Blur (Changing Colors Book 2) (24 page)

Careless Cockups Channel on Vevo: And we’re beside ourselves over the song, Blue Daze

MusicEnthusiasts.com

When it comes to Careless Cockups, we’ve all been wondering the same thing: Are they as good as their label claims? Or is it just hype?

We can’t deny their label is the best in the industry when it comes to marketing and promotion.

Femme Fatale is proof. Their talent is still questionable, and yet the pop foursome has managed to tuck two platinum albums under their belts. There’s no denying the all-female band is over-the-top when it comes to sex appeal, but generally speaking, the sex should only sell so far before the band just becomes another flash in the pan. (Considering Femme Fatale is still managing to perform in front of sold out crowds, now might be the time for us to eat our words.)

But back to Careless Cockups.

Is this English band the real deal?

We know they’ve developed quite the cult fan base back in London, but we were still skeptical.

The band is contracted with Ari Richards’ production company, along with C&E Network, to appear in a six-episode reality series, Mad Sounds, which spotlights the band while they produce their first album and hit a few pre-release tour shows. The first episode aired two weeks ago, and by the high ratings it’s received, it seems all of America is head over heels in love.

Honestly, the show only fueled our skepticism. We hadn’t even heard a song by these virtually unknowns, and they’ve already got a reality show? Seriously?

We were officially boycotting the show, but today, our skepticism, and boycott, has been put to an abrupt end. Careless Cockups has now graced our ears with their very own Vevo Channel. Since we’re a bunch of cheap bastards, and have yet to subscribe to Vevo TV, we listened to few of their songs on YouTube.

The videos are indie rock cool and live versions of the band recording a few songs in the studio. Each clip is portrayed in black and white and laced with the band’s chill personalities.

You’ll overhear Dylan laughing and telling Jesse to piss off. You’ll witness Alex crack up when Zach figures out someone screwed with his amp as a prank. And you’ll see that this band isn’t a bunch of pretentious musicians fighting over egos.

Careless Cockups has an iridescent energy that is backed up by confidence and craft. They’re compelling, appearing wise behind their years.

One song in particular, Blue Daze…well, it’s brilliant. Blue Daze is a haughty beat that is dark and overwhelming, yet wickedly thrilling.

If this is a taste of what Careless Cockups is going to bring us with their debut album, consider our glass half-full, better yet, consider it brimming and spilling over the top.

We’re now all ears when it comes to Careless Cockups, and we can’t wait for more.

Brooke

“This is the eighth session we’ve had in the last four weeks, and yet you still haven’t really told me what’s going on with you, Brooke,” Susan addresses. I’m finding the more sessions I have with her, the more intrusive her questions become.

“Nothing is going on.” I shrug, averting her neutral eyes. My fingers exam the frayed edge of my jean shorts like it’s the most interesting thing in the room.

“You keep saying that, but your visibly saddened by something.”

Saddened? Do I really appear sad?

It’s been four weeks since Dylan and I wrote the music for
Blur
together.

Four weeks since I read lyrics to a song that’s words were a punch to the gut.

Four weeks since I tried to get him to sleep at my house. Four weeks since I nearly threw myself at Dylan and begged for his kiss, for his touch,
for him to make love to me.

One month and the sting of his outright refusal is still there.

And not only did he leave me sitting on my bed,
when I was so desperate for him to stay
, he also left a copy of my favorite book on my kitchen table for me to find the next morning. The note lying next to
Memories of Suffocation
had me holding back tears. I did everything in my power not to replay those perfect Paris moments I shared with him.

But nothing could stop my mind from going there.

The following day, I laid in bed wallowing in my misery until Dylan called, ready to meet up again and finish writing the music. It was a rough several hours spent with him. He was the perfect picture of laidback and friendly, and I was a ball of pent-up frustration and regret.

And Dylan has stayed that way since. He acts nothing but friendly towards me. He doesn’t push the boundaries, hasn’t whispered words intent on testing the limits and leading us towards a path of passion and uninhibited moments.

He hasn’t done any of that. He appears to be moving past what we had in Paris, and focusing on cultivating a friendship that remains strictly platonic. Maybe he truly thinks I’m steadfast in my decision to marry Jamie. Maybe he really believes all of the things we want everyone else to believe.

I should be rejoicing, right? I should be thankful he’s backed off and appears happy with this new relationship we’re falling into.

Yeah, I should be. I
really
should be. But I can’t refute this incessant ache in my chest. I can’t deny that I’m heartbroken over the idea that maybe he’s really moving on. So if anything is making me appear sad, it would be the nagging thought that maybe this is the part of our story where I get to watch him move on.

“Where did you go?” Susan points out.

Jesus, can’t I just keep it together for one minute…?

“There’s just a lot going. We’ve been doing sixteen-hour days in the studio, and tomorrow we’ll be hitting the road for the band’s pre-release tour. I’m probably a little distracted at the moment.”

“Interesting, since you’re the one who scheduled this last minute appointment with me. Don’t get me wrong; I’m happy you’re here. I always enjoy our sessions together, but I think you’re distracted, and it has nothing to do with any of those things, Brooke.”

I stare up at her, surprised by her forwardness. “What happened to the subtle questions? I think I liked those better.”

Susan smirks. She sets her pen and notebook down on the table beside her, giving me her full attention. “I’m sure you prefer the subtle approach, but I realize when it comes to you and the way you’ll avoid certain subjects, subtle is not the correct tactic to help you make any progress.”

“Are you sure about that? I think subtle works really well for us…” I trail off, smiling in her direction.

“Brooke, I’m sure.” She flashes a knowing look. “Tell me what’s new with you and Jamie.”

“Nothing really. I’m working a lot. He is too. And now, I’m getting ready to be on the road for several weeks. But we’re good. We’re always good.”

