Blogger Girl (30 page)

I sighed. “Probably. But if I knew what to do, I’d do it!”
I’d have done it already.

Caroline raised her voice. “Then write it, Kim. Pretend you’re writing a romance novel and figure out what to do to show Nicholas how much you care.”

“You
are
a writer, Kim,” Bridget chimed in.

Momentarily going off subject, Caroline said, “Yeah, I still can’t believe you never told me you were a writer. All that bonding over books and not a word.”

I shrugged. “I was in denial.”

“
Yeah,
you were,” Bridget agreed. “Not to mention chicken shit. Until Nicholas brought you out of your shell.”

“With a little push from Hannah Marshak. Can’t let that bitch upstage me forever,” I said.

Smiling brightly, Bridget said, “So glad to hear you call her a bitch again. I was worried about you!”

Caroline rolled her eyes at Bridget. “You really hate that girl, don’t you?”

“The five minutes she was nice to Kim don’t make up for the 500 times she wasn’t. Five minutes notwithstanding, a leopard doesn’t change its spots,” Bridget said.

“Too bad, I thought maybe me, you, Hannah and Plum Sheridan could go out for drinks together,” I teased.

Bridget didn’t respond except to subtly scratch her nose with her middle finger while looking at me.

I laughed and turned to face Caroline who said, “So what do you say? Now that you completed your first novel, think you can write your own happy ending?”

The three of us sat in silence for a moment letting Caroline’s idea sink in. She made it seem as simple as “four plus four equals eight.”

Finally, I turned to Bridget. “What do you think Bridge?”

“Do you want another shot with Nicholas?” she asked.

I nodded solemnly. “Abso-fucking-lutely.”

Bridget looked at me, her green eyes watering. “Then not to get all Miranda Hobbs on you but…” Placing her hand over mine, she said, “Go get your man!”

THAT MONDAY,
I was finalizing my 3-star review of
Better Luck Next Time
, a romantic comedy that could have been more comedic if the author hadn’t utilized every chick lit cliché in the book, from the gay best friend, to the shoe addiction, to the evil boss, when I received an email with the subject line, “Nicholas’ Farewell” from Lucy. I had been cautiously awaiting this email for the last two weeks. All too aware that time was running out for devising a plan to get Nicholas back, I was both excited for an opportunity to be in the same room with both him and alcohol (aka “liquid courage”) and dreading the close of the night when I would probably never have an excuse to see him again. About to open the email, my phone rang. Still looking at my computer screen, I picked up the phone, “This is Kimberly.” I clicked on the email.

“This is Erin!” my sister mimicked.

I instantly wished I had looked at my caller ID before picking up. “Hi,” I responded dryly.

The time is quickly approaching to bid farewell to Nicholas as he embarks on his next legal adventure. We'll miss him but can be comforted knowing he will have an endless supply of soap to keep him smelling good.

I closed my eyes and inhaled through my nose, trying to conjure up Nicholas' scent from my memory. Sweet like gingerbread.

“Hello?”

I opened my eyes. “Oh. Sorry, Erin. I was reading an important email when you called. Got distracted. What's up?”

“I saw your review of Hannah's book.”

“You just read it now?”

Erin let out a deep breath as if exhausted. “I'm furnishing our living room and have been so preoccupied that I hadn't been on Facebook in a while. I was on Hannah's page and I saw the link to the review.”

I wasn't going to tell her that the review was also posted on her very own sister's blog. God forbid she got a subscription. Even Sarah, Nicholas' friend, had a subscription but not my own sister. I continued reading the email.

Please join us this Friday night directly after work. We've rented the back room of Iggy's on 2nd Avenue between 74th and 75th for happy hour.

The Upper East Side was kind of far away from the office, but whatever. At least it was close to my apartment.

“You liked the book, huh?” She said knowingly.

“Yeah. It was a solid debut novel. Hannah is a good writer,” I admitted. I was still in shock that I could say that without instantly vomiting in my mouth.

