Bonds of Trust (11 page)

Chapter Fifteen

Cali took a deep breath and dove in. “Okay.”

Something flashed in his eyes, a quick insight into him before he blinked and it was gone. What was it? She wanted more than anything to see it again. To know what it was.

He let her go and crossed to the bathroom. He returned with a black silk robe and held it out to her. It finally dawned on her that she was still naked. Her nudity hadn’t even crossed her mind. That’s how comfortable she’d become with Jake. Already.

It seemed so fast. But felt so right.

Too right.

She turned and slipped into the offered garment. He reached around and tied the sash for her, his strong hands brushing and caressing her abdomen. He engulfed her with his strength, his arms surrounding her and pulling her within his protection. The feeling soaked into her and warmed her in a completely different way than the sex had.

He kissed her neck then took her hand and led her to the exit. He stopped to pick up her discarded clothing before he opened the door and reclaimed her hand.

She paused and took one more breath before allowing him to lead her from the room. Her heart raced as she followed him down the hallway, away from the stairway that led to the second floor.

It was on the tip of her tongue to ask where they were going, but she bit back the question. Trust. If she trusted him to tie her down and spank her naked ass, then she could trust him to keep her safe. Easier said than done, but she kept her mouth shut and silenced her doubt.

A part of her acknowledged she was placing too much faith too soon in someone and something she’d only just begun to know. But she’d waited forty-four years to feel this...free. To stop worrying and simply trust that someone else would take care of the details.

It was somewhat counterintuitive that in giving up control, instead of feeling enslaved she’d finally found freedom.

She didn’t want to be anal and repressed any longer. Maybe she’d get burned, but at least she could say she jumped. She tried.

She dove in headfirst for once and felt more alive than she had in years.

She smiled at the warmth and contentment that settled in her gut and soothed through her. She would revel in that feeling for now.

* * *

What in the hell am I doing?
Jake’s mind hammered with reiterating words of judgment. He was asking for trouble. No, make that begging to be dropped-kicked and nailed in the nuts for this.

It made no logical sense. But here he was, unlocking the door and leading Cali into his loft.

His private space. A place that had never been graced by a sub.

Fuck
.

But he didn’t want her to leave. Not yet. Not when she could still run. And although the room downstairs had been perfect for the Scene, it didn’t have a bed.

And a bed was where he wanted her.

“Is this your place?”

An innocent question. She was good at those. “Yes.”

Her steps faltered, her eyes going wide. “Oh.”

At least she seemed to get the importance. Done dwelling on his actions, Jake led her through the open space of the living area to his bedroom. He set her clothes on his dresser and moved to the master bath. He took a towel out of the cabinet and turned to her. “Take a shower. I’ll be here when you get out.”

She seemed a little startled, the whole deer-in-the-headlights thing. He tried to remember that this was one gigantic new step for her.

He cupped her face and lowered his voice. “You’ll feel better after a hot shower. Your muscles will be sore tomorrow and the heat will help.” He gave her a light kiss. “Now, go. I’ll be here.”

A smile curved over her lips before she twisted away and did as he said.

“Put the robe back on when you’re done,” he told her.

She gave him one last look filled with questions as he left and she shut the door.

He released a quick breath, ran his fingers through his hair then scrambled to get his things done before Cali got out of the shower. Hopefully she’d take a long one.

After a quick shower and change in the guest bath, Jake grabbed his phone and sent a text to Seth. It wasn’t often that Jake wasn’t on the club grounds when it was open.

Sometimes it felt like it was the only place he’d been for the last five years.

The air in the loft was cool against his bare chest as he got out some snacks and made a tray of crackers, cheeses and fruit. He paused and surveyed the spread. Damn, when did he get so fucking domestic? That stirring in his chest pushed hard and he had to shove it back.

His phone beeped and he wiped his hands on his cotton lounge pants before checking the text message.

Seth:
WTF? You sick?

Jake:
No. Busy.

Seth:
With what?

Jake:
Not ur biz.

There was a pause before Seth’s final text:
FU. Deets in morning.

Great. Jake sighed, put down the phone and turned to the fridge.

“Is everything okay?”

Cali’s soft-spoken question had him jerking back from the fridge. She stood in the doorway from his bedroom, her hair wet and curling around her freshly scrubbed face. He was pleased to see she’d followed his order and put the robe back on. The black silk clung to her damp skin in a way that made his imagination run wild.

