Bondage (6 page)

Tobias smiled and ruffled Phan's hair. "The playing with others part was for you. And I'm sure that we can work something out without straining that contract."

"Okay," Phan said softly. "I don't know what to say."

"Do you think you made the right decision?" Noah asked simply. "What reservations do you have about it?"

"Getting in the way," Phan said immediately. "I don't want to cause any kind of rift or stress or strain or be something you two worry over. Ever."

Noah sipped his coffee thoughtfully and then looked at Phan. "I think that's a legitimate concern, hon." He touched his fingers to his forehead for a moment. "I'm concerned about that, too. That incorporating a third person into our lifestyle will be stressful, that I might feel jealous or neglected or something, that there might be times when it's actually not working and needs fixing. But there are two things that you don't need to worry about. Getting in the way -- because you won't be 'in the way.' Whatever agreement we come to will incorporate you. It won't be possible for you to be in the way. As for a rift? Tobias and I have agreed to do this. We'll have some adjusting to do, we all will. There might be stressful things we have to work through. But you? Cause a rift? Not between us. It's just not possible."

Tobias' admiration and respect for Noah grew with every word. "Very eloquent, sweetheart," he said, setting the coffee pot down. "And completely accurate." He leaned over and kissed Noah's mouth gently before standing again and touching Phan's cheek. "That's why I have any hope at all of this working out; Noah's sense of self and what's important always seems to win out -- if he's got an issue he wants to talk about, you can be damn sure that you and I will be sitting and listening." He smiled and winked. "You both know that I'm willing to bring things up. And that I'll pry and poke until you give up anything you think you're hiding."

Phan groaned. "God, yes."

Noah laughed. "I'm not that bad, am I?" He sipped his coffee before continuing. "So, Phan, you think you can speak up for yourself? Because I don't want your concerns neglected either. This is only going to work well if we're all willing to talk, you know?"

"I spend a lot of my time talking about myself," Phan said slowly. "And I know it's different from therapy. I don't think I could hide things from Sir, I'm pretty sure it would be obvious to us both. We... after we hit the wall last time, we spent a lot of time talking, every day."

"Affirmation," Tobias put in, remembering too many nights of sitting with Phan in his arms as they tried to find their way and not quite getting there.

Phan nodded. "It didn't work, but at no point did I feel like it was a wasted effort -- I felt safe telling him what was wrong. I already tell you what's wrong, mostly. I think I can do that." Phan looked at Noah with hopeful eyes and Tobias sat back, nodding his head. Talking was the most useful tool they had.

"Okay," Tobias said softly. "I believe that. Noah?"

"Yeah, I believe it, too," he said, returning Phan's look with a smile and tugging him a bit closer.

Tobias nodded as tension seemed to flood out of Phan and he sprawled farther, melting against Noah. "Good. It's the good start we need. Now, there are things to talk about. Like... oh, my personal favorite, chores. Won't do to have you tripping on each other in the kitchen, would it?" He grinned. "Though I wouldn't say no to more than one cup of coffee in the morning."

"Well, the farmhouse and barn chores will go much faster if we do them together," Noah suggested. "But the city house chores, I think it might be better to trade off so we each get some downtime, you know, one-on-one time with you? What do you think, Phan?"

Phan looked at Noah and then at Tobias, his tongue flicking out to trace his lower lip.

Tobias braced himself.

"I think," Phan said slowly, "that it might make sense if I did the general cleaning and things like that, and you tend to Sir in the mornings. The two nights you're out can be my one-on-one time, and the weekends are already yours by contract. I mean, I'll be around, but that's when his energy should be focused on you. And the evening things during the week -- like running the bath, doing dishes, and things like that, we can trade off."

Tobias raised an eyebrow. "That's detailed."

Phan grinned. "I can write it down, if you want."

Noah's brow furrowed as he took that all in. He rubbed his forehead and closed his eyes like he was trying to put pieces together in his mind. He looked up at Tobias questioningly. "What do you think?"

"I think it's a complicated way of Phan both trying not to be a bother and give you what he perceives as a gift," Tobias said smoothly.

Phan sighed and rolled his eyes. "That didn't take long."

"I was your Master for how long?" Tobias asked with a raised eyebrow. "Don't try to play me, even if you're being kind."

