BOMAW Vol. 10-12 (86 page)
Authors: Mercedes Keyes
Your girl, Gail - even if I'm in bed, call me anyway, I don't care how late, I have my phone on beside me.
And the third,
From: Date: To: Subject: I know you guys made it there safely. It's Tuesday, you left here Saturday - flew out Sunday, and made it there safe and sound. Yet, I don't hear from you when you were in Madison, I don't hear from you when you land in L.A. And here it is, three days later, 3 days - as in - Saturday night, no word, Sunday, no word, Monday, nope... no word, and uh, yeah, Tuesday, still - no - word! Tell me Ben, at what point do I need to wake up and smell the coffee? Hmmm, it would seem it wasn't enough that we went so long without seeing or hearing from one another, then out of the blue, you call me up, take me out - all for a piece of ass. Let's just lay it out the way I stupidly laid it out for you! Are we at the point where we're as far as we're going to go? Come on, be man enough to tell me like it is! I'm sitting here, feeling like such a fool! Feeling like shit, embarrassed. Everyone asking, heard from Ben yet? Has Ben called? You called him? And I want to shout at everyone to just stop freakin' asking me! I am not going to be shedding any tears over you! If I had any sense at all, I would just tell you to screw off and don't come back! God Ben! Either call me or write me or something! Stupid me ... when will I learn???
|
Gail ... Don't screw me over Ben! Call me!
Final email,
From: Date: To: Subject: You are such an asshole! I just want you to know that! You screwed me over! Is this about her?! Huh Ben? Yeah, right, I bet you went there to get to know your, "father" - fact is, you went there to be with her! His step-daughter! I'm not stupid! No, I take that back, I am stupid! Stupid for wasting all of this time with you! Well guess what McPherson, it's over! There - I'm ending it! I'm not waiting around here, letting you humiliate me day after day! You could have had the decency to call me! Just to let me know how you really felt! Yet, no, the typical player and his games! God every time I think about how much I've given to you, how I've been there for you and this is what I get?! No email, no im message, no phone call, nothing! All I have left to say to you is, I hope one day you get back all the hurt and humiliation you've put me through! Life goes on ... even without you!
|
Gail
P.S. Sometimes we do need a rock to fall on our head. In my case, it hasn't knocked me out, it just woke me up!
Ben sat staring at the last email and wondered if that line,
'Hope one day you get back all the hurt and humiliation you've put me through!'
was already
manifesting itself? He must have stared at the screen for fifteen minutes before he snapped out of it. He reached up and hit the reply, placed his hands at the ready to finally respond to her. So many things went through his mind on what he could say. Part of him was tempted to try and make it up to her. But then, he thought about all the things in his life that made his life a living hell. He thought about his mother and her lies over the years. A lie that kept his real father from him. A lie that maybe, had it not been told, he would have been there in Wisconsin with him, instead of there in California, doing porn. He thought about that, the lie his father was living - or rather - the truth that he was trying to hide.
No more lies.
In reply to her email to him,
From: Date: To: Subject: I would like to first apologize for what I've done to you. I have no excuse, so I won't give you one. I don't want to admit to using you, because it's such an ugly thing to confess. Even so, what else explains what I've done? I'm not in love with you and yet, we were often intimate. While you consented to what we shared, I'm not going to say that I didn't know you had hoped it would lead to something more. I knew. We always know. I have no excuse. I have just now read all of your emails to me, so I wasn't ignoring you - but - I was being negligent with you. Another thing, you're probably right - the laws of physics in what is commonly placed within out universe to guide and direct it and us - has written on the walls for all to see, or, ignore, that - what goes around, comes around. You have my deepest apology for what I've done. Guilty as charged. Reading your emails I've learned something about me. I'm no better than the next man ... or ... my father. To use, to lie - no matter what the circumstances - it's all the same. I cannot expect one to own up - if I am unwilling to own up. Yes, life goes on - and with you - I wish you all the joy, length of life, and true reward of love, that you so deserve. Ben -------Original Message------- From: Date: To: Subject: You are such an asshole! I just want you to know that! You screwed me over! Is this about her! Huh Ben? Yeah, right, I bet you went there to get to know your, "father" - fact is, you went there to be with her! His step-daughter! I'm not stupid! No, I take that back, I am stupid! Stupid for wasting all of this time with you! Well guess what McPherson, it's over! There - I'm ending it! I'm not waiting around here, letting you humiliate me day after day! ... |
Having sent off the email. He sat a bit longer - wondering what was next? He turned his computer off. He needed his rest, he had an obligation to fulfill. There were two little boys who looked up to him. If nothing more came of his time there, one thing that would be - they would learn to swim. He'd given his word. And because he knew what it felt like to be let down, there was nothing in him that would even consider letting them down. For the time being, he needed to place his focus on them, not their mother. She wasn't happy with him right now and with good reason. But her boys, they adored him. And for some reason he couldn't explain, he needed that right now in his life. They offered him something substantial that made him feel good about being who he was, even with the mistakes he'd currently made.
