Brave the Heat (21 page)

One thought kept going through Gavin’s mind like a broken record.

He had failed Rick.

* * *

Stoic and sitting ramrod straight, Gavin kept his serious gaze pinned on the casket. He had said barely two words since the fire—to Jordan or anyone else. She had assumed that he would come back to her house afterward, but he had insisted on being at the station. He had even gone straight there after leaving the hospital and stayed.

He didn’t have to say a word for Jordan to know the kind of pain he was in. It was evident in every averted gaze and every unspoken word. He was blaming himself for Rick’s death.

She kept her arm around Maddy, who was weeping quietly and dabbing at her eyes. She still hadn’t looked away from Rick’s picture. The colorful image perched on an easel behind the flower-covered casket—of Rick in his dress uniform and with that cocky glint in his eyes—was a painful reminder of the heroic, loving man they had lost.

The ceremony had ended almost thirty minutes before, and several people were already gathering at the church community room for a reception, but Maddy didn’t want to go anywhere quite yet. Jordan couldn’t blame her. Those post-funeral receptions were emotionally draining. If Maddy didn’t want to be put through that, Jordan sure as hell wasn’t going to force the issue.

“I should go to the reception, and then I have to get back to the station,” Gavin said, abruptly rising from his seat. “Rogers said he has more information about the arson at the school.”

He looked as handsome as ever, wearing his dress uniform, but the haunted look in his eyes made Jordan’s heart hurt. She squinted against the sun to look him in the eye, but he artfully avoided both her gaze and Maddy’s. Placing his white uniform hat under his left arm, he stood at attention. Grief was etched into his features, and the lines in his face seemed to have deepened over the past few days.

Bowing his head, he whispered, “I’m so sorry, Maddy. I want you to know that if I could trade places with Rick, I would.”

Jordan’s eyes welled as a fresh wave of grief flowed through. Gavin secured his hat and saluted them stoically as a flock of geese flew overhead. His square jaw clenched and his green eyes welled with tears, but before they could fall, he turned on his heel and headed to his truck.

He wasn’t merely saying something he thought he should say. Jordan was certain, with every ounce of her soul, that if Gavin could have died instead of Rick, he would have. That knowledge was frightening and heartbreaking at the same time. She could just as easily be sitting in Maddy’s place. If she stayed with Gavin, that was a risk she and her girls would be taking. But that paled in comparison to the risks he took on every day when he left for work.

She loved him, and that far outweighed any risk.

Gavin’s self-loathing and guilt dragged behind him almost visibly as he strode away. Jordan hugged Maddy tighter as her friend’s body finally shook with heavy sobs. A moment later, Veronica and Cookie appeared in the empty chairs on the other side of Maddy. The two women, so much more than mere employees, had stayed behind to make sure she was okay. Maddy didn’t have any family left, and neither did Rick. The two of them always said that at least they had each other.

Until now.

Veronica whispered words of encouragement and wrapped her arm around Maddy, kissing her cheek. Cookie looked on through red-rimmed eyes, and a nod of understanding passing between her and Jordan.

“Gavin, wait,” Maddy cried, suddenly rising to her feet. Gavin stopped but didn’t turn around. His back straightened and he squared his shoulders as though bracing for impact. “Don’t go yet.”

Maddy ran over to him, her long, black skirt flapping in the breeze and her dark curls blowing around her wildly. Jordan, Cookie, and Veronica rose from their seats and followed at a respectful distance. Gavin turned when Maddy laid her hand on his arm, urging him to face her. He stared over her head, unable or unwilling to look her in the eyes, and the pain on his face made Jordan’s heart ache. She pressed her handkerchief to her mouth, Cookie and Veronica standing on either side of her, as the touching scene played out before them.

“I have something to say to you.” Maddy swiped at her eyes before grabbing Gavin’s jaw and forcing him to look down at her. Her voice wavered, but her steely strength shone through. “And I want you to look me in the face when I say it. Got it?”

