Boy Meets Nerd (16 page)

Heidi clung to Levi’s arm with both hands as they walked around the condo complex. It’d been his idea to go for a walk, but mostly because he needed air. In the small condo entryway, the walls had closed in around him, and he’d worried he’d pass out.

So here they were, two

blocks away, and Levi still had no clue what to say. Heidi sighed happily as they strolled, seeming content babbling about all kinds of things. He’d lost track a while back, stuck in his own torrent of thought.

“Why are you so quiet?”

She looked up at him from under thick lashes. “I don’t mind, if that’s how you usually are, it’s just…you seem different from how you are online.”

Yeah. This wasn’t him at all. He’d messed things up so badly and had no idea how to fix it or where to go from here. He couldn’t even get up the courage to tell her about Emerson. Though, she owed him some forgiveness, didn’t she?

He’d forgiven her lies. And it wasn’t exactly his fault. If she had told him Mickey was staying at her place, the mix up wouldn’t have happened.

He

wouldn’t

have

cheated.

Something didn’t feel right about that either.

Emerson.

He’d have missed kissing

her, touching her, making love to her.

Shit. He gave his head a shake. Here he was on a walk with Heidi and thinking about having sex with Emerson. What the hell was wrong with him? Maybe if he confessed and got it out of his system, he’d be able to focus on Heidi better.

He loved Heidi. She was

the one. His dream girl. Wasn’t she?

Part of it was he’d thought he could get over the lying. That he’d see her loyalty and be able to move on in forgiveness. Even when he’d found out she hadn’t cheated, the lying still nagged at him, making him second guess what he thought were good instincts.

He looked down at her.

Her

forehead

was

all

wrinkled up. “Did I do something wrong?”

“Why did you lie to me?”

She dropped her gaze to the

ground and sighed. “I’m sorry. I had a bad incident right before I met you. I gave this guy too much information. It was stupid but taught me a lesson. I got paranoid. Once I started to trust you, it was too hard to come clean. I was scared.”

“Yeah, but it’s just me. Why would you be scared? You
know
me.”

Finally, she looked up at him. “Look at how hot you are. And I’m…” She gestured up and down her body, frowning. “Just not. And you were so sweet and funny… I should’ve known you’d never go for someone average like me. You probably have a zillion girls that would like to date you.”

Yet he wanted the one girl that didn’t.

“I knew this time would

come eventually. That this was too good to be true. I was just trying to prolong it. Can we sit?” She pointed to a bench up ahead and he nodded.

They sat down, facing each other.

“That’s why I was so scared

to video chat or tell you what I really look like.” Her eyes watered.

“I fell so hard for you. You thought I was funny and pretty. You seemed to really like me.” She laughed nervously then wiped her tears.

“And now I’m crying like a dork.

I’m so sorry.”

“Shh.” He pulled her hand away from her face gently and wiped her tears with his fingers.

Right now, he left the lying alone and gave first priority to comforting her. “This has nothing to do with you. You’re beautiful. So much prettier than the fake blonde girl.” She snorted.

“It’s true. She looked like a Barbie doll. You’re much more real.” He held her hand in his and smiled at her. “I like real women.” Gazing up at him, eyes all glittery, she seemed so small and vulnerable.

Even

though

he’d

memorized her face, somehow she felt

like

a

stranger.

Her

mannerisms, her laugh, even her scent didn’t match how he’d imagined it in his head. That was to be expected though. They just had to adjust, to get used to each other, right?

Part of him was still holding back. What else had she lied about?

Reason said if she lied about one thing, she could lie about other things too. His trust in her had been shattered, more than he’d thought.

He’d driven there a happy, gullible fool, thinking love would fix everything. Now that she was there, crying in his arms, he couldn’t help but wonder if she was playing him.

Was this a game?

Heidi leaned up against him

and threaded her fingers through his. Sighing, she melted into his body. He felt stiff and awkward, and wished he was as comfortable with this as Heidi seemed to be. But this kind of intimacy was weird to share with a stranger.