“I told you so!”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah. Hannah’s not all bad. She had me laughing out loud when we went out for drinks.”

I heard Erin gasp. “Wait... What? You had drinks with Hannah? When? Where?”

I remained silent, but smiled as Erin continued with her barrage of questions.

“Do you think you'll have drinks again?”

Unlikely
. “Probably.” I smiled again.

“Maybe I can come along! I’ll take the train in and stay with you?”

“Maybe. Maybe not. We'll see.” I was probably going to hell but it would be worth it.

The person with the best Karaoke performance will drink for free! Who are we kidding, drinks on the firm for everyone of course.

See you there.

“Erin, I gotta go.” I hung up.

Karaoke, huh?
Interesting.

I STRAIGHTENED OUT
my form-fitting T-shirt so that the words “Penny Lane” fell across my chest and took a deep breath before entering Iggy’s. I declined heading there with the folks from the office so that I could run home and change first. I felt like such a dork wearing the shirt and wondered if Nicholas would even notice it. He was such a Beatles fan he might not make the connection to the jingle he had written after the first time we had sex. Who was I kidding? The second he saw me, he would know it was no coincidence. It made no difference since my feelings for him would be obvious to everyone by the time the night was over anyway.
Assuming I don’t chicken out.

The narrow front area of the bar was pretty empty for a Friday night and the bartender glanced at me as I walked in. I pointed to the back area. “Here for the party,” I said and kept walking. I paused for a moment before heading in and made a quick decision to pretend this was like any other happy hour I had attended with my colleagues. I would politely say “hi” to Nicholas and then socialize with the others until it was
time
.

Walking into the room, I whispered to myself, “You can do this.”

“Kim!”

I turned left toward the sound of my name and faced Lucy. Her cheeks were flushed and her blonde hair fell loosely across her shoulders. I almost didn’t recognize her.

“Where have you been? I’m almost finished with my second Appletini!”

Her more relaxed demeanor made much more sense once I noticed the almost empty martini glass in her hand. “Sorry I’m late. I had to run an errand first.” At that moment, the crowd parted and I saw Nicholas in the back of the room. He had also changed—into dark blue jeans, a brown T-shirt and his Converse sneakers. He was talking to Rob, whose back was to me, but his eyes met mine and I smiled softly in his direction to disguise the trembling in my stomach. I felt every muscle in my body tense and wondered if he could read my shirt from across the bar. I took a step in his direction, opting to get the initial awkwardness over with. I hoped he would react positively to my being there and help instill the confidence I needed to go ahead with The Plan.
If not, there was Plan B: shots.

“I’m going to get another drink.” Motioning to my empty hand, Lucy grabbed my arm. “Looks like you need one too. Come with me!”

Following Lucy to the bar, I glanced back at Nicholas over my shoulder. He was still talking to Rob.

“What are you drinking?” Lucy asked.

I watched the bartender as he prepared another Appletini for Lucy. “I’ll have what she’s having.”

Grinning, Lucy said, “Good choice.”

The bartender smiled at me and I shrugged, smiled back and mumbled, “I certainly hope so.”

Taking a sip of her drink while the bartender prepared mine, Lucy said, “Are you gonna perform later?”

Suddenly I felt like the temperature in the room had risen by ten degrees. I knew I had to get a grip if I was going to survive the night. Feigning nonchalance, I said, “We’ll see. Maybe!” I grinned at Lucy as if I was no more vested in this night than anyone else in attendance. “What about you?”

“There’s no way I’m singing alone but I’d do a duet. Maybe we can do one together?”

“Maybe!” I picked up my drink. To the bartender, I said, “Thanks” and took a few sips before peeking back into the bar. Nicholas was talking to Daneen, who I no longer considered a threat thanks to Hannah. “I feel rude. I should probably say hi to the guest of honor.”

“Of course!” Lucy said, waving me away. “I’ll come find you later. Maybe we can sing something fun like
Don’t Stop Believing.