He walked to her. “Everything’s fine. How about you? Still okay?” He studied her face, searching for clues.

She nodded, but her lip disappeared between her teeth. He dipped and kissed her, tugging that lip into his mouth before he let her go. She gave him a tentative smile that spoke of the fine line she was balancing on.

He noticed the mark on her shoulder just visible under the edge of the robe. He pushed the material aside and rubbed his finger over the deep purple bruise already blooming. “It looks good on you,” he said, the claiming mark sparking the pride and ownership within him.

She jerked her head to see what he was talking about, but it was too close to her neck for her to see.

He gave her cheek a light caress then went back to kitchen, giving her the space he sensed she needed. Plus, it was important for her to come to him. He glanced back at her. “What would you like to drink? I’ve got wine, water, soda, iced tea.”

She took a step toward the kitchen, swiveling her head to take in the room. The loft was the traditional open floor plan, containing high ceilings and exposed beams. The kitchen was in the far corner, decked out with high-grade appliances and marble countertops that still appeared as new as the day they were installed. Her face remained blank and he had to push back the question of what she thought of his place. Since when did he care?

“Do you have Coke?” Her soft question seemed loud against the emptiness.

“Got it.” He grabbed two cans from the half-empty fridge and a couple of glasses from the cupboard. When he turned around, she was standing on the other side of the island, smiling. “What?”

She shrugged. “You surprise me.”

He dropped some ice in the glasses, the clink of the cubes echoing around them, and popped open the cans. “Is that all? I take it you’re someone who doesn’t like surprises.”

“No,” she said, taking the glass he offered to stare intently at the hissing, disintegrating foam. “I’m just usually prepared enough to avoid surprises.”

“Hence, the extensive internet research before coming to the club.” Jake watched her as he took a drink of his soda.

She shifted on her feet before grabbing and nibbling on a cracker. “There’s nothing wrong with being prepared.” The defensiveness in her voice told him she’d battled this topic before.

“I agree. In fact, I’d have been disappointed if you’d come to a BDSM club knowing nothing about what you were walking into.”

The rigidity left her shoulders and she relaxed against the counter. He could physically see the relief wash through her as the tension left her body to let the exhaustion show through. The night was catching up with her.

Jake grabbed the tray and his drink. “Come with me.”

As he led her to his bedroom, the pad of her bare feet against the wood floors was his only indication that she followed him. He didn’t turn around to check; it was assumed she would be right behind him. And it pleased him to know she was.

He set the food tray on the bed and his glass on the bedside table before clicking on the small lamp, the light casting a dim glow through the room. Taking Cali’s glass, he set it next to his then arranged the pillows and sat on the bed. She accepted his extended hand and the mattress dipped as she kneeled next to him. He settled them both until she was positioned between his bent legs, her back resting on him as he leaned against the headboard.

Her skin was soft and smooth under his palms as he caressed her arms before gently tipping her head back until it rested on his chest. The wet tips of her hair brushed his skin, leaving a trail of moisture behind. He let his hands roam over her body, light touches meant to soothe and comfort.

She felt so good in his arms, next to him. The urge to keep her there, safe within his protection, roared up to nearly choke him with its sudden ferocity.

“What are you doing?” Cali asked after a moment. Her muscles were slowly responding to his touch, her body sinking into his as she gave in to the safety he offered.

Reaching over, he grabbed a grape off the tray and held it to her lips until she accepted the fruit, her mouth closing around his fingers before he slipped them away.

“Taking care of you.” He kept his answer low, the words spoken against her neck. The fresh scent of his soap filled his nostrils and his possessiveness flared. He loved his smell on her, wanted his scent on her. He inhaled again before he forced himself to lean back and give her another grape.

“I can feed myself,” she objected.

He pushed the grape against her lips until they opened. “I know, but let me take care of you.”

“That’s what this is?” He couldn’t see her eyes, but her voice was filled with question and doubt.

“What does it feel like to you?” Jake kept his voice neutral, waiting for her once again.

She twisted in his arms until he could see her face. She searched his eyes before reaching out to brush his hair off his forehead. The touch was whisper-light, but he could feel the imprint of her fingers through his entire body.

“It feels exactly like what I’ve wished for for so long.” Her fingers grazed over his cheek to rub across his lips. She tracked the path, her thoughts appearing distracted by the movement. “It’s hard not to doubt it when it’s not at all what I expected.”

