Bound Together (66 page)
Authors: Marie Coulson
“
No Ollie, I care about
you so much. All I’ve ever wanted was to give you everything and to
be everything you want me to, but…”
“
But you can’t stop
loving him. And as long as you love him, you can’t love me.” His
expression instantly turned from sadness to determination as he
breezed past me towards his motorcycle.
Sprinting after him, I
yelled and pleaded for him to stop and think about what he was
doing. “Ollie, please just wait, let’s talk about this. Please
don’t go. Not like this. Not when you’re angry.”
Grabbing his helmet, he
turned to face me. “Was it worth it?”
I stood speechless for a
moment. “What?”
“
You heard me. Was it
worth it? How was it? Good?” He was furious and his words cut
through me.
“
No. It was…I don’t know
Ollie. It just happened. I can’t explain it but it won’t ever
happen again I swear. I ended it. Please just hear me
out.”
He shook his head.
“There’s nothing to say. You fucked your ex-boyfriend and you don’t
and can’t love me. I don’t see much point in talking that out
Layla.” Slipping his helmet on, he revved up the Ducati and gazed
at me with a pained expression before flipping his visor down and
speeding out of the parking lot.
I fell to the ground
heaving, and gasping for air. I felt as though the oxygen had been
ripped from my lungs as my heart screamed
I told you so
in my ears. Two hands
gripped my shoulders and it startled me. “I thought it was you I
heard screaming out here.” Appearing at my side as if by magic, Mel
hauled me off the ground and pulled me inside the building. Safely
inside my room I broke down. “Oh my god what have I done. I’ve
destroyed everything. I’m a whore, a slut and god awful human
being.” Sitting me down on the bed Mel sat beside me as Amy emerged
from the bathroom. She gave me a stern look and I could see she was
pissed at what I’d done. “Amy please don’t hate me. No one can
possibly hate me more than I do right now.” Rolling her eyes, she
sat the other side of me and wrapped her arms around my shoulders.
“Oh Layla. You really have made the most awful mess. What were you
thinking?”
“
I wasn’t thinking. I was
all caught up in the sexual attraction of it all. The dinner was, I
don’t know. He made me laugh and he took care of me. I couldn’t
help it, my emotions took me over and before I knew it we were in
bed together.” Mel let out a long sigh. “I don’t think you can get
past this Layla. Ollie was really upset when he realized where you
were. I’ve never seen someone look so completely devastated. Please
tell me you ended it with Jared that he’s not expecting some great
reunion between the two of you.” I shook my head.
“
No, it’s over. I told
him we have to move on and forget about each other. He must have
understood because he didn’t come after me this time. But the worst
part, the part that is tearing me to shreds is that no matter how
much I know what I did was wrong, I love him. I wanted him and I
let it happen. We made love and I felt complete, like I was whole
again lying there wrapped in his arms. Now I feel like there’s a
horrible hole in my stomach. I hate myself for what I’ve done to
Ollie and I hate that I can’t stop loving Jared!” Climbing into bed
I continued to sob. I cried until I could cry no more and just when
I thought I had nothing left, I cried again.
At my request Amy and Mel
had left me alone to go and hang out in Mel’s dorm room. She’d been
lucky enough to get a private single room so they would be able to
be in there as long as they wanted. I was grateful of the peace as
my body, mind and emotions were exhausted. Curling up on my bed, I
fell into a deep and grief stricken sleep. “Layla. Wake up.” I
turned over and slowly opened my eyes unsure if I was hallucinating
or dreaming.
Crouching beside my bed
was Ollie. Quickly, I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him
tightly as relief swept through me. He’d been so mad when he left
that I was terrified he’d be in an accident or decided to never
come back at all. “I’m so glad you’re safe. I was worried sick.”
Placing his hands on my back he held me to him and buried his face
in my neck. Pulling away, I sat motionless and silent, waiting for
him to say something, anything, but when he didn’t, I knew I had to
say something. “Ollie, I’m so sorry. I hate myself for what I did
and I understand if you never want to see me again
but…”
He stopped me pressing
his fingers to my lips. “Stop. Just this once, don’t say anything
and listen instead.”
