Born Bad (39 page)

Father Connor gave him a sideways look. ‘You have something else on your mind, don’t you?’ he said. ‘Something you want to share with me.’

Harry nodded.
‘I’m not sure what to do,’ he said, and went on to explain his history with regards to Judy. ‘I know she’s unhappy. I could see it in her face.’

‘And you say Sara advised you to go back there?’

‘She did.’ Harry wanted to find a way to explain. ‘I met Sara a couple of years after I was demobbed. She knew all about my past, including Judy. I was an orphan, when a wonderful lady called Kathleen
O’Leary, a neighbour in Fisher’s Hill, took me under her wing. Judy and her family had recently moved into the street and right from the first I was drawn to her; she was such a sweet and lovely girl. Quiet, so shy.’ He smiled at the memory.

‘You loved her, didn’t you?’

‘Oh, yes.’ Harry felt it strongly even now. ‘I adored her.’

‘And you love her still, yes?’

‘I don’t think I ever stopped
loving her.’

The priest could read it all in Harry’s expression. He saw the love – a powerful thing – and he saw the pain. ‘Did something go wrong?’

Harry hesitated. ‘At first, being with Judy was indescribable,’ he recalled. ‘I was never happier than when we were together. No matter what went on around us, we had each other, and the world was ours.’

He paused again. The memories had darkened.

‘Go on, Harry,’ the priest gently urged. ‘Tell me what you came to tell me.’

Harry took a deep breath. ‘It was all so wonderful, and then it went horribly wrong. Judy led me into a situation that should never have happened. She deceived me. I was really thrown. It wasn’t like the Judy I knew and loved.’ Thinking about it now was too painful.

He went on, going over it all in his mind. ‘It had
to end. Afterwards I felt bad about the way it finished. All I could think of, was that she had lied to me. There was no trust left between us, so I walked away … just walked away.’

Ever since that day, he had wondered how it might have been if he had stayed, though always at the back of his mind was the question: if Judy had lied to him about her age, what else had she lied about?

He concluded
the story. ‘I came here after the war to Weymouth to visit an old Army friend, met Sara, and stayed. I never saw Judy again, until after Sara was taken from me.’

‘You’ve had a lot to deal with,’ Father Connor acknowledged. ‘The untimely death of your parents, then losing Judy, fighting during the war, being in constant danger, and more recently, losing Sara. You may not think it just now,’ he
said gently, ‘but you have been blessed in other ways. You have a strong heart, good health, and you have a wonderful son.’

‘I do know that,’ Harry said sombrely. ‘I also have my adopted mother back, and I’m home, where Sara so much wanted me to be. When she was ill, and all hope was lost, she was the one who made me promise that I would go back, and she was right …’

He did not finish what was
on his mind, though Father Connor finished it for him: ‘… if it wasn’t for Judy?’

Harry nodded. ‘I’m not sure what to do, Father. I feel in my heart that she’s in desperate trouble. After I left, she went through a lot of bad stuff. Her family disowned her. Apparently, she went a bit wild, then she got married to a known troublemaker. By all accounts he’s been in jail for violence. There are
rumours that he beats Judy, but I don’t know for certain.’

He recalled the incident like it was only a moment ago. ‘All I know is what I saw that day when she came to the store where I work in Bedford. She was so pale and waiflike, and when she looked across at me, it was as though she was crying out for help.’

He confessed, ‘I want to get her away from him, but I’m not sure if that’s the right
thing. Since I’ve been down here, I’ve been asking myself: if he really is beating her, why doesn’t she leave him?’

‘Are you asking my advice?’ Father Connor could see Harry’s dilemma.

‘I would welcome some advice, yes, Father.’

After a moment’s consideration, Father Connor outlined his thoughts. ‘Firstly, I think Sara was very wise to send you back to your roots. To my mind, it was the right
thing to do. It’s very plain to see you have never stopped loving this girl, Judy. Oh, and that’s not to say you didn’t love Sara. I know you did.’

‘Oh, yes! Sara was the saving of me and I loved her for many
reasons.’ But it was a different kind of love. ‘Sara was beautiful in every way,’ he said, ‘and I will never stop loving her.’

He turned to ask the priest, ‘I expect you think that’s a
strange thing to say, being that I love Judy as well?’

‘No,’ Father Connor said gently. ‘There are many kinds of love. There is the love of a parent, a friend, or a child. Then there is the love of a partner, a deep abiding love that protects and holds and keeps you safe; a love that shares and gives, a comfortable love that will always be cherished.’

