Boss Me (26 page)

“I can’t even think about that right now,” she says, opening up the door.

“Excuse me?” I ask, standing in the exact spot. There’s no way in hell she’s going to throw my ass out of this house without giving me some answers.

“I need to think, Will, and I can’t do it with you here,” she says tersely, the cold mask firmly in position.

“So, you’re just gonna throw me out, and what? Call me when you decide if you want to be with me or not?”

“That’s exactly what I’m going to do. I have too much on my plate right now with figuring out how I’m going to pay my bills and make sure that Zach has everything he needs. I don’t have time for a relationship right now. Not today. Maybe not tomorrow.”

“So, that’s it? Done. Over. Goodbye because we got fired? You’re scared, Carmen, and that’s fine. I’m a little scared, too. But, I know my feelings for you and they didn’t waver in the slightest just because we’re both unemployed. If anything, I’m more relieved because I can finally be with you.”

She stands there, staring at me. I wait. For a response? For an understanding? For her to acknowledge me and my deep feelings for her. But I get nothing.

So, I grab my coat and slip it back on as I walk toward the open door.

“You’re pushing me away, and I can’t say I completely understand it. You’re holding all the cards right now, and apparently are folding instead of playing out the hand. It doesn’t matter what I say or do because you’ve already made up your mind. I loved you yesterday, I love you today, and I’ll still love you tomorrow. But I won’t wait forever, Carmen. I also can’t pretend that what we have isn’t the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And I think you feel the same way, too. You know where to find me,” I say, my eyes pleading with hers as I turn and walk out the front door.

My lifeless legs carry me to my car. My numb hands start it and pull out of the driveway. I’m driving away from the woman I love with my entire being and it’s the most painful thing I’ve ever done. But, I can’t make her want a relationship. I can’t make her stop pulling away from me. When times get tough, she’s running. She’s scared.

Me? Sure, I’m scared of not having a job. But I’m more fearful of waking up tomorrow and realizing that she’s really gone. Not having her and Zach is my greatest fear.

And today it might have just become my reality.

*****

“Hello?” I ask as my phone rings for the first time since I left Carmen’s place two hours ago. I kept staring at the phone, waiting for her to realize that we’re perfect together and we’d get through this period. Together.

But that phone call never came.

“Hey, Will. What are you doing?” my baby sister asks.

“You wouldn’t even believe it if I told you,” I respond and stare back at the TV that’s been off the entire time I’ve been sitting here on my couch.

“Want to come over for dinner? Well, if you don’t already have dinner plans with Carmen,” she adds with the hint of a smile in her voice.

“Uh, I’m not sure, Ave. I’m kinda busy right now,” I say, again looking at the blank TV screen.

“Not a problem, I know it’s last minute. I was getting ready to throw some chicken breasts in the oven and thought I’d offer you a plate since I have extra.”

“I appreciate it,” I mumble.

“Hey, are you okay?” she hedges.

I’m quiet for several seconds since I don’t really know how to reply. Am I okay? Nope. Definitely not okay. And the prospect of enjoying a little noise right now is sounding better and better.

“Actually, I could use an ear to bend if the offer is still on the table,” I say.

“Absolutely. We’re eating around 6, but come over whenever.”

“Thanks, sis. I’ll see you in a few minutes,” I say before clicking off the phone.

Changed out of my work uniform, I finally head toward my sister’s house. When I reach the front door, I throw a knock on the wood before turning the knob and stepping inside. It’s warm and the sound of laughter fills the space. I couldn’t be happier for my sister in this moment. She’s overcome so much heartache and trials as a teenager and young adult, and to see the woman she has become is inspiring.

Avery comes around the corner of the dining room as I’m pulling my coat off. “Hey, you,” she says as she gives me a big hug. I’ve always been close with my little sister, and right now, this hug is just what the doctor ordered.

“Hey,” I mumble.

“Let’s go in the kitchen. Maddox is upstairs with the kids getting them cleaned up for supper. We have approximately five minutes to talk before we’re invaded,” she says with a big smile, her sparkling blue eyes filled with laughter and fulfillment. If I was being a little resentful, it might make me slightly jealous.