He gazed into my eyes and
took a deep breath. “I don’t care.”
I stared at him confused.
“You slept with Jared. And I don’t care. Well, I care, of course I
care. It’s ripping me apart but I won’t let it destroy us. I waited
too long for my chance with you to let him obliterate our
relationship with one night. I know what it’s like to be completely
in love with someone Layla. It drives you crazy and you do things
you never intended. Like kissing someone in a dorm room when their
boyfriend is out of town.” I couldn’t believe what he was saying.
Not only had he come back, he was coming back to
me
.
“
How many times did it
happen?”
“
Once, I swear and I felt
awful right after. I cried myself to sleep over it and what I’d
done to you.”
He held up his hand,
indicating for me to be quiet. “Is it over?”
I nodded and stared at
the floor. “Ok.”
Placing his helmet beside
my bed, he took off his t-shirt and wearing only his black chinos,
climbed on to the bed behind me. Wrapping his warm arms around my
waist, he pulled me close and nuzzled into my hair. Tears were
rolling down my face. He’d forgiven me, just like that. He’d
accepted my mistake for what it was, a mistake and he’d come back.
How could he just accept it all like that and climb into bed with
me? I’d hurt him, moaned, touched and laid with another man and yet
here he was beside me, holding me close. Ollie was a good man and I
didn’t deserve him or his forgiveness but deep down I knew why and
how he was able to be anywhere near me let alone touch me. He loved
me.
Turning to face him I
rested my forehead against his. “Ollie, I’m so sorry.”
“
I came back because I
wanted to Layla. I’m not ready to quit on us yet. Go to sleep. I
don’t want to think about it anymore tonight. We’ll talk about it
in the morning.” I nodded weakly and pressed my lips to his. He
responded but only briefly before turning his head and going to
sleep. I’d had every intention of breaking things off with Ollie
when I left Jared that morning but as he lay next to me I knew I
couldn’t. I owed it to him to try and make things work. I had to
leave Jared in my past. Ollie was my priority now and he deserved
the chance at making a future with me.
Ollie!
Ollie!” Opening his eyes he stared at me groaning. “What? Layla
it’s like seven in the morning and its Saturday.” I stifled a
laugh. “I know but I have to show you something. Come on!” Pulling
on his hand I
hauled him out of bed
and out the door. Covering his eyes with my hands I led him down
the hall to Mel’s room.
“
Ready?” He
smiled.
“
That depends. You
naked?”
I laughed and lifted my
knee to his ass as my hands were currently covering his eyes. “You
wish stud. Ok, open.”
A picnic basket sat on
the bed and candles were laid out across the room. “What is all
this?” I grinned, taking his hands and leading him into the
bedroom. “Well it is Saturday, and that means its date day so I
thought we’d start with breakfast.” Pressing his lips to mine he
smiled against my mouth. It had been four weeks since my night of
betrayal with Jared. Ollie had been so incredibly understanding and
as the days went on we slowly tried to glue the pieces of our
broken relationship back together. We still weren’t sleeping
together and I felt that was more Ollie’s choice now than mine.
Taking my hands, he sat down on the floor and pulled me down with
him. “Ollie we need to talk.” He gave me a curious look and began
unpacking the picnic basket. Gripping his hands in mine, I stopped
him. We needed to have this conversation whether he liked it or
not. “Ollie.” He let out a long sigh. “I know, I know. You want to
talk about what happened between you and
him
.”
“
We have to Ollie. Ever
since it happened you hardly come near me. It’s like you don’t want
to touch me or something. We barely make it past first base these
days. If you can’t get past what I did you have to tell me because
I can’t keep carrying this gut wrenching guilt anymore Ollie. I
made a mistake and I will hate myself forever but you can’t keep
punishing me. Please, either hate me and let me go or tell me how I
can make it right.”
Raking his hand through
his hair he let out a long breath. I couldn’t look him in the eye.
My frail emotions made me afraid of what he may say and my fragile
heart was unsure it could take anymore guilt. “Shit. You thought I
was avoiding touching you?” I nodded weakly. “Weren’t
you?”
