Book Girl and the Corrupted Angel (14 page)

I awoke to the vibrating of my cell phone against my cheek.

My whole body was drenched in sweat, and my bangs clung to my forehead. I answered without checking who it was, and a harried voice leaped to life in my ear.

“Inoue! It went to voice mail twice!”

“Mori…? Sorry, I didn’t hear it. I was asleep. Did something happen?”

Mori cried in a rapid-fire voice, “Nanase’s gone! Her mom called me. She said Nanase left home without a word and when she calls her cell phone, Nanase doesn’t answer!”

Oh, I hope Raoul doesn’t come!

If he comes, the Phantom will kill him!

Please, don’t lay a hand on Raoul. Don’t hurt him.

Raoul isn’t like us. He’s a kind, innocent person who belongs under the sun. He’s adorable, and good, and he laughs to hide his sadness—a melancholy, dear person that I care for, an important person. I love him!

I know it’s an impossibility that he and I could stay together for the rest of our lives, like making a blue rose.

A blue rose is a false rose—a white rose that’s been dyed—and real blue roses don’t look purely blue.

Blue roses mean “something impossible,” and our love is a thing like the fabricated blue rose. But even if it
is
an illusion, I love Raoul.

Please, don’t come. Don’t come, Raoul. I don’t want to see you snared in the trap the Phantom has prepared for you, dragged into the darkness and painted in blood.

Don’t come. Don’t come, Raoul.

Don’t come!!!

I’ve got messages and voice mail from Nanase.

The Christmas song I have as my ring tone played a ton of times.

Nanase was totally bewildered, and she was crying. She said she missed me. She asked me to come back. Said she didn’t know what to do, that she would do anything, but she needed me, so please come back. Come back, come back, come back.

Out of everyone in the world, Nanase is the only one I didn’t want to hurt. I wanted her to smile with joy. I’m defiled, and my love is defiled. My dream is defiled. My name is defiled.

But when I think of Nanase, I feel like my heart gets purified. All I hope for now is Nanase’s happiness.

But Nanase is crying, and I can’t comfort her. My dear, dear Nanase is crying, and I can’t hug her. I can’t even touch her or talk to her. Even though she’s crying. Even though she’s so afraid, so terrified, so hurt, so alone, and crying.

My heart is going to rip apart.

Chapter 5—That Was My First Love

Panting, I moved single-mindedly down the night-bound street, illuminated by a bright moon.

Besides the two messages from Mori, I had a message from Kotobuki in my voice mail, too.

In a frail voice, as if seeking help, she had said, “Inoue—! Yuka’s grandma called me. She got the letter I sent her…Yuka’s family’s car fell into a lake over a month ago, and her whole family was in it. Her dad, her mom, and her little brother are all dead…They found a note, and it was a suicide…Inoue…Inoue, what should I do…?”

Why couldn’t I have picked up the phone at such a critical moment?

The thought of how Kotobuki must have felt when she found out what happened to Mito’s family made it impossible to forgive myself.

Mori had said that Kotobuki hadn’t gone to the houses of any friends from school.

In which case, she might be there.

It was after midnight when I finally reached Mito’s house.

Perhaps because the lights in the nearby houses were almost all out, the one building that had fallen into ruin felt even creepier than when we’d come before.

I went through the gate, which creaked as it swung on its hinges, and watching my step carefully, I approached the front door.

When I did, I noticed that faint light spilled from a window facing the yard.

I circled around that way, and when I peeked in through the broken glass, I saw Kotobuki wearing a coat, hunkered down in a corner of the room, curled up with her face buried in her knees.

All around her, candles shaped like stars, angels, and Christmas trees were arrayed as if on a birthday cake, shining faintly in the dark room.

I tapped softly on the window so as not to startle her.

“Kotobuki?”

She sluggishly lifted her head.

I saw her murmur “Inoue…,” knitting her brow, her eyes full of tears. I felt a little relieved.

“I’m glad I found you. How did you get in there?”

“The window…I stuck my hand through the hole in the glass and unlocked the door…”

“Oh. Your mom’s worried ’cos you disappeared without saying a word. Mori and the others, too.”

Kotobuki looked sad and lowered her eyes timidly, but she circled her arms more tightly around her knees and didn’t make a move to stand up. Maybe she still didn’t have her emotions under control. It was only natural after hearing news like that…

I opened the glass window and went in without taking my shoes off. Kotobuki hesitantly raised her eyes to look at me.

“I’ll sit down next to you.”