"Yes, sir," Phan sighed again. "I'm sorry."

"I know. But it doesn't matter anyway, because the gift wouldn't have been accepted. He doesn't do that for me."

Noah looked between them. "I knew something wasn't sitting right. The not being a bother thing I got. A gift? I'm sorry, I didn't see it."

"No reason for you to," Tobias said. "One of Phan's favorite privileges was to dress me in the morning. It was a standard reward for good behavior, and the first thing to go if he was being punished. I think he assumed the same for us, and didn't want to take that away from you -- thus the offer to leave you with mornings."

"Oh." Noah smiled. "Well, thank you, Phan. That was sweet of you, anyway. And if that's something you want to arrange between the two of you that would be fine with me. Quite frankly, I need to be in another headspace altogether on weekday mornings when I'm off to work."

"He does raise a point, however," Tobias said, deliberately skipping over the matter of getting dressed in the morning. "I think it would be a good idea to officially designate the two nights you're out as time for me to work with Phan. The weekends, as he said, are when my energy will be yours. The rest of the time can be a little more up in the air."

"That's fine with me," Noah agreed. "And I'd like to suggest that you take Tuesday nights off. You're going to need a break, too." Noah looked at him meaningfully. "You can't really expect to work seven nights a week."

"Ah, but if I take Tuesday, the now traditional 'Phan and Noah eat and cuddle night,' who's going to pamper me?" he teased.

Phan's eye roll was a wonderful thing to see, the boy finally relaxed enough to play. "We'll make sure you have the remote and a pot of tea," he offered.

Noah just snorted. "While we take over the hot tub in the safe room and watch old Bette Davis movies. Really, Tobias, you're going to be so pampered and spoiled between the two of us, you're going to be glad for a night that someone isn't right there to cater to you." He grinned and winked.

"So you think," Tobias said in mock protest. "All right, so Phantom will take care of the usual morning things, aside from a cup of coffee -- simply because I'm the boss and I like Noah giving me coffee. Then Noah and I will saunter off to our jobs and Cinder-Phan will clean house. Go to therapy. Get well. Eventually, work. Wednesday and Thursday nights I'll work with Phan, Friday we'll all troop off to the farm, and Tuesdays we all have off. Sound all right?"

Phan nodded and scribbled madly on a piece of paper.

"I'd sign that," Noah teased.

Tobias laughed and was about to move on to his next concern when the house phone buzzed. "Supper," he said, standing up. "Would you two grab some plates, please?" He pulled his wallet from his pocket and went to answer the door, waiting for the elevator to get to their floor. He could hear them moving and laughing in the kitchen, though he couldn't make out the words.

He was just happy they were laughing.

Arms full with three pizza boxes, he went back to the living room to find them sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table, looking up at him with bright grins. "You two look like you're hungry," he said mildly.

They nodded at him, heads bobbing like five-year-olds.

"Oh, dear," he said, putting the pizzas down. "Mine's on top, don't eat it all."

Phan snickered but didn't say anything.

"That's the first time I've heard you say that," Noah teased, peeking into the boxes underneath. "Mine." He pulled out the sausage and sat it on the floor next to him. "I'm starving all of a sudden."

"Eat," Tobias said. He tapped Phan's head. "And you. Eat a lot."

Phan nodded. "Okay. Though it would be better if Noah made it."

Tobias grinned and nodded, taking a couple of slices from his own box. "Where were we?" he asked.

Noah's mouth was full, but he spoke anyway. "We were waiting for whatever was next on your list."

"Very attractive," Tobias said, his own mouth full. "Right." He thought a minute. "Oh. Big ones, boys. Sleeping arrangements and sex."

Phan sat a little straighter, but kept chewing, his gaze apparently locked on the floor.

Noah shook his head. "I have no idea. I was going to bring both of them up myself." He sighed and sipped his coffee. "Ew, I'm getting a Coke. Phan?" Noah hopped up and headed for the kitchen.

"Yes, please," Phan said softly.

Tobias watched Phan eat his pizza, eyes still down. "Hey," he said just as softly.

Phan turned his head slightly.

"What do you think?"

Phan shrugged. "Grateful for what you've offered, don't have any right to ask for more."