“What’s up?” Avery asks as she checks the chicken in the oven.

“I got fired today,” I state after dropping down into a barstool.

“What?” she asks, eyes wide with surprise.

“Yep. Apparently, the administrator at the hospital was at the game on Saturday night and saw us together.”

“So, you’re fired? Carmen, too?” she asks while pulling out the stool next to me.

“Yeah, Carmen too. She’s not handling it so well, though, which is why I’m at a loss right now. She basically tossed me out of her place. I’m not excited about being fired, but I am excited about being able to see her now without sneaking around. Or at least, I was.”

“Okay, so what did she say?”

“She was freaked out about not knowing how she’s going to pay her bills or take care of Zach. I didn’t even get the chance to offer to help her, because she was too busy trying to get me out of the house.”

“She’s scared, Will. Do you blame her? She’s not like you. You only have yourself to think about. She has a son, and he’s her first priority. I can understand a little bit of her apprehension and her fears, because as a single mom for three years, I know where she’s coming from. She’s terrified right now, and she probably feels pushed or threatened by you,” Avery says.

“But, -” I start.

“I know that you’re not trying to push her, but you have to look at it from her perspective. Her world was just completely turned upside down, and while yours was too, your priorities are slightly different. Not that yours are better or worse, but just different. She probably feels pressured by you to make a decision about your future that is still up in the air right now. That doesn’t mean that it’ll always be like that, but right now, she just needs space to think.”

“So, you’re saying I should just stay away and wait for her to make some decision about her future? Whether I’m a part of it or not?”

“As hard as it’s going to be for you, yes. You need to step back and give her room and time to think. Let her process. And let her recapture a little bit of the control she feels she’s lost today.”

“Ave, I love her and I don’t think I can sit back knowing that she’s going through this by herself,” I say, pleading with her to tell me how to fix this.

“Who’s going through what?” Maddox says as he enters the kitchen carrying Ryder, Brooklyn hot on his heels.

“Hey, Bean,” I say, turning around and grabbing my niece.

“Uncle Will! I get to be Student of the Week next week and bring in pictures and my favorite things to show my class. Plus, I’ll get a certificate that Mommy says I can put in my scrapbook,” Brooklyn says without taking a breath as she bounces into the kitchen.

“Congratulations, Bean. You’re smart just like your uncle Will,” I say with a smile as I kiss her cheek.

“That’s why you’re my favorite,” she whispers against my ear. I can’t help the deep belly laugh that takes hold. This little girl is so full of light and love, and she’s just what I need right now. I need her happiness and her spirit as much as I need air. Even if I know she’s completely full of shit and tells my brothers and I all the same thing.

“I love you, Bean,” I whisper as I give her one more hug and a kiss on the crown of her head.

“Love you, Uncle Will,” she replies before grabbing her chair at the dinner table.

Before I take my seat, I get a slobbery kiss from Ryder who’s already sitting in his highchair.

“So? What’s going on with you?” Maddox asks as he takes the seat next to me.

“Woman troubles, I guess,” I tell my brother-in-law who is as much a brother as the other three.

Maddox snorts next to me as he grabs the potatoes. “Aren’t all troubles woman troubles?”

“Hey,” Avery says as she sits down opposite Maddox.

“What’s going on?” Maddox asks me with a smirk and a wink at his wife.

“I got canned today. They found out that I’ve been seeing Carmen.”

“Wow. Well, there are lots of opportunities out there for you guys, right? I mean, the medical field is always in high demand,” he says between bites.

“True. I have a few contacts I can touch base with, but Carmen is in administration and she doesn’t want to relocate. Zach is at a critical age where his environment is key. He had some troubles at his previous school in St. Charles with bullying, and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want to go back there. She’s taking the firing a lot harder than I am.”

“She’s scared and feels out of control. Give her time. She’ll come around,” Avery chimes in.

“I agree. When your sister and I broke up, I knew I had stuff to deal with before I could get her back. So fix your shit – shoot, I mean, fix your stuff so you’re in the right place. Then the first chance you get, you fight like hell. I’m assuming you want to fight and get her back, right?” Maddox asks.

