BOMAW 1-3 (82 page)

"In school... got her registered today. Oh... and Shanna, can you still pick her up for us? Sylvia's not feeling-..."

"No problem... I can do that." She answered cutting him off before he went any further, her mother looked at her, "Not alone you can't."

Shawn looked at them and then at Shanna, he was dying to ask her more questions, but his mother would not appreciate him bringing the subject up again with their father present. "I'll go with her later, and we can drop her off at home for you." Kathy Ann volunteered.

"Thank you. Dad... I need tools. I'm going to start working on the extension for the bed and breakfast..." Shawn went into explaining the reason for his visit. He would get with Kathy Ann and Shanna later and find out what was going on, but he wasn't totally clueless... he knew it had something to do with Shanna and possibly her ex... he would find out later, and wouldn't take no for an answer with what was happening.

*

It was the cigarette smoke that woke her.

With her brows pinching in the center she turned to her back, swallowed and cleared her throat, finding the scent offensive. Then in the fog of her sleep, she realized that she should not be smelling and breathing cigarette smoke. Her eyes shot open, her heart was pounding and her head jerked to the left to see Jake sitting on the arm of her small bedroom recliner in front of her closet.

She bolted upright and yelled, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE!!!"

"Calm down calm down... I knocked, no one answered." He replied, blowing out cigarette smoke at ease and comfortable.

Sylvia scrambled up from the bed to the opposite side of the room by the bedroom door. "The customary and appropriate response to that is to go - away! Get out of my house!" She ordered.

Jake sat a moment more, "You're a regular sleeping beauty, you know that? I sat here for ooooh, good 5 minutes just watching you. Do you know that you have the most beautiful brown skin I've ever seen? What it must be like to caress that each night." He informed her as if she hadn't just ordered him to leave.

"Did you hear what I said?! I mean it! Out - NOW! You don't come into my house without being invited in!"

He stood and walked towards her and the door, she made quick work of getting out of his way, leaving him plenty of room to pass through. "Aaah, I'm family... didn't know I had to knock." He teased smiling at her.

"Not only do you have to knock, it would be best for all concerned that you not come here!" She furthered, backing from him as he kept coming slowly towards her instead of heading for the door.

"JAKE! I MEAN IT - do not come near me!" She ground the last out.

He stopped, it was clear she meant it and was getting upset. "Aaah, why you gotta be so mean? Calm down now, I'm not gonna hurt you... I'd never hurt you Sylvia."

"Jake - Shawn is your brother! What is wrong with you? We're in love, we're having a baby and we're getting married... doesn't that mean anything to you?"

"Just means he got to you before I did. If I'd known you were here first... it might be you and I getting married right now, instead of you and him." He said with a simpering grin.

"You know what Jake, you have some serious issues that you need to seek medical attention about, however in the meantime, lets get something straight. I am not the one! Do you understand me?..."

The whole time she spoke, he maintained that simpering grin that said he wasn't taking anything she said seriously, he'd heard similar before and he'd gotten through, with her, he was determined that it would end the same.

"... I am with the man that I want! You do nothing for me, one way or the other! NOTHING! Everything about you is what I hate in a man!"

That got to him.

"Hate? You don't even know me!"

"Exactly! And you know what... got no plans to get to know you! You see, I get a feeling looking at your smirking expression that you may have succeeded with other women in the past, and that has given you a - VERY SAD - illusion that
that
will be the case with me! NO CHANCE! No way... no time... no day... week, month or year! Save yourself the frustration Jake - drop off from this pursuit... its only going to make your self-hatred even more intense!"

"What the hell are you talking about... I don't hate myself!" He wasn't use to this kind of rebuff, all the other women left themselves open for him to approach, and seduce even though they claimed they weren't interested... this was different, she was different.

"Oh yeah you do! You mad at somebody! And you've made Shawn the target to bolster what you need to feel about yourself... and you know what, I can't help you with that. Neither am I willing to let you play these games and destroy my home and my man. See that door... head out now... and get yourself some help!"

Jake stood a few moments and stared at her. Sylvia walked to the door, unwilling to let him get anywhere near her, she wasn't stupid, if she allowed it, he would be all over her, and she wasn't having it. They stood like that for moments too long for Sylvia. "Jake... I mean it... out!"

"Why don't you like me?" He asked, the expression on his face telling Sylvia he was sincere in the question.

"I don't like how you treat your brother! I don't like the way you've disrespected him. Where's your loyalty to your brother?! You cannot be trusted and even if I wasn't in love with Shawn, I wouldn't have anything to do with you, because you are about no one but yourself. There's no reason aside from sex for any woman to
'like'
you."

For just a split second, Sylvia almost regretted being so harsh with him, because for just a second, all pretence fell away to reveal a little boy needing with all his being to be looked at differently, for someone to see there was more to him than what she said. However, the second ended and the grin was back on his face. He walked to the door where she stood, she stepped away to keep a distance between them.

He stopped at the kitchen door with the screen open, "You know what... you're the marrying kind. Maybe... had I encountered one like you earlier in my life... I might have married, but they all let me in too easy. Man don't want a woman he can't trust."

"Jake... just drop it okay? I love - Shawn! No man will lay his hands on me but Shawn, get that through your head."

"Emmm, maybe... it's early yet. I just have to change my strategy - that's all... despite what you say, I am a gentlemen - while you were laying there, I could have kissed you then, touched you then... but I didn't."

"You're boring me Jake... goodbye. And - don't - come back. God above knows, I mean it."

Jake winked at her and warned, "Its not over yet." And left.

Sylvia was starting to feel overwhelmed with Shawn. Being with him, as had been the case with Armundo brought to mind an old saying that was certainly true,
"You don't know a person until you live with them."

