Break My Heart (The Heart Series Book 2) (19 page)

“So, what’s going on with you, Tommy? We haven’t seen you in so long, we miss you,” Chris says, glancing my way as if she’s speaking for the both of us.

I just push my food around, suddenly needing a drink. I get up to fetch more Sangria while Tommy answers Chris. By the time I return to the table, Adams and Tommy are talking. I can only assume my departure prompted Tommy to seize the moment and question Adams.

“About a month,” Adams says as I take a seat.

“Funny, Lil didn’t say anything to me,” Tommy ponders my way, eyes full of challenge.

I don’t want to argue. Not here. I’m too raw and exposed, a whirlwind of emotions drowning me, so I ignore him.

“Lil and I live together, did she tell you that?”

My head snaps up and I glare at him. It’s not bad enough he accused me of having an affair, now this?

“
Ah
, no we don’t talk much about personal matters,” Adams supplies cautiously.

I give Adams a short nod to let him know I’m grateful. The last thing Tommy gets to do is act like the wounded boyfriend.

He wants to dance, I’m ready.

I dig my trench and prepare for battle. “We barely see each other, so I apologize for not informing you.” Keeping my voice level, I gather my best professional demeanor given the circumstances. “Having said so, you couldn’t possibly think I would be allowed to work without a partner for too long. Besides,” I continue, “don’t you also have a partner over at the DEA?”

Chris blurts out, “Who wants dessert?” even though we’ve barely touched our food.

“How old are you,
new
agent Adams?” Tommy’s emerald gleam, now bone chilling, is focused straight ahead. He oozes defiance and opposition, with a hint of dismissal. He’s dug a trench, too, ready to battle. But not against me.

Leaning back in his chair, arms crossed defensively, he appraises my new partner. He’s going for the weaker member of the herd.

Tommy never fights fair.

“I don’t see how that’s relevant,” Adams answers, his shoulders squared.

I smirk at Adams with pride. After putting up with Charlie’s hazing for weeks, he’s not backing down from Tommy. He smirks back, letting me know he’s got my back.

The second Tommy catches our exchange, he goes for the jugular.

“Well, looks like I’ve been replaced in more ways than one. So why am I even here?” He gets up abruptly, his chair tumbling back with a loud screech. His wide shoulders are taut as he clenches his fists, bicep muscles straining.

Shaking my head in disappointment, I give Nelson an apologetic look. This isn’t the time or the place.

“Come on, Tommy.” Nelson’s expression says it all: this is bullshit. This is his home.

Chris reaches for him, trying to placate him. “Tommy, don’t. Adams is new in town.
I
invited him over to get to know us. Now. Sit. Down,” she orders him.

Nelson’s accompanying glare is warning enough. He complies, slowly lowering into his seat and murmuring his apologies.

I don’t move or say a word. I just eye my new partner, silently assuring him things are good.

I have to hand it to Adams. He’s taking it like a true champ. This is by no means his fault, and he’s been nothing but polite toward Tommy. If anything, it makes me realize how estranged Tommy and I have become. We’ve gone from being best friends, to lovers, to casual acquaintances that hook up once in a while.

The thought makes me sick.

He was everything to me.

Was
.

Time has turned the tide on us, pulling us further and further away from each other; so far apart that we barely recognize one another anymore. My chest constricts, squeezing my heart into unbearable pain. A pounding headache looms as I struggle to compose myself.

My throat closes up in grief. I want to flee, far and fast. I want to jump in my car and drive straight to Bloomingfield. I want to run into that field and disappear once again.

A prickle races up my spine and, suddenly, the need to get
somewhere
overcomes me.

Right
now
.

“I need to go. Thank you for dinner.” I don’t wait for anyone to respond.

Go
.

Leaving everyone behind, I walk as fast as my legs can take me. There’s talking behind me, but I don’t hear it. I can’t over the ringing in my ears.

Ringing.
Oh God.

Fighting the urge to bolt, I slow my pace, but as I do, the ringing increases, piercing my brain. Pressure builds in my head, and I truly believe that if I don’t follow my body’s commands, it will explode here and now.

