Blue Lines: The Assassins Series: A Loveswept Contemporary Romance (39 page)

“Piper, please don’t go,” he begged. “Please.”

“Give me a reason not to,” she said, looking up at him. Again he found himself speechless.
“I’m not going to stand here and listen to you tell me things that I already know.
I know that I wasn’t good enough, I know that I wasn’t worth leaving this glamorous
life for, I know that—”

“You’re wrong. You are too good for me and you are worth it, Piper, it’s just I don’t
know if I can give you everything you want and need. I don’t know if I’m that guy.
I don’t want to hurt you.”

She moved to go around him, but he stopped her, taking her wrist in his as he said,
“Wait.”

“No, I’m so fucking tired of hearing you say you don’t want to hurt me. If you don’t
want to hurt me, then don’t! Fucking love me instead. Tell me you’ve missed me as
much as I’ve missed you; tell me that you don’t want anyone else but me!” she screamed,
tears spilling over her cheeks. “But don’t fucking tell me that you don’t want to
hurt me, because I know you don’t. I believe that you won’t.
But you’ve got to believe in yourself
.”

He knew she was giving him time to say those things, to stop her from leaving, but
nothing was coming out. He didn’t deserve her; he knew this. And maybe that was why
he didn’t fight for her.

She moved her hand along her cheekbone, catching her tears before she whispered, “Now,
if you’ll excuse me, I need to get out of here.”

She broke his grip on her wrist before moving away from him. She stopped to give Phillip
a quick hug.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” she whispered as she kissed his cheek, causing Erik to
see red. He didn’t want her lips on anyone but him.

Phillip smiled as he took her hand in his. Erik wanted to buy Phillip the biggest
beer for giving him more time, but then Phillip said, “You know, if you are looking
for husband number two, I’d be a willing candidate.”

Erik was going to kill him, but before he could, Piper pulled her hand from his and
slapped him hard across his face.

Silence filled the room before she spat, “You need to really think before you speak,
dumbass.”

Erik and Phillip watched as Piper left the house, slamming the door for good measure.
Phillip turned to look back at Erik, stunned, with a red handprint on his face.

Confused, Phillip asked, “Why’d I get smacked? I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“You’re lucky if I don’t kill you,” Erik sneered as he kicked the cabinet in frustration.

“Hey, it isn’t my fault you can’t admit that you love her,” Phillip said as he crossed
his legs and leaned back on the couch. Erik leaned down against the counter, as Phillip
went on. “And I’m not the dumbass, either, you are, because if that girl was screaming
at me that she believed and trusted I would never hurt her, I would never let her
go. She’s one of a kind, dude, and you’re a stupid bastard for not being with her.”

Erik banged his head against the counter. “She may trust me but I don’t trust myself.
I don’t want to—” He stopped himself, not finishing what he had been saying since
the beginning.

“Whatever, dude,” Phillip said before throwing his dish in the sink and slapping Erik
on the back.

“I have a lot of beautiful ladies coming over tomorrow, and since you don’t have a
wife anymore, you can have one of mine.”

Erik didn’t want any of those females; he wanted Piper, and Piper only. He had been
miserable without her the last week, thinking of her every waking moment, and was
a mess on the ice. He wasn’t playing to his full potential because he felt like a
piece of him was missing.

It was as if he had been living in a parallel universe with no direction or rightness
in his life since he walked out of Piper’s house. He thought it was going to be easy,
just let her go and head back to his old life, but it wasn’t. He found that he didn’t
want that life at all. All he wanted was Piper and Dimitri, but he had walked away
and Erik had never known that a pain like that
existed until Piper slammed the door in his face. He needed to get the balls to tell
her what he was feeling, what she deserved to hear.

“I miss her,” Erik found himself saying.

“Then go get her.”

“It isn’t that easy,” he said with a shake of his head. “What if I cheat on her? We
have an away game next week.”

“Like she said, if you don’t want to hurt her, then you won’t. Believe it, bro.”

“It’s not only that, though. What if I do tell her I love her and she leaves me?”
Erik had never admitted this to anyone except Piper. If he really thought about it,
this might be the biggest of his fears.

