Box Set: The ArringtonTrilogy (59 page)

We waved like mad as the vessel pulled up
anchor and headed across the Atlantic towards Massachusetts. The
three of us stood on the shore and waited until the ship
disappeared into the horizon. Although the feeling was somber, I
believed Elizabeth had brought a new light to the island, no matter
whether her ears worked or not. I was thrilled to have her; she was
like a real-life doll. No longer did I play with Jane, my beautiful
porcelain doll. I gave her to Momma. Her eyes lit up when I handed
it to her.

“For me?” she squealed.

“Yes, Momma. It’s yours. Her name is
Jane.”

“Oh, I love her. Is it my birthday present?
How on earth did you get it? You didn’t steal it from the
mercantile, did you, Hattie?” Her eyes darkened and filled with
fright.

“No, no, Momma. Daddy gave it to me on my
birthday. It wasn’t stolen,” I said.

She didn’t believe me at first; she was
confused and tried to make sense of what I was saying. I leaned in
and peered into her eyes, waiting to see if I could see any sign
that Momma was coming out of the endless fog that covered her mind
and senses. I looked for a glimmer of hope that her madness would
vanish and my momma would come back to me. But it wasn’t to be, and
my heart sank as she giggled uncontrollably.

“I promise I won’t tell. I’ll keep her
hidden. I love her.” Momma hugged the doll tight then began to sing
a sweet lullaby that sounded familiar and gave me a warm
feeling.

Edward and Opal would be away for two weeks.
That meant I was responsible for all the meals. Since summer was in
full swing, I had all day to prepare, as we once again ate late in
the evenings. Over the years on the island I had learned much about
cooking from Opal. I had confidence that I could handle all that
was expected of me. Heath offered to lend a hand, but I
refused.

Ayden snickered when he heard that. Some
things never changed. As much as we had grown and matured during
our time on Jasper Island, Heath always stepped up and helped, even
if it seemed unmanly, and Ayden stayed far away from those kinds of
gestures. If he wasn’t fishing or playing checkers with me in our
free time, he was chopping wood or down at the boathouse with
Daddy, working on building a new one that had for years been
postponed due to the lack of government funds.

By the time Edward and Opal were due back,
the boathouse was expected to be completed.

When Daddy was there, I often noticed
Victor’s ghostly shadow lurking. It was indeed his favorite haunt.
As often as Ayden and I saw him, Heath never had.

“Just your childish imaginations,” he mumbled
when he overheard Ayden and me talking about Victor.

Ayden would get angry when Heath made
comments like that to us. “Why would we lie about such a thing?”
Ayden shouted.

“Why not? You are good at making up silly
stories.”

“And Lillian. Would she lie, too?” Ayden
waited for an answer, his arms folded over his chest. Heath knew I
wouldn’t make up stories, but he couldn’t for one minute believe in
ghost stories. To Heath, that’s all they were. There was no proof
of Victor’s existence.

Heath refused to indulge us in conversations
of ghosts and make believe. It was enough to have each other, Ayden
and I. However, it wasn’t long before we realized we were not the
only ones that saw him. Momma saw him, too. She called him
Grandfather and told me he came to see her almost every night to
read her a story. Daddy was with me, standing at the edge of her
bed, when he heard it.

“What’s she saying?” he asked me. Daddy
hadn’t spent much time with Momma that summer. He left her care up
to me exclusively, no longer concerned about what she would do or
say. He relaxed, and her condition became so ordinary to him that
he began to forget what might possibly slip from her memories of
years past. I didn’t know how to tell Daddy about Victor—the only
thing, besides him, that was correct in her mind.

“Maybe she is remembering her grandfather
from when she was a girl,” I said, wiping her mouth with a
napkin.

“She didn’t know her grandfather,” he
muttered quietly under his breath.

It was strange to see him try to make sense
of what she said; after all, it was normal for her to talk
nonsense.

“It’s time for her to rest, Daddy; let’s go.”
I took his hand and led him out.

“I have to go to the mainland; do stay here
and keep an eye on things.” He gave me a look, the look that told
me to keep a close eye on Momma.

