Blossoms of Love (55 page)

He got another cup of coffee. He began to think of their days and nights in California. It was then he knew he was in love with her. They conceived a son. A son which they would never have had if they hadn’t been together. How odd his life had turned out. He had two sons. One was his own flesh and blood and the other belong to the first woman he had ever loved.”

A nurse broke into his thoughts, “Mr. Ellman, you may go see your wife now. She’s awake.”

When he got to her room, he quietly opened the door. He went over to her bed. He sat down beside her bed and took her hand in his. She opened her eyes. He said, “Hello love. We’ve made it again.” She looked away from him, “They did it. Oh Monty I wish I’d died.” Lamont got up from his chair, “You don’t mean that.” He turned her head until she was looking at him, “I know it’s rough, believe me baby, I know how you feel. I’ve been all along that same road but it’s not the end of the world. We’ve still got each other. That’s what really matters.” Her eyes were full of tears, “Oh Monty, I don’t feel like a woman any more. I’m not a woman anymore.” Lamont said, “You’re as much a woman as I am a man. We both may be old wrecks, but we do have each other.” Her eyes searched his face for some sign of pity or disappointment. He said, “You won’t find it there Barb.” She asked, “Find what?” He answered, “A sign of pity. I once searched your face for pity but all I found was love and that’s all you’re gonna find.” Suddenly, she began to cry as if her heart would break. He let her cry. It would do her good to wash away the anger and disappointment within her.

After a few days, Barbara was sitting up in bed. Carolyn came to see her one afternoon, “How are you today?” Barbara said, “I feel good.” Carolyn said, “You’re looking good.” Barbara said, “Dr. Morris is well pleased with me. In fact, he told me a few minutes ago I could go home this next weekend.” Carolyn smiled, “That’s great!” Robbie and Jimmy have been model children. Robbie talks about you all the time. Of course, Jimmy doesn’t talk much. He loves you just as much as Robbie does.” Barbara said, “Carolyn—I don’t want to go home.” Carolyn was so surprised, she just looked at Barbara for a second. Then she said, “Sure you do. Everyone needs you.” Barbara said, “I’m afraid to go home.” Carolyn asked, “Afraid?” Barbara got a tissue and dried her eyes, “After I’m home a few days, Monty will want to make love.” Carolyn said, “Isn’t that normal. It’s been three weeks since you were operated on. I’m sure Monty won’t make love to you until you want him to. He loves you.” Barbara said, “You don’t understand.—I don’t know if—if I can ever—let him make love to me again.” Carolyn said, “I think you can. You’ll feel differently in a few days after you’re home.” Barbara said, “That’s what scares me Carolyn. I don’t feel any different than I did a week ago.” Carolyn said, “Barbara you’re forgetting one very important thing. Monty is very much in love with you. I don’t know if anyone has told you or not but the day you were operated on, I thought he was gonna loose his mind with worry until he found out you were going to be alright.” Barbara said, “I know he loves me. I love him. God only knows how much I do love him but I just can’t think of making love and Monty needs it. Sex is a very important part of his life.” Carolyn said, “Well I wouldn’t let that worry me. I think when you get home and you fall back into the routine of being back, you’ll feel differently. Just hurry up and come home.”

As Carolyn drove home she was really worried about Barbara and Lamont’s future. They have a major problem and no one can help them with it. Is their love strong enough to whip this problem? Carolyn prayed that it would.

On Saturday, Lamont went to the hospital to bring Barbara home. He was so happy he whistled a tune all the way there. When he got to her room, she was sitting by the window looking out. He asked, “Are you ready?” She smiled, “I’m ready.” He said, “Good, I’ll go check you out.”

When he was gone, she felt guilty because she really didn’t want to go home. He was so happy. He wasn’t gone long. He came in the room smiling, “Everything is taken care of. We can go now.” He took her hand to help her up. She said, “I’m not an invalid Monty.” He said, “I just wanted an excuse to hold your hand.” Suddenly she felt ashamed again. She tried to tease, “You better have a good excuse because I’m very choosy about who holds my hand.” She was standing in front of him as he said, “Oh I have a very good excuse. I love you.”

He picked up her overnight case. A nurse came in the room with a wheel chair, “Hospital rule that we wheel all patients to their car.” Lamont laughed, “Have a seat kitten, you’ll leave in style.”

On their way home Lamont said, “I’m not suppose to tell you but everyone is at home to surprise you. They have a big cake made, ice cream, and even presents. Don’t let them know I told you. Act surprised.” Barbara was glad she wouldn’t have to be alone with Lamont. Barbara said, “They shouldn’t have done all that but it does make me feel good.”

