Brave the Heat (19 page)

Leaning back on the edge of the counter with both hands, Jordan looked at the man across from her and swallowed the sudden swell of emotion. Silence hung between them, with the sound of the waves and Gracie’s giggles as she ran from the kitchen.

Giving the girls that book—a book from his childhood that she knew meant something to him—was more than merely a sweet gesture. It was stirringly heartfelt and personal, and that was what scared her. Actually, if she was going to start being honest with herself, that was only
part
of what frightened her. Having Gavin in the house had been difficult, but now she realized that the really big challenge, the toughest part, would be when he left.

This past week hadn’t only been about lots of laughs for the girls and sexual tension-filled moments for her. Not even close. When she got right down to it, these past few days were the first time Jordan had really felt like they were a family.

A loving, happy, joyful, and safe
family
.

But now that Ted wasn’t an imminent threat, Gavin could leave and would take all of that with him. How on earth could she let that go? Would she have a choice? Was Gavin even interested in getting permanently mixed up with her, essentially signing on to be a father to her girls?

That was a hell of a bigger commitment than he’d likely bargained for, and it was about time she started figuring things out. The girls were quickly growing attached to Gavin, and she couldn’t blame them. Jordan was too. But she was a grown-up and they were children. They’d already been abandoned by their own father, so losing another man could be catastrophic. She had to get an idea of where he was really coming from and what he might be looking for—or not.

“Thank you for giving that to them,” she said quietly. She watched him carefully, wondering how he would react to the mere mention of something more meaningful. “I know you, Gavin, and I know that’s not just any book. You had that memorized when we were kids, and you probably still do.”

“Don’t make a thing out of it, Jordan.” His mouth set in a tight line and he took a sip of his beer. He lifted one shoulder in an annoyingly nonchalant gesture. “It’s only a book. No big deal.”

“Right.” Jordan nodded and her heart sank. “I should go up and give them their bath before it gets too late.”

What had she expected? He was being her friend, and yes, he was as attracted to her as she was to him, but wanting sex was a far cry from wanting an instant family.
Damn
it
all.
Tearing her gaze from his, she pushed herself off the counter and headed for the living room.

“I’m doing what you wanted. This is what we agreed on, isn’t it?” Gavin’s words stopped Jordan cold. She stood in the doorway but didn’t turn around. “You and me. Just friends so we don’t confuse the girls. But I gotta be honest, Jordan. I’m feeling pretty confused, and I don’t know which end is up.”

Jordan spun around, but before she could respond, he slammed his half-finished beer bottle on the counter.

“No point in wasting those waves. I could use the opportunity to burn off some extra
energy
.” Yanking his shirt off over his head, once again putting that gorgeous chest on display, Gavin held up both hands and backed out of the kitchen toward the deck. “Tell the girls I said good night. I’m going for a swim.”

As he slipped through the dining room and out the sliding doors to the deck, Jordan’s heart slammed in her rib cage. He was right. He had been doing
exactly
what she asked him to do. Then why did it feel so shitty? It looked like she wasn’t the only one feeling confused. After the girls went to bed, she was going to make sure she and Gavin got a few things straight.

* * *

Gavin hadn’t been swimming in surf that rough for far too long, and the coming storm provided exactly the stress relief he needed. He dove and tumbled through wave after wave. The sand and shells scraped against his belly and legs, but he barely felt the pain. If he stayed out there long enough, the surf would beat the stupid out of him. Right now, that was the only excuse for the way he was acting.

He never should have given the girls that book, and not because he didn’t want them to have it. In fact, handing it over to Lily and Gracie had felt like the most natural thing in the world for him to do. But he should have known that Jordan might freak out. His own mother had raised her eyebrows when he’d gone to the house to find it. Oh, she hadn’t said anything, but she’d given him
that
look
.

That “Are you sure you should be doing that, Gavin?” look.

Shoving his wet hair off his face, Gavin strode out of the surf and swore under his breath. What the hell was he doing? These weren’t his kids, and Jordan wasn’t his wife. But he’d been here playing house all week long, and the worst part was that he’d loved every damned minute of it. He’d almost lost it when Gracie had hugged him tonight, but the terrified look on Jordan’s face had been like cold water on a fire.

Based on that look, he could only assume she didn’t agree with Gracie’s sentiment.

In that instant, Gavin had known it was time for him to leave. Ted was safely tucked away in rehab and wouldn’t be trouble for anyone for a while. Besides, Jordan said he wasn’t even picking up the phone when the girls made their weekly call to him, and there was a good chance she wouldn’t hear from that dirtbag again for a long time. She had been right about Ted. That guy didn’t give a shit about her or his own daughters. He was just pissed that he’d lost the perceived battle. Like many successful men, he didn’t like to lose. The jerk had probably only checked into rehab to look good in front of the judge.

Gavin spotted his towel and bent to pick it up. The cool wind whipped around him, the sand stinging his flesh. He shivered in the unseasonably cold air as he wiped the water from his eyes and turned his face to the starless indigo sky. The sun had finished setting, but there was enough light to see the thick cloud banks as they rolled in the atmosphere. There was definitely going to be a big storm tonight. And as if on cue, thunder rumbled in the distance and lightning streaked across the night sky.

He towel-dried his head, and when he pulled the towel down to dry the rest of his dripping wet body, he found Jordan standing in front of him. The girls’ bedroom light was out; he must have been out here a lot longer than he thought.

The temperature had dropped significantly and the woman had to be freezing, wearing only her long, blue sundress. If it were lighter out, he’d probably see her skin covered in goose bumps. He was about to ask her what the hell she was doing out there with a storm about to break, but she shoved at his chest and swore loudly.

“Why did you give them that book?” Jordan shouted over the crashing waves, the wind whipping her hair around her face. Tugging a strand from her eyes, she shoved him again. “Tell me, Gavin. Why?”