Placing everything away, he grabbed the laptop and went upstairs, back in the room, the laptop back by his bedside table. He glanced over at Isaac, he was laying spread eagle upside down in his bed, about to roll out of it onto the floor. Smiling, Ben walked over, moved him back into the center of the bed in a better position, pulling the cover over him. Satisfied, he turned to the crib looked in at Darren, whispering, "My little man, I wish you guys were mine." He stroked his hair gently, covering him as well and then turned to his bed, climbing in, he pulled his covers over him, turned and went to sleep.
Mundo lay for a moment, his eyes blinking, sleepy. While drowsy, he was cognizant enough to know what he just saw. Shaking his head, he went back to sleep thinking,
'Sis, number two is stepping up to the plate, get ready.'
*
Very early
Sunday morning... Chicago
The house was quiet, all were sleeping. Jake exhaled cigarette smoke from the corner of his mouth, holding the half smoked burning cig between his fingers. A week from now, Shawn would be back and he wanted to have the majority of the songs for his album written or ready to discuss with him. There were two that weren't his, that he wanted to cover for his album because he simply loved them. One, was the one he sang to Vivian in his room at Shanna's, Jim Croce's "Time in a bottle" - and the other, an old song from the seventies that reminded him once more of Vivian, by Exile, "I wanna kiss you all over..." - just thinking about the song, made him start singing a few verses in his strong resonant voice. Yes, he would cover that one and find out from Shawn what he had to do, to cover them both. But he was up at 5:30 to finish the song that had been haunting him for a while. The one that he'd considered scratching because of what many might make of it. He couldn't scratch it, and instead, it would be the title of his album. Again, he would have to talk to Shawn about the song, the music. A portion of it, would come from the Monkey's old song, "Here we come...walking down the street." He would be using their music to start the song, using their first verse to begin it, then it would change with him coming in with new verses for it, to mean something entirely different.
He sat, head nodding, leg crossed sideways from the table, thinking about each verse, writing, scratching a line out in the tablet, tapping on the table, rewriting until he had the first stance. He tried it out, singing low...
'Here we come ... walking down the street... get the funniest looks from...everyone we meet...'
He stopped singing, made a note that here is where a record scratching or being dragged sound would come in to switch in the song, and started singing again, from the top until he got to his part... trying to sing low, in a deep voice he began,
'Yes – here - we - come, here we come - an'ya know...
This woman by'm'side, she black as coal...
An'I’m hol'in’ on tight ‘cause she’s good as gold...
And I can tell…
By yo' eyes…
What you thinkin'...
so'afraid t'miss us
You can't'even blink
an' it don’t matter t’me-e-e
‘truth, as you can se-e-e-e…
'Here we come ...
walking down the street -
walkin' - down - the street ...
we' use'to - dir-irty looks from...
everyone we meet...'
Ev - very one we meet...
He stopped again... made a few changes, humming, added another beat change, keeping the tune in his head, pulling deep one last drag off the cigarette he pressed it out in the ashtray, and made quick work of writing the next lines as they came to him. He read over the song once more from the top and then, added the next part...
