Blood Awakening (13 page)

“Don’t think this changes anything,” I said to Sebastian. “I still can’t stand you.”

“As it should be,” he said, that smile still plastered on his face. “Now tell me, what could I possibly do to help you? Not that I have agreed to, mind you. But curiosity has always been one of my strongest weaknesses.”

“See?” Chance gestured over his shoulder to Sebastian’s bad attitude, but he kept his eyes on me. “He’s a jerk. He’ll just screw things up.”

“No, he won’t. He’s gonna do what we need him to do.”

“Am I?” Sebastian crossed the newly made clearing to us with a holier-than-thou air about him. His smug demeanor was infuriating.

“You are.” I stood my ground. “Because you want something from me, I know it.” A slight lift of his eyebrows; I hit a nerve. “You can deny it all you want, but there’s some reason you haven’t killed me yet. So if you want whatever it is, you’ll do what I need you to.”

Several moments passed before Sebastian spoke, a moment when I thought he may just call my bluff and actually kill me this time. “Very perceptive, Ava,” he finally said, his voice calm. “It seems I didn’t give you proper credit.”

I let pent-up air slowly leak from my bruised lungs. “So you’ll help us?”

“However I can.”

“You’re not buying this, are you?” Chance spouted.

“Listen,” I whispered, taking his hands in mine and turning us away from Sebastian. Not that it would do any good with his vamp hearing, but it gave me the “sense” of privacy. I felt the tiniest bit of resistance from Chance, but he didn’t pull away. “I hate him as much as you do.”

His lips drew tight. “Doubt it.”

“But neither one of us can do anything to him, Chance. He’s a lot stronger than we are.” Chance was fuming, but quiet. I prayed he got it. “I don’t trust him. Not at all. But don’t you think that the best way to make sure he doesn’t do anything is to keep an eye on him?”

“The whole ‘enemies closer’ thing,” Chance said with a slight nod. “I get it.”

“Uh, sure.” I had no clue what Chance was talking about, my brain sorting through the few memories I could recall, coming up empty-handed. “Don’t worry. It’ll be fine.” A few tense seconds went by before Chance’s body relaxed and the corner of his mouth lifted a bit.

“I don’t trust him, either,” he said. “But I do trust you. And if you think we need him, then we need him.” I half-smiled back, though not entirely sure he trusted me as much as he claimed. Which was fine, because I didn’t fully trust myself.

“If you two are done, perhaps it’s time to fill me in on exactly what I am expected to do.” Just the sound of Sebastian’s voice made me wanna hurl right there in the woods. I couldn’t wait until I was able to shut him up forever. But for now, I had to resist the urge and think of Kayla, and her need to find her dad.

“We’re going to Boston,” I said, dropping Chance’s hands. “And we need you to go with us.”

“Boston?” Sebastian asked with another raised eyebrow. “Whatever for?” If I didn’t know better, I would think he already knew the answer.

“We’re looking for somebody.”

“And how might I help you in your search?”

“Just be there,” I snapped back.

He grinned, clearly amused by my feeble attempt at being in charge. “And when will our little outing take place?”

“Now,” Chance said. Though he had backed off trying to rip Sebastian’s throat from his body, I could still hear the anger lingering just behind his words. “And as much as it pisses me off that she wants you there, I’m agreeing to this.”

“Splendid,” Sebastian said, smiling. “I wouldn’t miss it. It should prove to be a very…enlightening experience.”

“How’s that?” I asked. “You planning on finally admitting that you’re the one behind Mr. Harper going missing?”

“I’m afraid that I have no idea who you’re talking about.”

I could almost taste the lie. “Like I believe you.”

“Believe what you wish, dear Avali—”

“—I told you not to call me that.”

Another creepy smile. “I assure you, I have taken no human into hiding. So this person you are in search of is not missing because of me.”

That smug look again, like he knew something he wasn’t telling us—which worried me. “We need to go,” I said to Chance, whose eyes were glued to Sebastian.

“Don’t screw us over,” Chance said. “Or she won’t be able to stop me next time. I will kill you.” He turned and followed me through the woods, though I knew he didn’t really want to leave. I let him go first, and as I lagged behind, I couldn’t help glancing back over my shoulder.

Sebastian was grinning.

