Boswell, LaVenia (2 page)

It Begins . . .

start
1 - The DREAM

Trembling violently, Jennifer stretched out her badly shaking fingers once more to touch the book.  Tauntingly, it moved just out of her reach, with each attempt she made to procure it.

            The room was in darkness so thick it seemed to be choking her, forcing her to gasp for air.  She wondered in agony at the realization that a person could actually drown in such blackness.  The taste was gall or quinine, the bitterness making her stomach churn convulsively as she dry retched trying to remove the blackness that had seeped within her.  Still her fingers reached of their own accord, trying to touch the book.

            The only light in the room emanated with a soft glow from the book that would not allow her to claim it.  It left everything outside its light in choking darkness.  An evil laugh rolled around her, making her sickness turn into complete and utter despair.  The hatred in the laugh went far beyond any in the physical realm.

            Jennifer found she was too weak and exhausted to continue the struggle.  She also knew one other horrifying fact - there was no hope for her, none.  This was the end!  Her whole life seemed meaningless and a total waste of time.  What was the purpose of it?  Why was she made to suffer so and for what!?

            Realizing she was dying, having given up the struggle for the book, emptiness swallowed her.  A void, a need deeper than any hunger she’d ever experienced, a desire for something she
had
to have but couldn’t identify engulfed and washed over her in the same waves as the retching.  In the back of her mind, there was a faint shadow of what she needed to do to stop the torment and her own death, but like the book, it too was just out of reach.  Her understanding of what it was could not seem to come forward.

            Jennifer struggled to cry out in agony and despair, “Help!  Help me please, please help me . . . .”

            The alarm clock went off with roaring ocean waves and sea gulls squawking louder and louder.  Jenny reached over and slapped the clock sending it flying off the nightstand.  Soaked in sweat she tugged the t-shirt away from her sticky body and slowly sat up on the side of the bed.  It had happened again, this was the third time, each nightmare identical.  The hellacious dream started about three months ago.

            “For pity’s sake!” she exclaimed, shaking badly, as she tried to get her heart to stop pounding and her head to turn loose of the horrendous emotion the dream always garnered.  As she trembled and tried to calm down she wearily wiped away rivets of sweat that ran down both sides of her face.

            Let Freudians wrap their brains around that dream and tell me what it meant
,
she thought with unease.  She’d even considered telling her mom and getting her take on it.  Then decided it would only worry her.  At eighteen, it was a little late to start opening herself to others.  She’d never found it easy, so she’d rarely confided in anyone, except Jason a few times, back when they were really young.

            Hating to get up she knew she had to hurry and shower, dress and get to her locker before first period to stash her books.  Lugging them around, they were as heavy as anvils, wasn’t her plan for the day.

            This, her senior year, brought with it many days that were hectic.  Every day seemed filled with tests and challenges that she used to love, now she simply found them bothersome.  Her joy in life was not as bright as it used to be, and she didn’t know when the wattage had been turned down, or how, or why, or by whom.  She was struggling to get the old zip back and she had a plan.

            Her mom caught her before she left the house.  “Jennifer darling, are you and
Salina
going to the mall together this evening?” 
Salina
was Jennifer’s very best friend.

            Jenny smiled thinking about her dearest friend and her family.  She had the kind of dark honey latte colored skin that Jenny wished she had. 
Salina
’s dad wasn’t too keen on his daughter being best friends with someone as non-ethnic as Jenny, but he did tolerate her and besides the rest of
Salina
’s family seemed to like her okay.

            She popped open a small container of strawberry yogurt to shovel down as she tried to leave in time not to miss the bus.  She rode the school bus to save her gas for the weekends.  Money was tight.

            Jennifer responded awkwardly as she talked around the spoon, “We’d planned on it.  Why?  You need us to pick up something for you?”  She added that last in being inquisitive.  Her mom didn’t usually interfere with whatever she’d planned.  She wondered why she’d asked.

            “It’s just that it’s Friday night again and I thought Jason might have asked you out.”

            Jenny froze and didn’t respond.

            “He’s turned into a really handsome man, don’t ya think?  And he has such a nice mother and family.  Very well to do too.”  Her mom rushed on, “His mother and I had a tennis date the other day, and,” she paused for effect, “she kept picking, trying to get me to share how you might feel about her son.  I had no idea, of course . . . but didn’t let her know that,” she’d continued with questioning eyes.  “You two used to be together all the time just a few years ago.”  She waited a moment for Jennifer to explain, but when she didn’t she continued, “She seemed overly curious for some reason, that’s all.  It being Friday made me think of him.”

            “Oh,” Jenny muttered.  Why did that bother her so much?  Why was his mom so interested?  It made her feel uneasy.  “We were young when we hung out all the time.  He asked me out for supper last month . . . and a few other times, but I really need some
me
time, ya know?  So, I said no.” 

            No way was she going to explain that she and
Salina
were busy creating her new look and revamping everything about her.  Besides, she wasn’t going to share her feelings about any guy so their mom could make her decision about whether he should continue to see her or not. 

