Blonde and Blue (27 page)

He shrugged and turned his attention to the scenery flying by outside. Now that we weren’t in a fight for our freedom, the awkwardness of our prior conversation came back to haunt us with words neither of us were ready to say.

Turning in my seat to face forward, I gingerly held the hairs, fearing I would lose them. This would enable us to track Claire. A good enough witch could do it regardless of the shields Maxwell used to hide their presence. We had a part of her; it had to work.

With a screech of tires, Arys decided last-minute to stop as the light turned red. I didn’t have the energy to be worried about his chaotic driving. If we got there in one piece, I’d consider the night to have had a silver lining.

“Arys, is there something you want to tell me?” A bitter edge crept into my tone.

“No. Should there be?” He didn’t even so much as glance my way.

I sucked in a deep breath and held it until my lungs threatened to burst. My stress quota had been reached hours ago. “Fine. Have it your way.”

I wasn’t up for a fight with Arys on top of everything else. Fuck it. Maxwell had revealed enough to make me suspicious. Whatever Arys was hiding, it already lived in his memories housed in my subconscious. It would come out one way or another.

Chapter Sixteen

I drove down the highway for home with the beam of Arys’ headlights in my rear-view mirror. Being alone with my thoughts was exhausting. A dull throb in my temples served as a reminder of how easily Maxwell had stripped my strength and power. That wouldn’t happen again.

We were cutting it close to sunrise, but after more than three hundred years, Arys knew how far he could push it before endangering himself. Ten minutes down the highway, we reached the Stony Plain exit. I wanted to go home, to bed, where I could hide beneath the covers and cry. I was relieved when Arys turned off to go to his own house. I needed to be alone.

What a night. If I’d known how it all was to play out, I’d have just stayed home. Too late for that. I’d heard Maxwell’s strange comment about me being the one Arys was waiting for. I’d discovered Shaz’ little secret. The recent memory was enough to make me cry. Maybe if I hadn’t been so damn tired.

The darkness was thinning. As I navigated the small town streets toward home, the stars overhead disappeared from sight. The sun was coming, and with it, the promise of payback. Arys had a point. Nocturnal as werewolves were, nothing stopped us from walking in the sun. Now that I had a way to locate Claire any time I wanted, a daytime attack seemed like the best way to exploit their few weaknesses. Unfortunately, it wouldn’t be today.

Turning the corner onto my street, I was surprised to see Shaz’ car parked in front of the house. After his fast exit from The Wicked Kiss’ parking lot earlier, I had expected him to head for home. Or, wherever else his desires took him. Though he had a key to my house, he sat on the front step. He stood up when I pulled into the driveway. My stomach clenched.

“Hey, babe.” I was sick with worry but greeted him as if everything was fine. My legs felt like jelly as I walked across the yard to him. “I didn’t expect to see you again tonight.

True to his most common nervous habit, Shaz ran a hand through his hair once then a second time. “I think we both need some time alone right now, but I didn’t feel right leaving it this way. There should be no secrets between us. I’m sorry you found out the way you did.”

Shifting my weight from one leg to the other, I crossed my arms over my chest, unsure of what to do with myself. I wanted to tenderly touch his bloody, bruised face. “If anyone should apologize, it’s me. I brought you into the chaos of vampires and everything that goes with them. I feel like it’s consuming us both, and it’s my fault.”

“You can’t take all the blame for this, Lex. It is what it is, and we both play our part. We deal with it, or we let it break us. I’m not ok with letting this come between us. Our bond was built years ago, before any of this came into play. That’s worth fighting to protect.”

In this house, I easily flashed back in time to several years ago when I’d been a foolish idiot fawning over Raoul but always finding my comfort in Shaz. Back then I hadn’t realized why I always gravitated to him, but Shaz had always been the one.

“It scares me. I can’t help but fear that this is going to tear us apart. If not now, eventually.” It was a confession that stung, one I wanted to wish away rather than validate with words. “It feels like the only time I know who I am anymore is when I’m with you.”

Without hesitation, Shaz pulled me into his arms. I crumbled against him as tears pricked the back of my eyes. Despair taunted me, encouraging a few hot tears to slip down my face. They were pure and clear, void of blood. I inhaled his scent, finding the heady mix of wolf and pine to be cleansing.

“Lex, you’re the one that helped me hold it together when the wolf was new and I wanted to tear every living thing I came across to shreds. You helped me remember that I’m a person and not just a predator with a human face. I’ve always adored you, and nothing is going to change that.” His hand was warm against my forehead as he smoothed back my hair. “We’re both in a really fucked up place right now. But, when haven’t we been?”

I shook my head and choked back a sob. “Not like this. It’s never been this bad. I know it’s wrong but the thought of her touching you, feeding on you, it makes me want to die. I’m sorry. I hate myself for making you feel this way.”

His deep sigh resonated with unspoken emotion. We stood there on the front lawn, clinging to one another like the desperate kids we’d started out as. Those days were long over and yet, I felt just as young and naive as I had then.

A car engine down the block started, breaking the quiet of early dawn. One of the neighbors was on her way to work, just a general part of everyday human life. A relatively mundane event that I was suddenly madly envious of.

“Hey, we’re not doing that.” He murmured into my hair. “No blame and guilt. It won’t do either of us any good. I want you to know, I understand things better now. I’ll never know exactly what it’s like for you, but I’ve gotten a taste of the temptation you deal with. And, it’s a bitch.”

I pulled back to gaze up into his eyes. His expression solemn, Shaz clasped my hand in his. I could feel his unease. He was as shaken up about this as I was.

My gaze dropped to our joined hands, straying to the bites on his wrist. “I don’t want this to break us.”