“
No, of course not. And I
don’t hate you Layla. We weren’t exclusive, we weren’t sleeping
together and you made a mistake, you know it and you have to live
with it. We could talk about it till we’re blue in the face and I
don’t think, past anything I said to you when we discussed it at
the time, that there is anything more I can possibly say. You know
how I feel about what you did with him that night. I can forgive
your fuck up Layla but I won’t forget it. It was your decision and
you made it. You have to forgive yourself, not me. We all do things
we’re not proud of. Hell, I’ve done things in my life I’d rather
forget but they make us who we are. I can’t hate you but I can’t
get close to you while you’re still torturing yourself over this. I
don’t want you to sleep with me out of guilt or because you think
you should. I told you before, I’ll wait as long as it takes. Hell
it’s been five months, what’s another five?” Leaning across the
basket he pressed his lips to mine and relief washed over me.
Finally we’d got it all out there in the open and for the first
time in a month I could breathe again.
“
So, now that’s all
cleared up, can I eat my breakfast now? I’m starving. Someone
dragged me out of bed and I didn’t even get time to readjust, so
I’m pretty sure the guy coming out of room twenty four got a great
eyeful of my morning wood.” Glancing down, I saw Ollie’s sweat
pants pitching a tent and stifled a laugh. “Not quite the reaction
I’d like to get from you when faced with my hard-on. But I’ll take
it.” Giving him a playful nudge, I handed him a bagel. “I’m sorry
did you want to play ring toss? I was thinking of a better hole I’d
rather be aiming it at.”
He was giving me his
knock your socks off Ollie smile and it was contagious. Grinning
back at him, I leaned forward and grazed my tongue over his lip
ring. “You know, I could fix that for you, if you’d like.” Taking
his lip between my teeth, I nipped gently before releasing
him.
“
As tempting as that is
Layla, I’d rather the first time you make me moan it not be in
Mel’s bedroom. Besides, the coffee will get cold.” Slightly
disappointed, I sat back on my heels as Ollie handed me one of the
coffees to go that I’d gotten from Lorraine’s. I’d gone down there
to see Kate also. I missed her and our girl talk. We made plans to
get together in the week and I agreed to meet her at the shop after
she assured me Jared was out of town on business.
I hadn’t spoken to, heard
from or thought much about him since we said goodbye in his
kitchen. It wasn’t that I was moving on so much as it was just too
painful to think about. The very next day I’d gathered all my
jewelry, dresses and the New York mug and placed them in large box
beneath my bed. I didn’t have the strength or the heart to throw
them out or return them just yet; but I knew that I would,
eventually. Finishing our bagels and coffee, we talked about
everything from classes to what movie we should watch that night.
As per our deal, it was Ollie’s choice that night and I was going
to have to suffer his selection as he had suffered two hours of ‘My
Sister’s Keeper’. I had a feeling I was in for another horror
flick, as if my life didn’t contain enough scenes of gruesome
devastation. Pulling me across the floor to him, Ollie wrapped his
arms around me and closed his mouth over mine. His kiss was deep
and I could feel his erection pressing against my stomach as our
chests compressed from the embrace he was holding me
in.
Smiling down at me, he
brushed his nose the length of mine. “God you’re beautiful. Hey,
why don’t we go out for dinner tonight before the movie? I want to
show you off a little.” I chuckled.
“
Show me
off?”
“
Yeah, like the gorgeous,
sparkling diamond you are.” That Oliver Green charm was gradually
loosening my panties again and I was more than happy to lose them
to him. “Alright. Should I get dressed up?”
“
No need to on my
account, I think you look hot in whatever you wear but it is kind
of fancy.” I placed a chaste kiss on his lips. “Sounds
awesome.”
So where’s he taking
you?” Amy and Mel were sitting back to back on the bed while on
their laptops and the position they were in reminded me of
bookends. Smiling to myself, I turned to the mirror and put in the
earrings my parents had bought me. With mom now back in Pasadena,
our trip to the spa was cancelled and she felt so awful she went
right out and got me a dazzling pair of white gold and diamond
earrings. “I don’t know, he wouldn’t tell me. But he did say it was
fancy.”
