Blurred Truth (The Blurred Series Book 2) (13 page)

Her cheeks turn that pretty shade of pink once more, and when I take off my jeans, I hear her take a deep breath. To calm her nerves, perhaps?

Leaving my underwear on, in an attempt to slow things down for her, I explain, “If I take these off now, it’ll be over way too quickly.” A look of understanding crosses her features, so I continue, “Move up the bed and get comfortable, baby.”

She does as I ask, scooting up the mattress until her head hits the pillow. When she’s comfortable, I climb over her, crowding her with my body, bracing myself on one forearm as I caress her soft cheek.

As I look into her eyes, it hits me; how long I’ve wanted this between us and how deep my feelings run. I never want to let her go and I hope I never have to, but there’s always a feeling of foreboding in my stomach when I think of the future.

Swallowing down the intensity of my emotions, I tell her, “I’ve waited so long for you.” Pulling down one strap of her dress, I trail soft kisses in its wake, then say, “I think it’s time to lose the dress.”

Sitting up, her action making me move to kneel, she slowly pulls down the zip at the side of her dress, and I do nothing but stare at the motion. Transfixed by what’s about to be revealed to me.

When she pulls the skirt up to her waist, pure instinct takes over my body and mind. Grabbing the dress, I pull it the rest of the way up and over her head, eager to see the rest of her body again.

When I see she’s wearing the same pink panties I spotted that day on the couch, and no bra to match, an involuntary “Fuck,” passes my lips. “You’re wearing my favorite panties. How’d you know?” I smirk. She doesn’t even realize I saw them that day.

“What? You’ve never seen these panties,” she says in amused confusion.

“Sure I have. The day you got the job at Calli’s. I don’t think you realized the view you were giving me on the couch that day. I didn’t want to say anything at the time, because I’m a gentleman.”

She scoffs at that, but then embarrassment takes over at my admission.

“Lie back for me,” I request, and I think I see something like fear shine in her eyes.

Don’t be scared of me, Little Dove.

She quickly recovers and does as I asked, lowering herself on trembling arms.

“I’ve wanted to do this since the day you moved in and changed everything,” I confess before lowering my mouth to one of her perfect nipples, sucking gently until it’s a hard peak, then moving to the other, giving it equal attention.

She begins writhing beneath me, before begging, “Ryan, please.”

“Please, what, baby?” I ask, needing to hear her say it. I know she wants this as much as I do now, but I just
have
to hear it.

It takes a long moment for her to muster up the courage, but she finally says what I’ve been waiting for, for so long. “Please… Make love to me.”

“I was beginning to think you’d never ask.”

With that, I trail kisses down her stomach until I reach her underwear. Hooking my fingers in the waist, I slowly drag the material down her legs and off, tossing the garment on the floor where the dress ended up. My boxer-briefs follow, then we’re both naked. Nothing left between us.

Reaching over to my nightstand, I retrieve a condom from the drawer and make quick work of putting it on.

I take a minute to appreciate her lying naked on my bed, and before she can start to feel embarrassed under my gaze, I climb back over her, groaning when my cock rests between her thighs.

How am I gonna hold myself back with her?

I kiss her deeply, moving my tongue in and out of her mouth, slowly, mimicking what I want to do elsewhere with other parts of our bodies.

She makes the softest moaning sounds, as I grind my hips into hers.

Breaking the kiss, I ask, “Are you sure you want this?” There’s no going back once I’m inside her. I don’t want her having any regrets.

“Yes,” she says without hesitation.

“Tell me if you want me to stop.”

“I won’t want you to stop.”

“I think this is going to hurt, but I’m going to make it good for you. I promise.” I hate that I’m going to be the cause of any pain for her, but it’s unavoidable.

“I know you will. That’s why I’m sure,” she explains, instantly relaxing me with the knowledge that she trusts me to take care of her.

Positioning myself, then bearing my weight on both elbows, I hold Natalie’s head in both my hands before kissing her. As I distract her with my kiss, I thrust my hips forward as gently as I can, entering her only an inch. Pulling out a little and repeating the motion, I sink only a little further.

“God, baby, you’re so tight.”
So perfect
.

“I’m sorry,” she says regretfully.

Is this girl serious?

“You so do not need to apologize for that. You feel incredible. But I need you to relax, or it’s going to hurt more than it needs to,” I explain.