Grinning, I said, “Well if you want to sing that one, you’re probably gonna have to be among the first performers. It’s not exactly the most original choice.”
Unlike mine.
“Okay, I’ll see you later.”

Leaving Lucy behind, I walked through the crowd nodding “hello” to my colleagues as I made my way over to Nicholas. When he saw me, he stopped talking to look at me and when Daneen saw Nicholas look at me, she stopped talking and looked at me too. I felt like a science experiment. Standing taller, I smiled and said, “Hi guys!”

“Hi, Kim,” Daneen said. “I’ll see you later, Nicholas.” I smiled as I watched her walk away. Her treatment of me had gotten considerably better after I made the bowel movement comment. She even addressed me by name.

“What was that about?” Nicholas asked.

I touched my finger to my chin. “What do you mean?”

Nicholas looked over my head to where Daneen was now talking to Rob. “Daneen’s being sort of nice to you. What happened between you two?”

Attempting to flirt, I raised and lowered my eyebrows. “Maybe I’ll tell you someday.”

Not taking the bait, Nicholas simply said, “Okay” and glanced over my shoulder.

He looked around the room, turned to see what was going on behind him and then back over my head. It was obvious to me that he was avoiding eye contact. I cleared my throat. “So, I just wanted to stop by and wish you the best.”

Finally he looked at me. “Thanks, Kim. I appreciate it.” Glancing at my full drink and down at his almost empty glass of beer, he said, “I need a refill.” Then he patted me on the shoulder, said, “Enjoy the open bar,” and walked away. As I watched his back get farther away, I felt my spirits plummet. He hadn’t even noticed my shirt, something he surely wouldn’t have missed had he even glanced at my chest.

Not exactly the confidence boost I was hoping for.

***

My body shaking with laughter, I wiped the tears from my eyes as Tina the mailroom clerk shook her booty to
Baby Got Back
. I had been at the bar for over an hour and with alcohol now coursing through everyone’s veins, the Karaoke portion of the night had begun. So far, two associates, one white and the other African American, had sung
Ebony & Ivory
; One of the secretaries sang
Nine to Five;
and, as predicted, the first performance was
Don’t Stop Believing
from two guys and one girl in Accounting. I turned to Rob standing next to me. “I’m truly impressed with the showmanship of my co-workers! No one has made a fool of himself yet.”

Rob raised an eyebrow in doubt. “The night is still young, Long.”

As I laughed with Rob, I quietly wished for someone to give a horrible performance soon so the ice would be broken.

Gesturing towards the stage area, Rob said, “You getting up there?”

I took a sip of my drink, only my second as I was pacing myself, and watched Nicholas give Tina a high-five after her performance. “Eventually, yeah.”

Widening his eyes, Rob said, “Really? Well, don’t wait too long.
That
I’ve got to see.”

“Keep your expectations low, Boss Man!” I joked.

After the applause for Tina died down, the DJ walked over to the microphone and I wondered who would be up next. I hoped whoever it was would kind of suck since so far the night was turning out to be like an audition for
America's Got Talent
.

Pointing at Tina who was standing over to the side as Nicholas, smiling brightly, wrapped his arms around her in a congenial hug, the DJ said, “That will be a tough act to follow but I'm confident! Next up, we have the Twenty-Fours singing
It's Raining Men
by The Weather Girls!”

A giggling Lucy ran to the front of the stage followed by Patti, Belinda and Joanne, the other secretaries on my floor. As the music started, the four girls awkwardly shared two microphones and began singing,
“Hi' - we're your weather girls. And have we got news for you!”
in very off-key and unharmonious voices.

Finally, we have bad singers in the house!

Leaning down and burying his head in my shoulder, Rob muttered, “Lucy is scaring me.”

Laughing, I pushed his head away, “No hiding! Gotta support a member of the Squad.”

Rob stood up straight and looked at me. Then he slowly curled his lips into a smile. Suddenly, he yelled towards the stage, “Aren't you missing someone up there?”

Not knowing what he was talking about, I gave him a questioning look as he stared towards the stage and cocked his head in my direction.