Born of Legend (43 page)

She glanced over her shoulder as the door opened.

Trajen hesitated as he saw Jullien's condition.

“Can you hear his thoughts?”

“Yes.”

“Where is he?”

Trajen let out a weary sigh. “Some place you don't want to know.”

Tears gathered in her eyes. “What can I do?”

“You're doing it. He hears you, Shara. He's just not quite ready to face it all yet.”

She choked in a sympathetic sob as fury and pain racked her. Never had she wanted to hurt her family so much as she did right then. “Just so you know, I'm busting their Canting for this. I mean it.
All of them.
Even my father.
”

“I won't argue,” he said in a flat, even tone. “Whatever punishment you decree, I will back completely. Jullien was entrusted to them as a Tavali cock, and they betrayed him. You're not wrong. And he wasn't just crew. He was
your
blood family. Back in the day, the Snitches would be the first to demand their lives for this. This is exactly the kind of bullshit our Nation was created to protect us from. When we don our gear and board as crew, we are Tavali. We're supposed to be able to rely on each other, regardless of where we're born. Above all things. That's the sacred oath we all take. We don't betray our own. Not for
any
reason. Tavali stands together. No matter what. Blood for one. Blood for all.”

Tears blurred her vision. “Why do they hate him so much?”

“You know why.”

“
He
didn't do anything. He wasn't even born when it happened!”

“Doesn't matter. Hatred is a blind and deaf, unreasoning beast that doesn't stop to ask why it attacks. It simply slaughters everything in its path without mercy until there's nothing left to salvage. It rots us from the inside out and leaves nothing of the host but an empty hollow shell incapable of compassion. It's why you can't let it take root. Once it starts to grow, it's the hardest weed to prune. And just when you think you have it under control, it explodes and consumes you entirely. All it needs is one target, perfectly placed, and your soul is the price you pay for having courted that beast you thought you could keep caged. It's the one beast we should never dare feed.”

“Is this what happened to your family?”

He shook his head. “Fear and ignorance, and lack of understanding more than hatred are what destroyed the Tris. They are an even deadlier beast, at times.”

Her heart aching, she stroked Jullien's cheek. “Can you heal him?”

“Physically. Yes. Those wounds are always easy to repair. What they did to his soul, only the two of you can heal, and that will take time, patience, and a lot of understanding on your part.”

She winced. “He was just learning to trust.”

“I know.”

Tears blinded her. “Is there any hope for us, Trajen? Tell me the truth.”

He was silent for so long that she began to fear he'd left. But as she turned to find him still in the room, she saw his eyes glowing a faint orange in the dim light. “You and the Danes are the only beings in this entire universe I consider family, Shara. You know this. There are none I give a damn about or that I'd cross the street to avoid running over. If I didn't absolutely believe you could be happy with him, if I thought for one moment that he would harm you in any way, I'd cut his throat myself and bleed him out at my feet. But happiness is never a guarantee and the path to it isn't always an easy one. And the gods know you two are stubborn, and you both have the worst tendency to undermine yourselves. So who the hell knows what future, if any, any of us have?”

With those words spoken, Trajen turned and left.

Ushara choked on a sob, especially when the wounds and bruises on Jullien's body began to heal. “You hear that, Jules? You're going to be fine. You swore to me that you wouldn't break my heart. I'm holding you to that vow. And I swear to you that I will not leave you alone, ever again. No matter where you go or what happens, I will come for you and I will find you. Even if I have to traverse the bitterest flames of Tophet and battle the Koriłon to steal Coreła's thorny hammer to do it. You will not live another day alone in the darkness. I will be your Darling. And I will guide you home.”

But if he heard her, he gave no indication. In spite of what Trajen had said, he was still lifeless and cold. Vacant. A living corpse. It was as if their betrayal had killed something inside him and she didn't know if they'd ever be able to reach him again. He was in the same exact state Vas had been in when Chaz had died.

It'd taken her years to get her son back.

She'd been so lost trying to find her child. And Vas she'd known his whole life. She had no idea where to begin to find Jullien. All she knew was that her family and his captors had put him through absolute misery. While Trajen had healed his injuries from her sight, they were still implanted in her memory. Those animals had torn him apart in that cage. They'd fought him like the worst sort of mindless beast in death matches.

For that, she'd never forgive her family. How could she?

But right now, the most important thing was her husband.

Leaning forward, she kissed his bruised cheek and whispered in his ear. “Come back to me, Jules. I need my smart-ass Ixurian to keep me grounded and make me laugh. I don't like who I am when you're not around.”

Still, he didn't move or speak. The only clue she had that he might have heard her was that his grip tightened on her hand, ever so slightly. “Follow me home, Jullien,” she whispered. “If for no other reason, so that you can see me gut my entire family for you on our return. I promise, you don't want to miss the fireworks that will come when I bust my father's rank in your name.”

 

C
HAPTER
15

Once they were back at base, Davel and Mary helped Ushara walk Jullien off the ship while her other sisters locked everything down. His movements were so slow and stiff that it broke her heart. She hadn't seen him move like this since Silig and crew had attacked him on his arrival and it made her crave even more blood from her family.

This was twice now they'd gone after him for no reason whatsoever.

Enough was enough.

On the dock, Sheila was waiting for them, along with Unira. Neither said a word of greeting, but Sheila threw herself against Jullien and held him close for several seconds as he returned her hug without comment. Patting him on the back, she gruffly cleared her throat and inclined her head to Ushara. “Good job, Admiral.” Then she was gone.

With a gentle hand, Unira cupped his bruised cheek and gave him a sad smile. “I'm glad to have you home,
m'tana
. We've all prayed for your safe return.”

A tic started in his jaw. His breathing turned ragged as if those words angered him. But he still didn't speak.

