Bonds of Denial (27 page)

Carter ran his hands up Rock’s chest then pulled him down to consume his mouth in a kiss that was both tender and more than a bit frantic. “I’m trying,” he said between kisses.

“Good.” Rock returned the kiss with a fever that Carter met. In it was the love he couldn’t say and the hope he could no longer hide. Eventually, the passion turned to soft nips and easy glides of tongue and lips. It was a gentle confirmation that they weren’t done. Everything wasn’t fixed, but they still had a chance.

It ended with him back in the warmth of Rock’s arms, his pulse racing once again. He held on, taking what he could. “Thank you,” he mumbled.

“For what?”

“Holding me.”

“Anytime,” Rock said, his arms cinching tighter. “Anytime.”

Rock tossed his phone on the couch cushion and glanced down at the notes he’d made. The contract was coming together, but there were still a few details to work out regarding usage and reprint rights. He wanted to run them past Carter, but the man had refused to talk about it.

The last week had passed in a blur of phone calls, meetings with the gallery owner and catching up on his army and club work. Hanging over all of it was his worry for Carter. The man had asked for some space and that meant not seeing each other. It was torture for him when his arms ached to hold the man until he finally accepted that Rock wasn’t going anywhere.

The buzz of his phone had him grabbing for it, pulse increasing with hope before he remembered Carter still didn’t have a phone. Stubborn man.

The text was from his sister.
I got my ticket
.

Great. U need a ride?

No. I’ll get a rental. U will b busy
.

Not for u
.

I got a hotel room too
.

Why?

Hopefully u will b busy after the show too. ;-)

He chuckled at her optimism, but he wanted her to be right. For a good reason. Not because Carter wasn’t speaking to him.

Ur the best. Thx
.

Carter still avoiding u?

Avoiding
was a strong word, but it was basically true. The man had been working all week to get the photos enlarged, matted and framed for the gallery show. Email was their only means of communication and that had been sparse.

He’s focused on getting his photos finalized for the show
.

I’m here for u
.

I know. Email me your flight schedule
.

Ok. Luv u
.

His sister’s support was great. All of his friends were behind him on this, which still stunned him somewhat. It made his years of self-imposed denial seem foolish and wasteful.

Damn, he missed Carter.

Fuck. What if his plan backfired? What if Carter resented him for what he was doing? It was the risk he’d decided to take when he agreed to put his face on a national campaign for gay rights.

Would Carter understand? Would he get why Rock was doing it?

He hoped so. He hadn’t come this far to lose the man who’d gotten him there.

* * *

Carter dropped his head back, closed his eyes and released a slow breath. It was done. The pictures were delivered to the gallery. Leslie, the gallery owner, had been very complimentary of the final products. He’d selected dark gray mats and simple black metal frames to keep the focus on the images.

The squeal of tires grinding around a turn echoed through the parking structure. It was a reminder that he should start his car and head home.

He reached for his phone, only to remember that he hadn’t replaced his broken one. The instinct to text Rock and share the good news was still there though. He’d lost count of how many times he’d done that same thing since Rock had come back. He should go right now and get a new one, but he wasn’t ready.

Relying on Rock was too easy.

Carter smiled. It was a weak one, but the best he’d managed in weeks. It would be so easy to lean on Rock and let the man push him to where he should go. If only he had Rock’s confidence in his photos.

Even the praise of the gallery owner hadn’t dispelled the knot of nerves that sat in his stomach. The words were nice, but it didn’t mean the public would think his work was worth paying for.

How in the hell was he going to support himself on a random income that might or might not come from his photos?

Shit. He wasn’t going to answer that question. The only way he’d know was if he tried. But every time he’d paid for the mats and frames and prints and everything else, he was reminded that his guaranteed income was no longer there.

Hank had held true on his promise to let his current contract go, but it hadn’t stopped him from resending a new one in the mail, just in case Carter had lost the first one. It had arrived yesterday. Ironically, it’d been one of the few pieces of mail he’d been compelled to open.

He should’ve shredded it instantly, he knew that. But doing it…yeah.

The show was still five days away. That was a lot of time to think and even more time to second-guess himself.

Rock pulled on his collar, stretching his neck to alleviate the choking sensation that threatened to cut off his air supply. The suit and shirt were tailored to fit him perfectly, so it wasn’t the clothing that was the issue. Just like the last time he’d worn them. The night he’d met Carter.

“Are you sure Mr. Montgomery is going to be here?”

He dropped his hand and turned to Leslie Sherwood, the diminutive owner of the Open Eye Gallery. Her sleek black dress was understated, like the tight bun that held her brown hair back, making her appear older than the thirty-odd years he guessed her to be. In the two weeks he’d been working with her, she’d more than proven that her quiet nature covered a brilliant mind that knew the art world and how to market the work her gallery consigned.

“I’m positive.” He plastered on a smile that felt false but seemed to work on her. His backup plan to ensure that Carter attended the show’s opening was already in motion.

She glanced at her watch then looked around the spacious gallery before her gaze settled on the large covered piece on the small stage set up at the far end. “Mr. Thompson should be here soon.”

