Bradbury, Ray - SSC 10 (12 page)

Finn, you idiot, Finn, you blathering fool! Thirty years
you work
to build a
clientele and in one short day lop the heads and shoot
the works. Lost! Finished! Done!
Finn, what do you do now?
Ahhh
. . . .

He groans. His
wife
comes in from the street, looks
at him,
looks
around, moves across the pub, stops, glances over at the
last sign, walks closer, peers.

His
Wife
I can hardly believe my eyes.

Finn
(destroyed)
Ah, Woman, leave me alone.

His
Wife
(peers)

Does it say what I
think
it says, does it
mean
what it says?
(Spells)
D-O. . . . DO?

Finn
Leave off!

His
Wife
(turning)

Why, Finn, it shows you're taking an interest.
DO!
That
does
mean
ACT,
and
ACT
means work,
W-O-R-K . . .
does it
not?

Finn
(punished but
repentent
)
It does.
(Shakes
head once)

His
Wife
Then you'll fix the roof today?

Finn
(bleakly)
I'll get the tools now!

His
Wife
And
mend the front step?

Finn
(sinking
fast)
It's
good as mended!

His
Wife
And
put a new pane of glass in our bedroom window?

Finn
(half
under)
New
glass, yes!

His
Wife
And
lay new cobblestone on the path behind?

Finn
(sunk)

Cobblestones,
glass, roof, steps, anything, everything, drive me,
sweat me, kill me with work. I deserve it. I've
sinned, I want to do penance! Make a list, Woman. Shall I paint the chairs, wax
the bar? Sew buttons on my own
shirts! I will, I will, I will!

His
Wife
(suddenly afraid)
Ah, God,
it's
all some
joke!

Finn
I mean it!
I'll chop turf!

His
Wife
You're
not ill?

Finn
That all
depends how you make illness out to be!

She brings him the tool kit from behind the bar.

His
Wife

Start
with
the steps, that's
a love. Ah, Finn, you
are
a
sweet man,
when you want to be.

Finn
(forlorn,
unmoving)
Sweet I am and glad you
think so.

She kisses him lightly on the cheek and passes toward the back
of the house.

The Wife
(melodically)
Wait
for the roof till tomorrow, if you want!

She exits.

Finn
(going
mad)

Roof
. . . tomorrow . . . want! Ah, ha, Finn, ah ha! Ah, ha!
There you go!

He throws the hammer through the door.

And
there and there!

He throws all the tools, one by one, then the box.

Ah,
Finn, there, ah ha, Finn! Look! See how it goes!

He whirls about.

What
else? What, nothing?
Nothing to throw, save me.
And
I'm
too weak to fling myself out on
the stones. Ah, Finn, Finn!

He almost weeps or maybe
does,
it is hard to
tell with the groan
ing. Then he sees
the remaining signs. He runs and grabs them.

All
right for you,
THINK,
all right for you,
DO
!
Here's the end,
the smashing end
of you! You'll make fine music on the cobbles!
One, two—

He is about to throw them when the double doors open and
the
salesman
peers in.

The Salesman
Ah, there, Mr. Finn, sir.

Finn
Fiend of
hell,
get
out of the way!

The Salesman
Mr.
Finn . . . you sound upset, sir.

finn
hefts the
clay mottoes but does not throw them.

Finn

Upset!
Since you left this noon, it has been one plague of locusts on another!

The Salesman
The
philosophical mottoes, they didn't work?

Finn

Work!
They lost me the use of friends, the respect of neighbors, the talk and the
money of ancient customers, put my wife on my shoulders along with God, the
Church, and Father Leary!
Hooli-han
, you and your
"machines" have bent and broke me. Ah! Ah!
Ah!

Finn's
hands
sink to his sides. The remaining signs fall to the floor without breaking.
Finn's
cries have become louder and
louder; he grieves at his own wake. As he shouts
his last "Ah,"
the salesman
picks
up the two signs, uncertainly, whereupon
the double doors flap wide and
there, with imaginary sword un
sheathed,
stands
father
leary.

