Bound by Rapture (19 page)

I frowned as I smoothed my fingertips back and forth over the stubble on his jaw. “Like who?” 

“Like Kevin.” He slipped both of his hands into my hair and pulled me closer. “I’m not one of those men who puts you down, abuses you with my words, and then says sorry only to do it again.” He shuddered. “I’m not like that.” His voice was hoarse, his words cracking on the ends. 

“But what about…what you did before?” I let the words slip out of my mouth. I needed to know what happened with Garrett and Sandy. 

His hands trembled in my hair, rattling against my flesh. “I…I will tell you, Julia. I will.” He let out a shaky breath. “Soon. Please.” 

I wanted to know, but I was okay with waiting. I shouldn’t have been. I should have demanded answers, but I had learned enough today. I could go another day without it. 

“I don’t deserve your forgiveness for what I’ve said, for acting like an asshole. But I fucking want it. And I’m going to prove to you that I’m not like that. I’m not him. I’m not.”

My heart was so full it threatened to burst out of my chest. 

He leaned in and brushed his lips against mine and I could taste his love. It wasn’t clean or pristine. It was messy and broken. But I was okay with that. I knew the love I had to offer him wasn’t much better. It was fractured. But it would be enough. 

He loves me.

“That’s what they all say.”
Jennifer’s words echoed in my head and I was filled with doubt. It pressed down hard on my beating heart. I chewed my lip and stared at his silhouette, wishing I could see him, but I didn’t want to move to turn on the light. I pushed everything away, all my doubts, his mother, everything, and let myself drift into a fitful sleep.

SEVENTEEN

Cole.

I clasped Julia’s hand tightly in mine as we rode toward our destination. It had been several days since I had apologized for being a colossal asshole. And in that time things had been simple and nice—well, as simple as it could be under the circumstances. The last few days had been some of the best in my life. Julia and I hadn’t done anything special. We’d mostly slept, her more than I. And I worked, too. I’d attended a few early morning board meetings that were long overdue, leaving her in bed with a full staff of guards just outside the penthouse door. Most times, I came home before she even got up. 

We’d stayed in and ordered out, having all kinds of delicious foods delivered. We watched TV. We did things normal people did when they were in love—aside from sex. We didn’t do that. I’d wanted to. Fuck, I’d really wanted to. But I was intent on showing her I wasn’t a caveman. And it was hard as hell. Every time I looked at her I wanted to be buried inside her, with her moans in my ears. But I held back. Julia was this perfect, beautiful creature who had been hurt repeatedly by a man she thought she loved. She had barely made it out of that relationship alive, and then here I was claiming her, marking her, demanding she be mine alone and putting her down at the same time. It was appalling. And I didn’t deserve her presence, but somehow she’d forgiven me as if it had never happened. 

I made it a point to show her more of me. To show her my love in ways that didn’t involve my body—even though it was hard as fuck, literally. She didn’t bring up the fact we hadn’t had sex, though a lot of the times she seemed a little lost in her thoughts. I would ask her if she was okay, and she would smile and brush me off, claiming to be overwhelmed. 

Yesterday I had found her in the shower, sitting on the little seat bawling her eyes out. The sight ripped me apart and when I asked her what it was about, she had merely mumbled a few words into my chest. I only caught one of them. 

Mom. 

A vice-like grip had squeezed around my heart. After her first bout of crying in the car, she had seemed to brush the interlude with her mother away as if it meant nothing, but clearly it did. And it destroyed me that I couldn’t fix it. That I couldn’t just buy her a new mom. I almost snorted at the thought. I had already tried that for myself; hell, with all the plastic surgery my mom had gotten over the years, I practically did have a new mom. 

I’d caught her sniffling again after getting out of the shower today and I decided I was going to take her out and show her my favorite things about New York. I’d doubled the amount of guards for the occasion. 

“Come on,” I said as the limo rolled to a stop. We’d already had dinner at a hole in the wall Italian restaurant in lower Manhattan. It was one of the first places I had visited after moving to the Big Apple, and one of my absolute favorites. 

“Where are we?” She climbed out. “Oh my.”

A boardwalk stretched out before us, with food stands and carnival rides illuminated with lights stark against the dark night, overlooking the ocean. People were scattered all over the place. Couples holding hands. Children laughing. It was a majestic sight, with the crashing of waves as background music. 

“It’s beautiful.”

I glanced over at her. She was illuminated in the soft yellow glow of the lights, wearing a simple white dress that clung to her and stopped mid-thigh. White flats covered her feet and her hair was piled up on her head. Little blue tendrils brushed at the tops of her bare shoulders.

“Breathtaking,” I murmured, my dick twitching in my pants. 

She smiled. “I suddenly feel like I’m in one of those romantic movies we watched.” I snagged her hand and started leading her forward. 

“Maybe you are.”

She gave me a sideways look and shook her head. “Those movies aren’t about people like us.”

“What do you mean?” The thump of music from one of the carnival rides rattled the boardwalk.

“Well, for one, I’m a stripper, or…well, former stripper turned gas station cashier.” She snorted. “And you, well you’re—” 

“A murderer.”

“Yeah…that.”

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out; my mother was calling. I still hadn’t spoken to her. I couldn’t even look at her after what she had done. Putting Julia up on that stage with Victor Marlin, potentially endangering her.

“Is that your mom?” Julia asked. 

“Yeah.” I shoved my phone back in my pocket.

“Why don’t you answer it?”

“I have nothing to say to her.”

We fell into a lull of silence as we walked through the crowds of people. A man painted silver juggled three flaming sticks for a crowd of children, all of whom were squealing excitedly. 

