Boss of Lunch (2 page)

I shined and shined.

“This is the smartest reason I ever came up with,” I said very proud.

I smiled up at him. “Would you like some spit on the napkin?” I asked real nice. “A little spit makes shoes look extra gleamy.”

Mr. Scary quick pulled his shoe away.

“No, Junie B. No spit.
Please.
Just sit up,” he said.

I sat up.

Mr. Scary stared and stared at me.

I wiggled in my seat very uncomfortable. ’Cause staring teachers make me squirmy, of course.

Finally, Mr. Scary talked again.

“I want you to stay
out
of your lunch box, Junie B.,” he said. “We have a rule in
Room One. Lunch boxes are to be opened
only
in the cafeteria.”

I did a sad sigh.

“Yes,” I said. “I know the rule, Mr. Scary. But I waited a real long time to get this lunch box. And yesterday it finally came to my house. And so today is my first day of not carrying a plain brown sack to school. And so every time I look at that new lunch box, I feel happy inside.”

I picked it up to show him.

“See how cute it is?” I said. “My mother ordered it from a nature store. It has pictures of baby birds on it. See all of them?”

I pointed. “This one is my favorite,” I said. “It is called an owlet.
Owlet
is the name for a baby owl. My grampa Frank Miller told me that.”

I pointed at a different bird. “That one is an
eaglet,”
I said. “An eaglet is a baby eagle.”

After that, I held my lunch box way high in the air so all of Room One could see it.

“See all the birdlets, children? There are owlets and eaglets and ducklets and chicklets,” I explained.

I put my lunch box on my desk. And I took out the thermos.

“And see this thermos, people? This thermos has pictures of bird nests on it. Isn't that cute?”

May made a face.

“Ick,” she said. “Who wants to drink out of a stinky, pooey bird's nest?”

I made a face at her. “
I
do, that's who, May!” I said. “I
love
drinking out of stinky, pooey birds’ nests.”

May reached into her desk and pulled out a lunch ticket.

“Well, I
buy
my lunch, Junie Jones,” she said.
“Bought
lunches are much better than
brought
lunches.
Bought
lunches don't sit around all morning and get soggy.”

I crossed my arms at that girl.

“That's the dumbest thing I ever heard of, May,” I said right back.
“Brought
lunches are way better than
bought
lunches. ’Cause
brought
lunches are made special by our very own mothers!”

Mr. Scary did a frown. “Okay, okay,
girls … that's enough,” he said.

But May kept on arguing with me.

“For your information, Junie Jones, mothers are
not
professional lunch makers,” she said. “Mothers are just plain old normal people.”

I stamped my foot at her. ’Cause that was my final straw!

“Do not call my mother
normal
, May!” I hollered. “No one in my whole entire family is normal! So there!”

May started to laugh.

Then some of the other children laughed, too.

I do not know why.

Finally, Mr. Scary snapped his fingers at them.

I put my lunch box back on the floor.

It was not my best morning.

The lunch bell rang at twelve o'clock.

Twelve o'clock is around noonish, I believe.

I picked up my lunch box and ran to the door. Then I lined up with my friends. And I waited to go.

“It's almost time,” I told them very thrilled. “It's almost time for me to eat out of my brand-new lunch box!”

I held it up for them to see again.

“Which baby bird do you guys like the best?” I asked. “Pick one, okay?”

My friend named José looked at the birds and shrugged his shoulders.

“I don't know. I guess maybe I like the duck best,” he said. “Ducks can be funny sometimes. One time—when we were having a picnic at the lake—a duck chased my sister and stole her Ho-Ho.”

My friends Lennie and Herb laughed real hard. They looked at my lunch box, too.

“I think I like the owlet the best,” said Herb.

“Me too,” said Lennie. “I saw a TV show on owls once. And an owl swallowed a giant rat in just one bite. He didn't even chew or anything.”

After that, I stared at Lennie a real long time.

’Cause that disgusting story just ruined my owlet, that's why.