Gavin gave her a curt nod but said nothing.

“Good.” Maddy dropped her hand. “Rick loved his job, maybe even more than he loved me, and there wasn’t a damned thing anyone could do to stop him if he had his mind set on something. He knew this was a risk. He went to work every day knowing that he could buy it in a fire like his father did, but that didn’t stop him. He knew the dangers of the job and so did I.” She grabbed Gavin’s arms with both hands, and her normally lighthearted tone was edged with stone-cold seriousness.

“Don’t you
dare
blame yourself for what happened. You didn’t kill him, Gavin.” Her voice wavered. “You aren’t responsible for his death. Whoever set that fire and planted those pipe bombs is the person we should be angry at. It’s gonna be hard enough for me to get through this, and you blaming yourself isn’t going to help me or anyone else.”

“I may not be responsible for the fire,” Gavin ground out, “but I am responsible for Rick and every other man on my team. I’m sorry.” He glanced at Jordan briefly, and the detached look in his eyes gave her pause. “I have to go.”

Veronica and Cookie ran directly to Maddy, but Jordan made a beeline for Gavin. She reached him before he got in his truck. Placing a hand on his shoulder, she felt him stiffen beneath her touch. He was slipping further and further away from her with each passing second. She’d never felt more helpless in her life.

“Hey, Gavin, wait a minute.” She folded her arms over her breasts, trying to squelch the horrible feeling that she was losing him. Ever since that night, it seemed as though he was worlds away. It scared the hell out of her. “Please, wait.”

“What is it, Jordan?” He leaned one hand on the door and other on the roof as he glanced over his shoulder at her. Taking his hat off, he tossed it onto the passenger seat before finally turning to face her. “I have to get back to the station.”

“Okay,” she said slowly. “Why don’t you come by the house tonight? The girls and I were going to make burgers, and Lily has been eager to show you a magic trick she taught herself with the book you gave her.”

“I can’t,” he said curtly. Gavin unbuttoned his uniform jacket and loosened the collar of his shirt before getting in the driver’s seat and shutting the door tightly. “I’ll be at the station late, and then I have to get some shut-eye. Rogers and I are going back out to the scene tomorrow.”

“Alright,” she said softly. Stepping off the curb, Jordan curled her hands over the edge of the open window and held on, as if that could actually stop him from pulling away. Her throat thickened with fear and desperation as she studied his profile. She was losing him. He white-knuckled the steering wheel and stared straight ahead.

“Okay, then. How about tomorrow?”

“No.” He shook his head as his hands tightened further and his entire body tensed, the muscle in his jaw flickering. “I can’t.”

“Can’t what, Gavin?” Dread curled in her belly as he seemed to slip further away by the second. “Please,” she whispered. “Don’t shut me out.”

“I won’t do this to you, or to them.”

“Do what?” Her vision blurred, and she had a horrible hunch about what he was going to say. Her hands slipped from the car. “Gavin…”

“I won’t put you and the girls through something like this.” Turning his fierce gaze to hers, he slammed the steering wheel and shouted, “Rick was my responsibility and I failed him. Don’t you get it, Jordan? I
failed
him. He’s dead, Maddy’s alone, and I won’t put you and the girls in that position. I failed Jimmy, and now Rick, and I refuse to fail you too.”

Before she could respond, Gavin peeled away, the squealing truck tires breaking the silence of the cemetery with ear-shattering volume. Jordan shouted after him, but he kept driving. Tears fell from her eyes as she watched his taillights disappear around the corner. As he vanished from her view, she couldn’t help but fear that he was about to exit her life as quickly as he’d returned.

In the two weeks since Rick’s funeral, Jordan only saw Gavin through the windows of the shop. She’d texted and called a few times in an attempt to rouse him from his self-imposed isolation. He never picked up the phone however, only responding with one-word texts. As much as she wanted to be patient, Jordan’s feelings were beyond hurt. The girls had been asking for him, and Jordan was running out of excuses for why the chief had suddenly disappeared from their lives, almost as quickly as he’d entered.