“She loves you, you know.”

I blanched. “Don’t say that.”

“She does. In a backward way, but it is love.”

The very idea felt wrong, but I pressed Julia anyway. “Why do you think that?”

“Because she told me.”

I had forgotten that not only had Jennifer put her up on that stage, but she’d also worked with her to do it. Meaning they’d talked to one another. 

“She lies. A lot.”

“And she seemed to think it was hilarious that I would think Elaine was behind the attacks. She said you would kill her if you found out she had anything to do with it.”

“She’s right,” I said without hesitation. “No one hurts you and gets away with it. Come on,” I gestured to the ticket booth, “let’s ride the Ferris Wheel.”

“I don’t think Jennifer is the one behind my attack, or Mandi’s murder. She had plenty of chances to off me, or have someone else do it. But she didn’t.”

I considered this. It was puzzling that my mother would go to all the trouble she had if she was after Julia. I had felt certain at first, but then finding out Jay had worked with Kevin, and then Kevin going missing, had turned me away from the idea. 

“Did you find out anything about the unknown number that texted?” she asked.

We hadn’t talked about this, not since the night I got the text message. I had the distinct feeling that Julia didn’t really want to know, which was why she hadn’t asked about it again. Like she wanted to pretend it hadn’t really happened. 

“I did.” I’d found out the next day when I was leaving a board meeting. Jim had called with news that only made me more angry. But then I remembered I’d never told her about the name associated with the number. “The account is registered to my brother, Garrett Maddon.”

She gasped. “But—”

I pulled out my wallet and paid for the tickets, smiling at the lady behind the glass. “He’s dead. I know. Believe me. I killed him. But the messages both came from the same account. An account registered to him.”

We boarded the Ferris Wheel, getting into our own white basket that housed just the two of us.

She sat across from me, her gaze on me, but her eyes distant. “It’s registered under Garrett’s name…Kevin wouldn’t have known those things about you,” she said slowly, frowning. “He wouldn’t have known about your brother…and what happened. Plus, even if he did, I don’t see him going to all that trouble. He’s hot-headed, not conniving to a point that he would do something like that.” She leaned back against the seat as the ride moved up, allowing other people to board the baskets below us.

“I don’t know. None of it makes sense. My mom trying to help…” My mother’s definition of
helping
was questionable. She’d paid a considerable sum to get me into jail, and my arraignment held off for as long as it was. If she wasn’t trying to help, then what
was
she doing it for? I wasn’t giving her what she wanted when it came to Elaine, so I wondered if she was trying to hurt me on purpose by having Julia dance with Victor because she knew I would see it. That didn’t make sense either; even the judge admitted he wasn’t supposed to let me out until the next morning, but I’d paid him more than she had. 

I rubbed my temples. Nothing made sense.

“The person who is doing this was there. We know they were based on the text message.” Julia bit her lip and I could literally see the wheels spinning in her head. After several moments, she put her hand over mine. “I know you don’t want to talk about it…” She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear nervously. “But I think you need to tell me about what happened that night with your brother and Sandy. Whoever this is knows your past, at least enough of it to know what would hurt you. Maybe what happened back then has something to do with this.” 

She hadn’t brought it up since the night I’d apologized, seemingly okay with setting aside my brother’s murder for the time being. Part of me had hoped she would just let it go completely. That my demons could stay hidden. That the permanent bloodstain on my life would turn invisible. 

“I…I don’t know.” I had never told anyone, not the full story. The media had their lies and their opinions. No one really knew, not even my mother who had seen the blood on me. 

“It’s okay, Cole. You can trust me.” She rubbed her hand back and forth on top of mine. 

I swallowed a lump in my throat. “I…” Scenes from that night flashed in my head.
“Don’t do this, Cole. I’m your brother. Your only brother.” 

I pushed his voice away. What would she think of me when I told her? How would she feel when she heard about how my brother had cried, how he’d begged for his life? I’d shown no mercy. Not for my own brother. 

The Ferris Wheel stopped and we were at the very top, overlooking the Atlantic ocean on one side and the buildings of New York City on the other. 

“It’s important.” She squeezed my hand.

“You’re going to think I’m a monster,” I muttered. 

“Cole…I already do.” Her eyes implored me. “But you’re
my
monster.” 

I stared at her intently, hoping, wishing she really meant those words. I pinched the bridge of my nose with one hand. 

“It…” I sucked in a deep breath as the Ferris Wheel started to move more quickly. “It was ten years ago and I lived in New Orleans. Everything for Obsidian Spirits started there, so that’s where I had my main office. I lived there at the time. The company hadn’t gone international yet, but I was a good seven years into my business, and the last three years had pushed the company into the billion dollar bracket. The reality of that, of being the poor kid who’d saved up all summer to buy something, who now had more money than he would ever know what to do with, it was…exhilarating.” I could remember walking into a car dealership and buying a car outright with my debit card. A car that cost over fifty thousand dollars. “I built my mom a house. It was this big ridiculous mansion, with fucking trees imported from South Africa and a botanical garden that covered the third floor.”

“I saw it,” Julia said. “Pictures of it online. It’s beautiful.” 

I snorted. “I hate that house. I wanted to burn it down…after everything.” I cleared my throat. “But anyway, I built the house for her, my sister Sandy, and Garrett. They lived there for about a year before everything happened. Garrett was a year older than me, twenty-six at the time, and Sandy was six years younger than him. I went there one night. I didn’t live with them. I couldn’t stand to live in close quarters with all of them, especially my mother. But Garrett, Sandy, and I always had a relatively decent relationship.”

“You always got along with him?”