“What did you expect?”

“Sex. That was it.” She looked at him, fear and wonder shining in her eyes. “I don’t know if I’m ready for this.”

Neither did he. Jake let his fingers comb through her damp hair, intrigued by the gentle curls forming. She must force the softness out to get it as straight as she normally wore it. “This, what we’re doing now, is just as much a part of BDSM play as the whips and paddles.”

She curled into him, her head resting on his shoulder, her breast pressing into his chest under the silk robe. “I don’t know what to do with this. I wasn’t prepared for it.”

“Then trust me and let me guide you.” He pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her. “That’s my job.” One he hoped he didn’t fuck up.

She remained quiet, no more doubts or questions surfacing from her lips. It wasn’t long before he felt her relax and her breathing even out. Her exhaustion finally forced her mind and body to give in to the sleep it needed.

And he held her, inhaling the smell of his soap on her skin, absorbing the weight of her in his arms, reveling in the light stokes of her breath over his skin. The rightness of it surrounded him until his heart started to race in a sprint against the panic threatening to ruin the peace.

What am I doing?
He reached over to click off the light, plunging the room into darkness. But the blackness did nothing to quiet his mind. He let his head thump back as it sagged under the weight of his thoughts. He shouldn’t be doing this. He was leaving in just over two months. He had calls out to clubs along the southern coast, places that would take him far from here. He couldn’t get close, couldn’t risk the pain.

He was lying to himself just as much as he was lying to Cali. Because this—Cali in his arms, in his bed—was so much more than the standard Dom/sub connection made at the club. It was what most sought, but few discovered by simply coming to the club. It certainly wasn’t what he’d been searching for or found in his five years of being there.

Yet here she was. Here he was.

And fuck, but she felt so right. Here.

His sub.

Cali Reynolds belonged to him.

And what exactly did that mean?

Chapter Sixteen

The warmth encased her. It was the first thing Cali noticed as her mind fluttered awake. She curled and arched into the hard body giving off all of the heat before she froze.

Where am I?

Her eyes flew open, her muscles stiffened, her mind immediately engaged.

“Hey.” A deep voice rumbled behind her. “You’re all right. Go back to sleep.”

Jake.

Oh. My. God. She was in Jake’s bed. Naked.

His lips brushed her shoulder, the soft kiss sending a shiver down her spine. His arm constricted against her stomach and pulled her tighter along his length. He felt so good. It felt so good to be in his embrace. To wake with his arms around her. To have him touch her.

Just hold her. Like last night.

She must have drifted to sleep in his arms. She hadn’t intended on staying. Did he even want her to?

She should go.

She lifted her head, craning for a clock. The room was still dark, no light leaked in from the large windows in the room. He must have blackout curtains, considering the late hours he worked. From the doorway, she could see daylight playing in the other room, so it had to be past seven.

Like the rest of his loft, his bedroom was neat and sparse. The furniture was all clean lines and dark woods that fit the space but remained unobtrusive. The silk of the sheets caressed her skin and she noted he didn’t spare on the luxuries. What he did own appeared to be well-crafted and expensive.

Unable to spot a clock without disturbing Jake, who’d apparently gone back to sleep, Cali settled into his arms and gave herself a moment to enjoy the feeling. She never imagined
this
—the almost overwhelming intimacy and closeness she felt so quickly with Jake—when she’d agonized about joining the BDSM club. Yes, she’d read about the trust and bond that existed between a Dom and sub, but this was so much more.

So
much more.

And she’d agreed to be
his
sub. She still didn’t really understand what that meant, but just the thought of it warmed her. If last night, if this right now was any indication of what being his sub would be like, then she’d gladly take the risk.

The faint jingling of a phone from the other room roused her out of her thoughts. Cocking her head, she listened again and her heart sunk to her stomach.
What time is it?

Pushing away Jake’s arm, Cali rolled out of bed and grimaced when she sat up. Her tender bottom reminded her of what she’d done last night, of what she’d allowed Jake to do to her. Ignoring the ache, she stumbled into the other room. The ringing continued and, as she feared, it was coming from her purse, which lay on the kitchen island.