“Yes, absolutely. I love her.” No hesitation. No questions.

“Then, give it time, but not too much time. You’ll know when the moment is right,” Maddox says.

We all dive into dinner, which is delicious. Avery can cook just about anything now and meet the expectations of the Stevens men who grew up on Mom’s home cooked meals. Afterwards, I head out so that Avery and Maddox can get the kids ready for bed. I get tons of hugs and even a few kisses from the kids before I leave, heading toward my cold, empty condo. I long to do a drive-by. It can’t be considered stalking if you only drive past once, right?

The night proves to be long and filled with silence. Not having the option to pick up my phone and call or text Carmen is taxing. Reading doesn’t help and mindless television doesn’t hold my attention longer than a minute or two. So, I settle in to lie awake and stare aimlessly at the white ceiling. Hell, it’s not like I have to work tomorrow.

And here starts one of the longest damned nights of my life.

*****

Mom calls the next morning. “Hello?” I ask after contemplating letting it go to voicemail.

“William, why are you sulking at home instead of trying to fight for the woman you love?” she asks in way of greeting.

“Wow, Mom, don’t hold back,” I mumble into the phone receiver.

“William, don’t be cute. It’s not becoming,” Mom scolds with a hint of amusement in her voice.

“What can I do for you, Mom?”

“Are you going to fight for her or are you going to let her get away?”

I exhale deeply and close my eyes. My mom doesn’t know the half of it. “How did you find out?”

“Avery dropped the kids off earlier before work. While I was taking Brooklyn to kindergarten I ran into your friend Chase’s mother, Evelyn. She told me some very exciting news,” Mom says with excitement.

“I’m sure it’s just grand news,” I mumble into the phone absently.

“Do you want to hear this or not, William?”

“Why do you keep William-ing me? Why am I in trouble?”

“Because I had to hear that you were fired from your sister this morning, more than eighteen hours after it happened. I, also, had to hear from your sister that your
friendship
with Carmen has come to an end which does not make me happy, William.”

“Doesn’t make you happy? How do you think I feel,
Mother
?” Two can play at this game.

“William,” Mom warns in a firm tone.

“Fine,” I say, conceding. “Carmen doesn’t want to see me right now because of us both losing our jobs. She says she has a bunch of decisions to make about Zach and her future, and wouldn’t even consider talking to me about it. She told me she needs time.”

“And she probably does, Will. Women are complicated creatures,” she adds.

“You don’t say,” I mumble sarcastically.

“Let me tell you about the conversation I had with Evelyn this morning,” Mom starts. Fine. Looks like I’m catching up with Chase through our mothers. Grand.

“So, Chase was promoted this past fall at St. Charles Community College. He’s the director of outreach programs now. And guess what he’s working on? Guess!”

“Uh, I don’t know, Mom.”

“They’re opening a satellite center in Rivers Edge! It’s going to be uptown in the old building next to the library. They are opening a center where they will have remote classes and programs so local residents don’t have to drive to St. Charles for all of their classes.”

“That’s great, Mom. Good for Chase.” And thank you, Mom, for the momentary distraction. I guess.

“I haven’t gotten to the best part yet, Will. One of the programs they are going to run through the satellite clinic is the necessary EMT classes. Do you know what that means?”

“No, tell me.”

“It means they’re going to need an instructor for the class, Will. An instructor who has the exact background and degree that Carmen has.”

Since I’m not one hundred percent paying attention, it takes a few moments before my mom’s words start to sink in. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“Chase is expecting your call, Will. He hasn’t advertised the staff openings yet, but according to his mother, Carmen has all of the qualifications that are required to teach.”

My mind is processing so much all at once that it’s almost overwhelming. “Wait, you found all of this out with one meeting with his mom?” I ask, confused now more than ever. Two plus two does not equal four.

“Oh, Will, someday you will understand that a mother’s love knows no bounds. You remember that, dear. I have to go. Grant and Ryder are almost done with breakfast,” she says before signing off.