Book Girl and the Corrupted Angel (16 page)

If it were me—

A sharp pain stabbed through my chest.

Did I want to know everything about Miu?

To know the truth about her?

Why did Miu jump that day? Why did she avoid me all of a sudden? Why did she stop talking to me? Why did she start going home without me? Why did she look daggers at me and unleash her hatred on me?

And the reason for that sad smile.

Did I want to know that?

No matter how intense the truth might be? Even if I was beset by suffering and despair even greater than I’d felt up till now, and it laid me out to the point that I couldn’t get back up?

Even if I couldn’t bear the pain and went crazy?

But learning the truth wasn’t necessarily the right thing—

A battering voice thundered through my head.

“You just don’t want to know. You’re a coward and a hypocrite. You pretend to be a victim, then turn your eyes from the truth and keep on running.”

My breath caught, and I almost collapsed at an intense pain like a red-hot iron bar being thrust into an open wound and shaken around.

Stop! Don’t attack me anymore!

I’d finally managed to return to a peaceful life. I thought I’d be able to forget about Miu Inoue and start over. The truth wouldn’t necessarily save you. You could sometimes be happier not knowing. Mr. Mariya had said that.

No, I didn’t want to know! I didn’t!

Even though I was in this much pain, I was so terrified of opening the door to the truth that all I could do was plug my ears, close my eyes, fall to my knees, and bear it.

I was so, so terrified of learning how Miu felt that I couldn’t handle it. If I found out that Miu hated me, I knew I wouldn’t be able to go on living—

As I wrestled with these thoughts, beside me Kotobuki buried her face in her knees and her shoulders trembled minutely.

What about Kotobuki—? What would she do? Did she want to know the truth about her best friend, even if the pain burrowing into her heart made her thrash in torment?

Kotobuki was in the same position I was, so she would understand this fear and anxiety that threatened to crush us in deep darkness, wouldn’t she? We had both been hurt so much and we couldn’t bear any further betrayal or hatred—

In a low voice, I asked, “Kotobuki…If…if Mito wasn’t the kind of person you thought she was…would you want to know the truth?”

Kotobuki gasped and lifted her face to look at me.

“If…if Mito was a criminal or if she betrayed you…do you think you’d want to know?”

Kotobuki probably didn’t understand why I was asking a question like that out of nowhere.

But she may have sensed something dark and murky that was implicit in my feeble, almost inaudible voice, my trembling lips, and my beseeching eyes. She looked up at me with a tense, uneasy face.

The flames flickered, the smell of smoke pricked my nose, and the air stabbed at my skin.

Kotobuki’s face fell into a look of vulnerability as she murmured something.

“…I want to know. I want to save Yuka.”

That instant—my heart swelled and I thought I might cry.

She had spoken the answer I’d been too afraid to give and as if it was the only logical choice.

Though in reality she was an ordinary girl who had no power to fight the Phantom, who was vulnerable and kind and headstrong and prone to tears, she had said she wanted to know, had said that she wanted to save Yuka.

I couldn’t stop my heart from trembling at those simple, powerful words—tenderness and courage and prayers and a desire to protect all welled up in my chest one after another, and I hugged Kotobuki close.

Her small, chilled body trembled in my arms in surprise.

“I, Inoue—”

I wouldn’t be swayed by Omi’s words anymore.

The courage Kotobuki had shown roused me from my cowardice and pulled me to my feet.

Miu taught me that.

Now, I hugged Kotobuki tightly, as if to hold fast to this warm, certain object that I could touch.

“Let’s…look for Mito together. Let me help again. Please, let me stay with you till the end.”

Her small, fragile hands, which she stretched out hesitantly, closed tightly around my back.

Kotobuki nodded an okay, still sobbing.

The empty room that smelled of mold and smoke was lit by the faint candlelight.

We were very weak as we held each other, tears blurring our eyes, but I could believe that as long as we were together, we might grow stronger.

If Kotobuki was hurt by learning the truth later on, I would support her when it happened.

I would witness the truth about Mito with Kotobuki until the end, without turning my eyes from it.

“I’m sure Mito will be back by Christmas. She’ll keep her promise to you. Let’s try to believe that for now.”

“Yeah…okay…”

Hot tears dropped from her eyes and soaked my neck as Kotobuki nodded over and over.

“Thank you. And for giving me…your emblem. Thank you…I’ve wanted to thank you for so long…I’ve wanted to tell you I appreciated it…This whole time…I’ve been watching you.”

Then still crying, she murmured quietly, “You…were my first love.”

Where did I stray from the path?

Neither the singing that resounds to the ceiling nor the applause of the audience makes me happy; they’ve only brought about disaster.

If I hadn’t wanted something so intangible that vanished like a soap bubble, the Phantom never would have gotten the better of me.

Talent wasn’t something I needed.

That pure, kind sensation I felt when I turned the pages of Miu Inoue’s book. The peaceful warmth of the every day.

