Bradley, Marion Zimmer - Novel 19 (20 page)

 
          
Cendri
said sharply, "What you do not realize is that my Companion is not
property, but a citizen of the Unity, and a Scholar on University. His word is
as good as my own; he is covered by diplomatic immunity!" She realized too
late; male pronouns were indecent. Just now she did not care.

 
          
Vaniya
looked at her, frowning a little. She said, after a moment, rather sadly,
"I had hoped you were enough one of us, my dear, not to stand on
technicalities of that sort. But it is true that you live by different laws.
Can you truly trust your Companion's word?"

 
          
Cendri
set her chin and said, "Yes."

 
          
"Ask
him before us if he had any part in the freeing of the prisoner, then."

 
          
Her
heart pounding—my system must be
flooded with adrenalin
—Cendri said,
"Dal, did you have any part in the freeing of the prisoner?"

 
          
"I
did not," he said, but Cendri noticed he did not look her in the eye.
Oh,
God!
she
thought, he's lying. This put her in a
terrible position. If she backed up Dai's word, and he was later proven a liar,
she had destroyed the credibility of University citizens—not to mention making
it impossible to accept her statement that a man's word could be trusted! Yet
if she proclaimed Dal a liar, what was the alternative to having the truth
beaten out of him by the fierce Mallida's barbed whip? Ferociously she thought;
I don't give a damn what happened to that poor bastard, I'm not going to have
Dal hurt!

 
          
She
said, "I accept my Companion's word."
But,
she thought,
I'll
have
to talk to Dal about it later!

 
          
Vaniya
shrugged. She said, "It doesn't matter much, since the prisoner
accomplished nothing of what he had come to accomplish. Set it free,
Mallida."

 
          
Cendri
found her hands were still shaking as Vaniya beckoned them to her side, saying,
"And now let us forget all this unpleasantness and have our dinner."
And, though the meal was good as usual, she found she could not eat.

 
          
"I
feel to blame," said Rhu in his gentle voice, speaking to Cendri in an
undertone, "I have been remiss in my duties as the host of the Scholar
Dame's Companion. After all—" he spoke directly to Dal, "I am your
only possible peer and friend here, since, like myself, you are excluded from
the Men's House. I should have made more efforts to entertain you, Dal; perhaps
set up a hunt to divert you."

 
          
Dal
said awkwardly, "That's all right, I didn't expect it—"

 
          
"But
Vaniya charged me with your entertainment," Rhu said, "and idleness
breeds trouble in males
.. .
I am sorry for any trouble
you have had. And now that the Scholar Dame has been inside the ruins—"

 
          
Dal
started, glanced sharply at Cendri, and she felt a clutch of dread. She had
been going to tell Dal herself, when the time was ripe! She had known he would
be distressed, that she would visit the ruins without sending for him, but she
had hoped she could make him understand the unplanned, almost accidental
character of her visit there! Now his face was lambent with wrath; she could
tell the signs, even though he managed to keep his voice calm when he spoke to
Rhu.

 
          
"I
did not know; Cendri had not seen fit to tell me."

 
          
"Oh,
I am sorry," Rhu said apologetically, "I meant only—now, I suppose,
the Scholar Dame will have need of your services there, since I understand you
have been trained to function as her assistant. I envy you," he added,
sighing. "Since there will be women from the
College
of
Ariadne
to assist the Scholar Dame, may I volunteer
my services to entertain the Scholar Dame's Companion? I would like to
come—"

 
          
Vaniya
said indulgently, "The Scholar Dame will have enough to do in looking
after her own Companion, my dear, without being burdened with your care as
well."

 
          
For
a moment Cendri thought Dal would explode; she grabbed his wrist, out of sight
between the cushions, and squeezed his hand warningly. He was silent, and
Vaniya said, with a glance at Cendri, "May I indulge my dear Companion in
this whim, then? If it is careful to keep well out of your way—"

 
          
Cendri
could feel Dai's obvious distaste, and at the same time, she did not feel
inclined to go against Vaniya's wishes. She hesitated, caught in the middle,
but finally found it most politic to say, "Rhu will be welcome, of
course."

 
          
"I
thought so," Vaniya said, smiling, "since you will have Laurina and
perhaps other women from the
college
of
Ariadne
to assist you with the real work."

 
          
Cendri
knew this was making it worse, but what could she say? She knew it would make
trouble with Dal, and she was tired and exhausted, and her cut feet ached
miserably in Laurina's sandals. She wanted to get away and fall into bed, and
she knew there would be a scene with Dal. Dal tended to take out on her all the
frustrations of the days, when he must keep silent and pretend to be nothing
but a frivolous attachment for Cendri's leisure time. Tonight when they were
alone, it was more than sullenness, it was rage.

 
          
"Confound
it, Cendri, I tried to make it clear I didn't want Rhu along, and now, our
first chance to visit the ruins, you've spoiled everything by saddling us with
that damned little parasite! Now Vaniya will expect me to spend my whole day
entertaining him and keeping him out from under foot, and I won't get a damned
thing done!"

 
          
"Dal,
I'm sorry," she pleaded, trying to conciliate him, "I truly am, but
all the work we do here is dependent on Vaniya, and I didn't feel I could
refuse her this small courtesy."