Luckily their summer camp had been relocated to the community center, so Lily and Gracie were still busy during the week. Jordan was grateful for her job. It kept her mind off Gavin’s cruel rejection of her and the possibility of a life together. She knew he was grieving, but he wasn’t the only one. And her patience was starting to run out.

The door to the workroom opened, the noise pulling her from her thoughts.

“Hey, Jordan?” Cookie held the swinging door open and jutted a gloved hand at the little table in the corner. “What’s with the duffel bag? This thing has been here for days. Can I put it somewhere else? We’re busting at the seams back here, getting ready for the two parties this weekend.”

“Right.” Jordan’s face heated. That was Gavin’s bag, and it was filled with everything he’d left at the house that night. “Sorry. I’ve been meaning to drop that off to Gavin.”

She could have brought it to the station, but she kept coming up with excuses not to. Most of her believed that Gavin would come around; she kept telling herself that he just needed some space. But her confidence dwindled with each passing day, and a future with Gavin seemed less and less likely.

“Oh, jeez, sorry.” Cookie scrunched up her face and came all the way into the showroom. “Is everything okay with you guys?”

“That’s a good question.” Jordan let out a heavy breath and pushed her hair off her face, leaning back on the edge of the counter. “I don’t know, Cookie. He’s grieving and angry, and he’s totally shut me out. I mean, Maddy is bouncing back better than Gavin is.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Cookie said quietly. “I saw her the other day. She was sitting at her desk in the real estate office, staring out the window. I waved, and she waved back, but it was out of habit, y’know? She just looks so sad, and there’s nothing we can do to help her.” She let out a growl of frustration and tugged her gloves off. “God, it sucks. I hope they catch the son of a bitch who set that fire.”

“Me too,” Jordan whispered. “I know Gavin’s working with the arson investigator, but I haven’t heard anything else about it.”

“Right.” Cookie nodded, her attention captured by something outside. “Looks like we’ve got a customer,” she said, a smile playing over her lips. “I’ll be in the back if you need me.”

Jordan’s heart leaped in her chest at the familiar sound of the front door swinging open. In that fleeting moment, she hoped against hope that it was Gavin. Cookie disappeared into the back room, and Jordan turned around and found herself face-to-face with a McGuire—but not the one she was expecting.

“Oh… Hello, Mrs. McGuire,” she said, trying not to sound as disappointed as she felt. “How can I help you?”

“Now, Jordan.” Gavin’s mother wagged a finger at Jordan as she strode toward the counter. Placing her pink purse on the glass surface, she smiled and winked. “How many times have I told you to call me Carolyn? It’s silly for us to be so formal after all these years.”

A knot of nerves curled in Jordan’s belly, and she could feel Carolyn’s eyes on her. During their conversations over the past month about the flowers for the anniversary party, Carolyn had never said a word about Jordan and Gavin’s relationship. She’d never pried or inquired, but there was a distinctly different air surrounding this particular visit. Dressed in khaki shorts and a simple, sleeveless white button-down shirt, Carolyn looked both perfectly coiffed and totally casual at the same time. The McGuires were wealthy, but they were the most down-to-earth family Jordan had ever known.

“Of course.” Jordan pulled the order book from under the counter and placed it next to Carolyn’s purse. Snagging a pen from behind her ear, she flipped to the pages with the McGuires’ anniversary party information. “I assume you want to go over the final details? The big day is only a couple of weeks away, and I know you must be getting excited.”

“Absolutely.” Carolyn’s voice was light and edged with her typically warm tone. “The band we’ve hired is wonderful. But I’m mostly excited about the rest of my boys coming home for a visit. It wouldn’t be much of a celebration if our children weren’t with us, after all! Not that I’ll be able to get those boys to dance.” She rolled her eyes and waved her hand dismissively. “Well, maybe Ronan. He’s a bit more willing to be silly. The rest of them will probably avoid dancing at all costs.”

