BOMAW 1-3 (84 page)

Shawn and Sylvia were delighted as she, full of animation and laughter told about some of the things that took place that day in school. She was actually sad that it was a Friday and now she would have to wait the entire weekend before she went back to school on Monday. Sylvia tried to stay focused on what she was saying, she did a good job of being happy for her. Shawn noticed this as well, he noticed everything about Sylvia. Any time they were in a room together, a great deal of that time he spent looking at her. Reading her, studying those dark eyes, getting to know the little changes that identified a mood swing to him. Right then, he knew that something was on her mind. He waited until after dinner, which he volunteered to cook. He made a spinach, egg, bacon, mushrooms, tomatoes and onion skillet dish very similar to quiche, with grated cheddar cheese on top, and garlic bread. It was delicious, Sylvia and Angela enjoyed it giving their compliments to the chef. After they spent time in the basement playing with Angela, by 9:30, they wrapped up the evening sending Angela to bed, always with Sylvia there hugging her goodnight as well her father.

Sylvia stood in their bathroom in one of her mid thigh night shirts, brushing her teeth after she washed her face, getting ready for bed when he showed up in the bathroom door drying his hands after cleaning the kitchen, leaning there watching her. She rinsed her mouth out, spit and was rinsing out her tooth brush when he asked.

"You mind telling me now what's wrong?" He asked low.

"Nothing is wrong."

"Sylvia... I know better, you've got that face on."

"What face?" She turned asking.

"That - I'm not happy face. That - something is wrong face. Now what's wrong?"

"Shawn... you're doing it again... if I haven't volunteered any information, then... don't worry about it okay?"

"You can just forget that... because there is no way in hell, I can lay in that bed knowing there's something wrong with you. No way - in hell."

"Well I guess you'll have to, won't you?" She returned going to walk pass him out of the bathroom, but he blocked her from leaving by putting an arm up across the door. She went to duck beneath it and he went down with her, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her up against him, almost off the floor. With her hands pressed against his chest, she pushed, "Shawn... let go, stop it now." She pleaded.

"I wanna know what's wrong with you, so you might as well quit pushing, stop your struggling and talk to me, or else I can stand here holding you all night."

"Ugggh! That's the problem!
That
is the problem!" She growled out in a whisper, hoping their voices didn't carry through the walls to Angela.

"What?" He asked, still unwilling to let her go.

"You..." She stopped, so frustrated that she couldn't think. "...will you let me go?!"

"You gonna talk to me?"

"Yes!"

He let her go and followed her into their room, tossing the kitchen towel in the chair asking her right away after she put some distance between them. "Well let's hear it." He prompted.

"Shawn... you've got some serious issues going on. This is not what I expected - you - well... I didn't expect it to be this way,
you
to be this way."

"What way?" He asked.

"Shawn... you're... you're... too aggressive! Sometimes... too demanding... you... order people about, and make demands as if you're in charge of them. And your temper, Shawn you have - a bad temper! Honestly, I think you need to consider anger management... really you do."

"Have I ever lost my temper with you?" He asked.

"No... not really... its just that-..."

"Then what are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about how you do things... how far you go. Like today at the school-..."

"I'm not gonna apologize for that... they pissed me off, I think I'm a lot better than I use to be, there was a time when my reaction would have been a lot stronger, but I have come to realize everything can't be settled with my fist and knocking the daylights out of people."

"Oh my goodness! I don't believe this... I don't get it, after hearing the type of family you come from, I thought... I thought-..."

"You thought what?"

"Will you give me a minute here to think! Geez Shawn!" She snapped. "For some reason, I thought you to be a more milder, more laid back, relaxed and an at ease type of man. In the beginning, you seemed to be unfazed and ... and... gentle... and... funny... flirtatious and ... I don't know."

"I am with you... I would never hurt you Sylvia... not ever. Surely you know that?" He asked coming closer to her, she moved back.

"Wait... stop... don't - I'm not done yet."

He stopped, "Okay what?"

"You... you scare me sometimes Shawn, when you get angry... I'm not... afraid of you... but... you scare me. You make me fear, what you're capable of. The way you react to things, it makes me afraid sometimes-..." She stopped herself. She was burning to tell him about Jake... but he would push to know everything... and she'd already lied once in the hotel that Jake hadn't been bothering her. She knew if he found out that his brother had actually pinned her against the wall and kissed her, he would no doubt go through the roof. And that he'd come there, while he was gone, sneaking in on her - she could not bring herself to tell him.

"Sometimes... what?" He wanted her to finish. "What is it that you should ever fear my reactions to?" He asked.

"Nothing... right now..." She lied again, feeling it lodge in her throat. "...its just that as days move forward to our wedding day... I feel that... you're gonna end up being even more aggressive, even more angry... and you do have instances of anger Shawn. Then there's this situation with Shanna and her ex - I don't want you dealing with him Shawn."

"What?! What are you saying... you don't want her to move here?! Is that what this is about?"

"No Shawn! Did I say that? Did I say I didn't want her to move here?!"

"What are you saying then Sylvia?!"

"Did you hear what she said Shawn... he has a gun!"

"That's okay because I'm getting one too." He informed her.

"
What
?! No Shawn! No guns!"

"Sylvia! Its not open to discussion...not this one."

"Oh yes it is open to discussion!!! Yes it is! I don't want a gun in my house!"

"It is not just your house! Not anymore... its our home! And I will not leave my family at risk to some ass hole coming in and doing them harm! I'm getting a gun, you might as well get use to the idea."