She takes a deep breath and I kiss her again, feeling her shudder beneath me. She bucks her hips a little, silently asking me to continue, and that makes me fucking ecstatic. I was beginning to worry she wouldn’t enjoy this, at all. Apparently I was wrong.

I move back minutely, and this time I thrust a little harder, causing her to gasp and whimper as her eyes squeeze shut.

Fuck! That hurt her.

I kiss her tenderly on the forehead, apologizing with my body, and say, “That’s the worst part, baby. It’ll feel better now. I promise.”

I probably shouldn’t make that promise. I don’t know for certain one way or the other, but I’ll say anything to make her feel better at this point.

I stay completely still for as long as I can, just brushing her cheeks with my thumbs and kissing her softly. She becomes more and more relaxed the longer we stay that way. It’s taking all my will-power not to move and I can’t hold on much longer.

“I need to move now, baby. Open your eyes for me.”

“Okay. I’m okay,” she says, quietly, looking into my eyes.

This time, as I begin to move in and out in fluid motions, she moans rather than wincing, and I can see the look of pleasure on her face instead of the pain.

After a few minutes, her moans become more frequent and I know the pressure is building inside her like it is in me.

“You feel amazing, Natalie. You’re so fucking perfect,” I whisper next to her ear as I continue at an unhurried pace. “You like feeling me inside you, don’t you, baby?”

Now I know what the sound of my voice does to her, and I know how my words affect her, so I’ll use them to my advantage; pushing her higher.

“Ah, Ryan, I...I’m,” she stammers, breathily.

She’s so close.

“Come for me, baby. Let me feel you,” I demand as I pick up the tempo, following it with a bruising kiss that she returns with equal fervor.

She goes over the edge with a cry, and it’s the most incredible sensation I’ve ever felt in my life.

“That’s it, baby. Fuck,” I groan as she pulses around me.

And then I follow her over the edge, coming harder than ever.

I love you, Natalie Connor
.

But I don’t say it out loud.

“I love your tattoos,” Natty confesses as she traces them with a soft finger, while we lie on my bed together.

“I noticed. Which one’s your favorite?” I ask with a hint of cockiness.

“This one,” she says as she brushes over the ink on my hip.

The ladies seem to love that one. I think it’s because it draws attention to that V they like so much. I only care about one girl’s favorite now, though.

“But I’ve wanted to know what this writing says for a long time. It’s not English,” she continues as she moves her touch to my bicep. “Will you tell me what this one says?” she asks, trailing a finger over the script on my upper-bicep.

“No saint.”

“And this one?”

“No sinner.”

“Why did you get them? What do they mean?” she asks curiously, looking into my eyes, which are focused somewhere else. I can’t look at her for fear that she’ll ask what the last one on my forearm means. I have no idea how I’ll answer her if she asks, but I know it’s inevitable.

She’s a curious little dove.

Shit.
I need to stop calling her ‘Little Dove’ in my head, or I’ll wind up saying it out loud one of these days and screwing everything up.

“There’s no such thing as saints or sinners. Only something that’s a combination of the two. Some people are more one than the other, but no one is all of one and none of the other,” I try to explain, as best I can.

“That’s an interesting theory. You might be right, but I think you’re more saint than sinner,” she says with a smile, as she traces a line from my bicep to my forearm.

“I’m almost all sinner, Natalie,” I say quietly, unsure if she could even hear me. I’m keeping so much from her, I can never make up for it, no matter how good I am to her from now on.

“That’s not true,” she says seriously with a frown, but she doesn’t elaborate further on her remark, she just continues her exploration, “And what does this one say?”

Damn.

“Would you mind if I told you about that one another day?” I ask, looking at her apologetically. I can’t tell her what it says or she’ll know that I lied about
Land
. I feel, deep down, that she needs to know the truth, but not yet. There’s no way I can reveal that truth yet.

“Okay,” she says as she lies on her back, closing her eyes, breathing deeply; as if she’s trying to gain control of her own emotions.

“Hey,” I coo as I move over her, brushing a thumb across her cheek and kissing her forehead tenderly. “I will tell you. It’s just… I’d just like to tell you another time. All I want to do right now is enjoy what we have, in the little time we have alone together.”

Opening her eyes, giving me a look of acceptance, she says, “Okay.” So I kiss her deeply, to thank her for letting me be an asshole who keeps secrets from the woman he loves.

* * *

Hi Dove,

Where do I begin? I’ll start with I’m sorry. For everything. For not being the guy you needed me to be. For the way I ended things between us. All of it.