Now if it were Emerson in his arms…

Oh jeez. Not again. He

squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block her from his mind.

Emerson isn’t yours. Focus
on Heidi.

He gazed down at the girl draped

across

his

chest.
Feel

something
, he coached himself.

Chemistry would come later, right?

Nobody felt it right away. Maybe not a zing, but he expected to feel
something
. He wanted this to feel right, to feel like the seeds of trust could be planted again.

He

thought

back

on

conversations they’d had, trying to remember the things he loved about her. Her sense of humor, but her laugh sounded different in his head.

Had most of what he loved about her been in his head?

She was talking again. On and on and on she chattered. He couldn’t even keep up with the topics.

“You’re making me dizzy,

sweetheart,” he said, chuckling.

“Hm? Oh. Sorry. You can

just tell me to shut up.”

“I would never do that.”

“I guess I don’t talk as fast online. Having to type everything out slows me down.” She laughed.

“I even skipped my coffee this morning.”

Coffee reminded him of

Emerson.

Her

early

morning

grumpy

face.

Her

straight

forwardness. Her bold honesty. She was

unapologetic

about

her

personality, her preferences, her work, everything. If she cried, she wouldn’t have apologized for that either.

Trust was never an issue when it came to Emerson. But he couldn’t compare the two. It wasn’t fair. Emerson wasn’t even an option, so why was he thinking of her that way? This wasn’t a dating show. He wasn’t picking what’s behind door number one versus door number two. This was real life, real women with real feelings.

He had to stop messing around.

“Let’s go on a date,” he said suddenly, cutting Heidi off.

“A date?”

“Yeah. In four months

we’ve been together, we’ve never gone on a date. I think it’s about time.”

She smiled up at him.

“Okay. There’s a great restaurant downtown. Do you like Indian food?”

“Not a bit. But I’ll go, for you.”

Laughing, she stood from the bench then pulled him up by the hand.

“It’s

my

favorite.

I’ll

convince you though. You just haven’t tried the right dishes is all.” He doubted that very much but it was worth going along with it to make her happy. They held hands as they walked back to her condo.

Hers felt small, soft, reminding him of her femininity. Having spent the last two days with Emerson, he had to chuckle at their differences.

Heidi was like a delicate princess, Emerson a moody dragon. If they’d met in real life, Emerson would chew her up and spit her out.

At the parking lot, Heidi pointed to Em’s car. “Is that yours?”

The silver Prius was parked

perfectly between the lines – unlike Em, who had a habit of parking so crooked they could barely open their doors without hitting the car next to them. He’d made fun of her for it and she’d grumbled that it was the least of her concerns when there were firewalls to build.

He smiled slightly, staring at the car, remembering her cute little scowl. “No. I borrowed it from a friend.”

threw up on his plate. Levi grimaced, staring down at the mix of brown and green Indian food.

His stomach grumbled, but not for this.

“Try it,” Heidi pushed.

“Come on.”

He felt like he was six years old again. Would she be offended if he plugged his nose? With a deep breath, he scooped a small bite and popped it in his mouth. God, it was bad. He fought to keep it in his mouth instead of spitting it out in a napkin.

“It’s good, right?” Her eyes brightened.

Swallowing, he grabbed his

water and chugged several gulps.

“Mmhmm,” he answered, nodding.

She clapped her hands. “I knew I’d get you to like it.” Smiling, she watched him. Waiting for him to take another bite?

Hell no. He sighed. “Heidi.

I’m sorry. This is terrible. Really terrible.”

“Oh.” Her face fell.

“I tried to like it but there’s just no way I can force another bite of that down.” He chuckled.

“Well, maybe something

else.” She waved to the waiter but Levi grabbed her hand, stopping her.

Looking her dead in the eye, he said, “Nothing else.”

“Okay.” She frowned.

Disappointing her wasn’t

fun but he didn’t want lying to become a habit, for either of them.

“Oh! Look what I grabbed!”

she said, pulling something out of her purse. At least she recovered from the disappointment quickly.