“Just good?”

“What’s wrong with good?”

“There’s nothing wrong with good, Brooke. I’m just surprised you haven’t mentioned anything about wedding plans or honeymoon destinations…”

“Like I said, we’re just really busy right now,” I cut in, tone audible with irritation.

“I’m not trying to rile your feathers, I can promise you that. I’m just being honest with you in my surprise that, so far, throughout all of our sessions, you’ve yet to mention anything related to wedding planning or excitement in getting married. Are you excited about getting married?”

My brow furrows. “Of course I am. I’m very excited.”

“You don’t appear excited. Are you having second thoughts?”

“These questions feel a tad invasive.”

“I’m merely asking about your life, and one of the big things going on in your life is being engaged to Jamie. You’re still engaged to him, right? Or did I miss something along the way?”

“N-no, we’re still engaged. Nothing has changed in that respect.”

“Then in what respect
have
things changed?”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” I sigh. “I just meant nothing has changed, no matter what the press and paparazzi are currently gossiping about.”

“What are they currently gossiping about?”

I tap the sole of my brown, slouchy boots along the side of the coffee table. “Well…they’re speculating that I’m having an affair with the lead singer of Careless Cockups.”

“Dylan Bissette?”

I nod, but then register that she just name-dropped Dylan. “Wait…” My head tilts to the side in confusion. “You know the band?”

“I’ve heard a few of their songs. Seen a few articles about their up-and-coming status. They’re fantastic by the way. It’s taking all of my strength to stay professional and not ask you to get me an autograph,” Susan adds, grinning.

“Have you seen the show?”

“Actually, I have. I don’t normally make a point of watching or reading anything my patients are involved in, but what can I say? I’m a big music fan, and now, I’m a big Careless Cockups fan.”

“Well, that’s just fantastic. My psychiatrist watches the reality show I’m on and also happens to be a fangirl for the band I’m producing an album with,” I tease, laughing at the ridiculousness of it.

A quiet laugh escapes her lungs. “I’d say that’s an accurate assessment.”

“So, you already saw the episode that sparked the gossip rags to deem I’m having an affair with Dylan,” I state.

“Yes, I did in fact see that episode.”

“Susan!” I chastise. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why act so clueless when you already know?”

“Because I wanted you to tell me in your own words what’s really going on. Just because I happened to watch a reality show or read an article in a magazine that claims you’re romantically involved with someone besides your fiancé, doesn’t mean it’s the actual truth. I’m not naïve to the way Hollywood works, Brooke.”

“Well, they’re saying I’m screwing around on Jamie with Dylan. It’s a bit of a mess, to be honest.”

“Are you romantically involved with someone else besides your fiancé?”

“No, of course not,” I lie. Which I know is the complete opposite of what you’re supposed to do when talking with your psychiatrist, but technically speaking, I’m not actually involved with Dylan at the moment. He couldn’t be anymore platonic with me if he tried.

“How did Jamie react to it? I could understand if it was upsetting for him to read those sorts of things.”

“He didn’t have a reaction. We had a short conversation about it, but he wasn’t upset or anything. He trusts me, and besides, he’s not ignorant to how reality shows and Hollywood work, either.”

“Trust is very important in a relationship. I’m happy to hear that you’ve established a solid foundation in that respect. You mentioned how busy the two of you have been. Are you making time for each other?”

“Making time for each other?”

“Yes. Date nights. Time for intimacy. Just the two of you.”

“Intimacy? Like sex?” I can’t hide the discomfort from voice.

“Well, yes, that too. Intimacy isn’t just about sex, but it’s still a very important part of a healthy relationship. Tell me about your sex life with Jamie.”

“Our sex life?”
Heat creeps up my neck, surfacing below my cheeks.

“Yes, your sex life. Yours and Jamie’s.”

“Uh…I don’t really know what to say.”

“Is it good? Are you satisfied with your sexual relationship with your fiancé?”

I stare back at her, damn near ready to burrow into the couch.

“Is sex not a place your relationship has reached yet?”

Sex with Jamie?
I don’t think I could be any redder if I tried. “Uh…can we change the subject? I’m not quite ready to talk about that.”

She nods, understanding in her eyes. “Setting boundaries? I’m proud, Brooke. That shows a lot of progress.”

“It does?”
I can’t hide the shock from my voice.

“Yes, it does. It’s become very apparent, with the parts of your life you’ve been willing to explore with me, when someone really wants or needs you to do something you’re uncomfortable with, big or small, it’s hard for you to say no. Hard for you to say you don’t want to do it. You’re a bit of a people pleaser, Brooke. At least when it comes to the people you care about.”

A humorless laugh flies past my lips. “I sound like a pushover.”

“No, not at all. You just have a big heart. And you want to be there for the people you love the most. Even when you’re not certain it’s the best thing for you.”

A wry smile creases my lips. “God, my grandmother would have loved you.”

Susan’s brow quirks up. “Did she see you in that way too?”

Nodding, I add, “Yes, she often hoped I’d never let my big heart get jaded, because she just knew that it would get me into trouble.”

“Do you think it already has?”

“Maybe a little.”
Or a lot, when I consider the Dylan situation.

“Do you mind if I change our focus for a bit?”

I shake my head, more than thankful to avoid anything and everything Dylan related.

“Last week, we talked about the guilt you still carry after hiding the fact that Jamie attempted suicide at fifteen. And I reminded you that
you
were only fifteen at the time too. It’s not a surprise a child,
because that’s what you were
, didn’t handle the situation the same way an adult would have.”

I’m shaking my head at fifteen-year-old Brooke’s actions. “I’m lucky he’s still alive. I could have lost him for good. I could have killed him because I didn’t call 911.”