“She won’t. She loves you and she isn’t going anywhere. You are the most insecure
dude I have ever met, and it’s pointless. She isn’t your mom, dude, and you aren’t
your dad; you are your own person. And Erik, you and her need each other.” Phillip
stood up and faced Erik. “Not only for that kid but also for each other. Don’t fuck
up anymore, man. Just tell her how you really feel. Stop this madness; it’s stupid.”

Erik shook his head. “I don’t know how,” he mumbled.

Phillip rolled his eyes, getting off the couch and putting a hand on Erik’s shoulder.
“It’s easy, dude: You take her by her face,” he said, taking Erik’s face in his hands,
causing Erik to jump in surprise. His eyes were wide as Phillip went on. “And you
say, ‘Listen, baby, I love you; be with me and no one else. I’m sorry for hurting
you and I promise I’ll never do it again.’ Easy. What’s so hard about that?”

Erik smacked away Phillip’s hands, shaking his head. “Because it is.”

“Because you are a coward. Grow some balls, dude, or let her go.”

“I don’t want to let her go, but I don’t know how to say something that I have never
said to anyone in my life,” Erik said.

Erik could tell that Phillip was getting pissed. “Can you imagine her with anyone
else?”

“No.”

“Can you imagine yourself with anyone else?”

Erik thought for a moment and all he saw was Piper, but then he remembered how he
had acted around those girls at the rink. He loved Piper, wanted to be with her, but
why did he respond to those women the way he had? Shrugging his shoulders, he said,
“I don’t know.”

Phillip shook his head. “Well, I don’t, either, but let me tell you, she isn’t going
to be there forever. You may not be able to imagine her with anyone else, but she
is gorgeous, a real catch, and someone is going to scoop her up and then you’ll be
sitting here crying and only seeing her when you go to pick your kid up. You’d better
figure something out before it’s too late.”

With that Phillip walked out of the kitchen and made his way down the hall, leaving
Erik with his demons. He was so confused and felt as if he was always going to be
this confused, lonely guy. Phillip was right, he was insecure, but when he was with
Piper, holding her, looking into her eyes, he felt like he was that man.

The one worthy of her love.

* * *

The next night, Erik leaned against the bedboard, Stanley snoring beside him, as he
tried to focus on his book. Not only was it hard to focus when he was a little drunk,
but also the sounds of Phillip’s party were distracting him. He asked Erik to stay
out, to mingle with the girls, but Erik wanted to be with his dog and a full bottle
of Patrón.

Erik had taken Phillip’s advice and had analyzed everything about Piper and him. He
had spent hours trying to think of any reason why she might leave him. She knew all
his shit, knew that he was kind of an idiot and just as flighty as she was, and yet
she still loved him. She knew that sometimes he could be hard to love but she still
did; she wanted to be with him. She fought for him and made him believe that he was
a good man. So why would she leave? She wasn’t Katria and he had to believe and trust
that she would indeed never be that wretched woman.

Sitting up, he noticed Stanley was staring at him. Erik could see where his nose was
rough and felt guilty for not taking care of it. He was such a self-centered ass;
how in the world could he forget to put some lotion on his dog’s nose? Probably because
Piper had been the one to do that for him.

“Come on, bud, let’s go get your lotion.”

Stanley hopped off the bed and led the way to the kitchen. When Erik entered the living
room, Phillip jumped up, announcing his arrival: “And here he is, ladies, my main
man.”

Erik watched as some of the girls perked up, sending dazzling smiles his way. They
were
gorgeous, all of them, but he had no interest. Waving as he passed through, Erik went
to the kitchen, grabbing Stanley’s lotion out of the cabinet.

“Why don’t you come hang with us, Erik?” Phillip said as Erik bent down to rub his
puppy’s nose with salve. Stanley gave Erik a big wet kiss before he stood up.

“No thanks, I’m tired.”

