Brain That Wouldn't Obey! (3 page)

The place was very quiet. The gym was empty. Jeff Ryan was standing alone in the front hall. He was wiggling his fingers in his ears and tapping his foot very fast. “Oooh!” he said. “Ahhh!”

“I have a bad feeling about this,” said Mike.

Then Jeff held his hand up as if he'd just heard something. “Uh-huh. Okay. Yeah, sure. I'm coming!” He stumbled quickly down the hall, tapping his feet. “Oooh!” he droned. “Ahhh!”

“It's like he's hearing something,” said Liz.

Before they could follow him, Sean and Holly came stumbling out of the cafeteria. Their hands were dripping with red stuff.

“Uh-oh. Now what?” mumbled Mike.

“Ketchup,” Sean said, flicking his eyelids and scratching his ears. “We just emptied all the ketchup containers.”

“That's … helpful,” said Mike. “I guess.”

“Uh, Holly …” Liz began.

“Don't call me Holly,” said Holly, her voice starting to drone a little. “I'm Spudlet thirty-nine.”

“I'm Spudlet forty-seven,” droned Sean.

“All right, you guys,” said Liz. “This is dumb. Joke's over. Ha-ha. Now, what's going on here?”

But Holly just turned to her brother, made a little fist with each hand, and shouted, “Spud!”

“Spud!” her brother shouted back.

Then they both stumbled down the hall after Jeff, muttering, “Yes, master!”

“I think I'm going to be majorly ill,” said Liz. She looked down the hall where her three friends were heading. “Our friends are way weird and this is way not funny.”

“Ha-ha-ha-ha!” Laughter came tumbling up the hall.

“Something's funny,” said Mike. “Let's find out what.”

The laughter was coming from Mrs. Carbonese's classroom. Liz and Mike ran up to the door. Kids were standing in a large circle around the teacher's desk.

A voice was coming from the circle. “… So I said, ‘Who, me? I don't have any bananas!' ”

The kids doubled over with hilarious laughter. When they did, Mike glimpsed a big brown lumpy thing sitting on the teacher's desk.

“Potadio!” shrieked Mike. “He got … big!”

It was Potadio, and he did get big. He was the size of a large watermelon now, and he had started to grow features.

A little mouth grinned and showed rows and rows of shiny white teeth. And here and there on the potato's skin were lots of green eyes, some of them growing out into long leafy sprouts.

But the grossest part was the lump on top. The big pink bulge was much bigger and pinker and bulgier than before.

“Gross,” groaned Liz. “With a capital G.”

“Hey!” cried the potato, looking up. “Here's the boy who gave me my wake-up call! Welcome to my world, Mikey boy!”

“Uh, sure,” Mike mumbled. He pointed to the bulge. “Is that really what I think it is?”

“If you're thinking megahuge brain, you'd be megahuge right!” Potadio said.

“You're controlling everybody, aren't you?” Liz asked, stepping back. “Aren't you?”

The potato snorted and jiggled. “With supersonic brain waves, I control people's thoughts, yes. With a dome like mine, it's a cinch. But right now, I've got bigger things on my mind.”

Then one of Potadio's sprouts curled up like a hand and tapped the bulge on the top of his head. “Get it?
Bigger things on my mind?
Oh, I mash myself!”

The kids cracked up again.

“But seriously,” said the potato, “how do you like the names Spudlet eighty-six and ninety-nine? Catchy, huh?”

“No way!” said Liz. “You're not getting us!” She grabbed Mike by the arm and pulled him back.

“Look into my eyes!” shrieked the potato.

Mike looked at the vegetable. “Which eyes?”

“Any of them, they all do the same thing!”

Mike looked. Then the potato with the brain squinted his many potato eyes and gritted his many potato teeth and held his potato breath.

His brain turned purple again.

A moment later, all the students in the classroom went nuts. Jeff rattled off the ABC's completely backward in a high-pitched voice.

Holly did back flips over the desks.

Sean began to do a dance from the sixties!

Mike shook his head. “This is very sad.”

Potadio's eyes narrowed at Mike and Liz. “What's with you two? Don't you hear it?”

Liz shrugged. “Like what, for instance?”

