Bought: Destitute Yet Defiant (11 page)

Her body aching in unfamiliar places and her feelings a tangled mess, Jessie took the first set of steps she saw. And then another set.

She was running. Not just from Silvio but from the intense feeling of guilt that sucked her downwards at a terrifying speed. As the panic spread through her like some deadly disease, she felt as though her brother was watching her, his face twisted into a mask of condemnation.

No, Jessie, not that. Not him
.

Sleeping with Silvio felt like the ultimate betrayal.

Gasping for air, she found herself at the prow of the yacht and closed her fingers over the metal rail, fighting for control. Out here in the fresh air, with the sea breeze cooling her skin, she couldn’t understand why she’d let it happen.

Why hadn’t she just said no?

Lowering her forehead onto her hands, she gave a low groan of despair. Lying to him was one thing, but what was the point of lying to herself? She hadn’t said no because she hadn’t wanted to say no. She’d dreamed about this moment for as long as she could remember and if it hadn’t been for Johnny…

‘You’re torturing yourself for no reason.’ The soft male drawl came from behind her and she lifted her head but didn’t look round.

‘Go away. I’m not going to jump, if that’s what’s worrying you.’

‘It isn’t.’ He was silent for a moment. ‘Whatever you think, Johnny would have wanted you to be happy.’

Jessie lifted her head and stared into the darkness, listening to the sea and the night-time breeze playing with the mast. The lights from the yacht illuminated the surface of the water and the peace of the night seemed only to emphasise the turbulence inside her. ‘I don’t want to talk about my brother.’

‘You can’t go through life avoiding every subject that hurts.’

‘All right, let me put this another way.’ Her fingers tightened on the rail but she didn’t turn. ‘I don’t want to talk about my brother with
you
.’

‘Fine. I’ll talk. You listen.’ His voice was rough. ‘If he were standing here now, he wouldn’t be blaming you, he’d be blaming me.’

‘Well, he’d be wrong. You’re not responsible for my decisions, Silvio. I’m the one who followed you into the bedroom—’

‘And I’m the one who crossed the room. I’m the one who finally snapped. It was always going to happen. And Johnny knew it.’

Suddenly it was difficult to breathe. ‘That’s not true.’

‘Why do you think he was always so protective of you?’

‘He was my big brother—’

‘And he felt the chemistry between us. He knew how I felt about you. And he was scared for you. He thought you were too young to be involved with someone like me and he was right. You were.’

His words were such a shock that they took a moment to sink in and when they did the effect on her was profound.

The knowledge that Silvio had felt that way about her for so long was more intoxicating than the champagne and Jessie felt a dangerous heat spread through her limbs. ‘That doesn’t make sense.’ Her fingers were holding tight to the rail. ‘You never looked at me.’

‘And you have no idea how much self-discipline that took.’

It was unspeakably painful, hearing the words she’d always dreamed of hearing when it was too late. But, still, she had to know.

‘I wasn’t a child. You could have said something. I don’t believe for a moment that if you really wanted something you would have let my brother stop you.’

‘I would have done, but then Johnny chose to put himself between us in the most effective way possible.’

Jessie closed her eyes. ‘That’s an awful thing to say.’

‘He was frightened of losing you, Jess. All his real friends had turned away from him. The only people he saw were dealers and people like him. And you. No matter what squalor he lived in, no matter how low he sank, you were always there for him.’

‘He was my brother.’ She whispered the words into the darkness. ‘I would always have been there for him no matter what he did or who I was with.’

‘But his mind was too twisted from the drugs to see that clearly. You were as important to his survival as the syringes and that filthy stuff he craved.’

‘If you hated that “filthy stuff” so much, why did you give him the money to buy more?’

‘Because I made an error of judgement.’

‘And is that what happened tonight? Another error of judgement?’ It felt strange, having this conversation in the
semi-darkness, without looking at him. But it made it easier somehow.
Easier to say what needed to be said
.

‘Tonight wasn’t an error of judgement. More a loss of control.’ Coming from him that was quite an admission and Jessie gave a tiny laugh.