“If memory serves, Gavin isn’t much of a dancer.” Jordan was met with Carolyn’s warm smile. Her green eyes, so similar to Gavin’s, peered back at Jordan with that same mischievous glint. “I know that I would want my girls with me at a party, but unlike your boys, they would be at the center of the dance floor.”

“Well, I bet they would,” Gavin’s mother said brightly. “I hope they’ll show us some of those dance moves at the party.”

“My girls?” Jordan stumbled over her words. “Oh. Well, I don’t think that we’re going to be there. I mean, Gavin mentioned the party to me a few weeks ago, but he didn’t actually invite us. To be really honest, I’m not sure what’s going on with us right now.” She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head, feeling more embarrassed by the second. After a moment, she forced herself to look Carolyn in the face again. “I’m sorry. I know I’m babbling. You didn’t come here to hear about this. You came about the flowers, and I can assure you everything is all set.”

“Hang on, now.” Carolyn covered Jordan’s hand, stopping her nervous tapping of her pen on the open book. “I didn’t come here to talk about the party, at least not about the flowers. I’m confident you, Cookie, and Veronica will have it all done beautifully, and I know Maddy appreciates that you’re here. I can’t even
imagine
how much harder these past few weeks would have been without you girls.”

“Oh.” Flustered and completely uncertain, Jordan quietly closed the book and slipped it back to its spot beneath the counter. “I see. Then what can I help you with, Mrs. M—I mean, Carolyn.”

“That’s better,” she said gently. “I came here to talk to you about my son.”

“Gavin?”

“Of course.” She leaned in and dropped her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “Unless you think one of my other boys is in love with you?” All Jordan could manage was to shake her head. “That’s what I thought.”

“I didn’t realize that you…”

“I’m sure you know that Gavin is a mess over what happened to Rick.”

“Yes.” Jordan nodded. “I’ve tried reaching out to him, Carolyn, but he’s completely shut me out.”

“Mmm-hmm.” Carolyn’s mouth set in a firm line. Letting out a sigh, she wandered over to the refrigerated case, studying the colorful selection behind the glass. “I don’t doubt it. He’s a stubborn son of a gun like his father. And in addition to being stubborn, the boy gets blinded by duty and doing what’s right. It’s served him well most of his life, but sometimes, like now, it can take a dark turn.

“After that fire that killed little Jimmy Miller, Gavin didn’t speak for almost three months.” She turned around, bringing her attention back to Jordan. “Did you know that? Actually, that’s when he started learning magic. The therapist we sent him to suggested it. She said it would help him feel more in control, and I suppose it did.”

“No. I didn’t know that.” Jordan shook her head, a fresh surge of grief welling up. “The accident happened the year before I moved here. I’ve asked him about it in the past, but he hasn’t really wanted to talk about it. I never really understood how he could blame himself. Gavin and the others were merely children.”

“True, but Gavin has always seen himself as the caretaker.” Carolyn shrugged. “I suppose it comes with being the oldest in a big family. He’s always felt responsible for his brothers, and now for his squad. And, yes. We all know, rationally, that Gavin isn’t to blame for Jimmy or for Rick, but
he’s
the one who has to understand that. The way I see it, you might be the only one who can get through to him.”

“Me?” Jordan swallowed and hugged her arms around herself. “He’s made it clear he doesn’t want to speak to me.”

“Of course,” Carolyn said, laughing curtly. “He’s a man. Men hate talking about their feelings. For the love of all that’s holy, do you know how long it took me to get Charles to start opening up?”

“Really?” Jordan nibbled her lower lip. “Mr. McGuire seems so…”

“Honey, please.” Carolyn let out a loud laugh and grabbed her purse off the counter, slinging it over her shoulder. “You don’t think he came that way, do you? That’s forty years of work you’re seeing in that man. It’s a good thing we were married for so long before all the boys came along. It gave me time to work on him.

