jungle Bus. The kids on that thing were just like a jungle: wild, spontaneous, crazy, and poisonous. The driver was like an old hippy, and I was given an assigned seat next to Hercules. What set of horrible parents would be dumb enough to name their kid Hercules? I guess they felt if Zeus could call his boy that, then they could too. That boy smelled like fish and had flaming red hair. I doubt he is half immortal. The whole ride to school, Hercules went on and on about his silly PEZ dispenser collection. I guess I shouldn’t say anything bad about it; after all, I collect fortunes from cookies.

The school was a sore sight to behold. A big grey building with a chain-link fence around the place. I wasn’t sure if I was going to school or jail. I was sure the food would taste like jail food.

 

Once I was inside, I whipped out my little school map and tried to find my homeroom. I must tell you something, but please keep it a SECRET. I’m joking.

I’m not good with maps.

Maybe I would have done better if it had an
X
telling me where I was, an arrow showing me which way I was pointed, and a red-dotted path laying out the route I needed to take to get to class. But this map was a horrible xeroxed copy of a copy with fuzzy numbers and half of a key.

I stood there useless, and I didn’t know what to do. For a split second I even looked down at the ground to see if there were any bread crumbs or painted foot prints for me to follow. Then some loser bumped my shoulder, and I dropped the map. As I bent down to retrieve my piece of trash map, that’s when it happened. The clouds parted, trumpets sounded, and an angel appeared in front of me. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my life. I swear when she opened her mouth to speak, harps started to play . . . It finally clicked that she was trying to say something to me, so I snapped out of it.

 

She asked me if I was lost, and I was. But my mom didn’t raise a fool (except for Jessica), so I told her I was not lost and I knew everything about the school and could not possibly ever get lost. She then saw on my schedule that I had Mrs. Logan for a homeroom teacher and smiled. She was excited because she too had Mrs. Logan.

Sad to say, I’m a guy, so I said the first thing that came to my mind in order to look tough. “Big deal. This is a small school compared to what I came from.” What is my problem? She rolled her eyes and walked off. I can’t blame her; I was a jerk. She has the neatest accent.

For the next five minutes, it may have looked like I was stalking her in secret, but I promise I was only following her to get to class.

The rest of school was OK. I couldn’t really focus on much. My brain came up with a million other things I should have said to her after the fact. I don’t even know her name.

In conclusion, on my first day of school, before class even began, I managed to make a rude fool of myself in front of the prettiest girl in the world.

You will be lucky in love.

At this point, luck could only help. I really blew it.

 

Tuesday, August 10th, 2010

7: 58 p.m.

It Gets Worse

Today was about the same as yesterday, but in a different way. If that makes any sense. Instead of being a jerk in front of the girl of my dreams, I was a jerk to the school bully. I had no idea he was the school bully at the time. I was sitting next to Hercules at lunch—I figured he was the only kid that would speak to me, so why not sit by him. That’s when it happened. I had to sneeze. I didn’t want to sneeze on my food, or Hercules’s food. So to avoid sneezing on food altogether, I stood up, turned, and sneezed.