Blue Eyes and Other Teenage Hazards (10 page)

I waited for the image of Chad and Elise in the parking lot to flash through my mind again, with its accompanying sting. It didn’t come. All I could see was Josh leaning toward me, his gaze locked on mine. He had said he wanted me to keep riding with Elise and him. Had he only said it because he thought I was a good influence on Elise, or had he meant he would miss me too?

I made myself stop thinking about Josh, and picked up my phone. My mom has always said that a real friend wants what is best for you. I had only been looking at that equation from my side, I realized. If Elise wanted Chad and he wanted her, a real friend would be happy for her. I needed to be that real friend now.

Elise picked up after a couple of rings. “Hey, Cassidy.” Her voice sounded guarded, wary.

I kept mine light. “Josh told me he chewed you out over Chad.”

“Chewed out is putting it lightly.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I shouldn’t have made a big deal about it. It wasn’t like I owned Chad or something. I’m embarrassed Josh even told you I was upset.”

“I’m really sorry,” she said quickly. “I actually put off Chad for awhile because I didn’t want you to be mad about it. But the thing is, it wouldn’t have worked out between you and Chad. He’s not your type; he’s my type. He likes to party. You like to study.” I knew Chad went to parties sometimes. A lot of the football players did, but I had always thought it was only that—him hanging out with the football team. He got good grades, so he obviously studied some of the time. I didn’t point this out to Elise. She didn’t give me time.

“Chad has a lot of hot friends,” she said. “I bet I could set you up with one.”

“You don’t have to.” I didn’t want a consolation prize tossed in my direction.

“We could double somewhere.”

“That would be too . . . ,” painful and mortifying, “awkward.”

“Come to a few parties with me. I don’t want to see you stuck with every Bob that comes along.”

“I promised my parents I wouldn’t go to those kinds of parties. Do you know how many lectures they’ve given me on date rape drugs? I already have a phobia of drinking anything someone else gives me. And did you know sauces and dips can be spiked too?”

“One party. You can bring your own guacamole.”

“I can’t.”

“Okay. No parties. Just a social gathering. Come with me to one social gathering where a few friends and acquaintances will visit with one another. I could set you up in a second.”

“You don’t have to find another guy for me. Really. I’m fine.”

“Okay,” she said, but she didn’t sound like she believed me.

I was fine though. And if Josh was right about Chad being back on the scamming scene in three months, well, I wouldn’t have to feel bad dating my friend’s ex.

I worried that Monday would be tense and uncomfortable, but Elise and Josh were both joking around in the car like normal.

As soon as I got in, Elise fluttered her hand in Josh’s direction. “It’s only fair you tell Cassidy about your date on Saturday. You got a big enough laugh over the Bob affair.”

Josh grimaced. “I’m no longer dating Courtney.”

“He broke her leg,” Elise said.

“It was her ankle, and it was just sprained.”

Elise turned in her seat to see me better. “It all started when Mom and Dad forgot they were supposed to take Olivia to a birthday party and they went shopping in Lewiston. Olivia was in tears because she thought she was going to miss it. I, of course, volunteered to drive her to the skating rink, but Josh insisted he do it even though he had a date lined up with Courtney.” Josh’s gaze shifted to Elise. “You don’t have your license yet.”

“A technicality. I’m a wonderful driver.”

“You’re going to get the story wrong,” Josh said. “Let me tell it.” He addressed me through the rearview mirror. “I picked up Courtney—”

“With Olivia in the car,” Elise added.

“And explained to Courtney I was dropping off Olivia at a party. When we got to the birthday girl’s house, they’d already left for the rink. So we drove all the way over to Moscow, where we thought they’d be, but they weren’t there either. By this time Olivia was crying, and I couldn’t take her home, and I couldn’t leave her there, so I suggested to Courtney we postpone dinner and go skating.”

“With his kid sister,” Elise emphasized.

“It wasn’t as though Olivia was right there, skating between us . . . at least not most of the time.”

“And Courtney was dressed for roller-skating.” Elise put in.

“What else could I do?” Josh protested. “Olivia was brokenhearted. Besides, the whole fiasco was partially Courtney’s fault. She should have told me she didn’t know how to skate. I thought it was something all girls know how to do.” I gestured outside to the road we were driving up. “Josh, Pull man is built on hills. You can only roller skate two ways here—at thirty miles an hour going straight down, or holding your skates and walking back up.”

“Well, anyway, there was this little collision . . .”

“Which involved how many people?” Elise prompted.

“Six,” Josh said. “And Courtney ripped her pants, twisted her ankle, and cursed my name all the way home.”

“Didn’t you forget one part of the story?” Elise asked.

“And Olivia was so upset by the whole thing that she threw up.”

“On?” Elise prodded cheerfully.

“On Courtney.”

