Bondage Unlimited (11 page)

She still didn’t understand what the song meant. There were so many ways to interpret it. Gio had mentioned ‘drawing a line’ that night at the wedding reception. He’d said introducing her to kink had been a line he couldn’t cross. Had Gio been trying to protect her?

“Must my dreams like smoke fade away?

Each time I stumble my angel must pay.

Soon her wings, too soiled to fly.

I cannot carry this burden alone, though on and on I try

Must keep this darkness hidden deep, under lock and key

Though my soul cries out, a man must be a man…and face his destiny.”

Eva had thought the song verse pertained to owning his own construction company. Had he meant his dream of marrying her? Had that ever even been a dream? Or just a feeling of responsibility, another burden around his neck? Had his offer to marry her come from his heart or his conscience? She just didn’t know.

It didn’t matter anyway. There was no point in clouding the present with murk from the past. She ejected the CD and tossed it onto the passenger seat. No more strolls down memory lane. She couldn’t change the past and reflecting back on it was eating her up inside. It was time to let it go.

* * * *

Gio had taken his time cleaning the privacy room and had been clearing out his locker when he’d heard Eva talking to Ted. He wasn’t above listening in.

Eva was frustrating the hell out of him. Saying what they’d shared together had just been sex, nothing intimate, made him feel sick inside and all around pissed him off.

He wasn’t going to be used for sex then rebuffed when he wanted to hold her. That was fucked up, in more ways than one.

Once he was out in his truck, he dialed John, a private investigator they had on retainer for Dom’s Place and asked him to get all the info he could on Eva. It was a dick move and he knew it would come back to bite him in the ass, but he did it anyway.

Looking at his watch, he knew he had a few hours to kill. He thought about stopping by Dom’s Place, but his head wasn’t in the right place. He wanted to punch something or somebody. Most likely he’d end up popping one of his asshole brothers and that would just disappoint his parents.

As he drove home, he passed half a dozen fast-food joints. Some greasy French fries sounded really good right now. Rotten food, some beer and a good brawl were what he needed to clear his head, but he kept driving. He wasn’t that same dumbass kid he’d been in college.

Gio pulled his truck into the garage. He didn’t want to be alone. He should have been married to Eva by now… Had a kid or two. Pulling into the drive should have meant he was home. His house was his pride and joy. He’d designed it and built it, but it wasn’t a home.

After he’d left college, he’d tried to forget Eva, tried to move on. He’d thrown himself into school then his business. On paper, he was a huge success, so why did it feel so damned worthless? Nothing filled the void that leaving Eva had created.

Eva refusing his care…was just wrong. It had him second guessing everything they’d done. Maybe he’d pushed her too far. He just didn’t know. Gio pulled the two steaks out of the refrigerator. The two steaks he’d foolishly hoped he’d be sharing with Eva. What an idiot he was.

He took out a meat tenderizer hammer and pounded the shit out of the steaks. They were first class and didn’t need it, but it made him feel better. He went outside and lit the barbecue. While it was heating up, he tossed a salad, not even sure he’d be able to eat it.

Mentally, he ran through the entire evening. It had gone better than he’d expected until the end. Maybe she was hurt because he’d taken her from behind again. It still blew his mind that she’d think he’d fantasized about being with someone else. There’d never been anyone else he’d cared about—not like Eva.

The rest of the evening, he just went through the motions. He ate dinner, checked his email and stared at the clock, counting the seconds until it was time to call. Gio had no idea what he planned to say. He only knew that he needed them to get past this and it wouldn’t be easy.

As the clock struck ten, Gio picked up the phone.

On the second ring, Eva answered. “Hey, Gio. I see you’ve gotten more punctual over the years.”

Gio forced a chuckle. “I’d forgotten how rude I was back in college. It’s a wonder you put up with me.”

“It helped that you never wore a watch and your cell was always dead,” she teased him.

A few of the knots eased in his gut. She remembered small details about him as well. That had to mean something. “Proving people really can change.”

Eva didn’t reply and was quiet for so long he wondered if their connection had been lost. “Are you still there, Eva?”

“Yes, sorry.” She cleared her throat. “I had fun tonight.”