This isn’t a plea for us to go back to the way things were. I believe you are better off without me. I hold you back, and you should be free to fly.

Now we’ve had some distance, I know that great things are going to happen for you. Maybe they’re even happening right now, but they don’t, and won’t, include me. I’m wrong for you, for so many reasons.

You’re going to fall in love with someone who will be everything you need him to be and more. You deserve that and I hope that love finds you soon. I think it will.

Now I’m not keeping you from your life, you’re finally free to live it.

I’ll miss our daily conversations, but I’ll be happy in the knowledge that you’re getting the most out of each and every day. We both know life is too short, so go live it.

I’ll never forget our time.

Goodbye, my little dove.

It’s time to spread your wings x

Watching Natalie sleep next to me was one of the greatest, and yet, most surreal experiences. It’s something I’ve wanted for so long, and not just since she moved in.

For years.

When I was just
Land
to her, I wanted this. Maybe I even wanted it before then, without realizing. Maybe that’s why I reached out to her online in the first place. Maybe we’re two souls that are destined to be connected. That’s what it feels like.

She looked so peaceful, breathing evenly, and occasionally stirring without fully waking up.

I felt like more needed to be said, not necessarily by me, but by the
other
me. So I crept out of bed and typed that message to LittleDove94, in hopes that it would soothe Natalie and close that chapter for her. Leaving us free to move on. Well, as free as we can be at this point, anyway.

“What time is it?” Natty asks through a yawn as I hit the ‘send’ button, scaring the shit out of me, since I thought she was asleep.

“Hey, you’re awake. It’s late...or early, depending on how you look at it. I didn’t mean to wake you,” I say, shutting down the computer. The last thing I need is for her to see what I was doing.

That thought makes me feel really shitty.

“How are you feeling?” I ask after climbing onto the bed on top of the covers.

“Good,” she replies with a sleepy smile.

“Sore?” I ask, genuinely curious, but also wondering if we might be able to go for round two before morning.

“Not that much. Hungry.”

“I’ll go get us a snack. You stay right here,” I say before kissing her, then hopping off the bed to head to the kitchen.

When I reach the kitchen, I check my phone that’s in my shorts pocket, and see there are two unread texts.

Calli: I’ve got Nate for the night. Have fun. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do! x

Nate:

When I open the picture Nate sent, a burst of laughter escapes me. It’s just a picture of a shotgun. That’s it. No funny one-liner. No threat. Nothing. I guess the message is he’s going to kill me, I just don’t know when or exactly what constitutes a bad enough crime to provoke said murder.

I’m thinking tonight is probably enough, but I also think he knows what tonight is about - because he’d be more than a little dense if he didn’t - so I guess that the real message is if I hurt her after what’s happened tonight, I’m dead.

I shrug it off with a smile and open the fridge, looking for something appetizing.

* * *

“Okay, I didn’t know what you’d be in the mood for so we’ve got some chorizo, cheese and crackers, turkey sandwiches, chips and cookies,” I announce when I get back to the bedroom, where Natalie is still in my bed.

Best. Sight. Ever.

“Thank you. I’m starving,” she says before snatching half a sandwich from the tray of food I placed in the middle of the mattress. “Did Nate come home?” she asks around a mouthful of turkey and mayo.

“Nope. Calli came through for us. She texted a while ago to say he’d be out all night, though I suspect he probably texted you. The tone of your text is probably a little different to the one I received,” I say with a smirk, remembering the picture he sent me.

“Why, what did he send you?”

“A picture of a shotgun,” I laugh.

She laughs at that, too, and it...turns me on?

First time for everything.

I smile.

“Maybe I should go sleep in my room after we’ve eaten.”

I frown.

“Hell no. I want you at least two more times before morning. Maybe three. Who knows when we’ll have the place to ourselves again?” I say.

“Three?!” she asks in shock.

Oh, yeah. I almost forgot she’s new at this.

“Okay, just two then,” I concede.

“You might break my lady parts at this rate,” she says with a giggle.

“We can’t have that. They’re such perfect lady parts, after all,” I practically growl with a low, lust-filled voice as I crawl back over her.

Kissing her down the curve of her neck, then across her shoulder, I say, “Roll onto your stomach.”

“But...my sandwich, I’m hungry,” she says before gasping when I put my mouth on one of her sensitive nipples.

“Don’t worry, baby. I’ll make sure you’re full.”