I didn’t try to stifle my laugh. “Excuse me while I cough for a while.”

Elise nodded. “It makes a soy sauce spil seem pretty tame, doesn’t it?”

“I’ve gained new compassion for Bob,” Josh said. “In fact, I feel a kinship with him now.” Elise sat back in her seat. “Perhaps you two could have your own reality show: Dates that Maim.” Josh ignored his sister. “The whole problem was that Courtney comes from a small family. She hasn’t dealt with younger brothers and sisters.

The next girl I date has to be from a big family. Four kids at least.”

“Wouldn’t it be easier,” I said, “to find someone who knows how to skate?”

Josh ignored me, too. “Who do we know that has a big family? How many brothers and sisters does Annie Hill ard have?” Annie was one of the popular girls in the junior class. “Two,” I said, “but they’re older.”

“No good. How about that girl who always texts me—Ginnie Anderson?”

Ginnie Anderson was student body president. She texted him? “She has a brother who’s a sophomore.”

“That won’t work.”

I shifted in my seat to see him better. “Why don’t you just date who you like?” He never took his eyes off the road. “I could like a lot of different people. I have to be logical about it to find someone compatible.”

“What about that magic moment?” I asked. “What about chemistry?”

“Yeah, right. What I need is someone who understands why Cheerios are ground into the seats of my car.”

“People from small families can be understanding too,” I insisted. “If someone likes you, she’ll overlook Cheerio crumbs.”

“But she might be emotionally scarred after meeting my family. A girl with a lot of brothers and sisters would understand why we can’t have any privacy at my house and why I can’t afford to take her anywhere else most of the time.” I put my hand to my ear. “What did you say? I can’t understand you. I’m sibling impaired.”

“Logic, pure and simple,” Josh emphasized.

I turned to Elise. “Are all men like this?”

“Thankfully, no. Some are romantic.”

“None of us are romantic,” Josh said. “Some of us pretend to be for your benefit. It’s all logic.”

* * *

A week later a junior named Tim asked me out. He played JV football and seemed nice. It wasn’t until I was actually on the date with him that I realized we had absolutely nothing in common. All he talked about was sports. I thought if I had to hear one more touchdown story, I’d slap him.

I tried to change the subject a couple of times. On the way home in the car, I asked if he were a Republican or a Democrat. He didn’t know. He wasn’t even sure what his parents were. They’d had a bumper sticker for somebody during the last election, but he couldn’t recall the name.

“Did it have an elephant or a donkey on the sticker?” I asked.

He looked at me blankly, “No.”

“Those are the signs for the parties,” I said.

He craned his head back and forth to look out both windows. “What parties? I didn’t see any signs.”

“No. I meant the elephant and the donkey are symbols for the political parties.”

“Oh yeah, we learned about that in American history. Has something to do with the stock market, right?

“No, you’re thinking of the bull and the bear.”

He smiled at me patronizingly. “Now you’re confused. The Bulls and the Bears are sports teams. Hey, did you catch the last Bears game? The defense made an awesome tackle. It was second down four yards to go . . .”

I wouldn’t have thought it possible, but at that moment I missed Bob.

When I got home, Mom asked me how my date went.

“This is why women become nuns,” I said.

“The next guy to come along will be better,” Mom assured.

The next guy to ask me out was a sophomore named Doug. Sadly, he wasn’t better—just different. He kept texting during dinner and the movie.

I had the suspicion he was posting date updates. He tried to kiss me on my doorstep, but I let myself inside before he could succeed. I’d never been kissed before—not a real kiss—and I didn’t want my first time to be with a guy who’d announce the event to the world fifteen seconds after it happened.

Occasionally I saw Elise in the hallway with Chad, but I went out of my way to avoid her at those times. I was afraid that if I talked to them, Chad would gaze down and give me a “knowing look,” which would mean he knew I had a crush on him. I didn’t want to face that head-on; it was easier from a distance. When he smirked about my affections, I didn’t want to be there to see it.

A lot of the time Elise didn’t ride home with us. Josh insisted on taking me home anyway, even though I felt bad making him do it. Occasionally I’d ask how his logical dating theory was going. He’d shrug and tell me about the latest catastrophe. With every bad date, his list of requirements for a girlfriend grew. Not only did she have to come from a large family, she also had to be able to carry on a conversation without using the word like twenty times a minute; she had to have a sense of humor about little brothers who run through the house shooting Nerf missiles; and she couldn’t be frightened by large German shepherds who had tendencies to pounce on visitors. All in all, he wasn’t having much more luck on the dating front than I was.

The thought did cross my mind that he ought to ask me out. After all, I’d already met his family and his dog. Josh and I talked so easily. And by now he had moved up on my scale to a ten and a half.