“Good.” Rock stared at the black cloth and forced the rise of nerves back down. He’d been unable to eat all day, so there was no chance of a meal returning but that didn’t stop his stomach from posing the threat anyway.

“I need to check a few more things,” she said. “Thank you again for arranging everything so quickly. This is going to be a big night. I can feel it.” She gave him a brief smile before she moved away, her heels clicking on the floor as her hips swayed with each step.

Rock waited for her to disappear behind the door to the back area before he pulled out his phone and called Tyler. He paced to the wide windows that looked out at the street.

“Hey,” Tyler said as he picked up, his voice coming across winded. “I’m running late, sorry. But we’re almost at the condo.”

“Good. Thanks.”

“Seth’s going to bring the girls there.” There was a faint ‘I’m not a girl’ in the background that Rock recognized as Allie’s voice. Tyler sighed. “Fine. The women to the gallery. I’ve got Deklan and Jake going with me as backup.”

Rock nodded, cross-checking the plan in his head. “He has to be here.”

“I know. Trust me, okay? We’ll get him there.”

“Okay. Right.” He did trust them. The night was too important for so many reasons.

“I’ll let you know when we’re on our way.”

Rock glanced at the time. It was almost five. The gallery would open soon, starting the weekend-long art festival. “The reveal is at seven. He has to be here before that.”

“I’ve got it.” Tyler mumbled something to someone then came back on. “We’re pulling into the complex now. Stop worrying. Your man will be there, dressed and looking hot, in plenty of time. I promise. I’ll talk to you later.”

He hung up before Rock could say anything more. The sidewalks were busy with people loitering outside the various galleries, waiting for them to open. The May weather had cooperated, giving them a day that was both sunny and pleasantly warm. It would attract more people to wander through the open galleries, which was good and bad.

For the hundredth time he wished like hell he’d gotten a new phone for Carter. The man had been a stubborn ass about getting a replacement. But then, he’d been a stubborn ass over just
about everything the last two weeks.

Rock had done a frantic amount of cajoling, persuading and flat-out begging to get the licensing agreements finalized and signed for the campaign to use the picture of him. Fortunately, Leslie had been on his side to get the rest of the details in place for tonight. He owed that woman big time when this was done.

Now Carter just had to get there.

He didn’t know if he could do this if Carter wasn’t with him. There was no going back from this next move and if Carter didn’t understand that, then Rock doubted if the man ever would. And he couldn’t think about that option.

Carter was in a slump, that was all. He had no doubt that the confident, poised man he’d met and fell in love with was still there. He just had to be reminded of that so he could stop denying his future. Their future. And they had one, Rock was positive of that.

He just hoped that the one he wanted was the same one Carter did.

* * *

He needed to shower. He should’ve been dressed and there already. His suit was laid out on the bed, his shirt crisp from the dry cleaners. And here he sat, unable to move.

Carter stared at the suit, the black material popping against the lighter color of the duvet cover. He’d worn it many times for his job. It was his best one. But tonight was different. It was the start of a new life—if he dared to take it.

He dropped his head into his hands, his elbows digging into his thighs as the panic set in once again. His skin was chilled, yet there was an inferno burning within him. His stomach was kinked so tight he doubted it’d ever go back to normal.

He couldn’t do it but he had to. It was the same battle he’d waged with himself for weeks. God, he didn’t want to let Rock down. He didn’t want to lose him or hurt him. Not again.

But this unknown was too big.

The last five days of thinking had allowed all the doubts to fester and grow. He was teetering on a point that could determine the rest of his life. How did he make that choice? What if he made the wrong one?

He lifted his head and reached for the papers on the dresser next to him. They crinkled in his hand as he brought them down. The room was too dark to read the words, but he didn’t need to. He knew what they said. Right down to the five more years of safety offered in a life he knew.

If Rock really loved him, he’d understand.

At midnight tonight, when his current contract officially expired, he’d be free of that life, yet would he ever really be free? He couldn’t erase the last ten years. There was no getting away from the fact that he’d spent his entire adult life serving others with his body.

Being a whore was all he knew.

But Rock thought he was more than that. The real question was did he believe he was too? If he was honest with himself, he’d been struggling with that one for years.

The knocking funneled up the stairs to interrupt Carter’s spiral of self-doubt. Why in the hell couldn’t everyone leave him alone? The universe was working against him, just like it always had.

He trudged down the stairs, the contract in his hand. It was most likely Tony. Hank was tenacious enough to send the man around one last time, just in case Carter changed his mind.

A glance out the side window brought him up short.

“Open up, Carter.” Tyler’s voice was muffled but understandable through the door.

What the hell?
He opened the door, only to have Tyler plow right on in like he belonged there. “Come on.” He grabbed Carter’s arm and dragged him down the hall as the two men with him let themselves in and shut the door behind them.

“What’s going on?” Too confused to object, he found himself at the stairs before he looked back at Deklan and Jake by his kitchen counter. “Why are you here?” He knew them from the condo building and was also aware that they owned The Den, but that didn’t explain why they were at his place dressed in suits.