“Of course,” I said, and he kissed her
goodbye.

“I’ll be back before dark.”

With some time before supper to myself, I
decided to take a book and go read out on the bluff, my favorite
spot. Since Elizabeth was born, I hadn’t had much time to read; all
of my free time was spent with her. I missed her, and she had only
been gone for seven days. I missed her warm body cuddled up in my
arms and the way she reached out and tugged at my long hair. I
thought since I would never want to bear a child, ever, that she
was the closest thing to a baby I would ever have. Never would I go
through what Opal did; I did not want to be in so much agony that I
needed God to take my pain away. I still wanted to travel the
world, and I certainly could not do that with a child. If I ever
married, my husband would have to understand and respect my
wishes.

I closed my eyes, leaned against the tree,
and imagined Heath and I as husband and wife. He would be a famous
and successful doctor and stay home in Boston, waiting for me to
return from my overseas travels. When we reunited, we would be
loving and passionate. He would hold me and kiss me and tell me he
longed to have me home and couldn’t have lived another day without
me. In Heath’s eyes, I was the most beautiful woman he had ever
seen, even more beautiful than Clara. His eyes lingered on me and
longed to touch me, but I wouldn’t give in to his manly desires; I
would keep Heath at bay, only allowing him to kiss me, that was
all. I was not going to have him undress me the way Daddy used to
do to Momma. I could never be indecent in front of Heath or allow
him to do that thing that made babies. The thought put pure terror
into me.

I opened my eyes to erase where my mind was
headed. The vision of Heath undressing me left my body yearning,
but my mind screaming no. I had to stop reliving that fantasy; I
was too afraid.

When Heath sat down for supper, I could
barely look his way. I was ashamed and embarrassed of my own
daydreams. I thought he would see through me and read my mind.
Daddy, in the past, would have noticed my fluster, but he was too
deep in thought, his eyes focused on the wall.

“Are you all right, Mr. Arrington?” Heath
asked.

Daddy shook his head to gain back his senses.
“Yes, I’m fine,” he answered, and then began to eat. “Your supper
is delicious, Lillian,” Daddy said, smiling proudly at me.

“You cook just as well as Mother,” Ayden
said.

I was pleased, but slightly disappointed that
Heath hadn’t told me how good my cooking was. Unlike Heath, Ayden
loved to eat. The way to his heart was through his stomach. Over
the past years, Ayden had filled out and become a little chubby. In
school, he was teased by the girls. They called him Abundant Ayden.
It was mean, and I insisted they stop. Then they teased me and
accused me of wanting Ayden to be my beau.

“So what if I do?” I said back, and that made
them stop. Ayden had overheard, and I didn’t want to tell him I
only said that to make them stop teasing him. I didn’t want him as
my beau. Since then, Ayden had been extra kind to me, so much so
that it was becoming awkward. Ayden was like a brother to me,
nothing more. I made that perfectly clear to him one day when we
were by the shore, throwing rocks out into the surf. We had leaned
down at the same time to pick up a rock, and when our faces were
inches apart, Ayden leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. I gasped
and stood up straight. From the reaction on my face, he knew he had
done something terribly wrong.

With wide, confused eyes, I pushed him back
and yelled, “Don’t you ever do that again, Ayden Alexander
Dalton!”

His face turned bright red, and he stammered
for words. Then Heath walked out of the chicken coop that he was
repairing to see what was happening between us. I was too
embarrassed to say a word, and Ayden was mortified.

Heath looked from Ayden to me for an
explanation, but we said nothing. Heath sensed it was personal, and
backed away, though his eyes lingered on me for a moment before he
turned and walked back to the coop.

I waited for an apology from Ayden, but he
remained speechless. So I laid into him and made certain he never
tried to kiss me again. “If you ever do that again, I will tell my
daddy,” I said, and left him standing there alone, full of
regret.

Opal and Edward returned with the news that
we had been dreading. Elizabeth was deaf. They returned sad, but
encouraged by all the information the doctor gave them.

“There are schools for the deaf; Elizabeth
will learn sign language,” Opal said as we gathered in the
parlor.