Damn
. She was supposed to meet Stephanie to go shopping. She sprinted across the open space and grabbed her purse, frantically digging for her phone. The ringing stopped as her hand closed around it.
Shit
. She snapped her head up and found the clock on the microwave, the green lights mocking her with their evil numbers. Ten o’clock.

No way. She never slept late. Never.

She jumped when her phone rang again, her fingers clenching around the now sinister object as the caller ID flashed on the screen. Stephanie.

Taking a fortifying breath, she answered in her most casual voice. “Hey, Steph.”

“
Mom
,” her daughter exclaimed, the volume forcing Cali to jerk the phone away from her ear. “Where are you? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, dear. I just got—” What did she get? “Hung up. I’ll be home in an hour, tops. Then we can head out.”

“Where are you?” Cali grimaced against the accusation forming in Stephanie’s voice. “I started to panic when I got here and you were gone, and then you weren’t answering your phone. You don’t do things like that.”

Cali hugged her arm around her churning stomach, the chilly air directly conflicting with the flush burning inside her. “Sorry. I lost track of time.” She fumbled for an excuse. “I had to run over to a client, who called in a panic over some misplaced invoices. Why don’t you get a coffee, and I’ll be home and ready to go in an hour? Promise.” She put out a desperate prayer the diversion worked. Feeble as it was.

“You should’ve left a note.”

Cali winced, the guilt layering over the one already clinging to her. “I’m sorry for worrying you. Go get a coffee and I’ll be home soon.”

The silence drew out over the line. Cali dreaded the connection her daughter was probably making. She literally sagged with relief when her daughter didn’t push it further.

“Okay. Do you want your usual?”

Usual? Oh, coffee. “Yes, that’d be great. Thanks, hon.”

Cali ended the connection, tossed her phone back into her purse and dropped her head into her palms.
Could she really do this?
The real her was standing in the light of day, naked in a man’s kitchen, doubting she could.

Was this really worth the risk?

Warm arms snaked around her waist from behind, making her jump, the sudden presence of Jake startling her. He nuzzled the juncture of her neck, his breath hot on her skin as he pulled her against him.

“That Stephanie?”

“Yes.” She closed her eyes, sinking into the comfort he offered. She couldn’t resist a few more seconds of his warmth before the turmoil returned.

“Everything okay?”

“I have to go.” She inhaled and forced herself to step out of his arms, the cold air surrounding her to reinforce her nakedness. Only Jake didn’t let her run. He drew her back into his arms, his heat banishing the cold instantly. Cali had to force the next words out before she simply gave in and stayed there. “Really, Jake. I was supposed to meet Stephanie at ten. I need to get home. She’s waiting for me.”

Part of her reluctance to leave was the pure chicken part of her that didn’t want to deal with the potential confrontation ahead.

“Then go.” He dropped one last kiss on her shoulder and stepped back. Although his words were short, his voice held understanding. “I’ll start the coffee.”

She took the offered escape and hurried back to the bedroom for her dress. Since when did she walk around homes naked? She’d never, ever felt comfortable doing that around her own home with her ex-husband. Not in twenty-two years of marriage. Hell, she didn’t even remember the last time Peter had seen her naked.

Yet she’d never once felt self-conscious in front of Jake, even though he’d remembered to throw on some pants before he’d left the bedroom.

It was just one more thing that made her stomach twist. She wanted this thing, whatever it was, with Jake. In truth, she needed it. For herself.

Regardless of what rest of the world might think of her. She needed to be Jake’s sub.

If only to heal the chilling ache that filled her heart.

* * *

The aroma of freshly brewed coffee filled the space, the last spurt and gurgle of water hissing from the machine as Jake watched Cali step out of the bedroom. Her dress was slightly wrinkled and the damp ends on her finger-combed hair did little to remove the bed-rumpled look.

She sent Jake a crooked smile, her heels clicking on the wood as she walked over to him. “So is this the walk of shame?”

He straightened immediately from his lounge against the counter and met her halfway. “Absolutely not.” He framed her face with his hands. “No shame. Ever, Cali. Do you understand? If shame is ever a part of this, then it’s wrong.” He leaned in and kissed her, the hint of mint letting him know she’d found the toothbrush he’d left out for her. “And this isn’t wrong.”

A smile formed on her lips. “Okay.” Her hand covered one of his, pressing it into her cheek. “No shame.” She stepped away and moved to the kitchen island. “Thanks for getting my purse and jacket. I’d forgotten about them.” Jake had called down after Cali was sleeping and had her things brought up from the coat check.