‘Don’t blame yourself. I could have said no.’

‘Did I give you a chance?’ His hands closed over her shoulders, turning her to face him. ‘Did I give you time to think or hesitate?’

‘I could have stopped you.’

‘Because you’re so much stronger than me?’ He gave a grim smile, his hands exerting minimum pressure as he backed her against the rail, proving his point with ridiculous ease.

‘I didn’t say you weren’t strong.’ Her heart was racing in a crazy, dangerous rhythm. ‘I said I could have stopped you.’

‘How?’ The harshness of his tone made her flinch and she wondered if he even realised that his fingers were digging into her flesh.

‘I would have asked you,’ she said softly. ‘And you would have listened.’

And she knew it was true. Yes, he was strong—so much stronger than her that any comparison would have been ridiculous. But she knew he would have stopped if she’d said the word.

His grip on her arms eased. ‘I wouldn’t be so sure about that.’

He was trying to make her feel better—trying to erase the terrible guilt—but she knew that nothing would do that. She’d carry the betrayal with her for ever.

‘We won’t mention it again.’ Jessie stared at a point in the middle of his chest, afraid that if she met his eyes she’d be lured into the same intoxicating paradise from which she’d just escaped.

‘You think that’s it?’

‘Yes, that’s it.’ Blanking the expression from her eyes, she looked at him. ‘Perhaps you’re right, Silvio. Perhaps this thing has been simmering between us for a long time. In which case it’s a good thing that we’ve got it out of the way. We can put it behind us now.’

His hands tightened again. ‘That’s a very casual response from a woman who has just had her first sexual experience.’

‘You’re not my first.’ Desperate now, she selected the words that she knew would drive him away. ‘Which is probably just as well or you would have put me off. Your caveman approach to love-making wouldn’t be the best introduction to the pleasures of the bedroom. Generally I prefer more in the way of foreplay.’ It was a lie, but she must have sounded convincing because his hands dropped from her shoulders.

‘I did hurt you.’

‘Yes, you did.’ She forced the second lie past her lips, wondering why it felt so hard. She shouldn’t care about his feelings, should she? ‘Physically we’re obviously not that compatible.’

‘You’re very small—’

‘And you’re very rough.’ Yet another lie. He hadn’t been rough. True, he hadn’t been as careful with her as he would have been if she’d told him the truth, but that was her fault, wasn’t it? ‘Probably not a good combination. Still, at least we got it out of our systems.’ Jessie turned away, her legs shaking and a sick feeling in her stomach.

It felt wrong to dismiss the incredible intimacy they’d shared with such careless words but it was the only way she knew that might prevent him from touching her again. And it was imperative that he didn’t touch her again.

‘Go back to the master suite.’ He moved to let her past, his
tone tightly controlled, his features revealing nothing. ‘Take a bath and get some sleep. I’ll sleep elsewhere.’

So he’d believed her, then
.

She should have felt relief that her words had been so incredibly effective.

Instead, she felt sick. As if she’d destroyed something rare and special.

She’d insulted him in the most personal way possible and his Sicilian pride would never allow him to forgive that.

And that, Jessica thought numbly, was that. A few well-chosen words were all it took to kill off perfect chemistry.

The emotional barrier that had kept them apart had been strengthened and was now an immovable force.

D
ESPITE
the stress, Jessie slept. But sleep gave her little respite because Silvio featured in every one of her dreams. Unfortunately for her mental state, her dreams had exaggerated him back into the shape of a hero.

He was the man who had rescued her from danger in the alleyway. He was the man who had brought her to safety. He was the man who had made sure that any physical relationship she ever had in the future would be an anticlimax…

With a groan she woke up and buried her face in the pillow.

He was also the man who was responsible for the death of her brother.

But suddenly everything that had been clear was confused.

Instead of blaming him, she was thinking about his hands on her body and his mouth on hers. Instead of hate she felt another, more dangerous emotion that she didn’t dare examine too closely.