He concentrated his gaze on Harry. ‘If we’re
very blessed, there is that one, amazing love. It takes hold of your heart, it opens a world of emotions, it awakens your every sense … entwines itself into every fibre of your being, almost as though you’re living and breathing it. Some people will never know such a love. Others will live their every moment, holding it in their hearts, until that heart stops beating and then maybe, for all we
know, it may even transcend life itself.’ He smiled. ‘I’ve heard some people describe it as having a soulmate.’

He looked at the cross above the altar. ‘A priest might say it’s the love for the Almighty. In your case, it’s Judy. Through your very real love for Sara, for your son and the life you built here, through all your trials, Judy never left you.’

His amazing words touched Harry deeply.
He felt the truth of them, and he accepted it had been and would always be that way. Judy really was his soulmate. He had only had to look at her that one time in the store and he knew her every thought. He felt her deep unhappiness and her need of him.

‘I don’t know what to do,’ he whispered now. ‘I’m so lost.’

‘So, what do you
think
you should do?’

‘I’m not sure.’ Harry had agonised over
it. ‘Judy is a married woman. What right do I have to interfere? Should I let Judy decide, or should I help her as best I can?’

‘Has the young woman actually asked for your help?’

‘No, not in so many words.’ Harry tried to justify his concern. ‘She doesn’t need to ask. I can tell she’s in distress. I have a bad feeling about it. Phil Saunders was always paranoid about Judy. He even stalked her
when Judy and I first got together. He threatened me all the time. I’m concerned that he might assume that Judy and I are meeting up for old time’s sake.’

‘And are you meeting up?’

‘No!’ Harry assured him. ‘I’ll admit it did cross my mind to find out how she was, but no! I saw her just the once at the store. I
didn’t even talk to her. One minute she was there, and then she was gone.’

‘Do you
think she came to see you?’

Harry smiled. ‘I thought about that. I hoped she had, but she didn’t stay, so I can’t be sure.’ He searched for an answer. ‘I can’t forget how sad she looked,’ he said softly. ‘She was much thinner than I remember, and there was something about her that worried me – I mean
really
worried me.’

‘I see.’ The older man understood. ‘And she never came back?’

‘No. She
never did.’ He turned to look into the priest’s eyes. ‘What should I do, Father?’

Father Connor looked up towards the altar. He bent his head in silent thought, and then he spoke to Harry. ‘Follow your conscience,’ he told him. ‘That’s what you should do.’

He then softly got up and left.

Harry watched him leave. Father Connor did not look back. Where Harry Blake was concerned, his work was
done.

It was very late at night when Harry arrived home. He parked the car outside the house on Fisher’s Hill.

Kathleen came out to greet him. ‘It’s good to see you back safe and sound,’ she cried, throwing her arms about him. ‘I thought you would never get here, and where’s the boy?’ Going to the back of the car, she called his name. ‘Tom! It’s Kathleen, wanting a cuddle!’

Tom’s weary
face appeared at the window. ‘I’m tired,’ he yawned. ‘I fell asleep.’

‘Ah, the poor wee soul,’ she sighed. ‘He’s asleep on his feet, so he is.’

Harry swung the boy into his arms. ‘He’s not the only one,’ he said. ‘I’ve never seen so much traffic! We got stuck behind a lorry for ten miles, then a tractor turned out of a lane and kept us dawdling for another half an hour.’

Kathleen was sympathetic.
‘Sure, it’s no wonder the pair of youse look done in.’

‘Then, when we finally did get underway, Tom decided he wanted the toilet, and we had to find a café. I thought that while we were there with still a way to go, we might as well get something to eat, so that made us even later.’

He gave a guilty look. ‘Mind you, I was starving hungry too, so
it wasn’t Tom’s fault. Anyway, we’re here now,
so once I’ve put this young man to bed, you can tell me all the news.’

‘There isn’t much to tell,’ she informed him as they went inside.

‘Well then, I’ll tell you
my
news,’ he replied.

After Tom gave her a cuddle and a kiss goodnight, Kathleen went into the kitchen to make a drink, while Harry put the boy to bed.

‘Best not tell him I went to see Judy,’ she muttered as she went about her work.
‘Not that it did me any good, because either she wasn’t there, or she did not want to talk to me. I’ve done all I can, and I can’t do no more,’ she chatted on. ‘The thing is, how do I stop Harry from going round there?’

‘Hey! Talking to yourself is bad news,’ Harry chuckled as he entered the kitchen. ‘What’s that all about?’

