Authors: Juanita Jane Foshee
It was raining hard when the bus stopped at the station. David watched for Barbara to get off. The detective was carrying a child and Barbara was behind him as they got off the bus. David yelled, “Over here Barb.” Barbara threw her arms around David and kissed him on the cheek, “It’s so wonderful to be back.” David said, “It’s great having you back.” David reached out and took the child from the detective, “So this is another Ellman?” Barbara said proudly, “Yes, he is.” David smiled, “He’s a little sleepy guy right now.” The detective said, “My job is finished as of now. I must say I’m happy over this one. Very few jobs I get have happy endings.” David said, “Thank you for doing such a good job. Your check will be in the mail tomorrow.” The detective tipped his hat and left.
David put Barbara’s bags in the car. He smiled when he saw the sleeping boy on Barbara’s lap. When he started the car Barbara asked, “How’s Monty.” David began telling her about Lamont’s condition. He ended saying, “I don’t know when Monty will want to see you. He’s asked about you. He didn’t know or still doesn’t know you were gone.” Barbara cried, “My poor Monty. I should have had faith in him. He promised he would come back. He promised he would come back to me.” David said, “Barbara, he isn’t the same, physically or mentally. You’re gonna have to be very patient with him. Know Monty like I do, I think what he has on his mind is rejecting you. He will refuse to marry you because he knows he can’t give you any children.” Barbara said, “Naturally he feels that way. It’s up to me to change his mind about that. Another thing Dave, he doesn’t know he has a son.” She looked down at the beautiful child on her lap, “I think he will help change Monty’s mind.” David said, “He just might. I just hope you have the patience you’re gonna need. You know how stubborn Monty can be.” Barbara sighed, “I hope I do too. All I want—all I’ve ever wanted—was Monty. Do you know I feel like I’ve been dead for a long time and just came back alive? For the last year and a half, all I’ve lived for was this little boy who was part of Monty. First I lived for him to be born. When he came into this world, I’ve lived to take care of him. He was all I had in this whole world, but now I have Monty and I’m not gonna let him stop us from being happy. Somehow, some way I’ve got to change his mind.”
Everyone met Barbara at the door. Mrs. Ellman held out her arms to her, “I’m so glad you’ve come back to us.” Barbara smiled through tears, “I’ve missed you so much Mom.” Mrs. Ellman reached out and took the child in her arms, “Let me see my grandson.” He was a beautiful child. His hair was dark like Barbara’s. His eyes were brown like hers too but he had Lamont’s smile and good looks. Ann said, “Oh, he is just beautiful.” He cried and reached for Barbara. Ellen asked, “What is his name?” Barbara said, “I named him from Dad and Monty. Robert from Monty and Dean from Dad. Everyone, this is Robert Dean, but I call him Robbie.” Johnny reached out saying, “Come here Robbie, to your uncle John.” When Robbie went to Johnny, they all laughed.
When everyone in bed except Barbara and Mrs. Ellman, they sat down at the kitchen table. Barbara poured them a cup of coffee. Mrs. Ellman said, “I’ve missed these late talks at this table with you.” Barbara said, “I’ve missed them too. I’ve missed just not being here.” Mrs. Ellman put her hand over Barbara’s hand resting on the table. She said, “Dear Barbara, why didn’t you tell me?” Barbara answered, “Mom, you had enough on your mind without me adding more problems.” Mrs. Ellman said, “You and Monty made a mistake but this one time, I’m glad it happened. I guess Dave told you, Monty can never father a child. I’m glad you have this child.” Barbara kissed the old lady’s hand, “You’re just wonderful Mom. Your sons had to be fine men to have such a fine mother to guide them.” Mrs. Ellman said, “You didn’t know their father. He was a fine man. He is the real reason our sons are good boys. He was hard on them but he taught them how to work, to be honest, and honorable. He’s the one who deserves the credit, not me.” Barbara said, “Mom, I want to see Monty.” Mrs. Ellman said, “I do too. You know I haven’t seen him yet. I talked to him once on the phone. He doesn’t want any of us to see him except his brothers and Dave until he comes home.” Barbara said, “That could be months yet.” Mrs. Ellman said, “Yes, I know.” Barbara said, “Doesn’t he know I love him—no matter how he looks?” Mrs. Ellman said, “Yes, he knows. He wants you to forget him.” Barbara drank the rest of her coffee, “I’ll never forget him. I’m going to give him a little more time, then no matter what he says, I’m going to see him.”