Finally, all of Room One walked to the cafeteria together.

The cafeteria is a big room where we eat lunch. It has smells and noise and tables in it.

Room One sits near the window.

I zoomed there speedy quick.

“Come, Herb!” I called. “Come, Lennie and José! It's time for you to watch me eat out of my new lunch box!”

I turned around to wait for them.

Only too bad for me. Because none of those guys were even coming.

Instead, they were standing in the stupid dumb
lunch line.

My mouth fell open at that sight.

“Herb! Hey, Herb!” I called. “What do you think you're doing? Why aren't you coming to eat with me?”

Herb shouted back. “I'm buying my lunch today, Junie B.!”

José shouted, too. “Me too. Everyone is buying today, Junie B.!”

“
Hoagies!
We're having
hoagies!
” hollered Lennie. “Save us a seat!”

My shoulders slumped real disappointed. ’Cause I wasn't actually expecting this development.

I sat down at my table and looked all around.

There was only one other person sitting there.

His name is Sheldon.

I do not know him that good.

Sheldon waved his fingers at me. “We're the only ones here,” he said. “We're the only ones who didn't buy hoagies today.”

I did a sigh. “Yes, Sheldon. I know that,” I said.

Sheldon slid across from me.

“Hoagies are very popular. But I'm not allowed to eat them,” he said. “I'm allergic to fake meat and cheese.”

I looked at Sheldon closer.

His nose was running very much.

“Please wipe your nose,” I said.

Sheldon didn't pay attention to me.

“I'm only allowed to eat food that comes from nature,” he said.

His nose ran even more. “Also, I'm allergic to dairy,” he told me.

I handed him my napkin. “Blow. And I mean it,” I said.

Sheldon did not blow.

I slid to the end of the table.

Pretty soon, my friends started coming
out of the kitchen. The other children started coming, too.

They sat down and took big bites of their hoagies.

“Mmm,” said Herb. “This hoagie is
delicious
!”

“Sí,”
said José.
“Muy delicioso!”

Lennie nodded. Then he opened up his hoagie roll and looked inside.

“I think even
you
would like this hoagie, Junie B.,” he said. “Look. It has ham and salami and cheese and lettuce and tomato.”

Just then, May butted her big head in.

“It's
good
for you, too, Junie Jones,” she said. “All school lunches have to be delicious and nutritious. It's a law.”

“So?” I said.

“So lunches brought from home can be any old thing,” she said back.

I did a huffy breath at her.

Then I turned my back. And I hid my sandwich very secret. And I peeked inside the bread.

I stared and stared for a real long time. ’Cause I didn't actually recognize the meat, that's why.

Finally, I ate it anyway.

It was tasty … whatever it was.

I was the first one done with my lunch.

That's because eating hoagies takes forever, of course.

I put my lunch box away and looked at Herb's plate.

He had three more foods to go.

First, he had carrot sticks. Also, he had applesauce and a cookie.

I leaned in closer.

“Mmm. I think that's a sugar cookie, Herbert,” I said. “Sugar cookies are my favorites.”

Herb nodded. “Me too,” he said. “I like sugar cookies, too.”

I touched his cookie with my finger.

“Yes-sir-ee-bob. That's a sugar cookie all right, Herb,” I said. “I didn't get a cookie at all today. My mother packed me a fruit bar instead.”

“Oh,” said Herb. “Well, fruit bars are good, too.”

I tapped my fingers on the table. ’Cause Herb didn't even get my hint.

“Yes, Herbert. I
know
fruit bars are good,” I said. “But I really wanted a cookie today. And so I wish that you would just share that thing with me, and that's all.”

Herb looked at me and shrugged. “Why didn't you just say so?” he said.

Then he broke his cookie in two. And he handed me half.

I gushed real happy. “Oh! Thank you, Herb! Thank you! Thank you!” I said.

After that, I stuffed the cookie right into my mouth. And I drank a sip of Herb's milk.