“Come on, I insist.” Phillip pulled him down onto the couch between him and a bleached
blond broad. Erik shot Phillip a glare as he leaned back, all eyes on him. Phillip
had invited five girls over, hoping that Erik would take a couple of them. Too bad,
because Erik did not want to be here. He wanted to go back into his room and think
of how he was going to approach Piper tomorrow at Audrey and Tate’s wedding. He knew
she was going to be standoffish since she hadn’t answered his texts or calls, but
he knew he had to try. He needed her to listen to him; he needed to make her believe
that he really did love her and that he had been an idiot. He didn’t have it all together
and probably never would but there was hope for them. They weren’t broken, maybe a
little bent, but with their love, they could make it.

It was like Alla had said,
“You don’t need the perfect relationship, Erik, you only need someone who won’t give
up on you, and I believe that Piper is that girl. She will fight for you.”

And she was right.

But instead of being in his room, planning what he needed to say, he was sitting in
a room filled with women. Looking around the room, he realized that he was attracted
to each of them. But he didn’t want them. He didn’t have the intense desire he had
when he was with Piper. His hands didn’t itch to touch any of them, his dick didn’t
throb, nothing. It was the craziest thing and soon he was smiling like a fool. Maybe
he needed this time away from Piper to make him realize that he wasn’t complete without
her.

Erik wasn’t the man he had been three months ago. His walls were crumbling. He was
a stronger man who was beginning to believe in himself. He might find other women
attractive—hell, he might even want to be buried deep inside them—but he knew he wouldn’t.
He had numerous chances in the past week and he still only wanted Piper. At one time
he thought that maybe it would pass. Maybe he would get over her, but seeing her the
other day confirmed that he would never get over her.

He needed her.

It pissed him the fuck off that it had taken him so long to realize this. Now all
he had to
worry about was if she would reject him. Piper was a fireball, stubborn, and even
though she was forgiving, would she forgive him for what he had put them through?

Looking over at the female who was saying she loved the way he handled his stick,
he said, “Thanks, but excuse me.”

“Erik?” Phillip asked as Erik passed by him, but he didn’t stop; he only shook his
head before he said, “I want my wife,
only
my wife.” Erik called for Stanley and started down the hall as Phillip chuckled behind
him.

He entered his room feeling like a ten-pound weight was lifted from his chest. Closing
the door, he bent down and picked his phone up from off the floor. He didn’t know
what he was going to say; he just wanted to hear her voice.

He missed it, and he missed her.

Erik tried to focus as he glanced down at his phone, his fingers shaking as he slowly
typed out a message to Piper. It was late, but he couldn’t wait.

I miss you, and I can’t wait to see you tomorrow
.

He laid his phone down, smiling at the thought of her reading his text the following
morning, but to his surprise, she wrote right back.

Are you drunk?

Erik looked down at his phone and took in a deep breath.

Yes
.

Okay, well go to sleep, don’t do this
.

Do what?

Drunk text me, you don’t want to do that
.

But I do. I want to know
, he typed quickly,
what do you think of me?

Why do you want to know that? Why are you doing this? It isn’t fair to both of us
.

I’m sorry
.

It’s fine, just go to sleep
.

Erik glanced down at the phone, his heart aching for her as he typed,
I miss you
.

Erik.…

What? I do
.

No, you are drunk
.

Yes I am but it doesn’t ease the pain. I miss you so much it hurts
.

Waiting for her response, he smiled when it came.

I miss you, too
.

Can we talk at the wedding?
He typed quickly; thankfully he didn’t have to wait long before his phone went off
again with only one word.

Yes
.

His smile couldn’t get any bigger as he stared down at the simple word. It was the
beginning of his future. He had been so confused about their relationship, but now
he was 100 percent confident that things were going to work out. Because no matter
what, Piper Titov was going to be his wife and she was going to know that he loved
her with every cell in his body.

Standing in her sleek teal bridesmaid’s dress, Piper moved from side to side trying
to keep her legs from falling asleep. She was aching and tired from the night before.
The Braxton Hicks contractions were occurring more frequently and they drove her insane.
She didn’t understand why she was having them so often, because Audrey and Fallon
hadn’t even had one yet. Piper was having them almost every day and that worried her.