She placed a flyer on the table. A flyer for an open house at a real estate office. He gave her a puzzled look.

She smiled. “I figured, since you’re here, we can go look at houses. The neighborhood near the school where I teach is great for kids. We’ll need something with a fence of course –”

Whoa.

What

the

hell?

“Wait. What?”

“Well, we might as well

look while you’re here. I know it’ll take some time before you actually move, but we should start shopping now. And the fence is for Jack.

He’s hyper and…”

A loud ringing started in his ears. All he heard was moving, houses, and kids. He felt like a deer in headlights, he could only imagine what he looked like.

Breathe.

Just

breathe.

“Heidi.” Shit. How did he get himself out of this mess? “I’m not moving here.”

She furrowed her brow.

“But…isn’t that why you came?” He shook his head. “No. I came here to meet you. And to figure out how much of what you told me is the truth.” A thought popped in his head. “And who the hell is Jack?”

“Duh. My Pomeranian. I

told you about him.”

Recoiling, he shot back in his

seat.

Who
was
this girl?

“Actually, you didn’t. I’m allergic to dogs so I would’ve remembered that.”

“Oh. Well, there’s plenty of medication for that sort of thing.” That awful ringing in his ears started again. His stomach tied in knots. This was…just not right.

There were big holes in her story, things in her life that didn’t match up with what was in his head. She expected him to move there but hadn’t even had the decency of telling him where she lived in the first place? Kids, a dog, a house?

These were things they’d never discussed. He’d given her every bit of himself, his hopes and dreams, details about his past, everything.

What

she’d

given

him

was

appallingly lacking.

Who was Heidi Jacobs?

This whole thing felt wrong, so wrong it was making him sick to his stomach. It wasn’t just the brown hair and the crooked teeth, the Indian food, and the fact that she lived in East Bumblefuck Ohio, it was all of it together. She was nothing like the girl he thought he might love.

Darren had been right. Hope

was a figment.

He let Heidi babble on as he sorted through his muddled thoughts. There was no clear answer here. One thing he was learning about life, it was never black and white. He’d been so sure just one month ago, so confident he knew everything. Come to find out, he wasn’t in control nearly as much as he’d thought.

After dinner, where he’d

barely spoken a word, they left the restaurant and went back to the car.

Emerson’s car – which happened to smell like her, bringing a sense of calm to his chaotic mind. The box of Gobstoppers still sat in the cup holder and made him smile. She used to pack two in her mouth at once, one in each cheek like a chipmunk. Oh hell. Now he was thinking about her like she’d died.

Heidi shook his arm. “Levi!

Are you listening?”

“What?” He snapped out of the memory then looked at the passenger seat. For a split second, he expected to find Em sitting there.

Instead, Heidi pouted up at him.

“Oh. Sorry. I spaced out for a sec.” He gave her a small smile.

“Tired from the long trip I guess.”

“I had no idea you were such a daydreamer. Must be a musician thing.”

Musician.

Crap.

He’d

completely forgotten he’d written her a song. He’d been waiting forever to sing it to her. He stared through

the

window,

willing

himself to want to sing for her, but he just didn’t feel it. With Emerson, there’d been a spark of inspiration.

It’d been a goofy song but it felt natural. He’d written a beautiful song about Hope, but this wasn’t her. This was Heidi, who was turning out to be an entirely different person.

He forced himself to focus, to feel again. She was staring up at him, her lips parted. Her eyes closed halfway and she leaned toward him.

What? He inched away.

Her lips puckered a bit and she closed her eyes.

Shit. She was going to kiss him.

He should give it a try. It was what he came here for. Just a few days ago, he’d wanted to fuck her. Now it seemed too weird, but he could try kissing her at least.

Maybe there’d be a spark.

He leaned in and let their lips touch. She was a timid kisser.

Softly, she moved her mouth against his, letting her tongue tease his lips.

He felt nothing. Not even a flutter of emotion.

When she pulled away, she blinked up at him sweetly, and his only thought was that he’d just cheated on Emerson.