            Really, that just burns it!

            Females tended to flaunt themselves all over Jason, which she found absolutely degrading and disgusting.  He was just plain ole Jas to her.  Besides, he acted way too mature, like he was forty or something, almost looked it too.  Always talked about his plans for the future, what his new goals were, how great his family was and the clincher for her - how women needed to take more pride in themselves and blaa, blaa, blaa.  He absolutely refused to be a teenager.  Must have been born one and that’s why he was middle-aged now.  She giggled at the thought.

            Yeah, he was way too touchy, not physically, but emotionally.  She remembered with irritation how proper and completely non-physical Jason always was, at least with her.  The guy also had a bothersome knack for making her too introspective, when she didn’t want to be.  He meant no harm, but it aggravated her.           Being around him lately made her feel peculiar and prickly and she couldn’t begin to explain it.          She’d put distance between them for the past two years, even more the past three months.

            Putting the empty yogurt container in the trash and her spoon in the dishwasher, she shook her head as she thought about the downright pity of it all.  When a guy made you feel like it’d be wrong for him to kiss you, so he doesn’t, well . . . that was Jason.  Not one kiss.  Not one real flirtation in all these years.  The man was a frustrating monk!  It didn’t matter, she reminded herself, she had plans and places to go, and no male was going to be a part of it.

            “Love you Mom,” Jennifer called as she hurried through the front door heading to school.

            “You girls be back by ten now, the mall closes at nine and I worry about you two being out alone,” her mom called out.

            “’Kay” was yelled back just before the door shut.

            Oh, how she dreaded first period, being face to face with Jason would be truly uncomfortable since all the talk about him this morning.  He usually took a seat beside her across the isle since they shared college advanced physics together.  Years ago she hated algebra.  She took college physics this year and oddly enjoyed it.  Go figure.  Physics was one of two advanced college classes she and Jason shared.

            Upon entering the classroom, there he was.  As always he was dressed, as in dressed, with his dark cranberry and blue stripped dress shirt (so unlike the pullovers, hoodies and t-shirts on the guys around the room).  It was unbuttoned enough to reveal his gold Crucifix and chain as it glittered through his black chest hair, lying on his deep olive-brown skin.

            The good and bad part was that Jason looked years older than some of their instructors.  Even had a five o’clock shadow, poor guy.  New students always took him for an exceptionally handsome teacher and weren’t they ever so lucky, the girls thought.  They flirted terribly when he walked through the classroom door.  He ignored ‘em.  That’s how Jas was.

            Tossing her backpack on the floor beneath her desk, she swung her long hair over her shoulder to try and hide her face from his frequently appraising gaze.  Maybe he’d get the message she didn’t want to talk this morning.

            “Jen?” Jason inquired quietly.

            So . . . he wasn’t going to allow her to be ignored.  Oh, for goodness sake, not today!

            Trying not to let her irritation show she shoved her hair away from her eyes, looked at his face and was caught off guard by his genuine smile and sparkling bright brown eyes.  He had lashes any girl would kill for, especially her, her lashes weren’t thick, black, long and Bambi-like.  Jeeze.

            “Hi Jas,” she greeted with a smile she hoped didn’t look too overly encouraging but friendly just the same.  “What’s up?”  His perfectly natural even white teeth even sparkled, she realized with more irritation.  Jenny had fairly straight teeth but her dad’s were crooked and so she tended to admire great teeth when she saw them. 

            Hum, that after-shave he had on smelled nice she decided, while hating herself for admitting it.  Wonder what the name might be?

            “Some of my friends, in a group I’m in are planning a private beach party at their home on Sunday evening, an oyster roast and barbeque.  It’ll be fun.  Lots of music and food.  You might even see a famous author I was told planned to drop by.  Knowing you’re crazy about books and writing, I thought of you first thing.”  His smile was infectious.

            “Hum, an author huh?” She was almost tempted.  Would it be suits and after five dresses?  “What’s the dress code?” 

            He laughed a low amused laugh.  “It’s a beach party, Jen, so anything from a bathing suit to whatever you enjoy wearing is fine.  This crowd is wildly eclectic, so you’ll feel at home no matter what,” he assured her with a hopeful expression.  It was quite cold most days, being January,  so she doubted there’d be any in swimsuits, maybe a wet suit or two, but nah, probably not.

            “A dress wouldn’t even be laughed at,” he added with a twinkle, his little barb, knowing she’d told him once she hated wearing dresses.  You know, slips, hose and heels were not her, not at all. 

            “Where’s it at?” she inquired, purposely not biting at the dress comment.  If it was Ponte Vedra she knew she wouldn’t go, too la-te-da.

            “
Jacksonville Beach
.”  With a hopeful smile he asked, “I could pick you up Sunday about four?”  To encourage further he added, “I think you’ll enjoy the people there.  The author might even give a little spill about her newest book.”

            That did it.  He’d said the magic words – her + book.  Jennifer admired many women authors and hoped with her whole being to become a published novelist herself one day.