Blue Twilight (13 page)

Pulling away, she stared at her mom with wide eyes. “Talk to him? I have nothing to say to him! He lied to me, Mom! Why are you taking his side anyway?”

“I’m not taking his side,” Karen soothed. “I’m on your side, always. But, honey, anyone can see how much that man loves you. I don’t think he meant for this to happen…”

Chest heaving, Lisa shot back. “You don’t
think
? Mom, he asked me to marry him while he was already married! I’d say he knew exactly what he was doing.”

“Maybe,” said Karen, taking her hand once more. “But perhaps there’s more to the story. You need to talk to him, Lisa.”

She shook off her mom’s hand and stood. “You know what? If you love him so much, you talk to him!” She stomped to the front hall and slid her shoes on before grabbing her jacket and opening the door.

“Lisa, where are you going? You can’t just run away from this.”

Tears streamed down her face. “Why not? That’s exactly what you did when Dad left us!”

After walking for forty minutes, she finally realized she had no idea where she was going. Her hands were freezing, but she just couldn’t bring herself to go back yet. She knew she’d overreacted. But even knowing that, she didn’t feel like she owed Jake anything. A twinge of guilt hit her as she covered her stomach. But she had planned on telling him about the baby. She wasn’t sure he had ever planned to tell her about his wife. Shivering, she pressed her hands deeper into her pockets. She felt her phone and realized she’d tucked it into her coat and turned it off as soon as she’d left Tennessee. Spotting a bench, she ambled toward it before powering it on.

Her phone beeped letting her know she had a voicemail. Taking a steadying breath, she looked at the screen and was shocked to see she, in fact, had twelve voice mails. Lisa’s hands shook as she entered her password and held the phone to her ear. The most recent was a frantic call from her mother, wondering where she’d gone. The rest were from Jake. The messages ranged from his begging her to come home and hear his side to being angry that she’d left. In the last message he left her, he sang to her.

Your eyes tell the story

That you can’t bring yourself to say

They tell of the hurt

That won’t go away

But beyond that pain I can see

That you once loved me

You once loved the good, you once loved the bad

You once held dear everything we had

So I can’t walk away, I can’t set you free

If there’s still a chance you can love me like you once loved me

I know I hurt you, I know I lied

I know I’m responsible for the tears you’ve cried

And you want so badly for me to let you be

But I can’t because you once loved me

You once loved the good, you once loved the bad

You once held dear everything we had

So I can’t walk away, I can’t set you free

If there’s still a chance you can love me like you once loved me

I know sorry’s not good enough

I know how bad I’ve messed this up

I know I don’t deserve another chance

This time, this place, this circumstance

You want me to bow out gracefully

But I can’t…can’t you see I can’t

Because you once loved me

You once loved the good, you once loved the bad

You once held dear everything we had

So I can’t, I won’t walk away, I won’t set you free

Because I need you to love me like you once loved me

As I will always love you

Crying silently, Lisa hit the delete button before pocketing her phone once more. She recognized the song from his first album, but had never really paid attention to the lyrics before now. It amazed her that she could possibly feel worse than she already did as she placed a hand over her battered heart. Looking down, she noticed she was still wearing her engagement ring. What once stood for possibility, love, and future, now only reflected the cold, gray December sky. With shaking hands, she pulled it off and stuck it in her pocket. Lisa stood and started walking again, eventually finding herself at the dock downtown. She saw a man set up selling Christmas Poinsettias and other flowers and wandered over to take a look.

“Cold one today,” he remarked casually. Lisa glanced at him and gave him a watery smile and a nod. “Think I’ll pack it in soon,” he said as he rubbed his hands together.

“Okay,” she said quietly as she started back up toward Main Street.

“Miss?” he called out to her retreating back. Lisa turned around and walked back toward him as he beckoned her closer. He pulled one of the red roses from his bucket and handed it to her. “You’re much too pretty to look so sad. I hope this helps cheer you up a little.”

Accepting the rose with a small smile, she whispered her thanks. She held the flower to her nose and breathed in the familiar aroma. Another shudder shook her body, so she ducked inside a nearby shop to warm up. By the time she arrived back at the pier, the flower stand was gone. The sun tried to peek out from behind the clouds and for just a moment, the water seemed to sparkle. Lisa remembered standing in this spot when she was younger and plucking petals off of a daisy that her mother had bought her. She’d sang “
He loves me
,
He loves me not,
” as she’d dropped the petals, one by one, into the water below. Her mom had made sure her last petal had always been “he loves me.” Stepping close to the water, she began peeling the petals off of the rose and dropping them into the Bay. She hung her head as the last petal floated toward the water. “He loves me,” she whispered to the wind.