Going to school like everyone else, talking to friends, studying, eating lunch.

Waiting after school and then going home together, studying together at the library…laughing.

Exchanging presents on Christmas Eve and promising that we would be together forever…tangling our fingers together…

A perfectly unassuming life like that would have been fine…

I was content just feeling the tenderness that surged up in me like sunlight when I touched his hand and with my bounding happiness when I saw Nanase smile.

Nanase—Nanase.

What are you doing right now? What’s on your mind?

I’m thinking about you, Nanase. You’re the only thing I have left that’s important to me.

I hope you’re happy. I hope all of your wishes come true.

The truth is, I hate Miu Inoue. I’ve always hated her. No, that’s not true. It’s just when I see a world that’s too beautiful, I feel it crushing my chest and I can’t turn the pages because of the pain.

I took off my ring.

I can’t ever go back.

The light of the sun is too blinding for me.

I can’t help but loathe those who dirtied me and cast me into darkness.

I will have my revenge on them.

I’ll put on a mask and become a Phantom, chase them down, corner them, seal them up in a labyrinth of illusions, torment them relentlessly, then deliver the coup de grace.

Even if they prayed for forgiveness, it would be far too late for that. Let them be spattered in humiliation, be spattered in corruption; let them hear the dirge that spills from my lips, once those of a human being but no longer.

The angel who deceived me, the men who treated me like an animal, you’ve all made me into a Phantom.

Curse you—curse all of you!

Chapter 6—A Song of Ice and Death

That evening, Kotobuki and I went home hand in hand.

I told her about Mito as we walked slowly, leisurely down the dark road, and Kotobuki kept her eyes downcast the entire time, taking it in.

Occasionally, I felt her hand flinch faintly in my grasp. Every time I tightened my fingers around hers to reassure her, and when I did, she would timidly squeeze back.

When we parted ways in front of her house, Kotobuki said, her eyes red, “I believe that I’m going to spend Christmas with Yuka again this year. She’s still going to be my best friend for a long time.”

I still hadn’t heard anything from Mr. Mariya.

“There’s nothing to worry about. It’s Marmar, after all. He’ll just come back looking indifferent,” Shoko said with a rueful smile. I’d met up with her in the coffee shop near the academy.

“Marmar isn’t bound by things like common sense or money or honor. When he was a student, while everyone else was desperately aiming for the top, he was always standing at the pinnacle, perfectly aloof. And despite that, he threw it away like it was nothing.”

She dropped the hand that held her cigarette from her mouth, and her look turned envious.

“I…wish I could live like he does.”

She played it off with a joke about how hard it was to be a teacher, and then Shoko told me how things were going at the school.

“We’re doing rehearsals with the understudy right now. Mito is still the lead, but…if she doesn’t show up on the day of the performance, the understudy will probably go onstage.”

And then Maki showed me a video of Mr. Mariya from when he won the competition abroad. He stood on the stage wearing a black tuxedo, belting out his cheerful singing with a sunny expression on his face.

Maki rested an elbow on her crossed knees and looked absorbed in his performance.

“He’s amazing at holding the high notes. He used to sing with a choir when he was little, you know. They said he had the voice of an angel. I’ve heard CDs of his from back then, and his voice is a beautiful, pure soprano—like a little bell.”

My heart skipped a beat when she said the word
angel
.

A bewitching smile came over Maki’s lips.

“The art world will occasionally give rise to unprecedented monsters. That’s why I’m not interested in it…But he may have been nicknamed as an ageless, sexless angel because from the Western perspective, Asians seem not to age.”

Sexless…Something not masculine and also not feminine. It was true that there was something androgynous about Mr. Mariya. Could he also be Mito’s angel?

“In any case, if Yuka Mito is a singer who’s been selected by an Angel of Music, I would definitely expect her to be at the recital.”

Perhaps Maki knew something, but I didn’t expect someone as formidable as her to reveal anything.

Omi had been out of school all that time. Kotobuki had told me, “Omi has never been very healthy,” but of course, I couldn’t see it that way.

At the very least, I suspected he had some sort of connection to Mr. Mariya. I also still wondered how he’d known that I was Miu Inoue.

“That reminds me, Kotobuki—have you gotten any weird messages? Mori told me that when you were in the nurse’s office before you said something about the Phantom.”

Kotobuki’s cheeks reddened and she grew suddenly flustered.

“Th-that was…because I got this chain letter thing that was bad luck, and I got really scared. I just crossed it with the Phantom in my mind. People play that trick all the time, but I guess I got a little nervous. I’m fine now!”

I didn’t think that could be the only reason she’d gotten so scared, but…I admired how she pursed her lips and tried to look strong, and I wanted to protect her through everything.

Would Mito appear at the recital after all—?

Christmas was right around the corner, too.

Tohko rested her index finger on her lips and bent her ear to my story with a serious expression; then she lamented, “I have the National Center Test on Sunday.”