No Ollie, I care about
you so much. All I’ve ever wanted was to give you everything and to
be everything you want me to, but…”
“
But you can’t stop
loving him. And as long as you love him, you can’t love me.” His
expression instantly turned from sadness to determination as he
breezed past me towards his motorcycle.
Sprinting after him, I
yelled and pleaded for him to stop and think about what he was
doing. “Ollie, please just wait, let’s talk about this. Please
don’t go. Not like this. Not when you’re angry.”
Grabbing his helmet, he
turned to face me. “Was it worth it?”
I stood speechless for a
moment. “What?”
“
You heard me. Was it
worth it? How was it? Good?” He was furious and his words cut
through me.
“
No. It was…I don’t know
Ollie. It just happened. I can’t explain it but it won’t ever
happen again I swear. I ended it. Please just hear me
out.”
He shook his head.
“There’s nothing to say. You fucked your ex-boyfriend and you don’t
and can’t love me. I don’t see much point in talking that out
Layla.” Slipping his helmet on, he revved up the Ducati and gazed
at me with a pained expression before flipping his visor down and
speeding out of the parking lot.
I fell to the ground
heaving, and gasping for air. I felt as though the oxygen had been
ripped from my lungs as my heart screamed
I told you so
in my ears. Two hands
gripped my shoulders and it startled me. “I thought it was you I
heard screaming out here.” Appearing at my side as if by magic, Mel
hauled me off the ground and pulled me inside the building. Safely
inside my room I broke down. “Oh my god what have I done. I’ve
destroyed everything. I’m a whore, a slut and god awful human
being.” Sitting me down on the bed Mel sat beside me as Amy emerged
from the bathroom. She gave me a stern look and I could see she was
pissed at what I’d done. “Amy please don’t hate me. No one can
possibly hate me more than I do right now.” Rolling her eyes, she
sat the other side of me and wrapped her arms around my shoulders.
“Oh Layla. You really have made the most awful mess. What were you
thinking?”
“
I wasn’t thinking. I was
all caught up in the sexual attraction of it all. The dinner was, I
don’t know. He made me laugh and he took care of me. I couldn’t
help it, my emotions took me over and before I knew it we were in
bed together.” Mel let out a long sigh. “I don’t think you can get
past this Layla. Ollie was really upset when he realized where you
were. I’ve never seen someone look so completely devastated. Please
tell me you ended it with Jared that he’s not expecting some great
reunion between the two of you.” I shook my head.
“
No, it’s over. I told
him we have to move on and forget about each other. He must have
understood because he didn’t come after me this time. But the worst
part, the part that is tearing me to shreds is that no matter how
much I know what I did was wrong, I love him. I wanted him and I
let it happen. We made love and I felt complete, like I was whole
again lying there wrapped in his arms. Now I feel like there’s a
horrible hole in my stomach. I hate myself for what I’ve done to
Ollie and I hate that I can’t stop loving Jared!” Climbing into bed
I continued to sob. I cried until I could cry no more and just when
I thought I had nothing left, I cried again.
At my request Amy and Mel
had left me alone to go and hang out in Mel’s dorm room. She’d been
lucky enough to get a private single room so they would be able to
be in there as long as they wanted. I was grateful of the peace as
my body, mind and emotions were exhausted. Curling up on my bed, I
fell into a deep and grief stricken sleep. “Layla. Wake up.” I
turned over and slowly opened my eyes unsure if I was hallucinating
or dreaming.
Crouching beside my bed
was Ollie. Quickly, I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him
tightly as relief swept through me. He’d been so mad when he left
that I was terrified he’d be in an accident or decided to never
come back at all. “I’m so glad you’re safe. I was worried sick.”
Placing his hands on my back he held me to him and buried his face
in my neck. Pulling away, I sat motionless and silent, waiting for
him to say something, anything, but when he didn’t, I knew I had to
say something. “Ollie, I’m so sorry. I hate myself for what I did
and I understand if you never want to see me again
but…”
He stopped me pressing
his fingers to my lips. “Stop. Just this once, don’t say anything
and listen instead.”
He gazed into my eyes and
took a deep breath. “I don’t care.”