Racing for the door, I’m gone without so much as a look back.

قلب

I rush out into the night.

The lake wind softens the burning within, but I want to jump out of my skin. It’s a familiar feeling. The same feelings I had
that
night. The same night Will stopped me from returning home.

My body follows an invisible signal pulling me to the unknown. I don’t know why I feel this compulsion; all I know is that I need to be somewhere
this
very moment.

I’ve tried to get back to my life, but I’ve been fooling myself. No amount of normalcy, job, friends, and love will change the fact that there’s something wrong with me.

“Jesus, Lil, could you wait up?”

Tommy followed me out, calling me, but I don’t stop.

The faster I move, the sharper that piercing ringing in my ears gets, but I press on.

The pounding of my heart increases along with my breathing; like a compass, my body senses my destination. My feet pick up the pace, and my arms join in, pumping. My name is called from the distance, but I pay it no mind.

Hitting my stride, I fly by the people around me. Pedestrians herd toward the pier to catch the fireworks before they start, and I battle through the tide of bodies. Darting in and out of traffic, I cross the street and head north.

Nothing matters but reaching my destination. I have to get there because time is running out.

I can feel it. I’m so close! If I can just—

“Where are you going?” Tommy grabs my arm, pure fury and frustration emanate from his features.

I struggle out of his grasp. “I have to go.
Now
.”

“Go where, Lil?” His secure grip holds me prisoner.

“Away, just please let me go,” I protest in frustration, trying to wiggle free.

A high pitch and intensified ringing pierces my skull, and I wince in pain. Yanking away from Tommy, I take off again, bolting out into the night, giving it all I’ve got. Screeching tires and honking horns shout at me but I don’t care.

“Dammit, Lil!” Tommy roars behind me, but I can’t listen.

I push my body to the limit. I’m hyperventilating but I can’t stop.
I’m running out of time.

As the pull increases, so does my alarm. I can’t miss it—wherever
that
is.

Coming upon a narrow alley between two old brick high-rises, the ringing in my ears explodes and my body falters. As if following a scent, I enter the tight, dimly lit alley, desperately trying to locate this invisible signal. My skull hums. My teeth grind. An invisible energy like static electricity charges the air.

Trying to catch my breath, I wipe the sweat from my forehead. The ringing is now so intense I cover my ears, trying to block it out.

But it’s useless. The ringing is inside my head, piercing my skull.

I’m almost there.
I can feel it.

“Stop!” Tommy’s booming roar startles me.

Yanking me by the arm, he quickly pulls me away. I feel the loss instantly. The ringing decreases and desperation surges within. He’s dragging me out of the alley and back onto the sidewalk.
Shit
!

“Let me go!” I push him away, but his solid frame doesn’t budge.

“Christ, Lil, just
stop
!” he yells, inches from my face.

Grabbing me tightly, he drags me out of the alley then pins me against the building’s brick wall the second we reach the sidewalk.

“I can’t do this, Tommy, just let me go,” I beg in a small voice, completely drained of energy.

I mourn the pull. It’s as if an invisible hand reached inside and ripped away my spirit. An immense sense of loss consumes me, sending me into a bottomless pit of grief I cannot control.

“I can’t, Lil. Don’t fucking ask me to do that because I can’t.” He brings his forehead to mine,  breathing uneven after chasing after me.

My knees are jelly. The only thing holding me together is Tommy’s body pinning me against the wall. My arms drop to my sides, I close my eyes as tears run down my cheeks.

A sense of helplessness assaults me. “I can’t keep doing this, Tommy.” I sob ever so softly against him. “I’m so tired, I don’t belong here.”

His strong hands force me to meet his disarming emerald gaze.

“Lil,” he says between his teeth, raw passion in his voice. “You
do
belong, you hear me?” I stay silent, but he grabs my face harder, meeting my dark with his light. “You belong with me,” he commands, unapologetically.

His beautiful eyes are weary and fearful. That smile I live to behold is nowhere to be found. Instead, there’s nothing but despondency and worry.

He’s the last person I ever wanted to hurt.

I wanted to keep this shit so far away from him, yet here we are.