“Like
eeeee,
for instance! Like my supersonic brain waves controlling your mind!” The vegetable's brain bulged bigger.

Mike listened. “Sorry, nothing. But then, I have an earwax problem.”

Liz pulled away. “Well, that sounds yucky.”

“So!” Potadio growled angrily. “If you won't be my spudlets, this means war!”

6

Potatoes Can Rock and Roll!

S
uddenly—
clack-clack-clack!

Mrs. Carbonese came running in the classroom door. She looked at the potato with the brain sitting on her desk. “Oh! Are you a substitute? Well, you are not needed today. I am here, thank you.”

“Not for long!” cried Potadio. His brain bulged big again and one of his leafy arms jabbed out at the students. “Get her, spudlets!”

Jeff stopped his ZYX's and picked up a little green box from the teacher's desk. He opened it, and tossed bits of chalk to the other students.

Sean and Holly turned toward Mike and Liz. Their chalk bits were drawn like swords!

The others marched slowly toward Mrs. Carbonese.

“Wait,” the teacher said. “I haven't given you the math problems yet!”

But the students kept coming. Jeff and the others stomped up the aisle, their fingers clutching sticks of chalk no longer than an inch!

Mrs. Carbonese stepped back. “Stop or I will blow my whistle,” she warned.

But the students kept coming.

Mrs. Carbonese backed into the blackboard. The sweater fell off her shoulders! Her glasses tumbled to the desk! Her whistle slipped from her lips!

“Take your seats this instant!” she shrieked.

But they didn't. And in that instant, Mike realized that this was a battle of good against evil.

And evil was winning.

“We can't let this happen!” Mike cried out. “Liz, block for me!”

Liz barreled forward against Sean and the other students. Mike dived between desks to the front of the room and grabbed Mrs. Carbonese.

“Mrs. C., come with us!” Mike cried. “We're trying to save your life!”

The teacher turned to Mike with a frightened look. “You rude boy, I will
not
be your wife!”

Mike paused. “Oh, never mind, just run!”

Liz climbed onto the AV cart in the back of the room and kicked against the rear wall.
Whoosh!
In a second she was up by the door with Mike and Mrs. Carbonese. She jumped out into the hall and ran.

Clack-clack!
Mrs. Carbonese struggled to keep up with the two kids.

A moment later the hallway was filled with potato-brained students, stumbling after them.

“We need to get you to safety, Mrs. C.,” said Mike. Then he noticed a door down the hall, not far from the main school doors. “Yes! We'll hide you in Mr. Sweeney's supply closet!”

“But … but …” Mrs. Carbonese mumbled.

Before she could object, the two kids pushed her gently into the closet with the brooms and mops and cleaning fluids and shut the door.

“You'll be safer in there,” Liz called through the door.

“But the smell!” came the muffled cry. “And it's dark in here!”

“Sorry!” cried Mike. “We'll be back for you—“ But that was all he could get out. From behind him he heard something strange. Something horrible. Something musical.

Yo-he-ho! Yo-ho!

Yo-he-ho! Yo-ho!

When Mike turned around, he froze in terror.

Out of the shadows came Principal Bell, Miss Lieberman, and Mr. Sweeney. They were pulling a long chain as they sang.

Yo-he-ho! Yo-ho!

Yo-he-ho! Yo-ho!

On the end of the long chain was one of the janitor's rolling buckets. And sitting in the bucket, an evil grin growing across his gnarly, bumpy skin, was—

“Potadio!” shrieked Mike. “They're treating him like some kind of king! He's already taken control of the school! What more does he want?”

The answer came with a sudden, terrifying, school-shattering noise.

BLAAAAAMMMMM!

The school's front doors blasted open and a cloud of thick brown dust blew into the main hall.

Out of the cloud rolled hundreds, thousands, hundreds of thousands of dirty brown potatoes!

“My new students!” cried Principal Bell.

“My floors!” cried Mr. Sweeney.

“My army!” cried King Spud.

7

The Horrible, Horrible Plan

M
ike ducked behind the double doors of the cafeteria. Liz jumped down next to him.

“He called them his army!” Mike hissed.