Chapter 27

Back in Tennessee, Jake was becoming desperate. After receiving Lisa’s voicemail once more, he simply hung up. There was nothing left he could say to a machine. He wanted to hear her voice, to tell her how sorry he was. To explain about Alexis. Gripping his phone in his hand, he pressed it to his forehead. When he’d talked to Karen earlier, he had been relieved Lisa was safe in Maryland. That had not been an easy conversation, but he held hope that maybe Karen could convince Lisa to at least talk to him. He once swore he’d follow her to the end of the Earth if he had to, and he’d be damned if he broke that vow now. With a sigh, he dialed Karen’s number again.

She answered right away. “Lisa? Sweets, is that you?”

Fear gripped Jake immediately. “Karen? It’s Jake. What’s happened? Where is she?”

He heard Karen let out a small sob. “She left. We got into an argument and she just took off. I haven’t seen her in hours.”

Swearing, Jake tried to stay calm for her sake. “I’m sure she just needed to calm down,” he said as he began pacing. “Did she take her car?”

“N-no,” Karen sniffled. “It’s so cold out. I just want her to c-come home,” she cried.

I know the feeling.
“She’ll come back,” he said quietly. Clearing his throat, he asked something that he had no right to ask. “Will you…will you please call me when she does?”

Karen paused for a long time. “Jake, I don’t think…”

As he gripped the phone tighter, he realized he was not above begging. “Please. Please, Karen. I just need to know she’s okay…please…”

With a sigh, Karen agreed. “Okay. I’ll call you.”

As he hung up with Karen, Debra walked in his front door.

“Please, come in,” he barked.

Debra shot him an icy glare. “You better stow the attitude with me, sugar.”

He continued to pace as he ran his hands through his disheveled hair. “Sorry, Deb. I just…I don’t know what to do.”

Pulling him down to the couch next to her, Debra questioned him. “She still won’t answer her phone?”

“No,” he said. “And now she’s taken off from Karen’s…”

Debra held up her hands. “Hold up. She left her mom’s house?”

Nodding, Jake caught her up on what had happened before standing to pace again.

“She could be hurt,” he said as the knot in his stomach grew.

“I’m sure she’s fine,” said Debra reassuringly “She probably just needed some time to herself.”

“But what if she’s not?” he asked in a tight voice. Grabbing his keys from the table, he made up his mind. “I can’t sit around here anymore. I’m going.”

“Hold on there, cowboy,” said Debra, crossing to him and holding out her hand. “You’re in no state to drive. Give me the keys.”

Staring at her incredulously, he handed over his keys. “You’re not going to try and stop me?”

“No, I’ve been sitting here wondering what was taking your stubborn ass so long.”

Jake embraced Debra quickly.

“Come on. Let’s go get her.”

***

Five hours after she’d left, Lisa walked back into her mom’s house.

“Oh thank God,” cried Karen as she jumped off the couch and went to embrace her daughter. “I didn’t know what to think when you took off like that!”

“I’m sorry, Mom,” Lisa said quietly into Karen’s shoulder. “I just needed…I don’t know. I don’t know what I need.” Clinging to her mother, she cried until her sobs eventually quieted.

“It’s okay,” said Karen running a hand through Lisa’s hair. “Listen… Richard and I talked, and we agreed that maybe we should put the wedding off for a bit…”

“What?” Pulling away, Lisa stared at her mother. “No! Mom, you’ve worked so hard. I…I can keep it together. I promise.” She took a deep breath, wiped her tears, and hoped like hell that she could keep her word.

Karen must have seen something in Lisa’s eyes to convince her as she finally nodded. “Okay, Sweets…if you’re sure?”

“Absolutely,” Lisa said, shrugging her coat off. “I insist. You’ve already put so much work into things, and everyone is already here.”

“Alright,” said Karen heading toward the hall. “I need to make some calls. Why don’t you grab some coffee and try to warm up? I’ll just be a minute, and then we can order some dinner.”

Walking toward the kitchen, she passed the tables and chairs that the caterers had dropped off and cringed. She never should have run off like that. It wasn’t her mom’s fault. Lisa was beginning to realize it was as much her fault as it was Jake’s. She never should have let her guard down. Men always hurt her. Sighing, she rubbed a hand over her abdomen. She teared up as she wondered if she was having a son. Would he hate her? Realizing she was crying again, she headed down the hall to the bathroom.
Stupid hormones
. She felt like she was either always crying or constantly on the verge of it. As she grabbed a tissue, she could hear her Mom’s voice coming from the bedroom.

“She’s fine, I really don’t think…Yes, I understand, but…Okay, I’ll see you then.” With a loud sigh, she hung up the phone and mumbled something too quiet for Lisa to hear.

Tossing her tissue in the trash, Lisa crossed the hall to her mother’s room. “Who were you just talking to?”

Karen whirled around, pressing a hand to her chest. “Jeez!” she cried. “You scared me!” Pulling at her shirt, she said, “Umm, I was just talking to Richard. He’s glad you’re safe and sends his love.” She rubbed her hands together. “How about some Chinese Food for dinner?”

“Chinese is fine.” Following her mother down the hall, she said, “Mom, it didn’t seem like you were talking to Richard…”

Karen walked into the kitchen and grabbed the menu from the drawer. “How about some lo Mein?”