As they rode alone, Lamont could see Barbara wasn’t really excited about going home. She was also very quiet. He would glance over at her once in a while. Finally he asked, “What’s wrong babe?” Barbara thought, “Okay Barbara shape up. As of now you’ve got to start living normal. You can at least be a good actress. Get with it. Start playing the role.” She looked at Lamont, “It’s gonna be hard to fool him because he knows me too well.” She smiled, “Of course I’m glad I’m going home. I guess I’m still a little weak and tired.” He said, “You can rest when we get home.” She said, “Later. I don’t want to disappoint everyone.”

Barbara put on a good act of being surprised when they all yelled, “Welcome home.” She cried with happiness when she saw the boys. They were so glad to see her they wouldn’t let her get very far away from them.

After Barbara had been home two weeks, she began to relax. She was thankful Lamont hadn’t tried to make love to her but she made a point to get her bath and be in bed before Lamont came to the bedroom. He usually had some paperwork to do in his study every night. Barbara didn’t sleep nude any more like she had been.

It was late October now. The work on the ranch was slower so Lamont came in early to do his paper work. Barbara hurried through her bath. She looked in the mirror as she started to put her gown on. She saw how one sided she was. A nicely shaped breast on one side and on the other side she was flat and the long, ugly scar was still red. She jerked on her gown. She cried thinking, “I hate seeing myself. I can’t ever let Monty see me. Lately when I look at him, my whole insides burn with desire for him. Oh God what can I do?” She was too deep in thought and didn’t know Lamont was any where near until he said standing in the door, “I finished early tonight.” She jumped as if she’d been shot. She hurried over to the bed to get her robe. He came over to her and gently grabbed her arm, “You don’t need that.” He brushed her hair from her face with his hand and slipped his arms around her, “I talked to Dr. Morris yesterday when I was in town. He gave us the green light.” She asked, “What do you mean?” Lamont smiled, “I’ve been waiting until he told me it would be alright to make love. I didn’t want to rush things. I knew the operation took a great deal out of you.” Barbara said sarcastically, “You mean off of me.” Lamont ignored her remark, “I mean your strength. He’s also had a little problem with your blood count but he says you are okay now.” His hand moved up and down her back. Just that bit of tender touch made her body get excited. He then kissed her on the shoulder. He breathed, “I need you Barb. God how I need you.” Barbara begged, “Not yet Monty. Please give me a little more time.” He turned her loose and was silent for a second. Then he said, “Alright kitten. I can wait. Just don’t make me wait too much longer.” He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. As though he were reading her thoughts he said, “I know what you’re going through. I know you can be rushed. You’re too precious to me to spoil what we have.”

He took his shirt off and went to the bathroom to shave. Barbara was so angry with herself. She would feel a lot better if Lamont would get mad at her. She wouldn’t feel as guilty. She threw her robe on the chair by the bed and got under the cover. From the bed she could see him shaving. Tears came in her eyes. She thought, “If you keep putting him off, you’ll loose him. Do you want that Barbara?” She turned over on her side away from the bathroom door and cried.

Two weeks passed and Lamont didn’t hit he wanted to make love. Robbie and Jimmy were invited to a Halloween party at Ellen and Johnny’s house. Barbara wasn’t up to taking them so she got Sara and Jesse to take them. Lamont had been gone with David for two days buying more stock. He wouldn’t be back until tomorrow. Barbara felt like she needed time to be completely alone to try to decide what to do. She knew she couldn’t keep putting Lamont off.

She took a bath and put on her gown and robe. She was sitting at her dressing table brushing her hair when she heard a car stop. She got up and went to the kitchen window and saw it was Lamont. He had come home sooner than he thought he would. He opened the door before she could get back in the bedroom. He smiled when he saw her, “Hello babe. Dave and I got done sooner than we thought we would so we decided to come on home.” He leaned over and kissed her. She could see the love and tenderness in his eyes. He asked, “Where is everyone tonight?” Barbara said, “Sara and Jesse took the boys to Ellen’s house. They’re having a Halloween party. I wasn’t up to it.” He grinned, “So we are alone?” He made a wolf sound, “I need you.” To his surprise she said, “I need you too.” He kissed her passionately.

From the one kiss, their desires rose rapidly. Lamont wanted to make it easier for her so he turned the lights out before they started undressing. When he laid down beside her, he immediately took her in his arms. Out of the fire inside Lamont, he lost control and his hand possessed her breast. Suddenly she sat up in bed, “I can’t, I just can’t.” She felt the hardness of him against her. Lamont was so full of desire for her, his first thought was to make love to her. He had gone too far. He said, “Damn baby, you can’t leave me like this.” She cried, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Then she got out of bed.

Lamont had to get relief. The only way was to do it himself. In just a few seconds, he got relief.

Lamont got off the bed. He was helpless with a mixture of disappointment and anger. He could hear her crying in the bathroom but he didn’t have any sympathy for her then. He was hurt and bewildered. Barbara had rejected him in the height of his desire and nothing could hurt more. He went to the bathroom door, “You’ll have to change the damn bed.” He walked by her and got in the shower.