“Are you still trying for a national school?”

“Of course.”

“Then forget about the recital, and study your butt off.”

“Hey, why are you
sighing
? Geez, I’m going to get a C next, you’ll see!”

“You think that makes you safe?”

In this way, we came to the day of the performance.

The city was wall-to-wall Christmas. Christmas songs played on the streets, and even the people walking there seemed somehow excited, having fun.

The concert started at eleven, and we arrived at a hall on the academy’s campus thirty minutes early. Even though it was only a student recital, the spacious lobby was decorated with flower arrangements with placards on them, and the reception desk was piled high with bouquets as well.

Kotobuki also hugged a bouquet of bright blue roses to her chest.

“Those roses are superblue. I’ve never seen that color before.”

“They’re Yuka’s favorite flowers,” Kotobuki said, sounding slightly embarrassed. “I bought them online. It’s not their real color. They dye white roses blue. They’re supposed to stand for the blessing of God.”

Today, Kotobuki was wearing a maxi dress with a ribbon on it and a billowing coat over that. It might have been her clothes that made her look more graceful and cuter than usual.

“The blessing of God, huh? That’s a good thing to represent.”

“Yeah, Yuka said that on her seventeenth birthday, her boyfriend gave her these roses. She was so happy. She took a ton of pictures of them with her cell phone and sent them to me.”

“I’m sure they’ll make her happy again.”

“I…hope so.”

We had the receptionist call Shoko, and she came out looking extremely harried.

“Mito’s still not here,” she said in a bitter tone.

She had dark circles under her eyes, and her skin tone was muted. She looked a little annoyed. Backstage they were probably waiting for Mito’s appearance with soul-crushing anxiety.

We said we would come back after the performance, then left Shoko.

“We’ll be able to see Mito backstage once the recital is over. Then we’ll give her the flowers,” I said.

“…Okay.”

Kotobuki was probably disappointed. She nodded with a cheerless look. The blue roses she held in her arms swayed slightly each time she took a step.

Our seats were in the first row of the second level.

Was Mr. Mariya here? Or Omi?

I tried scanning the audience, but there were way too many people and I couldn’t tell.

At last the announcement to turn off our cell phones played, the hall grew dark, and a bell rang announcing the start of the performance.

The opera
Turandot
had begun.

The daughter of a Chinese emperor, Turandot has a cruel nature, and she presents three riddles to the men who come to seek her hand, and if they fail to answer them correctly, she cuts off their heads. The nomad prince Calaf, driven from his country by war, is present for the execution of a Persian prince, and he feels a powerful wrath at the icelike princess.

However, his heart is captured immediately thereafter by the beauty of the princess who appears in the tower, and heedless of those around him trying to prevent it, he begs to marry the princess and solve her riddles.

The man playing Calaf was a guest performer, a professional opera singer. With the emperor’s palace steeped in the light of sunset as his backdrop, his vibrant tenor rang out youthfully, like a trumpet.

“My entire body is aflame…

My every sense is violent torture!

Every string of my heart

Holds fast to one word and shouts it,

Turandot! Turandot! Turandot!”

Wow!

The acoustics might be having an effect, but I’d had no idea a human voice could scale so high. It really was like a musical instrument!

The song was in Italian, but I’d learned the story ahead of time so I could pretty much tell what the scene was. The singer made the range of his emotions almost painfully clear, and the character’s feelings rode the music and bit into my chest with overwhelming force.

Turandot’s debut was still a ways off. Would Mito appear on the stage?

I felt a pinched pain at my temples, and my impatience made the time feel longer.

Still holding the blue roses, Kotobuki’s eyes were fixed on the stage and her look was one of prayer.

When the first act ended and we moved on to the second, the backdrop changed to that of the castle interior.

There were the wails of ministers being twisted about by the princess’s whims. There were people gathered in the courtyard of the castle interior. There was an exchange between the emperor and Calaf.

When the emperor orders him to leave the palace immediately, Calaf sings out decisively in response.

“Son of heaven, I beg of you!

Let me attempt this test!”

It would be soon.

Sweat covered the palms of my hands, and my breathing grew strained.

Soon Turandot would appear.

At the tall staircase in the center of the stage.

A spotlight fell on its summit, and the chorus sang.

“Princess, I beg you, show yourself!

Let the world be radiant!”

Kotobuki leaned forward. I forgot to even blink as I stared at the staircase. I was convinced that Turandot would appear there for the competition.

But Turandot didn’t show herself.

The rest of the audience must have thought it was strange. A buzz spread like a wave.

Mito was late—!

Just then, a pure high note rang out from an unexpected direction.

Behind the seating on the first floor.

From there, a girl advanced down the center aisle toward the stage.

A majesty that frosted the very air emanated from the maiden, who wore a gorgeous thin silk robe of red and gold that trailed behind her and a large golden crown on her head over her beautiful, long black hair.

The slaughtering princess, Turandot!