I
N MOTION

A
re you okay?” I asked Chance as we stepped into the safety zone of Kayla’s front porch.

“Hell no, I’m not okay,” he snapped. “You just invited the devil in, Ava. You don’t think that was a bad idea?” He leaned against the porch and turned to face me. I could see the anguish, the questions, on his face; all the trust he had in me was gone.

“I don’t think it was my best idea, no. But I think it was the only thing I could do.” Chance rolled his eyes. “I told you, I don’t trust Sebastian. Who knows what he would try to pull on us? I know he would try to find some way to turn our trip to Boston into a disaster. Having him there makes it easier to keep tabs on him.”

“You don’t really believe that, do you?”

“Yeah, I do. Why don’t you?”

He turned and stared out over the expansive front lawn of the property. Large oaks bowed to the strong winds, their leaves breaking free and spiraling to the cold ground below. “Because he’s evil, Ava. Pure evil. He kills people…for fun. Why would he help us?”

What he said made total sense. And had I not been so desperate to be right and prove my point, I would’ve noticed that. “Because there’s something he wants from me. Or needs. And he’ll do anything to get it.”

“I wouldn’t put all my faith in that if I were you. That’ll get you killed.”

“Think about it, Chance. That night in the clearing, he easily could’ve killed me.” He cut his eyes at me, flickers of concern lacing through the jade. “He could have, when I was…” I couldn’t finish the thought, the memory too painful.

“When you were helping me.”

“You remember that night?” I envied him, those memories. I longed to remember my past just as much—maybe more.

Chance stared at the open yard behind my shoulder, focusing on something—anything—other than me. “Some of it has come back. It’s like a movie I’m trying to remember watching. I know you were with me, just before.”

“I was.” My heart cracked open again, flooding my senses with the pain of that night. I forced the tears from my eyes and tried to remember why I did what I did. “I couldn’t have been anywhere else.”

“I know.” His eyes drew me in, filled with my short past, ready to wrap me in their warmth.

“He could have killed me then, Chance. But he didn’t. He let me live.”

“How does that prove anything?”

“I was responsible for killing half his coven. Wouldn’t you want me dead?” He just stared at me, silent. “I even told him to do it.” The horrible memories of that night, the memories I would have given anything to forget, filled my mind. “I told him that he had won, that he should just kill me and get it over with. He said ‘not yet,’ then took off. And he said the same thing now. That has to mean something.”

Chance took a slow, deep breath, pushing it out through his flared nostrils. Before, when he did that, I was overcome with the sweet, enticing scent of his blood. Now, nothing. It was depressing. “Okay,” he finally said. “Let’s say you’re right. That Sebastian wants something from you. What?”

“I have no clue.” I tried to ignore my longing for the smell of his blood, for the calming sound of his beating heart. “But he does. And whatever it is, it’s big enough to let me live, at least for now. So until he gets whatever that is, I can use him.”

“Don’t think for a second that he’s gonna let you walk all over him, Ava. Want something or not, he will kill you if you push him too far.”

“I won’t walk all over him,” I said, staving off a chill. “I just want to keep him preoccupied so he won’t have time to screw us over.”

“Believe me, Sebastian is always a step ahead of us. Probably more than a step. I guarantee you he’s looking forward to this trip to Boston. He has something planned, I can feel it.”

“Well if he does, then wouldn’t having him there with us be better? So we’ll know if he’s up to something, instead of being blindsided once whatever it is happens?” I felt like I was reaching for an explanation, anything to convince him—and myself—that this all made sense.

“It’s already done, so I’ll support you.” I gave him a quick smile, but he didn’t return the favor. “Just know that you can’t trust him, Ava. No matter what he tells you, don’t trust him.”

“I won’t.” I suddenly felt uncomfortable, and I hated it. Chance and I never had awkward tension between us before, but now we were two magnets whose like poles were facing; we couldn’t come together no matter what.

Chance surprisingly broke through the tension. “I won’t go if you don’t want me to.” His words were soft in my ears, tender and sincere and so much like the old Chance it hurt.

“What? Why would you say that?”

“Well, you don’t really need me. Not with him there.” I couldn’t be sure which him he meant: Erik? Sebastian? Oh, I prayed it was the latter.

