Brave the Heat (11 page)

“Son of a bitch,” Gavin seethed between clenched teeth. “I knew that bastard did something to you. If the cops hadn’t shown up when they did, I could’ve gotten him to tell me what happened and where the hell you went.”

The frustration that laced his voice was matched by her own.

“They didn’t know where I ran off to, Gavin,” Jordan said wearily. “No one did. No matter what you did or said that night…they couldn’t have told you anything.”

Gavin winced and folded his arms over his broad chest. The look of hurt etched into his features was almost more than Jordan could bear. After she’d run away, part of her believed that Gavin wouldn’t care or that he’d get over it quickly enough in the arms of Missy Oakland. But now, seeing the wounded expression on his face, his pain from that day bubbling back to the surface, fresh and raw, Jordan knew how wrong she had been.

There was no longer any doubt that she had hurt him more deeply than she’d ever realized.

“After my parents fell asleep, I threw what I could into a bag and I left. As for why I didn’t get in touch with you? I was hurt, Gavin, angry and humiliated.” Her voice wavered but she fought for control, refusing to collapse into the pathetic weeping mess she’d once been. “You were the only person I trusted, and you had told me what an idiot I was for having dreams of a different life. It felt like a slap in the face.”

“Damn it, Jordan.” Hands on his hips, Gavin swore under his breath and his mouth set in a tight line. “When you talked about going to the city and being an actress, that scared the ever-loving shit out of me. Can you understand that?”

“Now I can, yes. But—”

“No.” Gavin held up one hand, stopping any further protests on her part. “You had your say. Now it’s my turn.”

“Alright,” Jordan said quietly. “I’m listening.”

“When you told me what you wanted to do, all I could think was that I would lose you. And that terrified me. I know now that I should’ve told you that. But back then I was a stupid eighteen-year-old kid and I got angry instead of being honest with you or myself about how damn scared I was.”

“I’m sorry, Gavin,” Jordan whispered in a barely audible voice. “I don’t know how many times I can say it until you’ll believe it. I can’t undo the past any more than you can.”

“Fair enough,” he said tightly. “But I’m not finished.”

“Go on…”

“Okay. I can understand now, after hearing all of this, why you left that night—but why didn’t you come back, Jordan?”

“I was—”

“Scared?” Gavin scoffed. “Don’t give me that, Jordan. I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you.”

“I know that,” she whispered.

“Granted, I may have reacted badly that night, but after everything calmed down, why didn’t you call me then? A month later. A year? Damn it all. I know this was before everyone had a cell phone or was posting their every waking thought on Facebook, but you still could have called or written me a letter. A card or something? I can get my head around why you went away.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “But why the hell did you
stay
away?”

“Because of Suzanne.” Her cheeks heated with embarrassment, recalling how easily she’d believed the lie. “And Missy.”

“Suzanne and Missy?” he asked with genuine confusion. “Huh? What the hell do the two of them have to do with anything?”

“About a week after I left, when I’d finally cooled off, I called Suzanne to feel things out. I knew I wouldn’t be able go home but I thought maybe you…” Her voice trailed off as she struggled to keep her emotions in check. Even after all this time, the memory of hearing that lie still stung. Bitterness and frustration edged her voice, which hovered above a whisper. “She told me you were too busy screwing Missy Oakland to even notice I was gone.”

“What? That’s bull,” he seethed. “How could you think that I would hook up with her? Come on. Missy Oakland? Hell, Jordan, I didn’t want anyone except
you
.”

Jordan put a finger to her lips and pointed upstairs, referencing the girls. The last complication she needed was to have them hear her fighting with another man. Gavin’s mouth set in a tight line, and his shoulders squared as he wrestled with his own set of frustrations.

“
Shit.
” He hissed the word on one long, slow breath and ran a hand over his face. Jordan knew exactly how weary he felt, and the gruff, raw sound of his voice tugged at her soul. “Listen, the morning after our fight, I went out to your parents’ place to apologize to you. I almost got my ass arrested when I got into it with your father because I thought he was keeping you from me. I-I thought he’d hurt you. Aside from all of that, I would
never
have touched Missy Oakland with a ten-foot pole back then—or anyone else for that matter.”

“I know that now but at the time I didn’t,” Jordan said quietly. “I thought Suzanne was my friend, so it never occurred to me that she’d make up something like that. But obviously I was wrong…I was wrong about a lot of things. I guess I should’ve known she was lying. She always did have a thing for you.”

“I should tell you… I did date Suzanne a couple of years ago,” Gavin said flatly. He shifted his weight, as though uncomfortable with his admission. “It was right after I moved back to town, but it didn’t last long because she’s as crazy as I thought she was in high school.”

“It’s fine.” Jordan held up both hands, preventing him from telling her any gory details. “Really. It’s okay. I already know. Maddy told me about that.”

“Right.” Gavin cleared his throat and stuck his hands in his pockets. “But nothing happened with anyone after you left, Jordan. Hell, I had to join the damn army and leave town to try to get you out of my head.” His voice dropped to a gravelly whisper, and his glittering gaze slid over her face. “Hell of a lot good that did me.”

“Like I said,” she murmured gently, “I know
now
that it was a lie.”

“But how could you think that I—”

“Really?” she responded quickly. “And how could
you
think that my wanting to be an actress in New York would mean leaving you?”

He opened his mouth to respond, but shut it and simply nodded his understanding.

“Okay.” She sucked in a deep breath as some of the tension eased from the room. “With all of these facts in mind, what on earth did I have waiting for me here? As far as I knew, you had moved on with Missy, and Maddy was still overseas. Going back home wasn’t an option. What did I have to come back to? Nothing. So I stayed in the city and got a waitressing gig. A couple years later, I met Ted, which is a whole other conversation. And I’d say marrying him was a complete mistake, but it wasn’t because it gave me my girls. They are the best thing that ever happened to me.”