I stared at him confused.
“You slept with Jared. And I don’t care. Well, I care, of course I
care. It’s ripping me apart but I won’t let it destroy us. I waited
too long for my chance with you to let him obliterate our
relationship with one night. I know what it’s like to be completely
in love with someone Layla. It drives you crazy and you do things
you never intended. Like kissing someone in a dorm room when their
boyfriend is out of town.” I couldn’t believe what he was saying.
Not only had he come back, he was coming back to
me
.
“
How many times did it
happen?”
“
Once, I swear and I felt
awful right after. I cried myself to sleep over it and what I’d
done to you.”
He held up his hand,
indicating for me to be quiet. “Is it over?”
I nodded and stared at
the floor. “Ok.”
Placing his helmet beside
my bed, he took off his t-shirt and wearing only his black chinos,
climbed on to the bed behind me. Wrapping his warm arms around my
waist, he pulled me close and nuzzled into my hair. Tears were
rolling down my face. He’d forgiven me, just like that. He’d
accepted my mistake for what it was, a mistake and he’d come back.
How could he just accept it all like that and climb into bed with
me? I’d hurt him, moaned, touched and laid with another man and yet
here he was beside me, holding me close. Ollie was a good man and I
didn’t deserve him or his forgiveness but deep down I knew why and
how he was able to be anywhere near me let alone touch me. He loved
me.
Turning to face him I
rested my forehead against his. “Ollie, I’m so sorry.”
“
I came back because I
wanted to Layla. I’m not ready to quit on us yet. Go to sleep. I
don’t want to think about it anymore tonight. We’ll talk about it
in the morning.” I nodded weakly and pressed my lips to his. He
responded but only briefly before turning his head and going to
sleep. I’d had every intention of breaking things off with Ollie
when I left Jared that morning but as he lay next to me I knew I
couldn’t. I owed it to him to try and make things work. I had to
leave Jared in my past. Ollie was my priority now and he deserved
the chance at making a future with me.
* * *
Ollie!
Ollie!” Opening his eyes he stared at me groaning. “What? Layla
it’s like seven in the morning and its Saturday.” I stifled a
laugh. “I know but I have to show you something. Come on!” Pulling
on his hand I
hauled him out of bed
and out the door. Covering his eyes with my hands I led him down
the hall to Mel’s room.
“
Ready?” He
smiled.
“
That depends. You
naked?”
I laughed and lifted my
knee to his ass as my hands were currently covering his eyes. “You
wish stud. Ok, open.”
A picnic basket sat on
the bed and candles were laid out across the room. “What is all
this?” I grinned, taking his hands and leading him into the
bedroom. “Well it is Saturday, and that means its date day so I
thought we’d start with breakfast.” Pressing his lips to mine he
smiled against my mouth. It had been four weeks since my night of
betrayal with Jared. Ollie had been so incredibly understanding and
as the days went on we slowly tried to glue the pieces of our
broken relationship back together. We still weren’t sleeping
together and I felt that was more Ollie’s choice now than mine.
Taking my hands, he sat down on the floor and pulled me down with
him. “Ollie we need to talk.” He gave me a curious look and began
unpacking the picnic basket. Gripping his hands in mine, I stopped
him. We needed to have this conversation whether he liked it or
not. “Ollie.” He let out a long sigh. “I know, I know. You want to
talk about what happened between you and
him
.”
“
We have to Ollie. Ever
since it happened you hardly come near me. It’s like you don’t want
to touch me or something. We barely make it past first base these
days. If you can’t get past what I did you have to tell me because
I can’t keep carrying this gut wrenching guilt anymore Ollie. I
made a mistake and I will hate myself forever but you can’t keep
punishing me. Please, either hate me and let me go or tell me how I
can make it right.”
Raking his hand through
his hair he let out a long breath. I couldn’t look him in the eye.
My frail emotions made me afraid of what he may say and my fragile
heart was unsure it could take anymore guilt. “Shit. You thought I
was avoiding touching you?” I nodded weakly. “Weren’t
you?”