And what was the point of thinking about it when it was over before it had started?

She’d driven him away, hadn’t she?

I’ve wanted you since you were eighteen
.

Jessie put her hands over her ears, trying to block his words from her head. She didn’t want to think about what would
have happened if he’d told her how he felt years ago. She didn’t want to think what might have happened if, instead of keeping his distance, he’d decided to take what he wanted.

She gave a shiver, thinking of what he’d said about everyone deserting Johnny.

He hadn’t deserted him, had he?

He’d been there right until the end.

He’d talked about Johnny being self-destructive and it was true.

She’d wanted to save her brother, she’d wanted him to change—but he hadn’t been able to. And she’d been angry with him for not trying harder.

Confused, Jessie slid out of bed and opened a cupboard. Removing the shoebox from its hiding place, she lifted the lid and stared down at her life.

The photographs were all she had of her brother.

That and the battered, scruffy stuffed bunny Johnny had given her one birthday.

They were all that remained of her past. That, and the memories.

Underneath the photographs, something shone and she dipped her hand into the box and pulled out the locket.

She hadn’t allowed herself to look at it for three years
.

Unsettled by her thoughts and desperate for distraction, Jessie dropped the locket back into the box and walked into the luxurious bathroom. But she didn’t feel like lying in a bath with her thoughts so instead she took a quick shower and changed into a simple summer dress.

Then she left the owner’s suite and walked towards the galley. She had no idea where Silvio had spent the night but after his comments the night before, it was fairly safe to assume that he wasn’t going to be anywhere near his own kitchen.

Stacey was there, chopping carrots into tiny batons.
When she saw Jessie, she put down the knife and gave a friendly smile.

‘Fancy a coffee? I can make you a cappuccino.’

‘That would be lovely, thanks.’ Jessie settled herself on a stool in the corner of the kitchen and watched as Stacey prepared the coffee and foamed the milk in a jug.

‘So what did you do before this? I suppose Silvio kidnapped you from some Michelin-starred restaurant, did he?’

Stacey sprinkled chocolate powder onto the creamy froth. ‘Not exactly.’ She put the coffee down in front of Jessie and gave a little shrug. ‘Actually, I was in a spot of trouble,’ she said calmly. ‘I was sleeping rough and doing stuff I shouldn’t have been doing. If it hadn’t been for the boss, I’d still be there. Or worse.’

Jessie poked the foam with a spoon. ‘What did he do?’

‘He gave me a chance, that’s what he did.’ Stacey returned to her chopping. ‘Same as he does for all the people who work for him.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘All the people who work for him…’ Stacey put a pan on the heat and started frying an onion. ‘They nearly all have some sort of past. I suppose it’s because he grew up on the streets himself. He knows how easy it is to get into trouble. But I guess you know that. The boss doesn’t believe in hiding all that stuff, which is good really, because keeping up an act is exhausting.’

Jessie put the spoon down slowly. ‘Are you saying that all the people who work for him have been in trouble? What sort of trouble?’

‘Different stuff. Some minor, some major.’ Stacey added chopped herbs to the onion and removed the pan from the heat. ‘The thing about Silvio is that he’s willing to give you a chance if you want one. He believes people can change if
they’re given a chance. But it’s only ever one chance. Mess up and you’re out. But mostly people don’t. If you’re handed a lifeline, you take it, don’t you?’

She’d taken it.

Then Jessie thought of her brother. He hadn’t taken it, had he? ‘Not always. Some people just can’t help themselves.’ She rubbed her fingers along her forehead, trying to ease the uncomfortable thoughts she was having.

Had she been unfair to Silvio?

Stacey rinsed the knife under the tap. ‘Some people are too messed up, I suppose. Or perhaps they just don’t want to be saved. But at the end of the day there’s only so much someone else can do, isn’t there? They can give you a ladder but it’s up to you to climb up it.’

Was it that simple? Silvio should have known that Johnny would misuse the money, shouldn’t he? He should have known that Johnny didn’t have the strength to resist temptation. He wasn’t blameless. ‘Why does he employ people who have been in trouble—is it cheap labour?’