“I want you there, Chance.” I so badly wanted to say “I want you,” but I bit my tongue, forcing the words into hiding. He hadn’t been very forthcoming with his feelings lately; the last thing I wanted to do was drive him away. “And you have to be there in case this whole compulsion thing blows up in our faces.”

“Nothing’s gonna happen,” he said, walking around the side of the large, wraparound porch. I silently fell in beside him, the two of us close but still not touching. “And even if it did, Sebastian can handle it. He’s stronger than me.”

“I told you, I just want him there to keep an eye on him. The last thing I want is him compelling anybody. For all I know, he’d have all of us step in front of a bus or train or something.”

“Wouldn’t put it past him.”

“I need you there in case someone gets hurt.”

Chance stopped walking and faced me. “What good will my being there do?”

I took a deep breath, not even wanting to think of the bad things that could go wrong. “Well, if someone was hurt, you could heal them.”

Tiny lines of confusion creased his forehead. “I didn’t tell you?” he said.

“Tell me what?” Great. I had just been hoping for more crappy news.

“I can’t do that anymore.”

“You can’t do what?” Chance just stared at me. “You mean…heal?” He didn’t confirm nor deny it. He didn’t have to. “Why not? What happened?”

“I don’t know. I guess being a vampire took it away. I just know it doesn’t work anymore.”

“Have you tried to do it?”

“Uh, yeah. How do you think I know I can’t?”

“Oh. Yeah.” Moron, party of one?

“I don’t understand it,” he went on. “When I was ten years old, I almost died from the flu. And I could do it then, just not as easily. Now, though…” His voice trailed off. I had to force the filter in my brain to turn on so I wouldn’t blurt out what I was thinking: that he couldn’t now because he actually was dead.

“Hey,” I said instead, “don’t do that, Chance. Don’t blame yourself. It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not okay. That’s who I am, Ava. I help people. I heal them. Or, I did.” His words carried the weight of the world on them, heavy and depressing. I couldn’t stand the pain he was in—all because of me and what I had let happen. I just wanted to take it all away, to make him human again. I would have given anything.

“You heal people, Chance.” I hesitated before gently taking his hand, and he didn’t pull away. Progress. “But that’s not who you are. You’re so much more than that.”

“Like what, Ava? A monster? How’s that better? How’s that more?” He pulled his hand from mine, his eyes searching my face for answers I didn’t have.

“I thought you’d accepted what happened to you? That you wanted me to…be with you, like this?”

“I do,” he finally said, a deep breath forcing out his words. “I do want us to be together, Ava. More than anything. I love you.” A slight pause, then, “But I want to be human again. I want to be me again.” He stared into my soul, my very being. “I want to be the guy you fell for.”

Unstoppable tears streamed down my face. “Chance,” I said, “you are that guy.” Without even thinking, I pulled him into a hug. I was terrified he would push me away, tear me from his waist and ask me never to touch him again. But he didn’t. Instead, he did what I had been longing for since he came back: He slid his comforting, safe arms around my waist and held me. He held me just as he did the first time we hugged, when things felt so horribly bad, but looking back now were so much better. I kept my arms locked in place around him, never wanting him to let me go.

“You are kind, and strong, and you put other people in front of yourself, Chance,” I said into the soft fabric of his shirt. The firm muscles of his chest flexed beneath my cheek, reminding me of the first time I felt them, and I fought to keep from crying, the memories of our old life scorching my mind. “You stood up for me when you didn’t have to. You helped me when you didn’t have to. Now it’s time for me to return the favor.”

After a few seconds, he slowly pulled away, his large hands sliding down my arms as I stepped back. “Help me?” he asked. “How?”

“We’re gonna figure out how to get your abilities back.”

He dropped my hands. “It’s not like somebody took them from me, you know. They’re gone. That’s it.”

“No it’s not.” I crossed the porch and stared at the swaying trees, their large branches bending against the wind, my rising frustration at my unwanted life culminating in blurry vision. “It can’t be.”

“Why are you getting mad?”

My face burned red with the anger lurking just beneath my skin. “I’m not,” I lied. “I just don’t like you giving up so easily.”

“I’m not giving up, Ava. I’ve tried and can’t do it. No use fighting it.”

“Why won’t you just let me help you?”

“I don’t need your help anymore.” His words cut me. Deep. “I can handle this myself.”