Father
Heeber
Finn, did you
call!

Finn
{surprised)
Did I? Why . . . so I
did!

father leary
looks
around, sees and stares at
the salesman.

Father
Is this
the one, Finn?

The Salesman
(miffed)
Is
this the one
what?

Finn
That's him,
Father.

The Salesman
(faintly
alarmed)
That's
who?

Father
(rubbing
his hands together)

All
right,
then.
All
right.

The Salesman
Is
it?
What
is?

Father
(at
the door)
Men! Inside!

There is no instantaneous response, so
father leary
lifts his
voice and strikes out
a pointing hand.

Timulty
! Here! Nolan, not another step! Old Man, on the double!
He holds the
door wide,
the old man
peers
in.

The Old Man
(squinting
right and left)
Are
they gone?

Father
Are what
gone?

The Old Man
(suspicious)
The
signs, Father.

Father
Ah, come
on,
get
in!

the old man
sidles
in.
nolan
is behind him.
All right, Nolan, don't clog the door.

All the men shadow-sidle in, shy and uneasy,
mouthing their
caps with their hands.
With his army assembled,
father leary
turns to the astounded and now increasingly
nervous
salesman.

The Salesman
What's
going on?

Father

Well
may you ask! I call your attention first to the fact that the
man's wearing a suit and hat the color of burning
ashes and
black soot.

The men all gasp and nod in agreement.

The Salesman
{controlling
himself)

Or,
to put it another way, the suit was dyed this color in the
factory and the rest is dirt from the roads of
Eire!

father leary
is
now slowly circling the man.

Father
His eyes
are green—

The Salesman
From
my father!

Father
His ears
pointed—

The Salesman
From
my mother!

The Old Man
What's
eatin
' the priest? I
           

nolan
gives
the old man
a fierce elbow in the ribs which shuts
him.
father leary
plants
himself before
the salesman.

Father
Do you
mind doing one thing, man?

The Salesman
What?

Father
Would
you take off your hat?

The Salesman
I
will
not!

Father
He won't
take off his hat.

Finn
I heard
him!

The Salesman
The
place is a tomb, I'd catch me death!

Father
(hitching
up his trousers under his skirt)
All
right, then! Let us see your feet!

The Salesman
They're
right down below for you to see!

Father
Will you take off your shoes?

Finn
That's a
fine
idea, Father, his shoes!

The Salesman

Ah,
you're both daft! If I won't take off me hat I'm sure not to
remove me shoes!

Father
He
refuses
to take off his shoes!

The Salesman
What
for, why?

Father
You know
as well as I, man!

Finn
Slow down,
Father, you've left us behind—

Father

Why,
Finn, don't you see, beneath them leather clogs, he's got
no toes!

THE
MEN
gasp.

It's
all fused into one!
the
MEN
lean and stare.

Finn

You
mean—it's hooves he's got, instead of feet?

The Old Man
Hooves?

Father
I didn't
say that.

The Salesman

No—but
you infer it! I will not be cudgeled into displaying my fearful corns and
bunions, for that's
all
that lies hidden there!

Father
So
you
say! Finn!

Finn

Yes,
Father?

Father
Hang this
bit of paper on the wall!

Finn

What
is it, Father?

Father
Me
own sign!

The Salesman
Your sign?
Now, that
ain't
right, Father. Unfair
competition!

Father
.
  
Look at him quail!

The Salesman
This
ain't
quailing. I'm mad!

The Old Man
What's
it say, Finn?

Finn
(peers at
the paper)
Sic
tran
—
sight
—
glore
—rye—ah
—
moon—day
—

Father
(correcting
him)
Sic transit
gloria
mundi
!

All look at
THE
SALESMAN.

The Old Man
Look,
he's gone pale!

The Salesman

I
ain't
gone
anywheres
near
pale! If anything, the blood pounds
in
me head!

The Old Man
What's
it mean?

Father
It means
we're not long for this world! Post it, Finn.