Dropping her hand, the high priestess stepped aside, then she placed a comforting touch on Ushara's shoulder. “I have a gift for you later, sweetling. I'll stop by tomorrow with it.”

“Thank you, High Mother.”

As they started toward her condo, Jullien's eyes flared and he let out a low, fierce growl. Before Ushara realized what he was doing, he broke from them and headed across the bay with a determined, murderous stride. If anyone else had been around, she'd have feared for their life. But no one was here. So she had no idea what he had in mind until she saw what was in front of him.

“Ah crap,” she breathed.

He was going for Kirill's ship.

She started after him, but Davel stopped her. “Let him go.”

Was he serious? If Jullien harmed that ship, there would be Tophet to pay for it. “Are you out of your mind?”

Davel shrugged. “Let him burn the motherfucker to the ground. They deserve it. Don't you agree?”

She looked past Davel to Trajen, hoping one of them might have some degree of common sense. “Boss?”

“If you don't want the Koriłon to fly, don't flutter his wings.”

Nope. No sense here, whatsoever.

Granted, Jullien's wrath was justified, but the fall-out on this would be the equivalent of a nuclear level holocaust.

Cringing over the war that would come once word of this spread, she screwed her face up in sympathetic pain as Jullien ripped open a side panel, reached into it and, with his bare hands, yanked out a fuel line to let it spew its highly flammable contents all over the main engine bay. An impressive feat of strength in and of itself.

If not one of all-out idiocy.

“Um, guys? Should I make mention that if he lights that, he's about to blow a quarter of this station straight to Tophet?”

Davel went pale. “She has a point.”

Trajen didn't move. “Give him a minute.”

Covering her lips with her hand, Ushara cringed in expectation of the massive explosion that would also probably kill them all.

But it didn't come. Rather, Jullien walked calmly over and used the bay's hydraulics to send the ship out the main doors, and didn't ignite it until after it was clear of the station.

Then it went up in a massive boom of glory so powerful that it rocked the building around them.

Thankfully the vacuum of space protected the station from being damaged and the ship quickly settled down into nothing but a burned-out skeletal husk of what it had been just minutes before.

Without a word, Jullien turned and headed out of the bay.

Trajen expelled an elongated sigh. “Well, I certainly think he made his point about how he feels where Kirill is concerned. Comments?”

Davel shook his head. “All I'm thinking about is how pissed off Kirill will be when he finds out.”

With a deep sigh, Ushara shrugged at something that couldn't be undone now. “You can tell him to address the bill in care of I don't give a shit, and shove it up his ass. With interest.”

Laughing, Davel saluted her. “Will do, little sister.”

“Now, if you'll excuse me…” She left them to go after Jullien to make sure he returned to her home safely.

But as she rounded the corner, she realized that he was heading back to his old quarters.

She ran to catch him. “Jules? You don't live there anymore. Vas and I moved your things to our place and returned the card to Gunnar.”

Still, he didn't speak. He just continued to stare blankly at her.

And that broke her heart even more. “Come on,
mi keramon
.” She took his arm and led him home where everything was calm and quiet.

Since it was late, Vasili was still at her mother's, asleep. They had her condo all to themselves.

Ushara took Jullien to the bathroom and stripped his clothes off so that she could bathe the stench of the cage, ship fuel, and fire from him. The new scars on his body tore her apart. There were so many more …

“Jullien?” She tried to get him to look at her and he emphatically refused.

No matter what she tried, he kept his gaze averted as if he was too ashamed to look her in the eyes.

“I wish you'd tell me what's going on inside you. I just want to help. I see the pain you're in and it's killing me that I can't make it better. Please, baby, tell me what I can do.”

Jullien heard those words and they shredded him. But the truth was, he didn't know how to answer her. How to reach out to someone. Because he'd been alone all his life, he didn't know any other way to cope other than to withdraw into himself. This was what he did when his world collapsed. It was how he survived it.

In all the worst times, he'd been left alone to face them. The death of his brother. His mother's violent tantrums. His father's verbal or physical assaults. The deaths of his fiancées. His stints in prison. His exile from Andaria and Triosa. Any time he screwed up, he was isolated and locked away.

No one had ever checked on him or reached out to see if they could soothe him. Not a single conversation or even a simple,
hey, you. You okay?

So he didn't know how to let her help. All he knew was that it hurt deep down inside and he didn't know why this burned so much worse than all the others. Maybe because he'd wanted them to accept him this time, and in the past he hadn't cared.

Not that it mattered. He'd been a fool to think for even a nanosecond that he could ever be a part of a family of any kind.

And yet when she was with him like this … he wanted to believe it was possible. He wanted to believe in her.

If only he could.

Closing his eyes, he trembled as her hands glided over his body and washed away the dirt and filth that clung to his skin. The agony that stained his soul.

She was the only one who'd ever touched him without giving him pain.

Why couldn't he be whole for her?

She deserved a normal male. One who could bring honor to her home and not the shame and turmoil that came with him.

You're a disgrace! And I will never allow you to bear my Triosan surname. Your mother and grandmother can do what they will with theirs, but I will die before I see something as worthless as you on our throne!

He could still feel his father's hands on his throat as he choked him and shouted in his face. See the hatred in his father's eyes that were so similar to his own as they condemned him even more than those words had.

It'd been a promise his father had kept to this day. Unlike Nykyrian, Jullien had never once been allowed to use his father's surname on any public record. For any reason.

Stupidly, Jullien had thought no one could ever make him feel worse or lower than his father had that day when Dancer Hauk had told Aros that Jullien had misplaced his signet ring in his gym bag and that Nykyrian hadn't stolen it, after all.

Jullien had thought nothing could hurt more than his own father choking him to death and walking out to leave him in the hands of medtechs without so much as an apology for his brutal assault.