Just as Armundo had shown only one side of himself until they married and then the other man that he was came out - so it was happening again with Shawn. She was starting to have her doubts. He was larger than life - aggressive. This life of peace and tranquillity that she worked to obtain was unravelling at the seams. She was trying to reason with herself, trying to get a grip on her feelings, on her fears... but he was choking her sense of well being. Living with violence for so much of her life had been disturbing for her, yet, after all that Armundo had done to her, she'd stayed with him. She was not a violent person by nature, everything connected with it, put her system through a wringer, and so she preferred to stay clear of it. All she wanted was a quiet life, flowers and vegetables in the garden, happy visits from her family and restful evenings at home. She wondered was she asking too much?
'Maybe so.'
She thought, because there was no reasoning in her mind that she could justify ever parting ways with Shawn when he wasn't even half as bad as Armundo had been to her.

Shawn didn't hit her, and she suspected that he never would. Shawn didn't curse her or demean her. She doubted that he would ever cheat on her, yet Armundo had done all of those things and she'd stayed with him. Thus the comparison left her wondering what was the problem? It wasn't as if she didn't love him, she knew that she did, and she was carrying his child. No she hadn't wanted any more children in the beginning, but that had been because she'd had to basically raise her first two alone, Armundo had contributed very little to their upbringing other than to tell them be quiet, or shout, "GO TO BED!" Her first marriage had felt like a prison sentence and now, it was causing her to cringe at the tiniest problems brought on by Shawn...because between the two men, during that short time period of respite, she had known independence and peace. Every new interruption to it irritated her, made her wish it back. No such thing was going to happen, because there was Shawn in her life now. She fantasized about an arrangement were he could live somewhere else, come and give her a little time, attention, some loving, occasionally some wild sex, then back off to his world to leave her in her little perfect, peaceful cocoon. She wondered, was that what was called having your cake and eating it too? Having everything... your way. No drama, no stress, no decisions, no sacrifices, just mellow sweet bliss.

Since Shawn, her life was anything but that. Yet... as she watched them before her, Kathy Ann, Shanna and Shawn with Angela sent to the basement to play on the PlayStation until the adults talked, she realized that was just a dream and that
that
respite she'd enjoyed and missed so much was perhaps a little gift from GOD. Maybe it was a message to say, rest while you can. Reflect while you can. Grow while you can... because what's to come, well... the road ahead, its about to get rocky once again. And the man, he's going to be teaching you the second part of your lessons for life. Rest time is up, he's coming your way... and he's a humdinger! Hope you're ready. Sylvia sighed, she wasn't ready, but she knew it was time to get ready. She'd gained so much strength and determination for herself, but it was slowly draining from her, like a car battery sat on concrete, her power was waning.

She knew that being pregnant the first few months would make her emotional and tired.
'God... was this too your plan for me? I'm 38 years old and pregnant and this man you sent me, did you happen to hear that he wants more... maybe two more? Funny how I sometimes forget that I'm actually pregnant. Only remembering in the mornings when I rise. Heavenly father, if he is my test... help me not to fail it please... because as you know, it has crossed my mind to just flee, and once again... be free.'
Sylvia shook off the nonsense prayer, running was not the answer, but working it out in her mind to accept who this man was - is the answer.

Whomever he was. Every new week, she discovered something new about him, and stood mesmerized by his stance, his solid body, his gestures, his smell, his smile. His laughter and that mischievous twinkle in his eye. To hear his voice, stirred her innards. To receive his touch, sent shivers through her, thrilling her, enrapturing her. Then to stand witnessing his bursts of anger - that too... gripped her deep within, exciting her while shocking her. Shawn... no... there was no way for her to return to that all so important morning that she hobbled across the road and asked for his help... bats.
'Two freakin' scary looking bats, got me into this shit!'
She thought, wondering if they were indeed, the works of the father... or the devil.

The things they were saying seemed to mesh together in one muffled sound as she'd drifted in thought. Shaking off her trip into wonderland she tried to get back into what was being discussed. Just an hour earlier - Shanna and Kathy Ann had brought Angela home from school for them as Shawn asked them to, then they both stopped and began talking to her when she had a ton of things on her mind that needed to get done. For one, she had to contact her mother and make arrangements for her to come up. It wasn't that she didn't appreciate their company, but she was still a bit shaken from Jakes visit. He was driving her crazy, she knew for certain that
he'd
been sent by the devil. So bad she wanted to tell Shawn about him, but she didn't trust how he would handle it, even though she knew he would not attack her, that rage of his, it shook her up, disturbing her in a way she just didn't want to deal with, she didn't have the energy. There was also the added stress of coming between brothers, no -
she
would deal with Jake. He would have to learn that every woman he pursued would not just fall for him. There was only one man in her mind and heart 24/7 and that was Shawn Everett McPherson...period! So she would have to adjust to all of a sudden being thrust in the center of his family and them showing up at her home more and more. It wasn't until then that Sylvia realized she probably wasn't a people person - as in - too many people at once coming in on her.

However, her smile had been in place. Her hospitality was warm, not wanting them to think she didn't like them and didn't appreciate what was being done for their wedding. That day - was looming closer and closer, making her feel as if a noose around her neck was growing slowly uncomfortable. They settled in at the kitchen table and basically told her what was going on. That Shanna's husband was now stalking her. That he'd ignored the Ohio restraining order and was now here in Wisconsin, trying to persuade Shanna to come back to him. While she could totally relate to Shanna, had been in a very similar situation herself she couldn't shake the feeling of trepidation that was slowly creeping up the back of her neck. It finally dawned on her that they were there to inform Shawn of this. Well, not Shanna, but Kathy Ann was, who kept overriding Shanna's request not to involve her brother.