“
No, of course not. And I
don’t hate you Layla. We weren’t exclusive, we weren’t sleeping
together and you made a mistake, you know it and you have to live
with it. We could talk about it till we’re blue in the face and I
don’t think, past anything I said to you when we discussed it at
the time, that there is anything more I can possibly say. You know
how I feel about what you did with him that night. I can forgive
your fuck up Layla but I won’t forget it. It was your decision and
you made it. You have to forgive yourself, not me. We all do things
we’re not proud of. Hell, I’ve done things in my life I’d rather
forget but they make us who we are. I can’t hate you but I can’t
get close to you while you’re still torturing yourself over this. I
don’t want you to sleep with me out of guilt or because you think
you should. I told you before, I’ll wait as long as it takes. Hell
it’s been five months, what’s another five?” Leaning across the
basket he pressed his lips to mine and relief washed over me.
Finally we’d got it all out there in the open and for the first
time in a month I could breathe again.
“
So, now that’s all
cleared up, can I eat my breakfast now? I’m starving. Someone
dragged me out of bed and I didn’t even get time to readjust, so
I’m pretty sure the guy coming out of room twenty four got a great
eyeful of my morning wood.” Glancing down, I saw Ollie’s sweat
pants pitching a tent and stifled a laugh. “Not quite the reaction
I’d like to get from you when faced with my hard-on. But I’ll take
it.” Giving him a playful nudge, I handed him a bagel. “I’m sorry
did you want to play ring toss? I was thinking of a better hole I’d
rather be aiming it at.”
He was giving me his
knock your socks off Ollie smile and it was contagious. Grinning
back at him, I leaned forward and grazed my tongue over his lip
ring. “You know, I could fix that for you, if you’d like.” Taking
his lip between my teeth, I nipped gently before releasing
him.
“
As tempting as that is
Layla, I’d rather the first time you make me moan it not be in
Mel’s bedroom. Besides, the coffee will get cold.” Slightly
disappointed, I sat back on my heels as Ollie handed me one of the
coffees to go that I’d gotten from Lorraine’s. I’d gone down there
to see Kate also. I missed her and our girl talk. We made plans to
get together in the week and I agreed to meet her at the shop after
she assured me Jared was out of town on business.
I hadn’t spoken to, heard
from or thought much about him since we said goodbye in his
kitchen. It wasn’t that I was moving on so much as it was just too
painful to think about. The very next day I’d gathered all my
jewelry, dresses and the New York mug and placed them in large box
beneath my bed. I didn’t have the strength or the heart to throw
them out or return them just yet; but I knew that I would,
eventually. Finishing our bagels and coffee, we talked about
everything from classes to what movie we should watch that night.
As per our deal, it was Ollie’s choice that night and I was going
to have to suffer his selection as he had suffered two hours of ‘My
Sister’s Keeper’. I had a feeling I was in for another horror
flick, as if my life didn’t contain enough scenes of gruesome
devastation. Pulling me across the floor to him, Ollie wrapped his
arms around me and closed his mouth over mine. His kiss was deep
and I could feel his erection pressing against my stomach as our
chests compressed from the embrace he was holding me
in.
Smiling down at me, he
brushed his nose the length of mine. “God you’re beautiful. Hey,
why don’t we go out for dinner tonight before the movie? I want to
show you off a little.” I chuckled.
“
Show me
off?”
“
Yeah, like the gorgeous,
sparkling diamond you are.” That Oliver Green charm was gradually
loosening my panties again and I was more than happy to lose them
to him. “Alright. Should I get dressed up?”
“
No need to on my
account, I think you look hot in whatever you wear but it is kind
of fancy.” I placed a chaste kiss on his lips. “Sounds
awesome.”
* * *
So where’s he taking
you?” Amy and Mel were sitting back to back on the bed while on
their laptops and the position they were in reminded me of
bookends. Smiling to myself, I turned to the mirror and put in the
earrings my parents had bought me. With mom now back in Pasadena,
our trip to the spa was cancelled and she felt so awful she went
right out and got me a dazzling pair of white gold and diamond
earrings. “I don’t know, he wouldn’t tell me. But he did say it was
fancy.”
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Enthusiasm by Polly Shulman