“We need to talk. I’m really not comfortable with your decision to refuse aftercare. Sub drop is serious and as our scenes intensify, the likelihood increases. It’s really not safe, Eva.” He needed her to see reason on this issue.

“I told you, it’s a hard limit. Don’t push me on this.” She sounded angry.

Fuck!
He couldn’t bulldoze his way through a hard limit. “Why, Eva? I respect your decision, but I’d appreciate the courtesy of knowing why.”

He wasn’t going to get her past this unless she opened up to him.

She was quiet again then let out a long sigh. “Gio, I can’t go there right now.”

Eva was tying his hands as surely as if she had cuffs. “Tell me something. Is this a standing hard limit or something that only applies to me?”

“I’ve tried it. It’s just not my thing.”

Gio pictured Eva shrugging as if it wasn’t a big deal, but her voice was strained.

“I’m not buying it, Eva. If it wasn’t a trigger, you’d be able to talk about it.” He really wished they were in person. Gio wanted to see her face, monitor her body language.

“If administering aftercare is necessary to you, then I guess we’ll have to void our arrangement.”

He couldn’t gauge how she felt about that possibility. It sounded a little like she was relieved. He refused to believe it. Yes, he’d screwed up big time, but he
knew
they were meant to be together.

“Eva, I’m your…Dom. I’m here for you and I’m willing to ignore my needs for the time being, if you promise you’ll tell me why this is a hot button for you.” He felt like he was trying to nail Jell-O to the wall. Unless she gave him something to work with, she was going to slip through his fingers and he’d only have himself to blame.

“Not right now, Gio. Give me some time to think about it?” she asked quietly.

“Okay, we’ll talk about it later. Did I push you too hard this evening? Are you sore?” As long as they were scening together, he still had a chance at fixing this.

“I didn’t think I could have that many orgasms back to back. After the second one, I was ready to quit. When you told me to safeword or suck it up, it was the catalyst I needed to hang in there.”

He needed to hold her. He didn’t want to do this over the phone, damn it. “You’re stronger than you think. Was there anything you don’t want to do again? Anything you’re having second thoughts about?”

She chuckled. “I’m having second, third and fourth thoughts about all of it, but I’d gladly do it all again.”

“You’re probably going to be sore, Eva. A bath will help.”

“I’m fine, Gio. You don’t need to worry about me.” She was growing more distant.

“Eva, I do worry about you. Telling me not to is like telling me not to breathe.” He hoped his admission wouldn’t send her running. “Did you finish grading the papers?”

“I still have a few to go.”

“What grade level did you settle on?” In college she hadn’t been sure what age she wanted to teach.

“Gio… This isn’t a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. This is just sex. I don’t want you to play any part of my daily life. I know some Doms step in and help subs add structure to their lives, but I don’t need that, nor will I allow it. Please respect my wishes.” She was using her ‘all business’ voice.

“So if we encounter each other at a restaurant, I’m supposed to act like I don’t know you?” Now he was getting angry.

She paused for a moment as if she was thinking it over. “No, that isn’t necessary. I simply want to be sure certain boundaries are in place. Our arrangement doesn’t extend outside of the clubs.”

Gio gritted his teeth. “We aren’t just a casual hook-up, Eva. We have a history together. I can care about you as a human being, take interest in your life, without the expectations associated with a girlfriend. Give me some credit.”

“I’m glad you can, but I can’t, Gio. If you can’t abide by these stipulations then we’re done.” Her voice brokered no chance that she would change her mind.

His hands locked into fists as frustration boiled. “Obviously, I need to up my game. If the sex is so easy for you to toss aside, I must not be doing it right.” Gio forced humor into his tone.

“You know that’s not true, Gio. It’s late and I still have a few things to do before I can sleep. I’ll talk to you Thursday, okay?”

“Goodnight, Eva.”

* * * *

Eva had woken with a headache and, though she’d tried various remedies, it was still dogging her. Gio’s warning about sub drop had bounced around her thoughts throughout the day. She’d rarely felt this depressed and lifeless. The sex had been amazing, better than she knew was possible, but spending the night crying had taken a bit of the shine off the event.