Barbara waited three weeks before she said anything about going to see Lamont. He was still improving. David and the brothers were still making trips to see Lamont. They would stay a week at a time.
In February, Lamont had a siege of the jungle fever. David and Johnny stayed with him for five days and nights. Most of the time during the fever, he lived the hell he was in as a prisoner of war.
When he began to get better, David and Johnny talked to the doctor. He told them, “There is no way of knowing how long he will have these. He doesn’t have them as often, that’s good. I talked to Captain Ellman about going home in a couple of months. He’s not ready yet. He doesn’t want to go home, not yet. Let me see if I can explain it to you. He is physically doing fine. He has gained most all of his weight back. Captain Ellman doesn’t feel like he is ready to face people yet. Mainly his mother and the girl he was engaged to. He knows what he has to face, especially with his girl.” David said, “I don’t know how much longer we are going to keep her away.” Dr. Lennon said, “She must give him all the time he needs.”
In March, Barbara went to see Carolyn and David. As they sat at the table drinking coffee Barbara asked, “Haven’t I been patient?” David said, “Yes, you have.” Carolyn said, “You are doing fine.” Barbara looked at David, “I can’t wait any longer. I’ve got to go see Monty. I’ve got to let him know I love him. I want him to know I need him very much.” David took her hand in his, “Look Barb, I know it’s hard on you. This whole damn thing is hard on everyone but you’ve got to let Monty make the first step. He’s not ready to see you.” Barbara cried, “Doesn’t he know I love him?” David said, “Yes, he knows. Put yourself in his place, he went through a living hell and honey, that is putting it mildly. The first time I saw him, I couldn’t believe he could possible be alive. He got through all of it by being damn stubborn and with plenty of God’s help. He was determined he was going to die on that island. Barbara, he was ready to die when he knew he was back in the states. With our prayers and God’s will, he wants to live but he’s not in any hurry to face people. He knows his life can never be as it was.” David sighed and patted Barbara’s hand, “It all sums up to one thing with you. He doesn’t want to let you know, he knows it is gonna hurt like hell to loose you, but when he sees you, he’s going to send you away. In his mind, he thinks you deserve more than what he can offer.” Barbara said, “That’s why I need to talk to him. I’m a bit stubborn too. I’m going to fight for him. He also needs to know he has a son.”
Two days later Natalie called David. She was very angry. Carolyn answered the phone. She put the receiver down, “Dave, it’s Natalie. She sounds angry.” David said, “Hello sis.” Natalie said, “Mother just told me.” David asked, “Told you what?” Natalie stormed out, “Monty isn’t dead! You wrote to Mother and told her. Why in the hell didn’t you call me?” David said, “Just calm down Nat. In the first place, I saw no reason why I should call or write and tell you. You’re married and there’s no ties anymore. Your life with him is over.” Natalie cried, “I still love him Dave.” David said, “You’re the last person Monty needs to see. You just to try make your marriage a good one.” Natalie asked, “Is he alright?” David said, “He will be in time.” She asked, “Let me speak to him?” David said, “He isn’t here. He’s still in the hospital.” She asked, “Where?” David said, “I’m not gonna tell you.” Natalie said, “You’re lying, he is there.” David got angry, “Natalie you make me sick.” Then he hung up on her.
David told his wife, “That damn sister of mine. If she finds out where Monty is, that will be the end for him. I should have known better than to write to Mother about Monty.”
Barbara was there. She said, “That does it Dave. I’m going to see Monty. If Natalie finds out where Monty is at...” David said, “It will be hard for her to find out where he’s at but knowing my sister, she will hire a detective to find him.”
The next morning, Barbara left to go see Lamont. When she got to the hospital, she asked to see Dr. Lennon. She had to wait for a while. He was out of the hospital. Dr. Lennon said, “I’m sorry you had to wait a long time. I don’t come to the hospital early on Fridays.” Barbara said, “I didn’t mind. It gave me time to get my thinking together. I’m Barbara Edmonds. I’ve come to see Captain Lamont Ellman. I was—I am, his girlfriend.” The doctor frowned, “I’d rather you wouldn’t, yet.” Barbara said, “Let me tell you my reason Dr. Lennon, then you can decide.” He leaned back on his desk chair, “Alright. I’ll listen.”