She didn’t say anything, so without waiting for a response, I sat down on the dust-caked wooden floor.

Kotobuki’s face drooped a little again, and she curled up, resting her face on her knees.

The room was totally empty—there was no furniture, and it was chilly and smelled like smoke and mold.

The tiny flames burning around us flickered with slivers of orange light.

“Where did these candles come from?”

“I was going to give them to Yuka…for Christmas…I collected them, one or two at a time. Yuka loved Christmas trees and lights…”

My chest tightened at the frailty in her voice.

Christmas Eve with her boyfriend, Christmas with Nanase. That should have been a promise that she could keep…

“Y’know, Yuka would always say…how she wished she could live inside a Christmas tree. That it would probably be all glittery and beautiful…that it would probably feel like you were throwing a party every day…”

Her voice choked off, and Kotobuki buried her face in her knees again.

My chest felt tighter than ever.

When I’d asked Mito where she was during that phone call, I remembered that she had answered in a singsong tone,
“I’m inside a Christmas tree. That’s my home.”

A glittering, dreamlike world unlike the everyday.

Had Mito longed for a fantastical place like that?

Had she wanted to go there?

Kotobuki’s shoulders shook, and she let out a sob.

“Yuka’s family…I can’t believe they’re…I wonder if Yuka knew about it…She has nowhere else to go…It’s just too awful. I feel so bad for her. I wonder if the reason she disappeared was because she knew she was all alone.”

That might be true,
I thought with a creaking ache.

Mito, who had pretended on the surface to be cheerful and pursued her dreams of being a professional opera singer pure heartedly while earning money for school by working as an escort, might have been catapulted completely out of her ordinary life by the deaths of her family.

Having lost any place to call home and despairing, Mito would have nothing left to her but the illusory kingdom the Phantom had created. She would have no choice but to live there.

And maybe that was why she’d threatened Tsutsumi and gotten the lead role.

Her dream of succeeding as a diva may have been the only thing holding Mito up.

Tsutsumi had said as much, too. That Mito would start crying without warning or stare off into space with vacant eyes, and that she was a total wreck…She probably couldn’t keep her mind balanced when such awful things kept happening.

Kotobuki buried her face in her knees and kept crying.

“…
Hic
…I wonder where Yuka is…I wonder what she’s thinking.”

Kotobuki couldn’t be strong anymore; she could only curl up into a little ball and cry. Of course, I felt sorry for her and wanted to comfort her somehow, but I couldn’t think of a good way to do it. My throat tightened, and my chest felt like it was ripping open.

“
Hk
…Yuka’s pretty and…she’s cheerful, and she had such amazing dreams, and she was working hard to make them come true, and I always used to brag about her. I would get excited thinking how Yuka was about to be a famous opera singer. B-but…”

Kotobuki confessed as if blaming herself, her voice wavering.

“Actually, I was a little bit nervous. I felt like Yuka was starting to get distant…S-so I hated it when she talked about her Angel of Music. I mean…Yuka sounded so happy when she was talking about the angel and would get so worked up, and it felt like she’d forgotten about me.

“I—
hk
…I was jealous of the angel the whole time, and I said mean things about him, so—maybe that’s why Yuka didn’t say anything when she went off to be with him.”

As Kotobuki sobbed, it was like watching my old self.

My thoughts turned slowly back to the past in the dim darkness.

I had felt the same things Kotobuki was feeling.

Thinking that someone I loved was growing distant.

“I’m gonna be a writer. Tons of people are going to read my books.”

“If anyone can be a writer, it’s you, Miu. I’m behind you.”

As she spread her wings toward her dreams, Miu was brilliant, and I loved her, and I proudly believed she could reach places higher than anyone else.

But at the same time my heart threatened to collapse under my anxiety—wondering what I would do if Miu became a real author and went away where I couldn’t be with her.

The thing that pulled me back from being sucked into a mire of regret was the sound of feeble sniffling.

Beside me, Kotobuki choked back her voice, whining like a puppy.

This was no time to be thinking about things that happened long ago. I had to take Kotobuki back home.

She would catch cold if she stayed in a place like this too long.

But what could I…

“Kotobuki?”

The whining sobs went on. Her face stayed planted on her knees, too.

“There’s a worm on your knee.”

“Ack!!”

Kotobuki shrieked cutely and jumped, and in that moment, her footing slipped and she fell grandly to the floor.

“Ack! Sorry!”

After her butt slammed into the floor, Kotobuki glared at me tearfully.

“Grrr.”

Uh-oh. She was angry.