"They're not safe Shawn!"

"Guns are harmless Sylvia... its the person that's holding it that makes all the difference."

"I don't - want a gun - in this house!"

"I fear we've reached an impasse my dear... because I'm not backing down. It is my responsibility to protect all those belonging to me-..."

"We are not your belongings Shawn! You don't own us!"

He walked up on her then, making Sylvia suck in and hold her breath for just a second bracing herself at the fierce and aggressive set of his jaw, clenched and unyielding. "You - are my wife! No... maybe no papers are signed, maybe no vows yet have been said - okay? But you are mine... that child in your womb that you carry is mine! Angela... mine! Right now, my sister has no one to protect her, that falls to me... I am her blood... her older brother! Any man who does not protect those of his household... is not a man." The look on his face gripped Sylvia, sometimes she felt as if she didn't know him, his features even changed into someone fierce.

"Shawn? You
are
a man... why are you so fiercely driven to prove it? With you Shawn, I've never felt more safe in all of my life. But... there's a point at which... you go a bit beyond what is called for." She tried to reason with him as he stood over her. "You can't be everywhere, and protect everyone... and a gun? Shawn please... what about the baby, our kids... you hear it all the time on the news... children killing themselves or others because-..."

"Their parent or parents were careless with it... that's why! My father has always had a gun in the house.... we never shot anyone! We knew better than to touch that gun, or his 6 rifles. There has always been weapons in our home. When my brothers and I were old enough, we were taught how to use them, we were told and we listened, because Bart would knock us clean out for any bit of foolishness when it came to them."

"So what are you saying Shawn... you gonna knock the hell out of our son too?"

"Did I say that? I would never abuse my son, nor any of our children if we have more. But they will learn and understand that I am not to be crossed in certain matters, that gun will most certainly be one of them. In the meantime, I promise you this. It will never be carelessly left. During the day, it will be locked away. Every morning the chamber will be emptied and it-..."

"What do you mean every morning? You plan to load it at night?"

"Yes I do. Sylvia... to what benefit will an empty gun serve?"

"No Shawn... I can't deal with this. I'm sorry... I'm sorry... what if one of my kids for some reason just show up?"

"Sylvia... it is very unlikely that they will in the middle of the night try to break in. They will knock, they will call, we will know the difference between family and someone who is being sneaky and quietly trying to break in. As a matter of fact, they will be here tomorrow... I'm going to have a long talk with Mundo and Crystal so they know."

"This is too much... its too much Shawn... I can't deal with it."

"What can't you deal with?!" He snapped.

"You! You taking over my life and making all these changes and denying me a say in it!"

"I've denied you a say in nothing but this! This is the only time I've put my foot down and refused to move... the only time! Get this through your head here and now, I'm the man in this relationship... you don't get to take that away from me! NOR - am I going to give it to you! So if you feel you're better suited to some cowering little, snivelling, soft ass whatever - who is willing to let you run roughshod all over him, that jumps at your every command, afraid to exercise his right for fear of inciting your displeasure... you're with the wrong man! You know I love you Sylvia, I would do anything in the world for you! However, you don't get to emasculate me! You don't get to take my manhood from me."

They stood staring at each other, as Shawn said... at an impasse. Shawn's heart was beating madly in his chest, wondering what would he do if she wouldn't back down. He wondered how he would be able to deal with being turned out because of this one stand with her, but he couldn't and wouldn't give in this... there was a point where a man had to stand strong and not back down.

"Well?" He asked.

"God help you Shawn if something should happen to one of my children because of that gun... because if it does, I swear to GOD, I will never forgive you."

"I'm not a careless little boy Sylvia. Neither was I born yesterday... I'm fully aware of all the dangers, and will consistently see to the safety of our children knowing that its in the house. I'm fully aware of the deadly responsibility... and I am very equipped with all the faculties necessary - to see it through. Its my right to bare arms, and I am going to."

"Well... I guess there is nothing more to be said." She stated and turned walking to the bed and climbing in, getting under the covers and turning towards the bathroom.

Shawn stood in the middle of the floor staring at her back and ample hip rounded under the covers. He walked over to the chair, picked up the kitchen towel and took it back into the kitchen. Making his rounds, he checked and locked all of the doors, leaving a light on in the kitchen above the sink. Back in their room he went to the bathroom, brushing his teeth, emptied his bladder, washed his hands and then his face, clicked the light off, walking around the bed he pulled his shirt off and took off his pants, tossing both to the chair, leaving him in his briefs and climbed in next to her, getting close up behind her to put his arms around her, she was stiff and unresponsive to him. He sighed. "How long are you going to stew in this... hm?" He asked leaning up to look down at her, reaching to move her hair back so he could see her face. She slapped at his hand. He grinned and pulled it away, then using his finger, he tickled in her ear and snatched his hand away quick before she could slap it again, chuckling so his body shook behind her. Then went to tickle it once more.

"Will you stop it!" She snapped looking back at him in the dark room as he leaned partially over her.

"Don't be mad at me Sylvie... come on... don't be like this." He whispered softly, pleading as he put his arm around her waist pulling her back against him, she grabbed at his arm and wasted time and energy trying to move it off of her. Shawn wasn't even straining with her hand tugging on his arm as he pulled her back despite her efforts. "Will you let me go?" She hissed.

"Now you know the answer to that. Come on Sylvie... is being with me so bad as this? Is it? Am I really that bad? I would grant you anything your little heart desires, but I can't give you this one."

"Then that's not everything my little heart desires is it?"