‘You’re more cynical than I am and, no, it’s not cheap labour. He pays well.’ Stacey reached for the olive oil. ‘When you come out of prison, it’s hard to get a job. Employers just won’t take a chance on you. Silvio does. He doesn’t care what’s in your past.’

‘So he’s a soft touch.’

‘Soft?’ Laughing, Stacey finished what she was doing and washed her hands. ‘He’s about as soft as steel. And clever.’

‘But—’

‘He gets something back that money can’t buy, and that’s loyalty. He has virtually zero staff turnover. Not one of his employees has ever sold him out to the press, or anyone else for that matter. They just wouldn’t. We all owe him.’

None of that changed the fact that if Silvio hadn’t given Johnny the money, her brother might still be alive.

‘How many of his staff…?’ Jessie felt awkward finishing the question but Stacey just grinned.

‘Did he drag from the streets? Dunno. He treats us all the same, you see, so you’d never know. Do you want another coffee?’

‘She doesn’t have time.’ Silvio strode across the galley and took Jessie’s hand in his, pulling her off the stool. ‘The helicopter is waiting. Stacey, you have five minutes to put together a delicious picnic. Something special.’

‘Yes, boss.’ Rising to the challenge with a delighted grin, Stacey shot towards the enormous fridge, obviously only too pleased to show what she could do.

Jessie’s face was scarlet—partly because she’d been caught talking about him but mostly because seeing him in daylight after what they’d shared the night before felt hideously awkward. Her stomach cramped and her pulse rate doubled. She didn’t want to look at him and yet she couldn’t
not
look. She wanted to ask him why they needed a picnic when they had nothing more to say to each other, but she felt too self-conscious to speak to him in front of Stacey. His hand still held hers tightly and the warmth and strength in his grip did something strange to her insides.

Wasn’t he angry with her?

After what she’d said to him the night before, he should have been angry.

And after her conversation with Stacey, she no longer knew how she felt.

Oblivious to the atmosphere between the two of them, Stacey was moving around the kitchen efficiently, chopping, wrapping, washing salad and adding various items to a large coolbox. Then she winked at Silvio and added a bottle of champagne and some glasses. ‘Just in case you’re thirsty, boss. Do you want me to have it taken to the helicopter?’

‘No, I’ll take it myself.’ Silvio held out his free hand and gave Stacey a rare smile. ‘
Grazie
.’

‘
Prego
,’ Stacey said in a broad London accent, and Silvio winced.

‘You really must work on that accent. Tell Chef we won’t be back for dinner tonight.’ Without giving Jessie the opportunity to question that command, he tightened his grip on her hand and walked purposefully towards the upper deck.

Wondering whether he’d overheard any of her conversation with Stacey, Jessie tugged at her hand. ‘Wait—Silvio—’ It felt as though everything was shifting around her and she couldn’t keep her balance.

‘I’m not good at waiting.’ Still pulling her along with him, he didn’t slacken his stride and she wondered why it was that he was always so sure of everything he did.

Life wasn’t that black and white, was it?

Jessie couldn’t stand the tension any longer. She had no idea where they were going or why, but she knew she had things to say. ‘At least tell me where we’re going.’

‘Somewhere we can be together without an audience.’ Without pausing, Silvio took the steps that led to the small helicopter pad. ‘Somewhere we can talk.’

‘What is there to say?’ Was he expecting her to apologise for what she’d said to him?

‘Plenty.’ His eyes unfathomable, Silvio touched her cheek gently with his fingers and then urged her onto the helicopter. He spoke to his pilot in Italian and moments later they were lifting into the air and the yacht was suddenly far beneath them.

‘Where are we going? What are we doing?’ Jessie turned towards him and he relaxed in his seat.

‘Consider it foreplay,’ he said huskily, a sardonic smile tugging at the corners of his mouth as his eyes made contact
with hers. ‘Generally you like plenty of foreplay—wasn’t that what you told me? I’m giving you what you want,
tesoro
.’