Jordan held out both hands, daring him to tell her she was an idiot for doing what she had, but he said nothing. Struggling to keep her voice even, she poked him in the chest.

“So there you go, Gavin. That’s why I left, and I’m sorry that I hurt you. I’m sorry I was a stupid, impulsive, weak, little girl who was so humiliated, she couldn’t even speak to her own mother for years. Now do you understand?” Tears filled her eyes and her voice sounded strangled as she fought the tide of pent-up emotion. “I did what I had to do to survive.”

Jordan waited what felt like forever for Gavin to say something. The sounds of the waves crashing and the dripping from the faucet echoed through the kitchen, marking the silent seconds that passed. What was he waiting for? Why in the hell wasn’t he saying anything?

Damn
it. Do something. Tell me I was weak. Agree that I was a coward. Anything.

Gavin stared at her silently and so intently, she thought that perhaps he could see right inside of her. Maybe he could. Shaking with adrenaline and a tsunami of emotions that were so overwhelming she couldn’t separate one from the other, Jordan tried to blink away the tears, but to no avail.

Gavin’s image blurred as his strong, warm hands cradled her cheeks.

Jordan shut her eyes, and in spite of all the time that had passed, or the litany of reasons she shouldn’t, she let herself sink into his touch. The warmth of his hands, coarse from years of hard work, rushed over her face, and that simple expression of tenderness sent the tears falling. Exhausted and spent from finally letting it all out, she felt a shuddering sigh shake her shoulders as Gavin gently brushed the remaining tears away with his thumbs.

“I’m so sorry, Jordan.” He rested his forehead against hers. She gripped the damp material of his T-shirt, pulling him closer. If it were possible, she would have crawled inside his chest and stayed there, surrounded by the rock that was Gavin McGuire. “I’m so damn sorry I wasn’t there to protect you from your father. If I hadn’t acted like such a dick that night, you wouldn’t have run off like that.”

“I guess the old man was right after all, wasn’t he? Failed actress. Failed marriage.” Jordan fought the surge of self-loathing and swiped at her teary eyes. “And here I am, right back where I started, except now I have two little girls in tow.”

“You
are
not
a failure.” Gavin tilted her face, forcing her to look him in the eyes. “Neither of us are kids anymore and we both made mistakes, but the past is in the past. And we can still have a do-over. How about it?”

Jordan wanted nothing more than to say yes, to wrap herself in his arms and remain sheltered there forever. But now, more than ever, it was important for her to stand on her own. As much as she wanted to run, literally and figuratively, into Gavin’s arms, she resisted. The idea of making yet another mistake that could impact her daughters was more terrifying than the notion of going back to Ted.

“I can’t, Gavin.” She pushed gently at his chest and slipped out of his embrace. His expression hardened briefly, his arms falling to his side. She took another step back, increasing the distance between them in more ways than one. “I have a life to rebuild and two little girls to raise. The ink is barely dry on my divorce papers—and please, don’t get me wrong, this isn’t about Ted. I don’t love him anymore and the truth is, I probably never did. Not really.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“Getting involved in a relationship, sex, and all that goes with it isn’t a smart idea. At least, not right now. I have to show my daughters that I can stand on my own.”

“Who said anything about sex?” he asked all too innocently.

Jordan said nothing but gave him a narrow-eyed look as she squelched the giggle that threatened to bubble up. He always could get her to laugh at the most inopportune moments.

“Okay, okay. I
might
have thought about it, but to be fair, I didn’t
say
it.” Gavin nodded slowly and slipped his hands in the pockets of his shorts. As he studied her intently, that lopsided grin bloomed again, bringing out that mischievous-looking dimple. “Then we’ll be friends. That’s how we started, so that’s how we’ll finish.”

In a flash, he reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear before holding up a quarter between two fingers.

“Just friends. Deal?”

Part of her wanted to scream
yes
and the other wanted to yell
hell
no
.

God help her, she was a conflicted hot mess. She wanted Gavin every way that a woman could want a man, and a huge portion of it was dripping with lust. The needy, moan-inducing, curl-your-toes kind of lust. But giving in to that base animal instinct would not be smart. It would only be confusing for her and him, and
that
wouldn’t be good for her girls.

Jordan resolved to shove aside the gnawing physical attraction and take the friendship he offered. Even if the affection-starved woman inside of her begged her not to make such a stupid damn deal.

Without a word, and remaining calm—like a duck on the pond, she thought, gliding along with her feet moving furiously under the surface, while trying to keep her head above water—Jordan held out her hand to accept his offer. Gavin inched closer and placed the quarter in her palm. He drew his hand away slowly, and the pad of his finger trailed over hers in one tantalizing pass.

Friends? Yeah, right.
She didn’t have any other friends who made her want to strip them naked and climb them like the Himalayas. She was opening her mouth to answer him when Lily’s voice called from upstairs.

“Mama, will you read us one more story before bed?”

Saved
by
an
adorable
little
bell.

“I’ll be right up,” Jordan called without taking her eyes off Gavin. Closing her fingers around the quarter, she murmured, “Deal.”

“Good.” Gavin stepped back abruptly and wagged one finger at her. “And don’t try to get me into one of those friends-with-benefits deals. I’m not having sex with you, no matter how much you ask. We’re only going to be friends. That’s it.”

“Oh really?” Jordan laughed and shook her head as she followed him to the front door. Standing in the foyer, she held the door open for him and delighted in the sweet, silly side of him that he rarely showed the rest of the world. “Well, I’m glad we got that cleared up.”