Jake smiled. “Reinforcements.”

“We don’t have time for this,” Tyler insisted, pulling on Carter’s arm. “You need to get your ass in the shower. Now.”

He balked. “Why?”

Tyler spun around. “Really?” He flipped his bangs out of his eyes with a snap of his head.

“Rock.”

The single word bounded across the room to smack Carter in the back of the head like a physical force. He jerked around, but his glare was met with an equally menacing one from Deklan. “Rock what?” Carter gritted out.

“You’re going for Rock.”

“That is none of your business.”

“You don’t want to go there,” Tyler mumbled from behind him, but that didn’t make Carter back down. If anything, it made him more determined. He flexed his shoulders back and took a step toward the other man.

“That’s more like it,” Deklan said.

“What?” Carter lifted his hands, exasperated by everyone that suddenly thought they had a say in his business.

“Wow, man. You really need to go through your mail.” Jake flipped through the stack of unopened mail like he had every right to do so. He held up an envelope. “Electricity might be a good thing to have.”

“Jesus Christ,” Carter muttered, running his hand through his hair.

“Ooh, this looks important.” Jake waved another envelope before tossing it to the side.

“Let’s go, Carter.” Tyler stepped around in front of him to push on his chest. “You can fight with them in the car.”

He allowed himself to be maneuvered upstairs and found himself in the shower before he could come up with a reason to object further.

“You’ve got five minutes,” Tyler hollered over the spray of the water. “And don’t forget to shave.”

He stood there for a moment, water sluicing over his shoulders and back before he grabbed the soap and started to wash. This was Rock’s doing. It had to be. The man must’ve guessed that Carter would back out and sent a team over to make sure he didn’t.

Rock hadn’t given up on him. Not even when Carter had given up on himself.

He scrubbed the shampoo out of his hair, washing the last of his indecision down the drain with the suds. Relief rushed in to loosen his muscles and replace the doubt that had plagued him.

It might not be Rock here dragging him to his show, but he’d sent three men he trusted, who wouldn’t let Carter say no.

He stepped out of the shower and quickly finished the rest of his grooming routine. It was suddenly important to get to the gallery before Rock changed his mind.

Carter wouldn’t let him down. He couldn’t, because then he’d be letting himself down too.

The steam followed him out of the bathroom as he entered the bedroom. He was reaching for his shirt when he saw what Tyler was staring at. He’d tossed the contract on the dresser before he’d taken his shower. He only hesitated for a second before he picked up the shirt and slipped it on. “I’m not doing it,” he told Tyler.

“I should fucking hope not.” Tyler ripped the papers in half then stacked them together and tore them in half again. He glared at Carter the entire time in a dare to stop him. “I can’t believe you even considered it.”

“Like you didn’t?”

Tyler sighed. “But I didn’t do it.”

He tipped his head toward the door. “There’s a shredder in my office.”

“Good.” Tyler strode into the hall.

Carter had his buttons half done when the whirl of the shredder reached his ears. He’d delete the email tomorrow. Hell, he’d get a new email address too. That’d go nicely with a new phone and number. A completely new start.

He was slipping on his slacks when Tyler came back to lean on the dresser, crossing his ankles and arms.

“So what was that all about?”

“Stupidity?” He said it as a question, but it was probably the truth.

“Definitely,” Tyler agreed. He narrowed his eyes. “You know that man is crazy about you, right?”

Carter paused in tucking his shirt in, heart skipping. He’d been afraid to believe it, but hearing Tyler say it seemed to make it real. A silly grin spread over his face and he ducked his head, focusing on fastening his pants. “Yeah. I finally believe it.”

“Are you guys ready?” Jake’s voice shot up from downstairs.

Tyler looked him over before shouting back “Almost.”

Carter reached for his tie, only to stop. He looked at Tyler, who shrugged.

“I thought that one was better.” Tyler had replaced the simple red-striped tie he’d selected for a brighter royal blue one he didn’t remember owning.

He slipped it around his neck and under his collar. “What are you up to?”

“Me?” Tyler asked all innocent. “I’m just getting your ass to the gallery so Rock won’t kick mine.”

Carter finished knotting his tie, slipped on his socks and shoes then grabbed his suit jacket and headed for the stairs. Tyler was right behind him.

“You guys ready?” Carter asked as he hit the bottom of the stairs.

Deklan frowned, but Jake let out a laugh. He picked up a small stack of mail and waved it at Carter. “I’d suggest opening this pile soon.”

“Right.” He couldn’t even be annoyed by Jake going through his mail. He’d ignored everything but the pictures for the art show for over three weeks. There were bound to be overdue bills in the pile. He slung the suit jacket over his shoulder and strode down the hall. “I’m assuming one of you is driving.”

He didn’t wait for an answer but headed out the front door into the light of early evening. He had a show to get to and a man waiting for him. It was beyond time he jumped into his future
instead of hiding in the past.

Hopefully, he wasn’t too late.