“We will have to send her away?” Ayden
asked.

“There is a school in Hartford. When the time
comes, we will move to Connecticut.”

“Move? When, Mother?”

“Not until she is around six years old. Until
then, we will study the sign language book Dr. Schumer gave
us.”

Heath took the book and scanned it.

“You won’t be a keeper anymore?” I asked.

“We won’t be able to stay far from her. But
we have many years until that comes to pass,” Edward assured
me.

“Is she healthy otherwise?” Daddy asked.

“She is. She scores above normal in
everything else,” Opal said.

“That’s good to hear,” he replied. Then he
added, “It’s God’s plan. He has a plan for all of us. Sometimes we
aren’t aware of what it all means, but in the end, the good and
unfortunate happens for a reason. Only God knows why, and we must
accept his way and believe it is for the best.”

Secretly, I questioned God when I was alone
in the privacy of my room and wondered why he thought it best for
Momma to be crazy. Why didn’t he protect her from the devil? Did he
think it was best for people like Opal’s mother and father to drown
in the frigid waters off the coast of Nova Scotia? And how could I
believe that God wanted Elizabeth never to hear her mother’s voice
or her brothers’ laughter? I didn’t know what to think and believed
the answers to my questions would come later. I feared all the
mysteries of life would unravel and swallow me into a world of
darkness, not unlike the cold, dark bottom of the unforgiving
sea.

Needing to put my cynicism aside for the sake
of others, I worked hard to learn the sign language that would help
Elizabeth communicate with us. Heath and I competed to see who
could learn the most signs in a week. Heath learned many of the
signs, but I remembered more.

During our time off from school during our
third summer on Jasper Island, Heath and I took Elizabeth down to
the shore and taught her signs under the warm June sun. She loved
to see the vessels out on the water; she enjoyed running up to the
waves and allowing the chilly water to touch her toes. Down by the
shore, there were many things to teach her how to sign. I recalled
the first time she saw a whale. She couldn’t hear them come up for
air, but she saw them surface and blow the water high out of their
blowholes. She was very observant, and knew when she pointed
something out Heath and I would teach her the sign for it. Heath,
Elizabeth, and I were inseparable all summer long. We spent so many
days at the beach that our faces turned bronze and our hair was
sun-kissed. Heath’s hair was so light blond that it made his blue
eyes stand out against his tan skin.

Ayden didn’t want any part of teaching his
little sister; in fact, he stayed far away from us. He spent most
of his free time up at the light tower, being taught everything
there was to know about manning the light.

By the end of the summer, Elizabeth had
learned twenty signs. I hated leaving her and going to school each
morning. Opal would stand up at the bluff while Heath rowed us out
to school, and try to have her sign goodbye, but Elizabeth only
buried her little head against Opal’s shoulder because she was sad
to see us go. It was the opposite when we returned to the island
after school. Then she signed and greeted us with big smiles and
dozens of kisses from the same spot we left her that morning.

Opal handed her over to me then returned to
the house. Ayden would hurry off without greeting Elizabeth. Heath
hadn’t noticed his brother’s indifference towards her, but
Elizabeth was aware. It troubled me to see her long for kisses and
brotherly affection from Ayden. After all, she was the most
irresistible little child; her blue eyes and adorable dimples
always brought me a smile and warmed my heart.

Every time I approached Ayden to talk about
his feelings towards his baby sister, to try and convince him to
spend time with her and learn to communicate using sign language,
there was always some kind of interruption. Most were minor, until
one fateful night. It was late, and Ayden was walking back to his
house from the fog signal house after helping Daddy make some minor
repairs on the structure. I came out into the chilly fall night to
talk with him, when I heard Momma screaming in her bedroom. We all
heard her.

“Go get Daddy,” I told Ayden in a panic and
rushed inside to see what was happening.

I fumbled with the key from my dress pocket,
but my hands shook so from the fright of her screams that I
couldn’t grab hold of it. Daddy rushed up behind me, reached in,
and pulled it out. Daddy pushed the door open, and there was Momma,
lying on the floor in a pool of blood.