She changed the sheets while he was showering. She got back to bed before he came out of the bathroom. He was dressed. Barbara asked, “Where are you going?” Lamont pulled his jeans up, “Does it make a damn to you?” Barbara said, “Please Monty, don’t go.” He sat down to put his socks and boots on, “I’ve got to get the hell away from here for a while.” Barbara said, “I’m sorry Monty.” Lamont looked at her, “Barbara, don’t you ever do this to me again. If you hadn’t wanted to make love, you should have told me. I would have waited. You built me up to almost a climax and then you stopped leaving me high and dry damn it!” He got up, got his coat out of the closet and said, “You can have the damn bed to yourself. I’m fed up Barbara. I’ve waited a long time for you. I think I’ve been patient.---Oh hell, I gotta get out of her.” Soon she saw him ride off towards the mountains. She cried, “Oh God help me. What have I done?”

She had never seen Lamont as angry as he was tonight. She heard the boys and Sara and Jesse come in. They were quiet because they thought she was asleep. Long after they were in bed, Barbara sat on the window seat watching for Lamont to come back. It began to snow about four a.m. Where was he? It was so cold outside.

She finally dozed off and then woke when she heard Sara in the kitchen. It was snowing hard. The wind was blowing the snow against the window pane. In the mountains, the snow must be deep. Was he stranded?

Barbara dressed. She went to the kitchen where Sara was. Sara looked up from making biscuits and said, “Barbara, you’re up early.” Barbara began to cry, “I’m so worried about Monty. We had a fuss last night and he left on his horse. He went towards the mountains.” Sara said, “I wouldn’t worry dear. If he was up in the mountains and it started to snow, he’d come down before it got bad. But to ease your mind, I’ll get Jesse to go hunt for him.”

Sara went to their room and got Jesse up. When she got back she looked at Barbara and said, “You and Monty had a fuss? That’s hard to believe. I’ve been here a long time and I can’t ever remember you two having trouble like that.” Jesse came in the kitchen looking sleepy. Barbara said, “I’ve never seen Monty as angry as he was last night.” Jesse said, “He’s been under a great deal of strain lately. I wouldn’t worry about him.” He began putting his boots on, “I’ll go get Dave. He knows these mountains better than I do.”

After Jesse left, Barbara sat at the table and cried. Sara was glad the boys were still asleep. Carolyn came right over with her children. Sara took Carolyn’s children and went upstairs with them. They were still half asleep.

Carolyn poured Barbara and her a cup of coffee. She sat down across from Barbara, “Want to talk about it?” Barbara looked at Carolyn, “Oh Carolyn, it’s all my fault. Two weeks ago Monty wanted to make love to me. I begged off and he was real sweet about it. Last night he wanted to make love. I did too Carolyn. I really did. For the first time since the operation, I really wanted Monty. He was real considerate, he turned out the lights before we undressed. Our desires grew rapidly. It had been such a long time since we’d made love. I actually forgot about the operation. Something I haven’t been able to do. Through no fault of his or mine, when he touched my breast, he also touched where I was operated on. That brought me back to reality. All at once I lost all desire and jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom. I left Monty shocked and bewildered on the bed with the climax so near. He finished himself off and left in a rage. I saw him riding towards the mountains. Carolyn, I’ve never seen Monty so angry. I didn’t know he had such a temper.” Carolyn sighed, “Oh Barbara—Barbara.” Barbara said, “I know it is serious. Do you think he will forgive me?” Carolyn said, “Yes, he’ll forgive you but you’ve hurt Monty in the worse way. Barbara, I’m going to talk straight to you. This operation you had has left you with an obsession about only having one breast. As long as Monty doesn’t mind, why should you? Isn’t that the important thing? This hasn’t made Monty love you less.” Barbara said, “I can’t keep from thinking that maybe Monty is just staying with me out of pity.” Carolyn got up and went over to Barbara. She put her hands on her shoulders and shook her, “Listen to me Barbara. You’re living on self pity. This is gonna destroy you and Monty. Wake up Barbara before it’s too late. You and Monty have a special kind of love, a lasting love. Are you willing to loose all of this just for self pity? Think about it. Self pity is a sickness. It can grow on you until you destroy yourself. I’ve seen this happen in hospitals. I love you Barbara. Me and Dave both love you. It would break our hearts if you and Monty split. Monty won’t live with you this way, no matter how much he loves you. Monty is a high spirited man. He loves life and believes a good life is being healthy, happy, and loved.” Barbara cried, “Maybe he’s already left me.” Carolyn said, “You know Monty better than that. If he gets ready to call it quits, he won’t walk out without telling you.” Barbara said, “I’m scared. I’m really scared.” Carolyn said, “What’s happened to that brave girl who kept us going during the war? Monty won’t leave you over this one time. What I was talking about is if your sex life continued to not be satisfactory. I want you to forget about the operation. Even let Monty look at you.” Barbara shook her head, “I don’t think I could do that.”