‘Aw, take no notice of me. ’Tis simply an old woman’s ramblings. I’m
just so pleased you’re back safe and well, so I am.’

Kathleen wisely moved the conversation on. ‘Now then, Harry me darlin’, what have you got to tell me?’ Plonking the two cups of steaming hot tea onto the table, she drew out a chair and sat opposite him. ‘Did it all go as you wanted? Is everything all right down there?’

Harry calmed her down. ‘Hang on a minute,’ he laughed. ‘Let me get through
the door.’

‘It’s good news, I can tell,’ Kathleen said. ‘You’ve got a smile a mile wide on your face.’

‘You’re right,’ he informed her. ‘It is good news. Mr Sparrow is on the mend, and his mate Arthur is a thoroughly decent man. My Sara will be safe in their hands.’

Kathleen was thrilled. ‘Aw, that really is good news. Now what about young Tom? He didn’t get upset at going back there, did he?’

Harry shook his head. ‘Not a bit of it. He talked to Sara as though she had never gone away. I think he doesn’t altogether understand. There was one point when he went very quiet. I thought we might have tears but when I told him his mammy could hear what he had to tell her, he seemed to get over it. He told her about you, and the house, and how he likes his new school. Yes, he’s doing fine. I’m
really proud of the little fella.’

Kathleen was greatly relieved. ‘Did ye go back to your old house?’

‘No,’ Harry said quietly. That would have been too upsetting.’

‘You seem to have been gone an awful long time.’

‘The travelling took such an age. Then we went to the hospital
to visit Roland, and met Arthur, and later Mrs Sparrow. Tom and I got more flowers and we spent quite a while with
Sara.’

He wasn’t really sure if he should tell her about the priest.

She seemed to sense he was holding something back. ‘Sure, half a tale is worse than no tale at all’ she commented.

He laughed. ‘Kathleen O’Leary! You’re too canny for your own good,’ he joked.

‘So, what else then?’

‘I saw the priest, Father Connor. He was there for us, when we lost Sara.’

‘I see.’

‘He gave me some good
advice.’

‘Concerning what?’

‘Concerning Judy … and the way things are.’ Harry looked down as he recalled Father Connor’s wise words. ‘He said there are many ways to love someone. You can love a parent, or a child, or a partner … all very different kinds of love. He said he knew I loved Sara deeply, but that I had also been blessed with another, more powerful kind of love.’ He felt it now, in
his bones and in his being.

‘Go on, Harry.’

‘He said some people called it the love you have for a soulmate. It is a kind of love, different from any other. It winds its way into your soul, and fills your senses; it touches every fibre of your being, and you will never forget it until your heart stops beating, and maybe even beyond that.’

Having told, he fell silent, thinking how wondrous it
seemed. Yet in his deepest heart he knew what Father Connor was saying, for he had lived with Judy’s love inside him, for all these many long years.

Kathleen also fell silent.

She too had known that other kind of love; with her husband, taken from her just when she needed him the most. Yet he was never far away. As Father Connor had told Harry, a love like that is in your blood for evermore.
She still felt her husband’s presence, every moment of every day and night; keeping her safe, watching over her and inspiring confidence whenever she began to doubt herself.

‘Father Connor is a wise man,’ she said softly. ‘Every word he says is true. If you are fortunate enough to find your soulmate, then you really are blessed.’ She guessed where all that had come from. ‘You told him, didn’t
you?’ she urged. ‘You told him about Judy, how much you loved and missed her.’

‘I told him everything,’ Harry confessed. ‘How very much we had loved each other right from the start, then how certain things happened and I had to leave.’

‘Did you tell him you were worried that Judy might be in danger?’

‘Well, I told him what kind of man Saunders was, and that I had seen Judy from a distance and
was concerned for her.’

Then doubts overrode his instinct. ‘The thing is, Kathleen, I’ve had time to think. What if I’m wrong? What if I’m jumping to conclusions? I don’t know for sure that she’s being knocked about, and she hasn’t said that she is. Judy hasn’t asked me for help, has she? Saunders is still the hard man he’s always been, that’s clear enough, and there’s been talk that he ill-treats
Judy, and because of it, maybe I’ve been too quick to think the worst. I love Judy, I always have, so am I using any excuse to get her back – is that what’s happening? After all, Judy willingly married Phil Saunders, so it follows that she must think a great deal of him. So, however much I love her, do I really have the right to track them down and go barging in heavy-handed?’