He nuzzled me, a gentle brush of his cheek against mine, the soft touch of his lips to the side of my nose. “Nothing will break us.”

It was exactly what I wanted to hear. So why didn’t I believe it?

I wanted to say so much, but none of it seemed right. Demanding that he stay away from The Kiss and especially away from the vampire bitch who bit him wouldn’t be proper. Jealousy ate at me, and I had no choice but to take it. As it was, I was dying to beg him not to fall in love with her. The irrational request slowly died inside me, fading as the night did.

The faintest trace of morning light peeked over the horizon. As dawn rolled in to the east, the night continued to linger in the west. The sun and moon shared the sky, the rulers of day and night meeting for the briefest of moments before they were forced to part. How many people paused even just once in their lifetime to witness this flash of short-lived beauty?

I couldn’t give it up. How Arys ever managed to find contentment living always in the dark, I would never know. I lived for the night, but I always knew that the morning would come, that I would see it should I choose to. To have that choice stripped from me … I couldn’t bear it.

“Tomorrow after sunrise, I’m going back for Claire and Maxwell. They want werewolves, I’ll bring them werewolves.” A smirk twisted my lips as I envisioned how I hoped it would all go down.

“Bring the pack?” Shaz nodded approvingly. “Great idea.”

“Anyone willing to come, anyway. I think it will give us a huge advantage. I plan to be at full strength, and this time I will be ready for Maxwell.”

“I’ll be by your side. Don’t even consider going after them without me. You know Arys will have a fit.”

“I don’t doubt it. But, I have a secret weapon, something those vamps won’t see coming.” I gestured for him to follow me to the trunk of my car. I lifted the velvet lined box from its place under the spare tire. It was the best location I’d had to hide it.

Opening the lid, I released the breath I’d sucked in when I caught sight of that gorgeous blade. The Dragon Claw took my breath away as it had the first time I’d laid eyes on it. Shaz was immediately intrigued. Reaching to glide a hand over the flat side of the blade, he seemed to fall under its spell.

“It’s amazing. Where did you get it?” He stroked it almost lovingly, lingering on the jade handle. “It feels like you. Like its part of you.”

I met his confused expression with one of my own. “You can feel that?”

“Yeah. It’s strange, but I get this wolf vibe from it. Your wolf.”

“It was made for me, with a piece of my hair. By demons.” I paused. What more could I really add to that? “It will kill a vampire with just a cut. Doesn’t even have to hit the heart. It works like a dream.”

“So I take it this means you’ll be working with him. The demon that came to see you at The Kiss.” His response was guarded, but I knew he didn’t like it.

I shrugged and closed the dagger box. “The only thing I’ve agreed to do for Shya is kill Veryl. Beyond that, nothing has been determined. I don’t trust Shya. I can’t.”

“Kill Veryl? Wow. I knew you were pissed at him after the whole Raoul thing, but I didn’t realize you were that pissed at him.”

Slamming the trunk closed, I clutched the dagger box tightly. “He’s blackmailing Lilah. I can’t help but feel I don’t owe him any alliance. Not anymore.”

Shaz walked me to the door, and though I wished he would stay, I knew it was best for both of us if he didn’t. His eyes filled with longing, and he touched a hand to my face when he said, “Be careful.”

I smiled, glancing away to hide the shadows of pain I didn’t want him to see. “I will.”

A soft touch of his lips to mine had me fighting tears again. I was astounded that I had the energy for tears at all. Shaz lingered, kissing me again, tender and affectionate.

“Get some rest, Lex. You need it. I love you.”

I watched him go, wishing I could say everything I’d held back and knowing it wouldn’t change a damn thing. “I love you.”

The house felt especially large and quiet. I was seldom home alone. Without the sound of Shaz banging around in the kitchen or Arys offering random commentary on television shows that he simply had to pick apart, it seemed so vacant and lifeless.

Drained and exhausted, I hurried through a shower and slipped into a silk bathrobe. The delicate material felt good against my battered skin. Despite how fast I healed, stiffness had set in to make every bruise and ache excruciatingly pronounced. Soon, I would be healed and rejuvenated, one advantage of being inhuman. I’d had worse. I’d survive.

I climbed into bed with the remote in hand. Spreading out in the center, I had a moment of enjoyment at having the whole bed to myself. It wasn’t something I’d like to get used to, but it was perfect right then.

After channel surfing my way to a standup comedy special, I half-listened to the crude comedian. Though sleep was waiting to claim me, I couldn’t stop thinking about what Maxwell had said to Arys. I wanted answers.

I searched my memory, fighting to break through the barrier that kept Arys’ several lifetimes of memories locked away from my conscious mind. I should have been grateful for that barrier; it kept me from being overwhelmed by Arys’ past. It kept me sane. But, there had to be a way to break through, to pinpoint the one memory that would reveal to me what Maxwell meant. Besides, occupying myself with Arys kept me from obsessing over Shaz.

Settling myself comfortably amid the pillows and comforter, I let the haze of slumber creep in. My angle was to fall into that lucid semi-conscious state between awake and asleep. I knew I was slipping, and true sleep would claim me any moment. Fighting it, I focused on Arys, letting my mind wander over some of the memories of his that I had already seen clearly.

Most of them made little sense to me. They often came in random bursts of visions and feelings. When we’d first bonded our power, his memories haunted my dreams often. Now they were repressed, hidden away inside my mind where I generally preferred them to stay.

I drifted in and out of Arys’ past, seeking Maxwell. It was there; I knew it was. I just had to tap into it. I kept Maxwell at the front of my thoughts, hoping it would pull him out of the dredges of my mind.