 
          
"Small courtesy!
My first chance to do some of the work
I came here to do—"

 
          
"Dal,
Vaniya accepted my word that you had nothing to do with the prisoner's escape.
Diplomatic immunity is broken on the suspicion you had anything to do with
their politics—you know that! She could have insisted that you be questioned by
force, and there wouldn't have been a damned thing I could do about it! I felt
I owed her something!"

 
          
"Diplomatic
immunity
be
—" he swore, grimly, a gutter
obscenity from Pioneer. She caught his arm, pleading.

 
          
"Dal;
Dal, tell me—did you set that man free?"

 
          
He
set his mouth. "It's better if you can say honestly that you don't know,
Cendri. Keep out of this, I told you!"

 
          
"Oh,
Dal, you know you mustn't meddle in their politics—" She felt frightened,
apprehensive, but Dal only shrugged. "I know what I am doing.
And in all the confusion this afternoon, when they heard about the
tidal wave—well, as I said, the less you know, the less they can blame
you."
He turned away to ready himself for bed; stopped, shaken, at
the sight of her bleeding feet.

 
          
"Cendri!
Darling, what happened?"

 
          
"I
cut my feet on the rocks," she said, and found herself telling him about
the tidal wave. He listened, tightening his mouth when she told about going up
into the rickety bell-tower with Laurina to ring the alarm.

 
          
"Sharrioz!"
he swore. "I was standing here at the window and saw the wave hit and the
tower go! And you were in that thing?" He held her hard enough to hurt.
"Cendri, Cendri! Damn a world like this—sending a woman into such danger!"

 
          
She
leaned on him, the exhaustion and pain of the day suddenly coming down on her.
It was a temptation, to let him comfort and
coddle
her, forget his own humiliation in solicitude for her. Yet, even while she let
him lead her into the bath, while he washed and bandaged her cut and torn feet,
she rebelled against the female deviousness of that.

 
          
"Dal,
women here
are
expected to take risks as a matter of
course. I didn't want them to despise me, or think the women of the Unity are
an inferior species! They already think women in the Unity are subservient and
owned by men!"

 
          
He
seized her shoulders and held them. "Are you more concerned in proving
points about the Unity, and women Scholars, or about the work we came here to
do? Cendri, when I saw that wave hit, when I knew you'd gone there with
Miranda—you'll never know how I felt! Cendri, you're my wife! I can't let you
risk yourself that way!"

 
          
Suddenly
she was angry, flamingly angry. "Dal, I have a right to take my own risks!
It's my decision, isn't it? Or do you
really
think you own me, as they
seem to think men own women in the Unity?"

           
"I have a right to be concerned
about you," he retorted, "Or would you want me not to care?"

 
          
She
sighed, inwardly shaking, but not willing to keep the argument alive. She said,
"It doesn't matter, love; I'm safe. And now everything's all right;
tomorrow we are going into the ruins, and it was all for the best, because now
Vaniya can't delay any more. And you can get started on what you came here to
do."

 
          
"I
suppose that's true," he said, reverting to his earlier grievance.
"But you've arranged it so I'll have to spend the time looking after
Rhu—"

 
          
"Dal,
I thought—"

 
          
"I
know what you thought," he stormed, "you thought you'd get rid of me,
not have me hanging around to show up how little qualified you are for this
work, so you could botch it up any way you wanted to without having me around
to criticize—"

 
          
"Oh,
Dal, no—" she protested, flushing. Actually she had been a little afraid
that she would have to turn to him so often for help and advice that their
carefully concocted story would not hold water; what would they think if the
Scholar Dame from University continually consulted her supposed assistant at
every possible moment and before making even the simplest decisions?

 
          
"This
place is corrupting you," Dal accused, "they've told you so much
garbage about how self-reliant and independent women ought to be that you're
beginning to believe you can get along without my help! I ought to walk out and
let you show yourself up for the fake you are! Are you so damned cocksure you
think you can do it all yourself?"

 
          
"Dal,
that isn't fair," Cendri said, feeling tears welling up behind her eyes.

 
          
"Fair—"
he shouted, "how fair have you been to me?" All his frustration came
out in a rush. "You've tried to make me into a simpering effeminate like
Rhu, trailing you around and picking up any crumbs you're willing to throw my
way! I'm not like that, Cendri, I'm a man of Pioneer and you're my
wife,
and the first thing we're going to have
understood—"

 
          
"Dal,
lower your voice," she begged, in sudden deadly fear; interior walls were
flimsy here, and although they were speaking in their own language, the
Scholar's speech of University, Dai's tone spoke—literally—louder than words.
On
Isis
men did not raise their voices like that to
women!

 
          
"And
don't you tell me to lower my voice! Do you think you can order me around the
way Vaniya does with Rhu?"

 
          
Cendri
put out her hands to conciliate him, then suddenly something inside her
snapped. She was weary of these nightly scenes where she tried to placate his
hurt pride and then endured his angry lovemaking as if every night he should
stamp on her body the imprint of his own strength, leaving her bruised,
humiliated, without desire.