His warm breath caresses my lips. “I love you, Lil.”

His raspy voice sends me into a state of frenzy. Passion seeps through my skin. Bringing my fingertips to his face, I trace his features, memorizing each curve with my touch. His anguish is tangible, spilling into the night and enveloping us.

He pins me once more and greedily takes my lips. Raw, unapologetic kisses demand acquiescence, and I grant him what he wants, craving him like the energy calling to me a moment ago.

That energy now resides inside of Tommy, and I’m pulled to him, opening myself to him, the weight of his body keeping me grounded.

Distant explosions echo the emotions swirling inside me. Brightness fills the sky, and the smell of sulfur mixed with the fresh, lake breeze hangs in the air.

“Let me take you home,” he murmurs on my lips as he comes up for air.

I’m drowning in him, his passion making me dizzy, and I nod my consent.

Without letting go, he guides me away, his life force urging me, making my feet move helplessly with him.

“Lily?” The faint male voice comes from deep within the alley.

I freeze under a streetlight, terrified to turn around.

No, no, no.

I squeeze Tommy’s hand, my legs ceasing to move. I resist the compulsion to turn around.

I know that voice.

It’s not real, Ileana. It’s all in your head.

My heart pounds inside my ears and dread overtakes my psyche.

My breath ragged, I now stand on the threshold between reality and lunacy.

I’m having a psychotic breakdown, right here, now, my worst nightmare come to life.

I can’t bear it. Trying to contain my panic, I give in to the urge, and turn to look.

And my worst fear comes true.

Will is standing ten feet from us.

Horror and shock sweep me like a tidal wave. Will’s clothing is tattered, hair longer than I remember, scruffy beard stubble covering his earnest face. There’s a touch of blood trailing down his nose.

Everything around me blurs. The Chicago night brightened by neighboring light posts, traffic lights, people. All dims, leaving behind my imaginary savior.

“Lily? Is that you?”

“What the fuck did
you
just call her?” Tommy snarls, stepping between my apparition and me.

I blink at Tommy in disbelief. “You can
see
him?”

Tommy’s angry glare morphs into a frown of concern. “Of course I can. He just called you Lily.”

Tommy shouts back at Will in challenge, “Who the fuck are
you
?”

But Will doesn’t answer him. His dark, sapphire eyes are locked with mine, his body heaving in fatigue.

“Ileana. It’s me, Will.” 

The words squeeze my heart, sending me into a spiral.

Before I realize it, I’m backing up, not even bothering to look behind me. Shaking my head in denial, I try to scream but nothing comes out.

This isn’t happening.

“Lil, what the hell is going on?” Tommy wants answers. But I don’t stop.

“This is not real. You’re not real,” I chant, my voice returning though my anxiety is escalating.

Will just stands there, confusion and disappointment clouding his features.

I’m lost at sea, waves pounding me mercilessly, and all I can do is hang on for dear life.
No. No. No.

“Lil,” Tommy’s demanding bark seizes me, but my eyes can’t leave Will.

“You’re. Not.
Real
!” I scream with all my might. The fireworks above illuminate the sky and the reality of his presence.

Tommy reaches for me but then I can’t see him. I can’t think. I can’t do this.

William Shaw is here, alive and in the flesh. I’m still shaking my head when a strong jolt hits me, sending my system into total chaos.

The earth shifts under my feet. And everything goes dark.

CHAPTER 17

Tommy

“Lil!” Christ, I can’t lose her.

Full-on panic mode, I whip out my phone and call Chris.

“Tommy? Ileana’s car is still here. Where did you guys go?”

“Chris, we’re still on your street, about five blocks northwest of you. Lil just collapsed.”

“What happened? Oh my God, never mind. I’m on my way. Brad, call 911!” Chris yells, and rattles off what I just said to Nelson.

“Call for two squads, Chris,” I tell her, without taking my eyes off the guy and still holding Lil against me.

Will.
She called him Will
.

He’s passed out on the ground just like Lil is, except no one was there to catch him. What the hell is happening? I’ve never seen Lil like this. Panicked, unglued, screaming that he wasn’t real.