Lisa crossed the kitchen and pulled the menu from Karen’s hands with a frustrated sigh. “Mom…”

Karen squeezed her eyes shut. “Okay, okay! I was talking to Jake. He’s been calling non-stop and asked me to call him when you got back.”

Reaching behind her, Lisa felt for a chair and sank into it. A feeling of dread came over her as she asked, “Why did you say ‘I’ll see you then’?”

Karen stared at Lisa through lowered eyes. “Because he’s coming to the wedding tomorrow.”

Lisa slammed her hand on the table. “What?”

Jumping, her mom explained. “I tried to stop him,” Karen insisted. “I really did, but he insisted, Sweets, and he’s already on his way…”

Her first instinct was to leave, to get as far away as she possibly could. Looking at her mom, she could tell Karen was thinking the same thing. But if she left, the wedding would surely be called off, and she couldn’t do that to her mom. She had to think of her right now. Lisa could get through one day…she hoped.

Placing the menu back in her mom’s hand, she said, “Lo Mein is fine.”

Over dinner, Karen filled her in on the schedule for the next day. After eating their fill, they got to work on setting up the tables and chairs. The tables were draped with silver tablecloths that matched the bows wrapped around each chair. They strung lights on white wicker trees and placed floating snowflake candles in bowls filled with water. It was close to midnight by the time they finished everything.

Yawning, Karen surveyed the living room. “It looks like a winter wonderland in here,” she said with a smile.

“It really does,” Lisa agreed with a tired smile of her own.

Karen started toward her room, stretching her arms above her head. “Well, I’m off to bed. You coming, Sweets?”

“In a minute,” said Lisa. “You go ahead.”

Karen embraced her daughter and kissed the top of her head. “Don’t stay up too late.”

Smiling, Lisa remembered the countless times her mom had said that exact same thing to her over the years. She wandered to the couch and stared out the window. Her breath fogged the glass as she leaned her head against it. Somewhere out there, Jake was driving toward her, and she still didn’t know how to handle it. When she couldn’t think any longer, she finally collapsed into bed and let sleep take her.

***

“Jake, maybe we should stop for a while,” said Deb pressing her palms to her eyes. “We’ve been driving for hours.”

“I have to get to her,” he said keeping his steely eyes on the road.

“I know,” said Deb resting her hand on his arm. “But you should at least get something to eat, keep your energy up.”

“I’m not hungry.”

Sighing, she said, “Okay. Then, how about this? I’m starving, and if you don’t stop soon, I’m going to beat you senseless.”

Jake couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. “Alright, alright, we’ll stop. We’re almost to Virginia anyway.”

“I’m not surprised considering the fact that you’ve been driving like a maniac.”

Jake had to admit there had been a few hairy moments involving passing a tractor trailer on a two-lane road. Debra had finally turned the driving over to him when his constant nagging wore her down. Passing a sign for a 24-hour diner, Jake pulled off and into the parking lot. A few minutes later, they were seated at a booth drinking coffee. After ordering their food, he sat in silence while he waited.
What in the hell can I say to make things right?
He was sorry, but he didn’t see how that would ever be good enough.

“Penny for your thoughts.”

Smiling sadly, he remembered having a similar conversation with Lisa. “I screwed up,” he said as their food arrived.

Debra dove into her pancakes and sighed blissfully at her first bite. “No kidding,” she said. “So what else is new?”

Jake lifted his pained expression to her.

“What I mean is,” she continued with her mouth full, “we all make mistakes, Jake. It’s what we do about them that makes the difference.”

Jake contemplated that as he took a bite of his omelet.

“So,” prompted Debra, “what are you going to do about it?”

“I don’t know.” He wished he knew. It’s not like they make a
Hallmark
card for this kind of thing.
Sorry I lied about my bitch of an ex-wife. Will you please forgive me?
Forking a piece of his omelet, he gestured to Debra. “What would you do?”

“I never would’ve married that bitch in the first place,” said Deb heatedly, and quickly added as Jake opened his mouth to argue, “But that’s neither here nor there. Jake, I can’t tell you what to do, you know that. You have to get her heart to hear you. She can listen to you say you’re sorry ‘til you’re blue in the face, but if you can’t get her heart to open up, to truly listen to you, you’ll never get her back.”

The thought left Jake feeling empty inside.

“Listen.” Debra reached across the table to hold his hand between hers. “When you find love, that all-consuming, can’t-be-without-that-person kind of love, you have to fight for it. And if it’s truly meant to be, it will be.”

Swallowing hard, he pushed his plate away. His appetite was gone even thinking about losing Lisa. “Do you think it’s meant to be?” he asked in a quiet voice.

Deb squeezed his hand. “I think you’ve got your work cut out for you, but I think you’ll get her back.” They finished eating and got back on the road. Debra fell asleep as Jake began planning on how he’d win Lisa back.