How could he possibly know what she wanted when she had no idea herself?

The sudden dive of her stomach had nothing to do with the movement of the helicopter.

‘I didn’t mean—I was just—’

‘I know what you were doing. I know far more than you think I do.’ He slipped his hand under her chin and turned her face to his. ‘And the pretence ends now.’

‘There is no pretence, Silvio, I’m—’

‘Relax. If you look below you now you can see Mount Etna,’ he interrupted her, ignoring her agitation. ‘She is much like a woman. When she’s in a bad mood she grumbles and spits fire.’

Desperately aware of him, Jessie dragged her eyes from his and stared down at the flanks of the volcano but even the wild beauty of the landscape couldn’t distract her. ‘At least tell me where we’re going.’

‘To a beach that you can only reach from the air’ was all he would say, and Jessica gasped when she finally spotted the horseshoe of perfect white sand beneath them.

‘That’s where we’re going? How are we going to land?’

‘Safely,’ Silvio purred, casting an amused smile towards his pilot, ‘or he’s fired.’

Jessie gripped the edge of her seat as the grinning pilot lowered the plane onto the sand, his blades dangerously close to the cliffs that gave the beach its privacy. It was a breathtakingly daring piece of flying and she wondered if she was going to end her days in a mangled heap of wreckage.

It was only when Silvio gently uncurled her fingers from the seat that she realised they’d landed safely. ‘Move. He can only stay here for a few seconds.’

Jessie stumbled onto the soft, white sand and he pulled her against him as the helicopter rose into the air and left them alone. As the helicopter became a speck in the distance, Silvio led her to the far side of the beach where the steep cliffs created an oasis of shade. Then he opened a bag that he’d removed from the helicopter, threw a soft blanket onto the sand and handed her a package.

‘This is for you.’ Without waiting for her response, he stripped off his shirt and dropped it onto the blanket with a characteristic lack of inhibition.

Still clutching the small parcel, Jessie stared dry-mouthed at his bronzed, muscular torso. His stomach was flat, his shoulders wide and his chest shadowed with dark hair that seemed to accentuate his masculinity.

He had an incredible physique and suddenly she remembered what he’d said about foreplay.

Apparently oblivious to her scrutiny, his hand dropped to his zip and Jessie dragged her eyes away from his bronzed abdomen and stared at the sea, trying to ignore the dangerous warmth low in her pelvis.

What was he doing?

After what she’d said to him last night she hadn’t expected him to speak to her again. She certainly hadn’t expected him to maroon them on the equivalent of a desert island.

‘What is this place?’ She stared straight forward but her shoulders tensed as she heard the slide of his zip and the tantalising rustle of fabric. ‘Where are we?’

‘It’s my private bolt-hole. Somewhere no one else can join us. We’re alone.’

A thrill of excitement shot through her and Jessie shivered as his strong, confident hands curled over her shoulders.

‘You need to relax,’ he said evenly, massaging her skin slowly. ‘You’re extremely tense.’

Of course she was tense
.

‘Silvio, there are things I really have to say to you—’

‘You said them last night. Don’t forget sunscreen.’ Flashing her a disturbingly attractive smile, he passed her a tube and Jessie glared at him in frustration.

‘I want to talk!’

‘Relax,’ he said softly. ‘We have all day. We don’t have to rush anything. Open the package, Jessie.’

Frustrated with him, her hands shaking, Jessie put down the sun cream and opened the package, staring at the minuscule gold bikini in disbelief. ‘You have to be joking. And you thought my dress was indecent…’

His eyes gleamed with undisguised amusement. ‘This is going to be a private show. Unless you’d rather be naked. I thought you might be too modest for that, but I could be wrong. After all, you keep telling me how experienced you are and an experienced woman would be confident enough in her body to swim naked, isn’t that right? The decision is yours.’

With a seductive smile, he sprinted towards the shoreline and plunged into the sparkling turquoise sea. Watching him swim away from her with a powerful crawl, Jessie tightened her grip on the bikini in her hands.