“Anyway…” She sighed. “I know my boy loves you. And I also know that he’s been shutting everyone out, me and his father included. He’s on a dangerous spiral, and if his brothers were here, I might be able to get one of them to get through to him, but he’s not taking their phone calls. Ronan is about ready to spit nails, he’s so mad.”

“They’re coming for the party though, right?”

“Yes, but that’s not for a couple weeks. We don’t have that kind of time.” Hands folded in front of her, she moved directly in front of the counter. “I have one question for you. Are you in love with Gavin?”

Jordan licked her lower lip, her heart fluttering like a rabbit. She did love him, but she hadn’t admitted it out loud. Not to him, nor anyone else—not even to herself. But staring into the determined, loving face of his mother, Jordan could no longer deny the truth.

“Yes,” she whispered. “I love him very much. He’s the best friend I’ve ever had.”

Carolyn leaned across the counter and grabbed Jordan’s hands in hers. Pulling them onto the glass surface, she squeezed them tightly. Tears welled in her eyes, and for the first time, her voice wavered. “Like Gavin always says, you were his friend first. You
are
his friend, and right now, that’s exactly what he needs.”

Before Jordan could respond, Carolyn patted her hands and swept out of the shop. As she disappeared down the sidewalk, Jordan’s gaze drifted to the station across the street in time to see Gavin’s truck pull out of the station parking lot. Without wasting one more minute thinking about it—because she could easily talk herself out of what she was about to do—Jordan picked up the phone and called her mother.

After what felt like forever, Claire finally picked up.

“Hello?” Her mother sounded lighter and unencumbered since the death of Jordan’s father. As painful as it was for her to lose her husband, and as frightened as she was to be on her own, his death had freed her. She’d never admit it, but Jordan knew that was true. “Claire Yardley speaking.”

“Mom?” Jordan bit back the urge to chicken out. “Hi. It’s Jordan.”

“Hello, baby.” A smile lit up her mother’s voice. “I was thinking about you and the girls. I was hoping you might come over for supper one night this week.”

“Actually, that’s kind of why I was calling. Would it be okay if the girls had a sleepover at your house tonight? There’s something I need to take care of and it might take a while.”

“Why, yes!” she exclaimed. “I would love it! You tell Gracie we’ll make her favorite brownies again too.”

“Great.” Jordan let out a sigh of relief. “I’ll bring them over after work. Mom, thank you so much.”

“No, baby,” she whispered. “Thank
you
.”

After finalizing the details, Jordan hung up and went over to the glass case, pulling out one of the premade bouquets. She set it aside and quickly paid for her purchase. If she was going to get through to Gavin, she had to make one other stop first.

* * *

Gavin stood outside what remained of Old Brookfield School. Rage fired up his back as Rogers confirmed what they’d all suspected.

Arson.

The police chief stood with them in front of the wrecked building, going over the report. Contractors were about to start construction on the school, and Gavin needed to have one final look before the town started repairing the place.

“It was definitely arson. The firebug had four pipe bombs set to go off.” Rogers hitched up his pants and referred to the report in his hands before passing a copy to Gavin. “The son of a bitch had one rigged with a timer, and at least two of ’em had remote triggers.”

“Timers and remotes?” A finger of dread rushed over him. “Do you mean that this asshole
wanted
people to get hurt? He was waiting for us to go in there?”

“Probably.”

“Son of a bitch,” Gavin spat out.

“It’s way too sloppy to be a professional job. With enough research online, any asshole can find the plans to make something like this. We have a beginner on our hands, but a smart beginner.”

“I still can’t believe that someone in our town did this,” Gavin murmured. The image of the Heffernan kid sitting on the hood of his car watching the school burn came rushing back to mind. “Any leads on who it could be?”