Barbara began, “Monty has been married before. The marriage didn’t work. At one time, Monty loved her very much. She caused him a lot of grief. They are divorced and she is married again but she never let him alone. She has found out he is not dead and is trying to find where he is. Dr. Lennon, she could destroy him. He will always have a place for her in his heart. I don’t kid myself about that but I know he loves me more and I love him. There is one more thing. The last time we were together, I spent three days and nights with him. I had his son a little over a year ago. He doesn’t know it. Don’t you think he should know he has a son?” Dr. Lennon sat on his chair not saying a word for a few seconds, “I agree that he should know he has fathered a child. I think that will help him. Alright Miss Edmonds. I believe you will be able to handle this meeting. Tell him about his son. Don’t worry about his visitors. Nobody can see him without my permission.” Barbara smiled, “Thank you.” The doctor looked at his watch, “You will find him down by the wooded section. He likes to walk there when the weather is nice.”
Barbara went outside. She looked around. Then she saw a small wooded section to the left. As she walked that way, her heart began to beat faster. She silently said to herself, “Please Monty, don’t shut me out.” Then she saw him just as he looked up and saw her. He didn’t move towards her, he just stood looking at her as she walked slowly towards him. Barbara said to herself, “My darling, you’re still beautiful.” She wanted to put her arms around him and kiss him but she stopped when she was close enough to reach out and touch him. She said softly, “Hello darling.” He just looked at her. “I couldn’t stay away any longer,” she said. Tears were in her eyes, “Aren’t you gonna even kiss me? I’ve come a long way not to get a kiss.” He saw the tears rolling down her cheeks. Without a word, he reached out and took her in his arms. She clung to him. She kissed him over and over, “Monty, oh darling I thought you were gone from me forever.” He didn’t try to kiss her. He just held her to him.” Then he spoke softly, “I promised I’d come back.” She looked up at him, “We will forget the past.” Lamont said, “The past can never be forgotten. There are too many things that will remind us.” She saw the muscles in his jaw tighten. Then he turned her loose. He took her hand and led her over to a bench, “Sit down Barbara. We need to talk.” He put his lips to her hand he was holding. He said quietly, “Barbara I have thought of nothing but you and me lately. Our life together—it can’t be any more.” She started to say something but he continued, “Please let me say what I have to tell you. I’m sure either the doctor or someone at home has told you what has happened to me. I can’t be a real husband to you. Barbara, I’m not the same man you knew. I’ve got to let you go. I hope you can understand what I’m saying to you.” Barbara looked into his deep, blue eyes that were so sad, “No Monty. I don’t understand. You’ve given me no real reason why we can’t pick up the pieces and go on together. I love you Monty. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Dr. Lennon said you can live a normal life. Monty, I’m talking about a normal sex life.” He got up from the bench, “Damn it! What does the doctor know how it would be?” Barbara said, “Monty, there is only one reason I would go. Only one reason I will accept what you say.—Look at me Monty. Look straight into my eyes and tell me you don’t love me. If you can look at me and tell me you don’t love me—then we will go our separate ways.” She waited for an answer. When he didn’t say anything, she put her hands on each side of his face and asked, “Monty, do you love me?” She saw anger in his eyes, “You know I love you damn it!” He sat back down on the bench, “Do you want me to spell it out to you? I’ve been cut. I’m not a whole man anymore.” His voice broke and she knew he was close to tears. Barbara said, “I know that. It makes no difference to me. I love you.” He said, “Baby don’t you know I couldn’t live with you—without wanting you?” She said, “Well, I hope not. Who said I didn’t want you to make love to me?” Monty sighed, “I don’t even know if I could make love.” Barbara smiled, “Well hurry up and get out of this place and let’s find out.” She took his hand in hers, “We’ve waited a long time darling. Please don’t let this stop us from being together. Natalie married again. You’re a free man. We could get married soon. Monty, I love you and I want you. I won’t give up without a fight. You might as well marry me.” She saw a faint smile on his lips. Barbara said, “Oh Monty, if you only knew how much I love you. I’m no good without you darling. When I thought you were dead, I died too. I need you so very much.” Lamont sighed, “I need to think about this some more.” She said, “No Monty. You’ve had all these months to think about this. This waiting is driving me crazy. I want an answer today. If you want me too, I’ll even get down on my knees to you.” His eyes met hers. Barbara thought, “Have I made a mistake? Have I pushed him too fast?” Lamont said, ‘You just won’t give up will you?” Barbara said, “No I won’t. This is our future I’m fighting for.” Lamont looked out toward the woods, “You’re right. You deserve an answer. I’m so damn tired of fighting anything. I just want to be left alone. I’m different Barb. I’m different in a lot of ways. If you love me as much as you say you do, you’d respect my wishes. You’d honor my decision and go. Go away and don’t come back. That is my answer Barb.”