"Stop that."

Phan turned his body, still sitting on the floor, but at least facing Tobias so his gaze was more at Tobias' knees than the floor. "I don't know what to say about this. I want to hear what you two think."

Noah returned with the Cokes and handed one to Phan. He glanced in Phan's direction as he sat, and looked him over. "You don't like this part of the conversation, Phan? Makes you feel uncomfortable, makes you feel like you're intruding?"

Phan nodded. "Oh, yeah. And makes me feel like... um. Like there's a line I shouldn't cross, 'cause if I do I'm too open, you know?"

"Too open?"

Phan put down his plate and reached for a napkin, wiping his hands carefully. "Yeah. It's stupid, I know, given that I'm here and all. But I feel like if I talk about this, what I'd like, what I don't want to have happen... I guess I feel like it's not my place to say anything yet, that I should just listen to what you and Sir have to say. So I can see where you want me to fit."

"What your status is," Tobias said.

Phan nodded.

"At the moment, you don't have a specific status," Tobias said slowly, "and that makes you feel uncomfortable."

Phan nodded again.

Tobias thought a moment. "I can't give you status right now. I can't really define what you are, because I don't know. We'll have to feel our way for a while."

Noah interrupted. "I don't like you thinking that it's not your place to say something, though, especially if it's about something you need or something you don't want."

Phan nodded. "Okay, I get that. But we're starting from nothing and you and Sir have a basis -- so while I'm at zero, you're at, like, eight or something. Give me something to work with here."

Tobias nodded. "Noah? What're your thoughts?"

Noah tapped his fingers on the table. "Okay. So, just thinking out loud here, while there may be a kind of hierarchy -- if only because I wear your collar and Phan doesn't -- I think we need to think inclusively about sleeping arrangements. Adding another chain if you want to, even. I just don't see banishing Phan to another room every night of the week."

Noah looked at Tobias. "As for sex, the fact is that the physical part of this relationship is going to become much more fluid over time as we get closer. That just seems like a natural progression to me." He cleared his throat. "That said, you and I have something deep and meaningful that goes far beyond our contract, and I need that. I need alone time with you." His voice cracked a little and Tobias could feel the emotion in his words. "I need to be assured that we'll preserve that somehow. That little thing with the flower, too, that's just integral to the way we communicate -- to the way we fill each other's needs."

"Absolutely," Tobias said vehemently. "That's exactly what I was talking about when I left here last night -- you aren't losing me, and I'm not going to give you up. You're my lover and my partner, and that has to be clear." He turned to Phan, relieved to see the boy already looking at him. "I don't say it to hurt you."

"I know," Phan said, his voice clear. "It's what I've been meaning when I say you two work. You're... " he waved his hand and smiled. "You're good together. You're in love. And that's the part I don't want to hurt. Well, I don't want to hurt any of it, but that's the part that has to be protected." He looked over at Noah and tilted his head. "The part I don't want to intrude on. If that means I go to my own room some nights -- lots of nights -- that's okay with me. Really, Noah."

"It's not an easy thing to schedule, Phan, that's the thing..."

Phan nodded and Tobias could see him trying not to get exasperated. "I know that. I watch. I pay attention. I get out when I'm supposed to, and if I'm not moving fast enough one of you says 'Phan, we want to be all gooey. Go away.' I know this. Hell, I've been living with Bradford and Nikki. No, you don't want to know."

Noah ran his fingers through his hair. "Why don't you tell us what you think, Tobias, before Phan and I strangle each other with clarifications."

After a moment's thought Tobias leaned forward. "I see a few issues," he said. "First, it's essential that Noah and I have one-on-one time. There are times I need to be more relaxed with him, and it's intensely intimate. We're going to have to deal with that as it comes up -- I don't like the idea of simply telling Phan to take off, but until we're in a bigger place that's what's going to happen. Now, when we do find a new home, there will be other things to deal with, which is me getting ahead of myself."

He took a breath and looked at his boys, then reached for more pizza. "Frankly, the idea of having both of you chained to my bed turns me on, but that's hardly surprising. There are practical matters, though. There will be rules, and I'll expect them to be followed to the letter. They'll change, but not until we're a bit more settled."