“Do you want some coffee?” He already guessed her answer.

“No, thank you.” She ducked her head, tucking her hair behind her ear. “I need to get home.”

He held up her coat for her, letting his hands linger on her shoulders. “I’ll walk you out,” he said, gesturing to the door.

“You don’t have to—”

“I do,” he interrupted, taking her arm and guiding her toward the door. “Stop arguing.”

She halted him as he reached to twist the lock. Her eyes were on the ground, her purse clutched in her hands. “What happens now?”

He smiled and tilted her chin up. An act that was becoming almost natural between them. One day, she would not be afraid to meet his gaze. “I’ll see you tonight.”

Her eyes widened as she inhaled. “I don’t think I can.”

“Do you have plans?”

“No.” She stared over his shoulder. “I just don’t think...”

“Look at me, Cali.”

Her attention snapped back to him.

“You will come back here tonight. I expect to see you by ten.” He couldn’t let her run. The longer she stayed away, the more doubts would crop in until she talked herself out of coming back. That couldn’t happen.

She licked her lips, the indecision clear in her eyes. “Okay,” she finally whispered.

“I’ll send you a package this afternoon. You will wear the outfit inside.”

Her eyebrows shot up, the questions appearing across her face.

His Dom voice came on in full force as he explained. “You’re my sub. Everything you do reflects on me. Your behavior, your appearance, your attitude are all a direct statement of me.”

“I’m not your slave,” she bit out, the fire in her eyes turning them bright green.

“No, you’re not. But as my sub you will act as such while you’re at The Den. If you can’t agree, then this won’t work between us.”

Jake’s heart pounded as he realized what he’d done. He’d given her an out. Maybe he wanted her to take it. Make it easier for him by forcing her to run.

“I’ve got to go. I can’t process this right now.” She spun away and he opened the door. Things weren’t settled, but she hadn’t said no. He’d give her time because pushing her right then would only force her into a decision or action they might both regret. Her shoulders were drawn back, her body stiff as he inserted his key in the elevator and hit the button for the ground floor.

When the doors opened into the private parking garage, Cali looked around in confusion. “Where are we?” She stilled. “How’d my car get here?”

He put his hand on her back and guided her out of the elevator. “I had it moved when I called for your purse and coat. It’s safer down here.”

She took a moment to absorb the information before she turned to him. “Thank you. That was kind.” Her words were polite, but the firm tilt of her tone indicated she wasn’t exactly pleased by his actions.

“What’s wrong?” He stopped her when she tried to move away. “I won’t let you leave here upset.”

“Let me leave?” She closed her eyes and inhaled. She held her breath for a second before reopening her eyes. “I’m not used to this. I’ve been in control of my own life for, well, ever. Having you suddenly take over is not what I’m looking for. In the bedroom, yes. You can control what happens there. But the rest of my life is not open for you to run.”

“I don’t want to run your life. But I will see to your safety.” He pulled her against his length. “Retrieving your purse and moving your car was for your security. Defining what you wear tonight is for your excitement, as well as your safety at the club. You are my
first
sub. Ever. Not everyone will take that with grace.”

“What do you mean, your first sub? I assumed you’ve taken lots.”

“Clients, yes. My own submissive, no.” He lowered his voice. “You are the first.”

“Oh.” There it was again. That little sound that communicated so much more than the word itself. Her body softened as the fight left her.

He took that moment to reinforce his place in her life. He claimed her mouth in a fierce, almost violent kiss of possession. His body raged with the need to keep her close while his mind fought against what he was doing.

She opened to him, inviting him in without resistance. Her fight gone, she submitted to him stunningly. Taking everything he had without complaint.

God, she was beautiful.

He drew back, his lungs aching for air. She took gulping gasps of her own as her eyes searched his face. Without further words, he shifted and escorted her to her car. Her hands shook as she took out the keys and clicked the remote to disengage the locks.

He opened her door. “Expect my package, Cali.”

She nodded and got in.

He stood in the chill of the empty garage long after the purr of her engine faded in the distance. His hands fisted at his sides, his bare toes turning to ice on the frozen concrete. That invisible itch flared into a full-on rash. Only, it wasn’t urging him to run.

No. It was urging him to chase her. To keep her and not let her go.

Something he doubted he could do.