She had hurt Gio by refusing his aftercare. Hurting him, playing the bitch—all of it was hurting her too. She’d gotten into a fine mess and she had no idea how to get out of it.

Eva looked at her watch as she walked into the crisis center. She was late and the meeting had already started. Sister Carol had left a message on her cell, telling her she had a wonderful surprise and to come early. Eva sighed—now she had one more person to add to the list of people she’d disappointed. And for what? Because she’d sat at her desk staring at the papers she needed to grade, thinking about Gio and how much she wanted to feel his touch again.

She walked into the conference room and stopped dead in her tracks. All the usual people were there, the smartboard was lighting up one wall, everything Eva had seen dozens of times. Except this time, Gio sat in her seat. Sister Carol’s hand covered his and a smile beamed across Carol’s face.

“There you are, Eva! Grab a chair from the office.” Carol paused the presentation.

Gio stood. “Eva, please take this seat. I don’t mind standing.”

“No, no, no, dear boy, you sit. Such manners.” She patted his hand. “It’s so rare these days. Daniel, drag in a chair, Eva looks tired.”

She hated having the spotlight on her, but when Gio held his hand out toward her, she went to him. He stepped behind the chair and held it out for her. “Thank you.”

“Gio Parma, I’m pleased to introduce Eva Anderson. She’s my partner in crime and a true hero to the kids we serve,” Carol announced proudly.

“Gio, it’s nice to see you again.” She shook his hand as professionally as she could manage. “Carol, Gio and I went to college together. However did you two team up?”

Eva knew she had never mentioned the name of this place and he couldn’t have followed her, since he had arrived first.
Could it be a coincidence?
No way. If she’d learned anything during their time together it was that nothing about Gio happened by chance.

Carol clapped her hands. “It’s fate, that’s what it is. Eva, did you know this dear young man now owns his own construction company? He’s had such a booming year that he’s looking for a tax shelter. By the grace of God and a little help from our social media blast, he heard about us.”

Turning to Eva, Carol took Eva’s hands in hers. “He’s volunteered one entire crew, free of charge, for a whole week—six ten-hour days. You realize what this means, don’t you, Eva?” Carol had tears in her eyes. “All those extras we wanted for the new wing but couldn’t afford are now within our reach.

He’d outmaneuvered her. She wouldn’t see him socially so he’d whittled his way into her life through another avenue. She had the power to throw him out on his ear, but seeing how excited Carol was, she just couldn’t do it.

“Sit down, sweetie. I think we need to postpone the grand opening. I want the press kit to include all the extra amenities.” Carol pushed her seat over.

Gio took the chair Daniel offered him and placed it on the other side of Eva.

It was ridiculous to be jealous of Carol. She was a nun, for heaven’s sake, and yet Eva was more than happy to fill the chair between her and Gio. She shook her head, hoping to knock the silly emotion out of her mind. Here was another reason why she shouldn’t have anything to do with Gio.

Eva was quiet, allowing Carol to take charge of the presentation. Instead of showing off the new wing and discussing all the things they planned to do with the added space, Carol went into excruciating details about the work she wanted Gio’s crew to provide.

It wasn’t polite, but Eva zoned out. Gio had boxed her in rather effectively. Carol was going to encourage her to bring Gio into the fold.

Eva looked over at him. He was taking notes and seemed to be asking pertinent questions. He was so damn handsome. Everything about him meshed with her. The sound of his voice slid down her spine and made her decidedly uncomfortable in the room with her colleagues. It was a little embarrassing to be aroused by watching a man do his day job. And she was highly annoyed that it was taking some willpower not to reach over and hold his hand like they’d done in class all those years ago.

“Eva, please give Gio a tour of the new wing. While the photos were quite good, he’ll need to see the structure in person.” Carol was grinning at her.

Great. Carol was playing matchmaker already. Eva waited patiently while they firmed up the details and everyone else headed off to do their own thing.

Instead of shaking Gio’s hand like Eva had expected, Carol gave him a bear hug on their way out of the conference room.

“I look forward to seeing you tomorrow,” Carol told Gio.