But he never asked me out. The closest he ever got to the subject was once when out of the blue he asked, “Do you know that next year when I’m in college you’ll only be a junior?”

“Yeah, I had realized that.”

“I’ll live out of state, and you’ll be in high school for two more years.” He shook his head. “Two more long years.”

“Is there some point to all this?”

“No, just thinking.” He shook his head again. “Next September I’ll be on my own and you’ll be what, sixteen?”

“You were a sophomore once too, you know.”

“I know,” he said, “but it seems so long ago.”

Once Josh brought Bob home with him because Bob was helping him with some computer programming. After I got in the car, it took me a moment to notice what was different about Bob. Then I had it.

“You got rid of your glasses.”

Bob nodded. “I’ve gone with contacts.”

“They look great.” It wasn’t an idle compliment. Bob had light brown eyes with a touch of gold to them. I’d never really noticed them behind the thick glasses.

“After our homework, Josh and I are going shopping,” Bob said. “He’s making me into a new man.”

“Sounds fun.”

Josh glanced over at me. “We could use a woman’s viewpoint. Do you want to come?” I eyed Josh suspiciously. “No, I have a report for Spanish to work on, but thanks anyway.” The next day on the way to school, I grilled Josh about his request. “Are you trying to set Bob and me up? Is that what yesterday was all about?”

“Don’t be vain,” Josh said. “Bob isn’t changing for you. He just wants a new look.” Elise looked back and forth between us. “What are you guys talking about?”

“If you were ever around, you’d know,” Josh said. “And besides, Cassidy,” he went on, “you ought to see him before you make any judgments.

He looks good.”

“You are trying to get us together, aren’t you?” I turned to Elise. “Save me.”

“Don’t worry,” Josh interjected. “Your nose is safe. He won’t ask you out again. He thinks he ruined his chances with you after the first date. But wait until you see him.”

Elise feigned wide-eyed interest. “And when do we get to see the unveiling of Bob the hottie?”

“We’re working on my program today too, so you can see him after school when he rides home with us.”

“Can’t,” Elise said. “I have plans.”

I grabbed her arm. “Please ride home with us today. Don’t leave me alone with Josh and Bob.” She took a deep breath, looked at the car roof, then back at me benevolently. “All right. But only because I love you, Cassidy.”

* * *

After school as we walked across the parking lot, Elise sang the words to “Someday My Prince Will Come.” I appreciated that.

Suddenly Elise stopped. “Wow.”

I peered over at the car and saw Bob next to Josh. “Wow,” I agreed. He did look great. He barely looked like Bob anymore.

When we reached them, Elise gave Bob a long appraisal. “I guess clothes do make the man. You look awesome.” The clothes did look good. They relaxed him somehow, turning him from a Dilbert-waiting-to-happen into a normal teenager, but what really made the difference was the haircut. His hair no longer looked unruly and bush-like. It was sleek, with just a little bit of wave to it.

“Thanks.” Bob smiled nervously then tapped the sides of his pants. Josh shot him a sharp look. Bob immediately dropped his hand.

“How’s your computer program going?” I asked.

“Pretty good,” Bob answered. “We had a problem when our transpose matrix function wouldn’t compile so we . . .” Josh gave him another look.

“It’s going fine now, though,” Bob said.

We got in the car and talked about school. Bob did impersonations of the teachers. He was good at it.

“You ought to be in drama,” I told him.

“Don’t have time. Now here’s my impersonation of Mr. Jones as Yoda the Jedi chemistry teacher.” Bob’s voice turned high like Yoda’s. “Mmm .

. . So . . . chemists you want to be? Learn the way of the nuclear force, do you?” Elise was still laughing when they dropped me off at my house.

The next day on the way to school I congratulated Josh. “How did you do it? You turned Bob into a normal person. Into a better-than-normal person. He was funny yesterday. Where did that come from?”

“Bob is a funny guy. He just gets nervous around girls.”

I looked out the window, still shaking my head in wonder. “He didn’t mention a bug once all the way home.”

“I told him they were off limits—along with computers, the Unified theory, or anything else that would require a PHD to understand.”

“Amazing,” Elise said.

“After we work on our program today,” Josh went on, “we’re going to the mall in Moscow to see if we can attract college women. Eat your heart out, Cassidy.”

I shifted my backpack on the seat. “It never would have worked out between Bob and me anyway,” I said with a theatrical sigh. “Next September when he goes off to college, to live on his own out of state, I’ll still only be sixteen. I’ll have two more long years of high school.” Josh glanced at me through the mirror. I could tell by the way his eyes crinkled at the corners that he was smiling. He didn’t say anything, though. Elise looked questioningly from Josh to me, but she didn’t say anything either.

Really, things between Josh and I would have probably gone on like that forever if I hadn’t changed everything with a slip of the tongue.