As an awkward feeling pervaded the room, a black creature that gave rise to a tactile sensation scurried past Kotobuki.

“Oh…a cockroach.”

“Eeeeek!”

Kotobuki let out an even louder scream than before and clung to me.

The smell of sweat and shampoo tickled my nose, and her slender arms wrapped tightly around my shoulders.

Kotobuki buried her small face in my chest and trembled.

“You don’t like cockroaches, either, huh?”

“I-is there anyone who does…?!”

“Er, well…”

I didn’t know what to say.

“Kotobuki.”

“Ah!! What?!”

She pressed her face against my chest in terror.

Now what? But I probably ought to tell her.

“I can see your underwear.”

Kotobuki whipped her face up and looked over her shoulder.

She could see that her skirt was flipped up past her hips and that her protruding bottom and striped underwear were in full view; then she released a voiceless shriek and pushed me away with both hands.

She swept her hands out to push her skirt down, looking like she was on the verge of tears; then she ran to the opposite corner of the room, turned her back on me, hugged her head in her arms, and crumpled into a ball.

“G-geez. I hate you so much. You’re awful!”

“I…I’m sorry.”

Maybe I should have fixed it on the sly after all. But I figured that if she caught me, I would look like a pervert…

In any case, I’d gotten an eyeful. White and pink stripes…

Oh…

Out of nowhere, in the flickering of the candles, a scene came to my mind.

That day when the cold wind of winter had gusted so powerfully.

Inside the gingko leaves dancing on the sidewalk. When I’d run breathless…

Could it be…?

I murmured a single breath only. “The school emblem…could it be…”

Yes—the golden leaves tumbling down, the familiar path continuing on to the library…

“Um,
did you tear your skirt?
”

Kotobuki, who had been groaning, her back hunched over, turned a bright red face toward me.

She pursed her lips, glared at me with angry, tear-filled eyes, and said, “Y-you’re awful.”

She groaned bitterly, then turned back toward the wall and curled into a ball again.

“Why…did seeing my underwear make you remember? You’re
terrible
!”

So I was right.

That girl had been Kotobuki.

The winter of my second year of middle school.

Wearing a short coat over her uniform, that girl had strode past me looking like she was angry about something.

That day, stuff at school had run long, and I was in a rush because I was late for a meet up.

Miu was waiting for me at the library. I had to hurry.

But my eye was drawn to the fact that there was a gaping vertical tear in the girl’s skirt, and I could see her pink-and-white striped underwear. Every time she boldly planted her foot, stripes flashed out of her gray pleated skirt.

Should I tell her?

But she’d probably be embarrassed if a boy told her…

As I struggled with this, the girl seemed to notice it herself. She dropped a hand to her rear and circled it up and down. Then she moved to a corner of the path, looking shocked.

She twisted her skirt around, then tried pinching the tear, stretching it out, and fixing it together, all while looking utterly baffled.

I remembered when the hem of Miu’s skirt had frayed before, she would put it up with a safety pin as a quick fix, so I took the emblem off my uniform and moved toward the girl, holding it out to her.

“Um, maybe you don’t need my help, but…you can pin up the tear with this. It’s fine. It’ll fool people for a little while.”

I didn’t remember the girl’s face.

Given the situation, I thought it would be bad if I looked too closely at her, and I was embarrassed, too, so I probably couldn’t meet her gaze head-on.

The girl looked like she was in a hurry, too, and I think she was groaning “huh?” and “ugh,” keeping her face down.

I put my blue emblem in the shape of a maple into her hand, said, “See you,” and ran off.

“You didn’t remember the emblem…o-of all things…remembering…because of…my panties…”

Kotobuki turned her back on me stubbornly.

I didn’t get the feeling that this would be a good time to explain my side of it. She seemed ready to spend the rest of the night grumbling.

Now what?

After turning it over in my mind, I opened my cell phone and called Kotobuki’s number.

A cute love song by a female pop star played in Kotobuki’s coat pocket.

Kotobuki stopped complaining and gulped.

Then she got her phone out and put it to her ear.

I could hear Kotobuki’s dry, hesitant breathing through the earpiece.

“Hello? It’s Inoue. I’d like to talk to Nanase Kotobuki. Is she available?”

I heard another gulp and her hesitant response.

“…Wh-what is it?”

I talked into the cell phone.

“First off, I’m sorry. You gave me hints and everything, and I never picked up on it. It’s not that I didn’t remember you. I just didn’t look at your face very closely that day because I was embarrassed.”