The potatoes rolled across the floor and bowed before Potadio. “Come, my spudlets,” the large potato said. “And listen to my wonderful, wonderful plan!”

Sparks shot off from the huge brain as the teachers pulled the giant vegetable's rolling bucket down the hall and off into the shadows.

“He's growing bigger every minute,” said Liz.

Mike slumped to the floor. “Oh, man, what have I done? I made this monster. And all I wanted was to be a scientist, an inventor.”

Liz looked over at him. “Dr. Frankenstein was like that. Just a guy with a science project.”

“Thanks for reminding me.” Mike made a face. “Our lives, the school, our town, maybe the whole world, are at stake. And all because of me. Potadio is all brain. He's super smart. I have to stop him.”

“We
have to stop him, you mean,” said Liz.

Mike managed a weak smile. “Thanks. I couldn't do it without you.” But deep inside, he knew it was not going to be easy. He had messed things up big time. He had to make them right.

“First things first, Mike,” said Liz. “We follow him. We need to find out what his wonderful, wonderful plan is.”

Mike nodded. “Something tells me it's not going to be so wonderful.” He looked at Liz. “We have to make things normal. We have to.”

She twisted her face a little. “Don't get carried away, Mike. This is Grover's Mill, remember? If we just get out of this alive, I'll be happy.”

As the two friends crept down the hall into the darkness, Mike doubted whether they'd ever be happy again.

The dusty trail led to the school auditorium.

“Maybe he's putting on a show?” said Liz.

The two kids slipped through the rear doors of the auditorium and huddled in the back corner.

Hanging on the stage behind the podium was a giant poster. The potato brain's picture was on the poster, and written in giant letters above the picture were the words—King Spud.

“King?” whispered Mike. “I really don't like the sound of that. He used to be just a potato.”

Behind the podium Sean, Jeff, and Holly were standing with the other students and teachers.

The potato army was murmuring and chattering in their seats. The lights went down and everyone began to applaud.

Mike tapped Liz on the shoulder and pointed to the front of the auditorium. The two kids crept quietly down a side aisle.

A moment later, a spotlight shined on the stage. The giant Potadio waddled up to the podium. He was even larger now, about four feet tall. He began to thump his long leafy sprouts on the podium.

“Humans!” he cried out. “All they want to do is eat us. For years we've lived in fear of the fork. Well, that's going to change—starting now!”

“Rmm! Rmm!” the potato army murmured.

Liz shook her head and sighed. “That's all we need in Grover's Mill. Giant vegetables with attitudes.”

Thump! Thump!
went the leafy sprouts. “No longer will we live under the ground like common vegetables!” King Spud shouted. “Follow me, my spudlets, and we'll conquer the world!”

Cheers echoed against the walls of the auditorium. Principal Bell stumbled over and set a large crown on the potato's head. Sparks flew up.

“Careful with the crown, Mr. Ding-dong Bell!” King Spud cried. “This brain is supercharged!”

“All hail King Spud!” announced the principal. Again the room rocked with applause.

“These lights! This crown!” King Spud announced loudly. “They make me wanna—sing!”

One of King Spud's leafy arms yanked the microphone from the podium and he waddled out to the middle of the stage. The spotlight followed him. He tipped his crown low on his forehead, curled his lips, and began.

I may not be so pretty,

I'm sure not itty-bitty,

But I'm conquering your city

'Cause I've got elec-tri-city!

Oh, I'm the King—

The King of everything!

Mike was stunned. “This is all my fault.”

Liz nodded. “Well, it sure has gone way beyond potatoes and radios. King of
everything?”

“This kind of stuff seems to happen a lot in Grover's Mill, doesn't it?” asked Mike.

Liz smiled. “The Zone, Mike. The center of galactic weirdness.”

Yes, I'm the Big Bad King

Of Everythiiiiiiiiing!

As Spud held that last long note, a horrible thing happened. The giant poster behind him disappeared, and there, in full color, was another large picture. A map.

“We're going on a trip!” shouted the royal potato. His leafy sprouts unfurled and slapped the map again and again, pointing to a star on the east coast. “To the big city!”

Mike squinted. He knew that star.

“Next stop—Washington, DC!” King Spud proclaimed. “The capital of the Potato States of America!”