“I told you…” He squared his shoulders and kept his voice even. She was angry with him and he didn’t blame her. He’d pushed it and she wasn’t ready. “It’s no big deal. It’s only a book.”

“Bull!” Hands on her hips, she glared up at him, her eyes flashing. The storm in the sky was matched only by the fierce look on her face. “You and I both know that book was like your bible as a kid. Your brothers used to tease you and say that you probably slept with it under your pillow. For God’s sake,” she shouted, “you saved it for over twenty years like a damned heirloom. So
do
not
tell me it’s only a book. That book means something to you, Gavin.” Her voice softened and broke with emotion. “And you gave it to my girls.”

“What do you want from me, Jordan?” He threw the towel to the sand and stepped closer, looming over her and intentionally invading her space. “Tell me. Huh? Because I am too tired to try and figure it out. Okay? You wanted to
just
be
friends
around your girls, so that’s what I’ve been doing.”

He inched closer and she backed away, but Gavin grabbed her wrists and tugged her against him. His voice dropped to a gravelly whisper, and her face, shadowed in the dim moonlight, had an unreadable expression. Her breasts pressed against his chest and her legs tangled between his, making him want to peel that dress off her and dive deep.

“All I can do is think about you, Jordan. About touching and tasting you.” He dropped her arms abruptly and backed up. Holding his hands out in surrender, he yelled, “But I don’t. Even though it’s torture, I don’t.”

Swearing under his breath, he let out a sigh of defeat and settled his hands on his hips. She was standing there staring at him like he’d lost his mind. Maybe he had. But there was one fact he was certain of: his state of mind was still up for debate but his heart was long gone. He’d lost it to Jordan and her daughters.

“I’m sorry if you’re angry with me for giving them the book,” he said firmly. “No. You know what? Screw that. I’m not sorry. It was mine to give, and I know Gracie and Lily love it.”

Lightning flashed, closer now, and illuminated Jordan’s face long enough for him to see she was crying. His gut clenched and something inside him crumbled. Those tears were because of him—not her shithead ex-husband—
him
.

“Damn it, Jordan.” His voice lowered to a restrained growl. “I thought I could be here with you and the girls, and keep my distance. But I was wrong. I was only supposed to be here long enough to make sure he didn’t bother you, and now that he’s in rehab, you don’t need me to stay anymore. I’ll get my stuff and be out before the girls wake up in the morning.”

As he brushed past her toward the house, her hand snagged his, stopping him from taking another step. Anticipation, desire, hope, and a harsh glimmer of fear curled inside his gut, begging to bust free. Gavin’s mouth set in a tight line as her delicate fingers tangled with his. He slowly looked to his left, his eyes fixed on hers. He expected to see pity, sadness, or maybe even regret, but those pools of brown glittered at him with something else. Lust? Anger? Need?

“I’m not angry with you.” The low, husky sound of her voice rushed around him in the wind. Moving to stand directly in front of him, she peered up at him through wide, teary eyes. “And I don’t want you to leave. Not now, and definitely not like this.”

“Then what is it?” Standing tall, his body taut, Gavin waited for the next punch in the gut. “Spit it out. No more games. You and I are too old for this crap, Jordan. Tell me why you’re so upset that I gave them that book.”

“I don’t want to do this anymore,” she whispered.

And there it was.

“Fine.” Hands still at his side, Gavin fought the driving need to touch her. “Like I said, I’ll get my stuff.”

“Hold it.” Jordan pressed her hand to his chest but Gavin didn’t retreat. Instead he leaned into it. “Let me finish.”

She was right. They had to finish this. It was time to cut the crap and tell her exactly how he felt. No more beating around the bush and acting like this thing between them wasn’t a big deal. It was. It was the biggest deal of his life, and he’d be damned if he was going to let her go without a fight.

“No,” Gavin growled, leaning in further still and bracing for the rest of her rejection, her fingertips digging into his flesh. “You know why? Because I’m not finished. I still have something else to say to you,” he shouted, frustration edging every gritty syllable. “You wanna know why I gave them my book? I gave Lily and Gracie that book because I am hopelessly in love with their mother and I always have been. There. I said it. I love you, Jordan. I’ve loved you since the fourth grade, and I’ll love you until the day I die.

“That guy, Ted? Your ex-husband? He’s a stupid son of a bitch. That man had you and those two girls for his family, and he pissed it away. For the past week, I’ve been living in a damn fairyland, pretending like you’re
my
family, and tonight, when you looked at me in the kitchen, after Gracie asked me to stay? It was clear to me that you don’t feel the same way.”

Breathing like he’d run a race and emotionally spent from spilling his guts, Gavin stood, his hands curled to fists at his sides, waiting for the rejection. He could take it, he told himself. She’d left before and he’d survived. He could do it again. It would hurt like hell and he’d probably have to leave town again to get over it, but right now he would stand here and take it like a man.

She opened her mouth to say something, but snapped it shut. For a split second, Gavin thought she was going run away. But she didn’t, and then she did something even more unexpected.

Cursing, Jordan grabbed his face with both hands, popped up on her toes, and captured his mouth with hers. The second those sweet lips touched his, the dam broke. Gavin groaned and opened to her, his tongue immediately seeking entrance. He kissed her deeply, tangling his hands in her long, windblown hair as they both dropped to their knees on the soft sand. She tasted sweet, spicy, and hot, and fed his desire but not enough to satisfy. He wanted more.

He gathered her hair in his hands, his fingertips grazing her scalp before he pulled back and reluctantly broke the kiss. Jordan whimpered, fingers digging into the flesh of his waist as she leaned in, seeking more. Gavin held her there, his mouth inches from hers. The wind howled around them as they both fought to catch their breath.